Chapter 9

Chapter Nine

Bliss

“Why can’t you just clean yourself?” Bliss stared at the clutter around the room and did her best not to cry. Again. It hadn’t been that long since she’d finally been about to stop.

She’d waited, hoping Connor would come back. He hadn’t. Of course he hadn’t. It had been stupid of her to think he might. Hope could be a terrible thing sometimes.

Today was no different than any other day. Connor hadn’t been a part of her life yesterday. Only now she knew he wouldn’t be a part of her tomorrows, either.

Busy. She needed to stay busy.

How had she let her house… well, Winnie’s house… get so out of hand? She’d never been accused of being a neat freak, but at least she hadn’t had dirty dishes stacked shoulder-high in the sink as well as scattered all over the house. She swore the baby paraphernalia multiplied every night while she slept. Three babies came with lots of stuff.

Weekends were supposed to be for fun. She wanted to take the girls to the park and find a Christmas tree now that she had her car back. And presents. Her children’s lives were going to be so much different, so much better, than hers had been.

They were going to know they were loved and wanted. And they were going to have tons of gifts at Christmas and on their birthdays. And Easter baskets and Halloween costumes with lots of candy. So far, all she’d managed was paper snowflakes she’d cut out herself taped to the windows.

A tug on the leg of her pants had Bliss looking down. Sophie, doing her best to pull herself to standing by clinging to the leg of Bliss’s pajamas, knelt at her feet. Sadie sat to her left and babbled beautiful baby talk, her chin shiny with drool from teething. She glanced at Nori to make sure she was still asleep on her blanket and became mesmerized by the way her lips suckled in her sleep. What had she ever done to deserve three such treasures?

Frustrated, Sophie plopped on her bottom and began to cry. “Don’t cry, sweet baby. You’ll get it.” Lifting Sophie to sit on her hip, Bliss showered her with kisses and raspberries. “Who’s Mommy’s big girl?”

Sadie had opinions already and rightfully claimed the title, though Sophie was catching up fast. Bliss sat down and let Sophie hold her fingers to practice standing. As soon as shedid, Sadie crawled the distance from the end of the sofa to join her sister, pulling up on Bliss’s arm on unsteady feet.

“I can’t believe you’re almost walking. You are both such big girls! You have to stop. It’s too fast!” Bliss mentally added child-safety latches for the cabinets to her list of things to buy on Monday, along with some kind of baby gate to go around the Christmas tree she was going to get soon. Calculating everything she needed to buy for the girls, she grimaced. It looked like another two weeks of instant ramen noodles for her. But as long as her girls were clothed and fed, she’d be fine. “We may have to wait on the tree until the next paycheck, my darlings. Safety always comes first.”

And just like that, visions of Connor filled her head. Storming up to her car, all angry and concerned… muscles rippling as he changed her tire. The tender way he’d held her in his lap when she’d almost fainted.

It would have been nice if he’d stayed last night, but he was a busy guy. She wouldn’t allow herself another second of dreaming what life would have been like with Connor as her Daddy.

Perfect… her life would have been perfect.

She shut her thoughts down, and after checking on Nori once more, she focused on getting the twins ready for their naps. A small snack, two sippy cups, two changed diapers, one mini-meltdown, and two lullabies later, the twins were fast asleep.

Bliss closed the door to the bedroom they all shared just in time to hear Nori waking from her nap. Bliss picked her younger daughter up and rocked her back and forth, showering her with kisses and whispers of love. Then it was another round of changing, feeding, loving, and rocking Nori.

Nori gurgled in contentment through it all, watching the world through her golden eyes. Guilt stabbed Bliss right in the heart. She’d have to be father and mother to her girls. She wouldn’t be the first woman to do it, and if those others could, so could she. Connor didn’t want children, she’d known that. But keeping Nori a secret hadn’t been right. Mission accomplished. Now he knew. He just didn’t care.

“Mommy needs to put on her big-girl panties.”

Nori’s eyes lit up and she smiled.

“Nori! Your first real smile. We have to tell Dadd—Auntie Winnie and Uncle Reid.”

Connor wouldn’t want to know. Blinking back the tears that stung her eyes, she smiled as Nori blinked slowly and ground a chubby fist into her nose.

Bliss placed Nori back into her sleeper and set the vibration to the setting she liked the best. Within minutes she was asleep. Glancing at the clock, she was stunned to see that it was now two o’clock in the afternoon. That clock had to be wrong. How had it gotten so late?

Bliss caught her reflection in the mirror and scrunched her nose at the brown stain on her top where Sophie had tried to share her teething biscuit with her. There was nothing she could do about that now since the twins weresleeping in the room with all her clothes. She might as well get some cleaning done.

Before she made it to her supplies, someone knocked on the door. Who in the world? She never got visitors out here in the boonies. It was peaceful and quiet, and Bliss loved it. But Winnie’s house wasn’t on the way to anywhere. No one came by without calling first.

