Chapter 16

Chapter Sixteen

As loath as he was to wake his babygirl, he couldn’t carry her in the house on his own. He’d driven around for a while, letting her nap, and letting his own brain work through some of what had just happened.

But now they were home, and he needed to get her inside. Reaching over, he gave her shoulder a gentle shake. “Time to wake up, Tayter Tot.”

“Don’t wanna,” she whined, shifting in her seat.

Unfortunately for her, that movement must have reignited some of the pain from her spanking, because she shifted again with a hiss, her nose wrinkling with annoyance. “Hurts.”

“I know, baby. Let’s get you inside and in some soft pajamas, then we can read a book and set out cookies for Santa. How’s that sound?”

“Santa!” At the mention of jolly old Saint Nick, her eyes popped open. “It’s Christmas Eve!”

But as quickly as the excitement came, it fled, and her eyes filled with tears as her shoulders slumped forward. “Santa isn’t coming tonight.”

“Now why would you go and say a thing like that, Tayter Tot?”

“Cuz I’ve been super naughty. There’s no way I’m on the nice list this year.”

Poor little girl. “Well, I happen to know Santa has a Daddy loophole.”

Eyes widening, she jerked her head up. “Really? What kinda loophole?”

“The kind that says Little girls who have Daddies to love them and punish them when they’re naughty get a permanent spot on the nice list.”

“Oh! But… what about the times you didn’t punish me?”

Fuck. She sounded so damn sad.

“Let’s talk about this inside.”

“Okay, Daddy.”

Climbing out of the car, he made his way around to the opposite side, helping her up from the passenger seat and swinging their hands between them as they walked. It made her giggle, as it always did, and his heart leapt at the sweet sound of her laughter.

Upstairs, he helped her change into her Christmas Eve pajamas, and then changed into his matching pair. He’d groaned a bit when she’d asked about ordering them, but the idea of matching pajamas had made her so happy he hadn’t been able to tell her no.

Looking back now, he could see how that was one of those times where it was okay to give in. To spoil her a bit. Not when she was breaking rules and putting herself in danger.

There had to be a way to balance the two, right? Their friends all seemed to have a balance that worked for them. Matt was stricter, but he spoiled Carly plenty. And while Dom was the more laid-back Daddy of the group, he would never let Noelle get away with putting herself in harm’s way.

So he and Taylor just needed to find their own balance. Find what worked for them, and not worry so much about what everyone else was doing.

“All right, Tayter Tot. Let’s go get Santa’s cookies ready, and make ourselves some hot chocolate. Sound good?”

“With marshmallows and whipped cream?”

“Hmm.” Pretending to think about it, he tapped a finger against his chin while she clasped her hands together and gave him the widest puppy dog eyes he’d ever seen. It took everything he had not to bust out laughing at her antics. “Since it’s a special occasion, I don’t see why not. But just this once, little girl.”

“Yay! Thank you, Daddy!”

“No running in the house!” he called after her when she took off for the stairs.

Her sigh was loud and exaggerated, but when he stepped out into the hallway, she was carefully picking her way down the steps.

Good girl .

He whipped up their hot chocolate with his mother’s recipe while Taylor chatted away about Santa and Christmas and how excited she was Edie was back in town. It didn’t escape his notice that she wandered around the kitchen instead of sitting on the hard wooden stools at the island like she normally did, but he refrained from teasing her about it.

With Santa’s cookies carefully arranged on the special plate his mom had given them—a hint, he was certain, at her desire for grandchildren rather than a nod to Taylor’s Little side, which amused him to no end—they carried the cookies and their drinks into the living room. Sitting on the couch, with his babygirl curled up next to him and the colorful lights of the Christmas tree dancing in the dim light, he couldn’t imagine anywhere he’d rather be.

“I love you.” The words, though he’d said them a hundred times before, felt heavier tonight. More important, somehow, for reasons he couldn’t explain.

Shifting beside him, Taylor tilted her head back, her smile more radiant than a thousand Christmas trees, though it was tinged with concern. “I love you, too. You okay?”

“Yeah. I’m just… feeling sentimental right now, I guess.”

Her grin turned mischievous. “Mushy Daddy? Maybe now is the right time to ask if I can have a kitten.”

“You already have two rabbits, Taylor Grace. We don’t need another animal.” But even as he said it, he knew he’d give in.

Eventually.

“Aw. But think how much fun we’d have with a tiny kitten running around!”

“I already have my work cut out for me chasing one mischievous little thing around the house, thank you very much.”

As he’d hoped, her cheeks went pink at his words. “I guess that’s true.”

It was as good an opening as he could hope for, though he hated to ruin the mood. But he also didn’t want to put it off any longer than necessary. “Speaking of mischief… we need to talk about what happened today.”

“Do we have to?” she whined, the pink in her cheeks darkening even further. “I already got spanked really hard. I promise I learned my lesson.”

“Oh I have no doubt about that.” Reaching over, he plucked her hot chocolate from her hands and set it next to his on the end table. “Come here, baby.”

At his gentle guidance, she climbed onto his lap, straddling his thighs, an adorable pout on her lips. Unfortunately for both of them, this wasn’t something she could get around just by being cute.

“First things first, I owe you an apology, baby.”

Surprise had her eyes going wide. “What? Why? I’m the one who screwed up.”

“Because I let you down.” Now that he’d had the time to really think about it, there was no way around it. “It’s my job as your Daddy to protect you, even if it’s from your own bad decisions, and I failed you. I’m so sorry, baby.”

