15. Ethan

fifteen

I let my mind stroll down memory lane. Maybe reminiscing on my past would kick my common sense into gear.

“It’s difficult, James.”

As a twenty-one-year-old fresh graduate, I’d been searching for jobs with no luck. I had a little bit of luck getting to the interview stage, but beyond that, I had nothing. I was always disqualified. Always.

“Life is difficult, brother.”

“You don’t get it. It”s just frustrating. I have a good certificate, good grades, but I can”t seem to land a job because they all fucking want experience. How the hell do they want a twenty-one-year-old graduate to have ten years of experience? I should have started learning from birth?”

“You”re hilarious, Ethan.” He took a seat on the chair in my one-room apartment. His breathing was soft compared to my hard one.

“No, I”m serious.”

He probably wouldn”t understand since his path was different. He was involved in business; he didn”t need to search for jobs… at least not in the way I would. I wanted to render services.

“I know you are,” he fiddled with the cheap ring on his finger. I brought my gaze to his dark hair as he pushed his already backward hairline further back.

“But that”s the process. Life is in stages, and nothing good comes easily. Frustration is normal and sometimes inevitable, but you…we’ll get there someday. And that won”t happen if we let frustration overpower our ability to move forward.”

I inhaled a deep breath. At least he was somewhere… He’d just recently gotten married to his high school sweetheart. They had a minimal wedding, and he was living a little life now. Just him, his wife, and his unborn child.

I knew how hard it was sometimes to provide for his family. After all, we were in almost the same shoes. Maybe not almost. He had a small carpentry business, but that was barely enough to sustain his family.

The point is he had something. Me? I had nothing.

My family was just as broke as I was. Father didn”t have money. He never did, but he still managed to give his three kids an education before he died suddenly.

Now, I was a fresh graduate and expected to be a man. I was trying. The majority of the money that sustained me was from freelancing. Doing this and that for whoever needed my software development skills or cared to listen to me.

But it wasn”t enough. My efforts weren”t enough. I was still stuck in this treacherous cycle of living from hand to mouth. I hated it. I hated this life.

“Now, I know it”s easier said than done.” His voice brought my attention back to him. “Trying not to be frustrated in the search for daily bread. Trust me, I know how hard it is, but we must never give up. There”s surely light at the end of the tunnel.”

Right.

I nodded when my eyes caught sight of the time. It was 10 p.m. “This is 10 p.m.,” I frowned, knowing he didn”t like to stay out late.

“I”m aware.” His voice was calm.

“You love to be in with your wife. You never stay out until past seven.”

He arched a brow. “I”m aware, Ethan.”

“Then you shouldn”t still be here?”

Somewhere around 6 p.m., we’d been texting, but he came over when he sensed my frustration. He’d intentionally stayed, talking to me up till now. I didn”t even realize it was this late.

I was suddenly angry at myself for keeping him out.

“You should go home.”

“What about you? Are you fine now?” He rose from his chair.

I shrugged. “I guess.”

“I know what that shrug means. It means you”re not entirely fine, and you”re still beating yourself up, thinking everything that”s happening is your fault.”

I pressed my lips into a thin line. “You know me too well.”

“That”s not the state I want you to be in.”

I brought my hands to cover my face, sadness sinking in my heart.

“You... can”t really do anything, James.”

He chuckled. “I”m not asking what I can do. The question is, what do you want to do tonight.”

Pausing slightly, I removed my hands from my face. It couldn”t possibly be what I was thinking. James detested clubs...parties.

“James? What are you saying?” I held his gaze, unsure.

“Uhmmm… You like to party. You like the clubs, and I know that”s one way you escape your problems.”

“Don”t even—”

“I’ll go with you tonight. Ensure you have maximum fun.”

My mouth opened and closed like a fish’s until I could finally get words out. “There”s no way I”m letting you do that. Plus, I don”t even have money for that.”

