8. Lucy

"I'm scared,"I admitted. "I feel like I'm going into heat again."

I rested my forehead against Cas's chest and breathed in his sharp scent. I knew I shouldn't, not when all it did was make the ache worse, but something about being able to smell it at all when he usually tucked it away with all his other secrets eased some of the tightness in my chest.

I've never felt this vulnerable or terrified in my life. Not even when Arturo had me pinned to the cold tile with a gun in my face. Back in that bathroom, I'd been able to fight back. But this? I had no idea how to fight against something I wanted so desperately.

We couldn't keep doing this forever either. It wasn't healthy or safe. We could end up in the hospital or worse – we could give in to those ravenous instincts that still dwelled in our brain from back when we were barely more than animals.

Cas slid his hand up and pressed my head into his chest harder, his massive hand cupping the entire back of my head. "We need to call Nathan. He'll know what to do."

"Shit." Liam took a deep, shuddering breath and pressed his forehead to my shoulder. "My phone's upstairs."

The idea of him leaving had me hyperventilating and this time I couldn't swallow down my small whimper.

Liam growled and I flinched when those addicting pheromones started roiling around me like he was angry. With me. My entire body froze as I tried to process the sudden shift in his emotion.

I felt paralyzed.

"Get a grip, Liam." Cas stood and settled his hand on my chest – right over the spider lily I'd gotten when I was sixteen. "I need you both to calm down."

"I am calm," Liam gritted out. He grabbed Cas and dragged him closer. "You're the one who's angry, so you calm the fuck down."

God, did Liam's pheromones just get heavier?

Every inch of Liam's body was primed for violence.

All I could smell were oranges, vanilla, and sandalwood. The scent of Cas's apples, moss, and cedar was almost completely overpowered. This wasn't something he wanted to do, but even still, the idea of watching him leave was making me irrational.

For some reason, I felt like I would never see him again if he walked up those stairs without me and it didn't make any fucking sense.

They both breathed hard, inhaling the cacophony of our pheromones with each breath.

Liam was angry with me and I couldn't move.

This was so, so bad.

"Don't panic," Liam growled against my hair. "I'm doing my fucking best not to lose my goddamn mind, but if you panic…"

"I'm trying…" Even knowing the dangerous line I walked, I couldn't keep my mouth shut. "But what if you don't come back?"

"He will," Cas promised. His arm across my shoulders tightened and the pressure helped ease some of my panic.

"I'm sorry, Lucy, but I'm holding on by just a thread, okay? I need to clear my head a bit or I might just kill Cas because I don't know how else to deal with your fear." Liam pressed his cheek to mine so I could feel every sharp breath. "My instincts are demanding I protect you, and I can't do shit about the reason you're afraid. Do you understand?"

My heart lurched, but I did understand so I nodded like the good little omega I so desperately wanted to be.

"Nathan will know what to do," Liam promised. "And Cas will find some emergency suppressants in the meantime. We'll get you an appointment today, alright?"

It was the right thing to do, but I was pretty sure I would have fought him on it if my face wasn't squashed against Cas's bare chest. He smelled really fucking good too and that was also helping me not make a fool of myself right now.

"Don't worry, we'll go after him if he doesn't come back fast enough." Cas's deep voice rumbled against my cheek, soothing me even more.

I held my breath as I waited for Liam to release me, but his fingers dug into my shoulders instead of letting go.

"I won't let her disappear," Cas promised. "We'll get cleaned up in the guest bathroom while you go upstairs and call Nathan. Turn the air purifiers on to the highest setting. Open all the windows and take a shower in the second guest bathroom."

Liam nodded and a small piece of me felt relieved to see I wasn't the only one struggling with this.

We were both fucking insane. It was the only explanation for this sensation in my chest that had me ready to fight a god of war just to keep him from leaving me.

Somehow, Liam released me and I watched him stumble toward the stairs, biting my tongue so hard my mouth filled with blood again to keep myself from begging him to stay.

What the fuck was wrong with me? I needed to see Nathan before I killed us all. I knew that. So, why was it so goddamn hard to let him go?

"He's going to come back to you after doing what I told him to do." Cas slid his fingers through my hair and gently tugged, forcing me to look up at him.

The expression on his face was cold and emotionless, but for some reason I found that reassuring. Cassius had insane control for someone who wasn't a legacy alpha, and if he was with me, then maybe we could make it through this without destroying each other. His dark presence used to freak me out, but now it was something I found comforting.

Cas squeezed me tight and all I wanted was for him to squeeze hard enough he crushed all my bones into dust.

Maybe then I'd finally feel like I wasn't alone.

