29. Lucy

Staringat the tray with all the missing treasures, I made sure to stay completely still.

Barely breathing.

That boy asked me to wait for him and for whatever reason, I always think he might come back when it rains…but I don't remember what he looks like, so how would I know if I ever saw him again?

Liam was that boy.

Didn't I promise I'd find you?

I felt lightheaded as I replayed every interaction we've ever had in my head.

I stayed as still as a statue, feeling like I might just shatter if I so much as let a single finger twitch.

Why do you look so sad for someone who likes rainy days and oranges then?

I closed my eyes, trying to pinpoint when he'd figured out who I was.

I promise it meant everything,Cas had told me. Liam has been waiting for this for a very long time.

Liam knew who I was during my heat.

And so did Cas.

My stomach lurched and I swallowed down the bile.

Considering the conversation we'd had at Bite, I'd say Liam knew then as well. I'd thought something felt off, but I never would have been able to guess why.

Forcing myself to focus on the bead in my hand, I realized just how empty I felt.

Numb.

He'd promised he would find me when he got back – when it was safe.

I've waited for him for so long that I could barely remember what it felt like to live any other way…but the girl he'd left standing in the rain no longer existed. Every spider lily inked into my skin was a reminder she's long been dead and gone. I was forced to become someone else to survive in such a violent, hateful world.

The small flower slipped through my lifeless fingers and the sound of it clattering against one of the rocks was loud in the thick bubble of silence around me.

That boy had disappeared from my world one rainy day like he'd never existed.

Sliding my hand up to the spider lily tattooed on my neck, I felt the familiar bands of adhesive. The sensation of them gave me a tiny shred of comfort until I remembered why I even had these tattoos.

Final goodbyes.

I got lost in the longing for a future I'd never get every single fucking time it rained. I would daydream about someone who's face I couldn't even remember, wondering what his scent had evolved into…

Oranges, vanilla, and sandalwood.

Up until now, I've never been able to put that scent to a name or a face.

Liam Valor – a man who shines so brightly it's blinding.

My head jerked to the side as all the thoughts in my head clamored for attention and I closed my eyes against the deafening chaos.

The loss of light in tandem with the sudden sound of rain pounding against my window seemed fitting somehow.

Oranges. The rain always reminded me of the perfect sweet orange – tart and juicy, washing away the taste of everything else. It always lingered in the back of my mind—haunting me.

Whenever it rained, I looked up at the sky covered in clouds so I could feel the way I did when he left, but I always searched for the sun in the hopes that I could feel warm again because once it started raining, it rarely stopped before nightfall.

It shocked me the sun had been there this whole time when I'd been convinced it had disappeared for good.

How long had he known who I was?

Had he known when he'd asked me about my father at his brother's house? Or when he'd been so insistent that it wouldn't be long before I'd take his name? That would explain why he's been so weird.

So devoted.

But he was always like that.

When I got sick, he took care of me. Found me a doctor who would actually be able to help me. Napped with me despite the fact that we barely knew each other. Before that, he'd practically demanded I pretend to be his girlfriend.

Then he helped me through my heat.

All his random reasons had made sense at the time, but now…

He must have known from the very beginning.

I didn't think he knew who I was before I stepped into that elevator. The look on his face was too shocked and the way he'd stared at me like he couldn't believe what he was seeing…

Liam told me he didn't know I was an omega before that incident. For whatever reason, I believed him. He didn't know who, or where I was before his mother hired me to solve his brother's murder.

Jesus.

That day we said goodbye was so long ago I'd almost convinced myself he was a figment of my imagination even though I had proof he existed.

Proof Liam had stolen.

Fuck, he's beenplaying with me, hasn't he? Why else wouldn't he tell me sooner?

No wonder they'd called this a game.

My heart broke.

The pain was brutal and I had no idea how to deal with it.

Biting down on the inside of my cheek forced physical pain to spike through the sensation of my heart shattering, giving me something else to focus on.

The sharp tang of blood in my mouth.

All I wanted to do was give in to the overwhelming urge to cry. Everything I'd done for the last fifteen years, everything I'd endured…

I really thought I'd been discarded. I thought he'd forgotten all about me and that he'd want nothing to do with me now.

What was his endgame then? Was he hoping I'd be grateful that he'd come back and then lied to me for weeks? Was I supposed to pretend that I was just fine with that? Was I supposed to pretend that it wasn't eating me alive that he'd known everything and let me believe otherwise?

The enormity of my foolishness made me sick.