“I didn”t say anything about money, did I?” He raised a brow.

“Wh—”

“Bills on me tonight.” He grinned.

I stood up instantly. It all seemed like a joke– surreal. There was no way I could let him do that when he barely had money.

“No way, James. I”ve kept you outside till this time. That”s enough goodness. You don’t like clubs, and you have a family to feed. I would never let you do that for me.”

There was silence as my voice echoed throughout the room. Then, slowly, he walked up to me. Placing a hand on my shoulder, he smiled. “I made a little sales today. I”m hoping it will be enough for the club life. And Ethan,” he paused for a while. “You are family.”

James had done a lot of things, but that night, he raised the bar. Eventually, we went to the club, all bills on him. Even though I didn”t drink much, I couldn”t help the guilt.

That, along with many other times, was how James showed up for me. He was a good friend. A shoulder to lean on. I, in turn, should be a shoulder for him to lean on. That”s not the reason he needed a shoulder to lean on.

We stuck by each other, and finally, at twenty-nine, I started to gain recognition, and by thirty-six, I was fully established.

I shouldn”t be the reason he’d be sad. I shouldn”t be the reason he’d be hurt. I should stop the fucking shenanigans with his daughter.

My eyes zoned in on the next line of the page I’d been reading.

“… for friendships are the greatest gift to humans.”

Fuck. Even the book I’d selected randomly knew my predicament.

I should—

The low creaking of the door brought my attention to the entrance. Slowly, a head peeked from the open space. I was surprised to see her in my study.

No. I was angry to see her in my study. First off, I”d instructed that this place be off limits to her. Secondly, today, of all days when I needed to take a break from everything, she was here.

She was everything… everything that troubled me right now.

Sophie was the only reason I took breaks. But now, much to my distaste, Evie was another.

She entered. Slowly, she started to walk up to me. I inhaled a sharp breath when I saw her. It wasn”t the colorful knee-length gown that got my attention. It was her hair.

They flowed long and silky down her back. It would be my first time seeing her in something other than a bun.

She was halfway through to my table when she spoke. “I”m sorry…sir. I was… just looking for Virginia. I thought I’d find her here like the last time.”

She visibly froze when she realized her mistake. She’d slipped and revealed herself.

“I thought I gave you clear instructions?”

She quickly replied. “Forgive me, sir. The last time I was here, I was trying to find Virginia. I assure you it won”t happen again.”

I did nothing but exhale. I’d set the rule so she wouldn”t be free. I’d set it because I knew there were times when I”d need my own space outside my bedroom.

“Sophie smiled.” Her words were but a whisper. I paused, glancing at her momentarily to ensure I’d heard her correctly.

“What?”

She continued to walk closer. “She smiled.”

My heart stopped. Then it resumed beating again. This time, it was faster… and filled with different emotions. Shock, surprise, disbelief… and happiness.

The happiness soon overwhelmed all others. I let it sink deep into my heart, pumping good energy through my veins.

“How? When?”

She took a moment before responding. “It was a couple of days ago. I was on a phone call to my friend, and I replied in Spanish, and she smiled.”

After years of hoping and years of praying, my wishes finally came through. My daughter smiled. Sophie responded to something with an obvious emotion.

I gripped the edge of the table tightly when I felt tears burn the back of my eyes. My daughter was blooming.

“Did she smile after that? Can she smile for me now?”

She breathed. “No.”

I ignored the pang of pain in my heart.

“Sophie’s a little girl trying to navigate her way out of her head. It is important that we recognize this so she doesn”t feel pressured. Like I said, she”s a flower waiting to bloom. A blooming flower is not a rushed process.”

It was difficult to hear, but I understood. I also fully understood now… beyond sentiment, that Evie was a therapist.

“What did you say?” I asked. “The language. What was it?”

“El que la hace, la paga,”

“What does that mean?”

Her tongue darted out to lick her lips. “He who does it pays for it.”