“Oh, Ian.” Cupping his face, she leaned in to brush a kiss over his lips. “You could never let me down. It was my fault. I’m a grown woman, I should have known better.”

“Let’s not assign blame, okay? We both made mistakes. This isn’t about pointing fingers, it’s about figuring out how to avoid making those same mistakes going forward.”

“Okay.” She hesitated, pulling her bottom lip between her teeth the way she did when she was worried he wouldn’t like what she had to say next. “Can you tell me why you stopped punishing me?”

“The short answer is I was second-guessing myself. Sometimes I get in my head about whether you actually need me to be so strict with you or if I’m just being a controlling asshole.”

He’d expected surprise again. Maybe a little amusement. What he hadn’t expected was the white-hot fury flashing in her eyes.

“That’s the stupidest fucking thing I’ve ever heard you say.”

“Excuse me, little girl?”

Rather than backing down, she narrowed her eyes, pulling her hand away to drill a finger into his chest. “You heard me. I’m the one who told you I wanted a Daddy in the first place. The only reason I graduated college instead of flunking out my final semester was because you gave me the rules and structure to do so. How dare you twist this amazing thing we have between us into something so cruel and ugly?”

Well, shit. When she put it that way… “That wasn’t my intent. But it’s hard, sometimes, to be the one who always has to say no or to dole out punishments. And I know I shouldn’t, but it’s hard not to compare myself to men like Matt and Dom who have so much more experience than I do.”

“That makes sense,” she said slowly. “But I don’t want Matt or Dom. I want you.”

“Even when I’m mean and don’t let you have two toppings on your hot chocolate?”

“Is that what started all this?” Letting out a deep sigh that sounded like it came from the very depths of her soul, Taylor rolled her eyes. “You silly goose. I only did that because I wanted you to spank me.”

“Seriously?”

“Yes! I was thinking how I’d been really good lately and I hadn’t had a good spanking in a while and you presented me with the perfect opportunity to play the brat. I wanted you to take me home and spank my ass, and quite frankly I was really disappointed that you didn’t follow through.”

“Is that why you went to bed without asking me to come tuck you in?”

“Yes. I was mad.”

Fuck. So much heartache that could have been saved if they’d just talked to each other.

He hated it when Matt was right.

“New rule,” he said, sliding his hands around to cup her ass, squeezing hard enough to make her whine at the pain as his fingers dug into her soft flesh. “My babygirl does not go to bed without asking Daddy to tuck her in, no matter how mad she is. If you’re upset about something, you tell me, so we can talk it out before bed.”

Eyes narrowed, she jabbed her finger in his chest again. “Deal, but only if you agree to tell me when you start getting in your head about stuff so I can remind you what an awesome Daddy you are.”

“Clever girl.”

Her lips twitched, ruining the faux-stern expression she was trying to intimidate him with. “You can’t charm me by quoting Jurassic Park at me.”

“Worth a shot, though,” he said with a grin. “But fair enough. From now on, we talk to each other instead of hiding our feelings.”

“Thank you. Um, since we’re talking about things…” Her expression shifted, and suddenly she was his Little girl again, blushing adorably as she twisted the hem of her pajama shirt between her fingers. “Does this mean you don’t really want me to be your Baby?”

“There is nothing I want more than for you to keep being my Baby, Tayter Tot. I meant what I said when I told you I love taking care of you. And I think maybe that’s the balance we need. I can be strict when I need to be, but I can balance that out by spoiling you and taking care of you when you’re my Baby.”

“Oh, good. Cuz, um, I talked to Jesse about it a little bit and I was wondering if maybe we could try some new things.”

“Like what?”

“Um.” Her cheeks weren’t just pink now, they were fire-engine red. “Like bottles maybe? She mentioned diapers but I don’t think I could actually use one.”

An image of her, curled up in his lap in a onesie while she sucked on a bottle popped into his mind. And he realized how true his statement about not wanting anything more really was. “How about we start with the bottles and if you want to try wearing diapers but not using them, we can try that next? There’s nothing that says you have to do something forever just because you tried it once.”

“That’s true.” Still blushing furiously, she lowered her gaze to his chest. “What about, um, butt stuff? I know you don’t really want to, but?—”

“Hold up. I never said I didn’t want to. Where did you ever get a silly idea like that?”

“Well, ‘cause you threaten me with it sometimes, but you never actually do it.”

“Ah.” Fuck. Hoisted on his own petard again. “That’s on me. Again. It’s not that I don’t want to, I just don’t want to hurt you. I’ve been in my head about whether I should or not since…” Trailing off, he felt his cheeks heat as he realized he’d never actually told her the entire truth about why he was holding off. “Since I’ve never actually done that with anyone else.”

“Really?” Jerking her head up, Taylor’s eyes went round. “I get to be your first?”

“Yeah, baby, you get to be my first. I’m sorry I haven’t been more open about the way I’ve been feeling.”

“It’s okay. I get it.”

“You do?”

“Yeah. You’re the Daddy, and I’m sure that makes it feel like you have to have all the answers. But it’s okay if you don’t. We can figure the answers out together.”

“What did I ever do to deserve you?” he murmured, cupping the back of her head and drawing her down for a long, slow kiss.

“Daddy?” she said when they parted, her voice rough with desire.

“Yeah?”

“I am very definitely not feeling like your Baby right now. Can we go upstairs?”

“Absolutely.” Pulling back, he flashed her a wicked grin. “After all, I haven’t opened my Christmas Eve present yet.”