Chapter 17 - Nic

I shut the alarm off and sit up bleary-eyed in my bed. Ever since we returned from Paris, it has been a struggle to make myself go to work and be around Lex. This is probably why they caution against romantic liaisons in the workplace. Well, I have learned my lesson. Never again.

I had promised myself that I would maintain an emotional distance, but it is difficult to do it when you are in love with the person. I can almost pinpoint the minute he permanently withdrew into that shell of his. If I didn't know better, I would be tempted to think that he is being cold since he got what he wanted and has no reason to be warm and flirtatious any longer. But I know he's afraid. Perhaps he even feels something more than just lust for me. Perhaps he even loves me—just a little.

Get a grip,I scold myself, blinking away the tears. He doesn't love me. The sooner I accept it, the better it will be for everybody concerned. But I wish I could just talk to him without it being awkward.

Whatever is going on with Lex isn't the only reason I am feeling out of sorts. I am very, very sure that I'm being watched. And I'm being watched constantly. I have never spotted my stalker, but I know it for a certainty just the same. I am extremely thankful that Chuck is still picking me up and dropping me off. Before our Paris ‘date', Lex made it a point to pick me up in the mornings. We would ride together to work, going over Lex's plans for the day. We would stop to get a coffee sometimes and just talk. I miss his smile. I miss his touch. I miss Lex. I see him at work every day, but our relationship couldn't be more strained. He talks to me only when it is absolutely necessary. We primarily communicate by email otherwise. How pathetic is that?

I wish Penny were here, but she's gone to LA for the week to be with her family. I can always call her and talk to her, but I don't want to burden her with my problems at this time of the year. It is a difficult time for her and her family, even after all these years. I could talk to my mother, I suppose. I have to invite her to the twenty-fifth anniversary party of Druk Technologies anyway.

The twenty-fifth anniversary party is a fortnight away, and it is one of the things I'm really grateful for. It is going to keep all us exec assistants and secretaries very busy, which means I won't have a lot of time to wallow in my misery.

Finally getting out of bed, I get dressed with enough time for a quick breakfast and coffee. When I go down, Chuck is waiting for me. I am going over my calendar and checking my emails when I have the strangest sensation that we are being followed. I hastily turn to look behind me through the tinted glass, but it is difficult to tell. I have been feeling this ever since we got back from Paris. For the first time, I think that perhaps it isn't a car that is following us. I feel as if I'm being watched from a height. But that makes no sense.

Throughout the short journey, I keep looking back through the glass, but as always, nothing seems amiss. Chuck has noticed my odd behavior. He even asks if anything is wrong, but I just shake my head.

We soon reach Druk Tech. No sooner have I put my handbag down on the desk in my tiny office when I am immediately called for a meeting with the other exec assistants and secretaries. There's a lot to be done before the anniversary party. When we emerge from the meeting, it is noon. I head to my office, deciding that I will eat at my desk while I work. I haven't seen Lex all morning, which is just as well I suppose.

Like all the other offices on the top floor, my office has a view too. Admittedly it isn't as awe-inspiring as the view from Lex's or any of the other partners' offices, but I have a great view of the Hudson River. As with the other offices, the floor-to-ceiling window is behind my desk, which means that I am not gawking at the view while I'm working. I can't really move my desk, so I often position my chair so that I at least have a partial view when I'm working.

Now as I pore over the papers, my chair is half-facing the window. My head is bowed down over the papers as I circle the actionables from today's meeting in red. I am totally engrossed in my work, oblivious to the world, but suddenly I feel my skin prickle. From the corner of my eye, I notice something suspended in the air. And whatever it is, is watching me. Blood pounds in my ears and my hands start shaking. I lose my grip over the papers. They scatter all over the floor, but I make no move to pick them up. I am afraid to look up and have my worst fears confirmed.

I try to tell myself that I imagined the whole thing. I mean, who would be mad enough to use advanced technology to spy on me? It has to be some kind of advanced technology, right? What else is capable of suspending itself in the air over a hundred feet above ground level? Perhaps it is all my imagination since I'm already so spooked.

I force myself to look, just in time to see a shadow vanish. I sit back in my chair staring open-mouthed at the window. There was definitely something there. And it looked alive. But it can't be true. Unless whoever is spying on me is using birds? But what I saw was a lot larger than a bird though. None of this makes sense. I wish I could talk to Lex, but he hasn't been very accommodating lately.

