Chapter Seven

Forrest

"Oh, Cliff," someone called from behind me, distracting me momentarily and then ramping my nerves up to a bazillion. He wasn't here alone, or if he was, he knew people here. This was not good. It was very not good.

"I thought…never mind." Finishing my sentence wasn't going to happen, not with a second voice saying Cliff's name, this time a lot closer.

I rushed away, keeping my head down in case the people calling for Cliff were from work. There were so many people in the building, and the odds were good that they were. The very last thing I needed was them seeing me, or me seeing them, for that matter. It was bad enough I was going to have to face my boss at work after being seen in a onesie at a club that he was probably a member of. I didn't need to add more people to that list.

What a mess. And on top of that, I allowed myself, for a second there, to think that Cliff, the daddy, was interested in me.

But no, we will "cross that bridge if it happens." If that wasn't a nice way to let someone down, I didn't know what was. At least he hadn't been a dick about it. Not that he seemed the type of guy who would be, but still…

I all but ran to the dressing room, threw my clothes on, and was out the dressing room door as quickly as I possibly could manage.

How could I have possibly thought he was interested in me? How? Look at him… He was gorgeous, really high up in the company, and could have anybody he wanted. And that was another thing. Maybe he wanted girls. Maybe I wasn't even his type.

It was just like me to assume that because he was a daddy, that he might like me. There were lots of daddies in this world; of course I wouldn't be all of their types. Statistics alone told me that.

The thing was, it was less me assuming than it was me wishing. Daydreaming I could have someone like him, that somehow I could be their everything. But I couldn't let myself feel that way, not even for a second. That was the stuff of rom cons, not reality. It would only lead to disappointment and possibly losing my job. I refused to do that after I gave up everything to be here.

I grabbed my wallet and phone out of the lockbox and ran straight to the car. I wasn't ready to go home yet, but also, where would I go? I took a detour past that toy store, thinking maybe they might be open. I didn't know for what reason they would be. It was late on a Saturday night, hardly the time people would be out shopping for gifts.

And, of course, they were closed. It was for the best. Grabbing an animal now, on a day when I was feeling so horrible, probably wasn't the best idea—not when they made forever kind-of friends. It was a choice to be made when I could take my time and find the perfect one.

I drove around, trying to think of something, anything, to do, and ended up back at my apartment parking lot, no less frazzled than when I ran off from Cliff after making a fool of myself.

Why did he have to be there? Because there wasn't another club in town, and it was the only place to go if you were going to be a member of a kink club. I made the assumption he was a daddy because I was in my own little fairy tale, but for all I knew, he was there to watch a dom at work or to do one of a thousand other activities they offered.

My choice was to continue going to Chained and be mortified every time I saw Cliff, or not go there ever again and being miserable at home. I'd still need to face him, the location of me being mortified would move to work where I'd see him multiple times pretty much every day.

How had I managed to mess things up so completely in such a short period of time?

Once I was in my apartment, I took off my outer clothes and stayed in my little ones, grabbed a blanket, my stuffed dinosaur, and climbed on my couch, snuggling in as I turned on a movie. Maybe if I could get into little space, I could shut off all the noise in my head—all the what-ifs, all the maybes, all the ways I could have done things differently.

It didn't work. The movie ended, and I had no idea what had happened. It just kind of flickered through as static noise in the background while my brain shouted at me.

I replayed the conversation over and over and over again. Nothing seemed as bad this time around. It wasn't good but not as horrible. Like, I wasn't going to get fired, at least. He promised to keep me safe from discovery. He'd been kind. The only one who did anything wrong was me, and that was jumping to the conclusion that he wanted me.

My phone dinged on the side table next to me. When I picked it up, it was an email—from Chained. I opened it, half expecting it to be something about me leaving something there or forgetting to sign out properly. Instead, it was a list of all their upcoming little events.

They, too, had a Day Out with Santa. They also had a train ride, a retreat, a make-and-take craft day, a Christmas party, a fundraiser that was designed for everybody, but that included little fun. There were Daddy and Me and Mommy and Me events as well as little-only events. They had it all.

Chained's Christmas schedule made Collared's look boring and without options. Things might be rough at work for a while, seeing Cliff in the beginning, especially. Over time, I'd get over it. What was a little embarrassment, really, when you really boiled it down?

If he brought a little into the little room, yeah, that would be weird, and I'd be somewhat hurt, but also it wouldn't be the first time I felt either of those. I could…no, I would get over it. What I refused to do was give up all the opportunities Chained was offering me.

I starred the email for later. I'd need to check on dates, knowing that there were some nonnegotiable work things I needed to attend. But I was sure going to some of them. And I'd go alone. And I'd be proud. And who knew—maybe at the little-only events, I might make a friend or two.

Ultimately, that's what I needed right now—a friend. Jumping into play with a random person, especially one who controlled my quarterly evaluations, wasn't a good idea on the best of days, and today surely wasn't one of those.

I set my phone down, got up long enough to pour a sippy cup of milk, and climbed back onto the couch. This time, when I put the movie on, I was able to watch it intently, laughing at the right spots, flinching at the right spots, and sinking far down into little space.

Reality would wait for me in the morning, and it would sure hit me in the face on Monday. But, for now, this was exactly what I needed.