Cas pulled back and placed his hand on my chest, pressing down hard. He narrowed his bright blue eyes and I couldn't help but think they were just as mesmerizing as Liam's. "I need you to calm down, okay? I'm going to help you manage this."

"How?"

"It's easier than you think." Cas leaned down and his lips brushed against my ear. "It's just like breathing."

I wanted to tell him I've never been very good at those breathing exercises, but I wrapped my arms around his neck instead, needing to be closer.

"Imagine that with every inhale, you put your pheromones back in their glass jar." Cas opened his mouth wide to grip my jaw with his teeth. It was sharp, but he released me before I could melt into him.

"It's just like with emotions," he explained, pulling back to drag his lips across my cheek. They hovered right over mine and all I wanted was for him to kiss me. "You've learned to keep your emotions from your face when you need to, haven't you?"

His deep voice was soothing and strangely gentle. It gave me the strength to nod, but I was still so frantic and needy I didn't think I could do any of that right now.

"It's all here, Lucy." Cas pressed down on my chest even harder. My heart was pounding, but it was already more rhythmic. "Shove it down into your lungs with every breath."

I didn't think I could inhale deeply enough for that, especially when the pheromones were so thick I couldn't even smell the blood anymore.

"It's going to take some getting used to." His lips brushed against mine with every word and I dug my nails into his skin to keep from doing something that might shatter his careful control. "I've been doing it all my life, but even still, I can barely manage it when I breathe you in."

I held onto him for dear life, crushing his hand between us. "This isn't normal, is it?"

"Why are you asking as if I've ever known what normal is?"

Maybe that was why it felt so natural to let him hold me like this.

"Your racing heart steals my breath away, Lucy. I keep losing myself in you."

I couldn't process his words. They made no sense to me and I tried to see if he was just saying anything he could to pull me out of the panic, or if he really meant it.

Cassius could hide what he was thinking and feeling better than anyone I knew, but in that moment he didn't try to hide from me. He let me see just how serious he was and what that vulnerability was doing to him.

This wasn't something he knew how to deal with either and for the first time since coming down here, I was able to take a deep breath.

"You promise he's going to come back?"

Cas picked me up with one arm under my ass and held me against his chest as he turned on his heel. "I'm pretty sure Liam would die if he couldn't see you for more than an hour at this point. I was just waiting for him to get into the shower before taking you up there."

There were a thousand questions I could ask about that, but for once, I didn't feel the need for answers. I trusted Cas to do what needed to be done, and that terrified me even more.

I was already so attached to these two that detoxing from each other's scents might not even work anymore.

"You're such a brat, you know that?" Cas muttered as he carried me up the stairs and into one of the empty guest bathrooms. "Always thinking the worst of me."

"I woke up and you weren't there." It was fucking embarrassing to admit, but I couldn't keep my mouth shut this time. "I needed to find you so I could see if it was just the pheromones. It's not my fault you're so suspicious."

He chuckled, shocking me back into silence.

"You're still stuck on that, huh?" Cas set me down on the sink in an unfamiliar bathroom and leaned into me.

I gasped, remembering the way Liam had kissed me like this after what happened at Bite, but Cas just grabbed something out of the medicine cabinet. I felt my cheeks heat when I realized he wasn't going to kiss me and tried not to feel disappointed.

This was ridiculous. I needed to get my shit together.

"Suppressants." Cas popped one in his mouth before holding one out for me.

I waited until he swallowed before opening my mouth, letting him set the tablet on my tongue so I wouldn't have to let go of him.

His eyes narrowed but he placed it on my lower lip, eyes flashing with hunger before it disappeared like it was never there. "Such a brat, aren't you?"

Before I could respond, he pulled me down and shoved me toward the shower. "Now go in there and get clean."

I glared at him despite the yawning pit of despair building inside without one of them touching me.

"There are scent blockers in the medicine cabinet. Once you're done, I'll do the same and then we'll put on fresh clothes with as little scent on them as possible."

"What then?" I demanded, crossing my arms over my chest to keep myself from reaching out for him. "I still feel like?—"

"Don't." Cas clenched his jaw and ran his hand through his hair. "Don't finish that sentence. Please."

So, he really was shoving it all down, even now?

"How are you doing it?" I took a step closer. For some reason it felt like I could understand if I could just see what he was doing. "You even have the taste of my slick on your tongue and?—"

"Lucy!" Cas nearly ripped the hair out of his head. His arms fell to his sides and he cracked his neck, eyes on the ceiling instead of me. "Stop being a brat and get clean."