Because how…how could I have forgotten? My father spent years teaching me everything he knew…

Remember, Daphne, any sign of weakness and they'll use that as an excuse to sink their teeth into you. They like to bark and bite, tearing through flesh…

How could I ever forget?

They have a repulsive habit of lying to get what they want because they don't know how to love like we do. They only know how to possess.

How did I let this happen?

Do not forget what they are.

How—how? How could I be so stupid?

They will betray you, Daphne.

It was all true. Everything he'd told me was true.

‘Love is rich with both honey and venom.' Don't ever forget that, because this world we live in is filled with deception and betrayal. They are alphas. Hunters. Predators. Buteven wolves bleed like the rest of us.

Sick to my stomach.

Hardly breathing.

I pressed my hand to the crippling pain in my chest and realized it's never hurt so badly to be right.

What was I supposed to do with this feeling? How was I supposed to come to terms with everything I've learned?

Liam Valor hadn't just made the ground crumble beneath my feet. No, he'd obliterated my entire world. There were no pieces to pick up. No rubble to build a new foundation. He ran into me by chance, and still let me think he was never coming back.

All that girl had wanted was to belong to someone…I wanted to belong to someone.

It was revolting.

My father had spent all my formative years teaching me the true nature of alphas and why I should never trust them.

For some reason, he'd been sure I would become an omega just like him so he'd taught me to live without the one thing my body needed. My father had made me learn how to exist with the bare minimum.

Because he'd always known.

We would choke on our hunger. Desperate for what those alphas could give us. Starving for what they kept withholding just so they could stay in power.

Alphas were born hungry. Just like us. Their teeth were sharp so they could tear into us—marking us as theirs. Precious, but also dangerous because we made them weak and the weak will always lose in our world.

Power and strength can bring someone to their knees.

That's why an alpha doesn't know how to love without ensuring they would never be the ones begging to belong to someone.

Hypocrites, all of them.

And my father knew this better than anyone.

How many times did he remind me?

An alpha doesn't know how to love the way we do, Daphne. They need power, so they refuse to give us what we need. They only ever react to the fear of loss. We have to make them scared – make them afraid to lose us or we'll never survive.

My hand dropped away from my neck and I opened my eyes, the sound of the rain was like a thousand needles stabbing into my brain. Each one was sharp like the moment a tattoo gun hit a nerve.

The taste of blood in my mouth was a reminder.

Fear could be controlled, but love? That was impossible.

That's why omegas were so dangerous. We possessed a different kind of strength. We loved with teeth and claws…all the blood we shed was proof of just how hard.

It was in our nature to be whatever an alpha needed – but our true nature was something a bit more…feral.

Vicious.

My father had never nurtured the soft, sweet, and caring traits everyone else reinforced in their omega children.

Only the desperate need to survive.

I'd tried to be the strong, independent omega my father wanted me to be. I'd tried so hard to make sure I didn't need an alpha because this hunger deep inside was terrifying.

But I never could.

I failed before I ever became an omega.

The boy I'd loved with the intense devotion of a child who needed to belong to someone—anyone as long as it wasn't an alpha…he was all grown up now and he wasn't just an alpha.

He was a legacy alpha.

God, I was stupid. Back then, I'd really thought he would turn out to be a beta. I'd truly believed we would both become betas because that's what I needed to believe to allow myself to let him into my world.

I'd promised my father I would get stronger, that I wouldn't make the same mistakes he had without realizing I'd already broken that promise.

Why did it feel like every choice I made always left me bloody? How did I ever believe I could be different? That I wouldn't give in one day to the hunger that kept threatening to swallow me whole?

They said omegas couldn't help themselves. That we'd give in eventually and maybe they were right, because I was so angry that I actually felt sick to my stomach – barely breathing as my heart thundered in my chest. And yet, all I could think about was how Liam had to have a good reason for keeping this from me for as long as he had – that there was a logical explanation as to why he hadn't come for me sooner even though my heart was breaking and it hurt.

I wish I could be different but I wasn't.

Liam and Cas were alphas.

They were going to make excuses for their selfish choices while I kept apologizing for being alive. That was my reality.

How could I ever forget that?

I couldn't believe how oblivious I've been because when I took some time to think about it, all this made too much sense.

And yet…

Sliding my hand up my neck where all those spider lilies were inked into my skin, the only thing I could think about was I didn't need to get another one this year.

A sharp laugh escaped me.

It wasn't really funny but I couldn't stop laughing. My whole body shook as I tried to keep the humorless sound deep inside where it belonged, but I couldn't bury it down fair enough. The hysterical laughter filled the room and I covered my face with my hands to muffle the sound.

How could I have possibly forgotten?