At times, I wish that I had never agreed to go to Paris with him, had never agreed to sleep with him. But I know that if I were given a chance to do it all over again, I would. He might not love me, but I do love him. I am glad that I had a chance to convey some of what I feel for him, if not through words, certainly by my actions. Why is he being so stubborn? Why isn't he allowing himself to feel? I'm sure that if he only opened up a little, we will have a different kind of relationship altogether.

I slowly get up from my chair and walk to the window. There's nothing there now, but I still feel unsettled. I need to talk to somebody before I lose my mind. Perhaps I will go find Lex after all.

I gather up the papers that are strewn all over the floor. Lex needs to see these anyway, so if I take it to him, it might give me a legitimate excuse to get into a conversation with him.

I am disappointed when Lex is not in his office. I can't face going back to my office just yet, so I head to the break room. With a sigh of relief on finding it empty, I put on the kettle to make myself a cup of chamomile tea. I am still pretty shaken up from what I saw. Just as I am about to fill my cup with hot water, I see something outside the break room window.

No! It can't be happening! Am I not going to get any respite? I force myself to look and see something zip past. My hands are shaking so badly that I spill the hot water all over the floor. Some hot water even splashes on my hands. With a yelp of pain, I rush to the sink and drop the cup into it with a loud clatter. With trembling fingers, I turn the faucet on, allowing cold water to run over my scalded fingers. I am finding it difficult to breathe, and I am close to tears. Am I imagining it all? Am I losing my mind?

I collapse on a nearby chair with a large wad of kitchen roll wrapped around my fingers. Angry red welts are already beginning to form. My eyes keep darting to the window, but of course, there's nothing there now.

"Hey, everything alright?" TJ is standing in the doorway. His voice makes me jump nearly a foot up.

"Yeah. Yeah," I say, pushing hair out of my face with my good hand. He looks at me uncertainly and nods.

"No. Everything is not okay," I say in a small voice with my head bowed and my gaze fixed on my feet. He moves forward to occupy the chair in front of me.

"What happened? You can talk to me," he says, leaning forward in his chair, trying to get a look at my face. I haven't interacted much with other partners other than during the meetings, so I don't really know if I can dislodge all my woes on TJ. But then again, he is the head of Security. No matter how crazy it makes me sound, I need to talk about this to someone before I actually lose my mind.

I open my mouth and close it again, not knowing where to start. I don't even know if Lex has told the other partners about our Paris trip. I don't know if they are on board with the whole thing. Lex has been very conscientious about keeping our private lives private. None of the other execs or secretaries even have a hint that I slept with Lex. Some of them have of course noticed how strained things have become between Lex and I, but they have attributed it to me being relatively new and to Lex's busy schedule.

"Well… last weekend, Lex took me to Paris," I say, tearing my gaze away from my feet to search his face. His expression doesn't change. Lex had once told me that the partners are more like brothers to him. So of course he's told him. You don't keep stuff like flying a woman halfway across the world on a date from your closest buddies. But that doesn't stop me from feeling somewhat embarrassed. Knowing that they all know is suddenly making me very conscious.

"Hey, it's okay," TJ gives my hand a gentle squeeze. "Lex might behave like an ass from time to time, but he would never, ever disrespect you in any way."

I look up at him and nod. His words are reassuring.

"Ever since we got back, I've been feeling as if I'm being watched. Actually there was one incident before Paris as well," I tell him about being followed on the subway. Once I start, the words come tumbling out. I tell him everything, right to what transpired just moments ago. I am reliving all those feelings of acute fear, and I'm in danger of experiencing a full-blown panic attack. My breath is coming in short gasps. Sweat is dotting my eyebrows.

"Hush, it's alright. Come here," he says, taking me into his arms. I am so glad for the support of his arms around me. I was half afraid I was going to pass out. I lay my head on his shoulder, unable to stop the flow of tears.

"What's happening here?" Lex's angry voice makes us break away. "What the hell are you doing, TJ?"

Lex roughly pulls TJ away from me. His jaw is clenched tight, as are his fists, and a vein is throbbing at his temple. I have never seen him so angry before.

"Lex! It's not what you think," I rush forward. I feel as if I have swallowed a bucket of ice. He ignores me completely as he continues shooting daggers at TJ.

"Leave us, Nic," he commands without looking at me. I look from TJ to him and back to TJ. TJ, instead of telling Lex that we weren't doing anything wrong, just leans back in his chair, crosses his arms over his torso, and grins arrogantly.

I make no move to leave.

"Give us a few minutes alone, will you please, Nic?" TJ says, smiling at me.

I stand resolutely for a few seconds, then throw my hands up in the air and stalk out of the room. If they want to act like Neanderthals, they are more than welcome.