He turned away from me then and started digging in the medicine cabinet. The muscle in his jaw kept flickering but I didn't smell a single drop of anger or even desire with the air purifier on full blast like this. All I could smell was what we'd done in the basement.

Ripping off the hoodie, I tossed it to the floor and turned on the shower.

If he could do it, then so could I. All I had to do was learn. I might never be as good as he was at it, but this was a valuable skill for an omega to have – a skill that could save my life.

Turning on the water, I gritted my teeth against the ache between my legs. I stepped inside the shower, not waiting for the water to warm up. I inhaled sharply against the shock of ice-cold water against my overheated, sensitive skin.

It was excruciating, but I gritted my teeth and forced myself to bear it.

Cas was banging around in the bathroom, setting things on the toilet as I scrubbed my skin with the soap that erased pheromones like they'd never been there. It didn't help with the ache or the burning sensation, but it did help clear my head a little.

The trick was breathing? I took a deep breath of damp air full of the soft scent of the soap. Some of the trembling in my limbs eased, but that was it.

He'd said it was like burying your emotions which meant the feeling wasn't going to go away, but I could hide my reaction to it. I was still going to feel like this even if I figured out how to keep my reactions from being reflected in my pheromones.

Well, that was better than nothing.

If I could keep my pheromones from seeping out the same way he did, I wouldn't have to worry about anyone else scenting it. It wasn't going to be easy. If it was, everyone would be able to do it, but if I could figure this out.

Then I wouldn't affect Cas and Liam the way I was now. They weren't in control of their own feelings. Because of me.

"Whatever you're thinking, stop it."

I jumped at the sound of his deep, growly voice and the command in it. Cas glared at me through the glass door and I had no idea what to even say.

"Stop assuming we don't care about you, little omega. It's really pissing me off."

And yet, I couldn't scent his irritation at all.

"You're pissing me off," I muttered.

How the fuck was he so good at holding his pheromones back? How did I learn how to be that good? I studied his profile, wondering if he was just built different.

"Stop eye fucking me."

"Stop telling me what to do!"

Cas smirked and I suddenly realized I wasn't really scared anymore. Just pissed off.

"Maybe I wouldn't tell you what to do if you didn't like it so much." He grabbed the back of his T-shirt and yanked it off. "Now get out. It's my turn."

I threw the soap at him when he opened the door, but he caught it like it was nothing with that smug smirk on his face.

Before I could tell him to move, he grabbed my wrist and yanked me out of the shower. A towel dropped over my head and then I heard the sound of the glass door shutting.

I took a deep breath and counted to five. The urge to shove him like a child was overwhelming, but I buried it down and yanked the towel off my head.

I froze as I let the feeling of burying down my irritation percolate.

Taking another deep breath, I shoved down the emptiness between my legs which was currently my most pressing issue. Pain I could deal with, but that fucking ache made me do crazy, reckless shit.

When it felt like the ache was wrapped up in the same towel I had in my hands, I took another deep breath and gently placed the towel around my body.

I closed my eyes against the sensation of the fabric scraping against my overly sensitive skin. It was worse than razor blades and I almost dropped the damn thing to air dry instead, but one day this sensation would happen while I was wearing clothes. I had to learn how to deal with it.

This could work. It wasn't perfect, but it was something I could practice until I had some semblance of control again.

I took another breath and shoved down as much of the tingling sensation across my skin as I could. The soothing sound of the water running helped too and I felt a bit more of that jittery sensation in my veins settle.

Cas had placed an unopened box of scent blockers on top of a pile of clean clothes. It wasn't the usual clear adhesive either, but black. Had they bought this just for me?

Ripping the box open, I ignored that thought and decided to cover my whole fucking neck.

Where the hell was Liam? What was taking him so long?

I wrapped my neck in the adhesive and avoided my reflection. Seeing what I looked like after that mess wasn't something I was interested in. I didn't want to wonder what they thought when they looked at me either.

Nathan would know what's going on. Everything would be fine once I saw him. He would fix this and I wouldn't have to worry every second I wasn't with them that they were running away from me.

Liam would come back. They'd both promised me he would. I didn't need to panic because he was still in the same house.

Wasn't he?

I locked eyes with my reflection and the fear I saw in my own face shocked me. It was exactly the same look I remembered seeing when I'd locked myself in the bathroom after they'd dragged my father away.

What was it with me and toxic relationships?

Liam's voice pierced through my chaotic thoughts and the relief I felt had me grabbing the sink before my knees gave out. "Lucy, can I come in?"

He hadn't lied to me. He'd come back just like he said he would.

Even more of my unreasonable fear eased and for the first time, I thought maybe these two really could handle all my psychotic bullshit.