For one brief second, she wondered if it might be Connor, but she shoved that thought out of her head. It wasn’t Connor. It would never be Connor. She needed to move on.

Wishing she had a peephole, she cracked the door enough to see who had shown up unannounced. A woman she had never seen before stood stiffly on the front porch, her hair pulled back in a tight bun, a clipboard cradled in her arm, and an expression that hinted she had a corncob stuffed up her butt.

“Can I help you?” It occurred to Bliss she should have brought her phone with her. Why was it so hard to find pajamas with pockets?

The woman swept Bliss with a judgmental glare, sniffed her disapproval, and marked something on her clipboard.

Unease skimmed up Bliss’s spine.

“I certainly hope so. My name is Mrs. Talon. I’m an investigator with Child Protective Services. CPS has received allegations that the children here are being neglected and possibly abused. I’m here to investigate the claim to determine whether the allegations are true or false.”

Bliss’s lungs ceased to function. Her knees buckled, and she gripped the doorframe so she wouldn’t fall to the floor.

“Wh-what? Wh-who told you I was neglecting my children? I would never… My girls are my life.”

“Hmm. I’ll see about that. Our reports are strictly confidential and have the promise of anonymity. Now if you’ll step aside, I can get started with my investigation.”

Bliss didn’t move. What should she do? Slamming and locking the door sounded good. Did CPS people have badges?

“Mrs. Carpenter?—”

“Miss.” Bliss corrected the woman out of habit.

“I see.” The woman made a notation on her clipboard. Bliss wanted to throw up. “ Miss Carpenter, if there is nothing to hide, you shouldn’t mind if I come in and have a look around.” Mrs. Talon tried to look past her into the house.

Bliss’s thundering heart sank. Her house looked awful. She looked awful. The last thing she wanted was for this woman to come in and see it in this state. But she hadn’t done anything wrong. Sadie, Sophie, and Nori were all happy, healthy babies. Mrs. Talon would see that and go away, right?

She didn’t know what to do. Her vision grayed around the edges. That wasn’t good. How bad did the state of her house have to be before they tried to take her girls? They couldn’t take her children away. They couldn’t!

“Um, can I call someone first?”

Mrs. Talon sniffed again and looked at her watch. “If you must, but I don’t have all day. I’ll have to make a note that you were reluctant to allow me into your home.”

Bliss nodded. “N-no, I mean yes, I want to call someone. If you could just take a seat in one of the rocking chairs, I’ll be right back.” She didn’t wait for the woman to agree. Shutting the door, she raced across the room to her phone, grabbing at toys and dirty glasses as she ran.

Winnie. She needed to call Winnie. Her big sister always knew what to do. Blindly, she tapped the numbers on the phone with trembling fingers and waited for the call to connect.

“What’s going on, trouble? Is everything okay?” Connor’s voice, deep and concerned, was not what she expected, but was exactly who she needed. Because she was stupid and couldn’t let go of fantasies.

She was speaking before she could even think what to say. “Daddy? I need you.”

So stupid! He was going to think she was crazy. The last person he’d want to see right now was her. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have called. I didn’t mean to; I was trying to call Winnie. Hanging up now.”

“Belissa Jayne. Do not hang up this phone. I’ve been trying to get out to your place all morning. Now tell me what is going on.”

How could he sound like he cared when he absolutely did not? But he was big. And he could be scary. “I don’t know what’s going on. I mean… She’s here at the door and she wants to come in. Someone reported that I hurt my girls. You know I’d never do anything, but they’re going to take my babies?—”

“Bliss.” Connor’s voice was clipped and stern. “Listen to me, babygirl. Take a breath and tell Daddy what is wrong. Who is at your door?”

Everything in her wanted to hang up. She had to have at least a tiny bit of pride. But not at the cost of her daughters. She’d do anything for them.

She’d tell Connor, and he would know what to do. He would fix everything. Even though she knew better, relief flooded her body. Her legs gave out, and she collapsed to the floor. “A lady from Child Protective Services is at my door. She says someone reported me for neglect and abuse. I wouldn’t do anything to harm my children, Connor. I promise. I swear.”

“I know that, babygirl. I need you to take another breath. Where is the lady now?”

“O-on my front p-porch.”

Rapid knocking on the front door peppered the room. “Miss Carpenter, I have allegations that allow me to enter the home with or without your permission. You need to open this door before you make your situation worse.”

Connor growled. “Fuck. Okay.” Bliss heard movement and then the slamming of a car door through the phone. “I’m on my way, babygirl. I’ll be there very soon. You need to let her in but don’t answer any questions until I get there. Not any at all. Do you understand? Do what she tells you to do but tell her you want a lawyer to be present before you answer any questions. Have you got me?”

“Y-yes, I’ve got you. Daddy, please hurry.” Bliss disconnected the phone and opened the door.