Chapter 31

Birch boughs slapped against Anya"s arms and face as she ran further and further into the trees. Horror clawed at her throat, and she dry heaved but managed to keep her breakfast down.

Anya sat down on a fallen tree and put her head between her legs, her breaths coming in tight, panicked gasps, sweat breaking out over her skin.

You almost killed those boys. And she had sat back and smiled while she did it.

"You know running off is a bad idea right now," Trajan said, making her head jerk up. He looked at her tear-stained face and was crouched beside her in a blink. "Anya, what happened? Are you hurt?"

Anya shook her head and wiped the tears off her face. "I asked Baba Zosia to remove Eikki"s memory spell."

Trajan swore in Greek. "Which incident did you see?"

"There"s more than one?" she asked, her voice rising in panic.

"You"re okay. Talk to me, Anya. What did you see?" Trajan replied, his voice growing soft.

"The boys at the lake. I almost murdered them, Trajan. I…I liked seeing them powerless," she admitted. Trajan moved to sit beside her, resting his elbows on his knees.

"I remember when that happened. It was the reason why Eikki decided to go through with his plan to take away your memories. I told him that he was overreacting, that you were young and hurt, and your magic had tried to protect you," he explained.

"I know what I felt, Trajan. I wanted to make them feel as humiliated as me," Anya argued. "Maybe Eikki was right to not teach me if I was willing to kill."

"Anya, you were afraid and alone. Those boys could"ve hurt you a lot more than what they did. You defended yourself. It was a lesson that the little bastards needed, in my opinion. I convinced Eikki to leave their fear of you in place, just so they never tried to mess with you again."

Trajan grinned sideways at her, making her heart trip. It prompted another fresh memory and surge of emotions; she"d had a massive crush on him at twelve.

"What"s the matter? Your face just changed to horror and back again," he asked, his smile slipping.

"Nothing. I was only thinking about what other horrible things I did that I"m going to remember and freak out over," she lied.

"The lake was probably the incident that scared Eikki the most." Trajan"s smile grew bigger. "Well, apart from when you were nine and told him you were going to marry me when you grew up."

Anya buried her head in her hands. "Shut up. I did not."

"You did. You were very vocal and insistent about it." He gently pulled her hands away from her burning face. "Eikki had a heart attack, but I thought it was cute."

"Well, can you blame me? You saw the village I grew up in. Any man with a full set of teeth is a prize," Anya said, making them both laugh.

Trajan was still holding her hand, and she didn"t pull away.

"How about this, whenever you have a bad memory, you come to me to talk about it? I wasn"t there for all of them, but it might help," he said, brushing his thumb over the top of her palm. "I was out of your life for a long time, but you can talk to me about anything, and I won"t judge you. Don"t let the memory of those boys make you doubt yourself. You weren"t a murderer then, and you"re not one now."

"Thanks, Trajan. I"d appreciate that," Anya replied. Her mouth went dry as his thumb circled against her skin again, the small touch sending a wave of goosebumps up her arm. His eyes were warm and golden, and as she looked at the curve of his lips, she couldn"t help but think of them against hers.

"Trajan? About last night," she began, trying to summon her courage. "Thank you for being there for me and for giving me one last kiss. You didn"t have to, and I don"t want it to create any weirdness between us."

"Do you feel weird with me here right now?" he asked, his brows drawing together.

"No. But I thought maybe you would. Cerise told me that your kind doesn"t mix with mortals because you could hurt them."

"Did she now?" Trajan said, frustration tinging his gentle tone. "It"s true. I haven"t "mixed" with a mortal before, but I wouldn"t have kissed you if I didn"t want to."

"Oh, that"s good then."

"I"m glad you think so." Trajan"s small, pleased smile was back. Anya was filled with so many butterflies she was surprised they weren"t bursting out of her bright red ears. Before she could reply, a sharp whistle cut through the trees.

"Anya! Do you want these magic lessons or not!" Katya shouted.

Trajan squeezed her hand and let it go. "You had better go. That hunter doesn"t seem the patient type."

"I"ll catch up with you later," Anya said, getting up quickly, hoping that her face didn"t look as ridiculous as she felt. "Thanks, Trajan."

Anya was calmerafter her talk with Trajan, but she needed something to distract her. Her head was swimming with memories and kisses and Trajan"s irresistible grin. Aleksandra made them fresh cups of coffee and sat down at the scrubbed wooden table.

"Is Katya okay? She sounded angry just now," Anya asked, hoping that they would all overlook her running off. She was embarrassed and hated it. No matter how horrible the memories, they were a part of her that she needed.

"Katya"s fine. Just stubborn. She doesn"t really care for magic and has no wish to learn it either. How are you feeling?" Aleksandra asked, placing her hand on Anya"s forehead.

"I"m okay. Overwhelmed, but okay."

"Memory magic is tricky. It will take a little while for things to come back to you. Be patient, and don"t panic when it happens. It will take some time," Aleksandra explained. "Now, show me your runes."

Anya found her pack at the back of the caravan and dug out her runes and the shaman drum.

"I have no idea how to use either of these properly," she said, putting them on the table. Aleksandra didn"t touch the drum as she leaned in for a closer look.

"Where did you get this?" she asked curiously. "The magic on it is strange."

"Baba Yaga traded me for it."

"I don"t know anything about drums, so we"ll have to ask Baba Zosia about it. It"s pulsing with power." Aleksandra went to touch the leather bag containing the runes but jerked her hand back with a yelp.

"What happened?"

"I"m not sure. They zapped me," Aleksandra said, cradling her hand to her chest.

"Sorry, I"m not really sure how they work either." Anya tipped them out. "They didn"t zap Yvan when he touched them."

"I can"t explain it either, but I"ll let you handle them from now on."

Anya turned the runes over so they lay face up, their symbols all showing clearly. Very slowly and with extreme patience, Aleksandra began naming them one by one and explaining what each represented. After the fourth rune, Aleksandra gave Anya a battered notebook and pencil to make notes.

Aleksandra soon had her repeating them back to her—Fehu, Thurisaz, Ansuz…

After an hour of Anya repeating them, Baba Zosia hobbled in and put more coffee on. Aleksandra spoke quickly with her, and Anya heard Baba Yaga"s name mentioned more than once. Baba Zosia replied to her in an angry tone. She sat down next to Aleksandra to look closer at the drum, careful not to touch it. She started speaking, and Aleksandra began to translate quickly.

"She says this drum is magic in many ways. It changes with each user. If I were to possess it, the symbols on the skin would change, so they are the most right to me."

"When I first used it, the runestone landed on this bird, the crosses, and this figure here," Anya said, touching the skin of the drum. "Could you tell me what that means?"

Aleksandra translated, and Baba Zosia started cackling before she gave her reply.

"She said if you can"t figure it out, you are an idiot." Aleksandra"s cheeks pinked a little with the insult.

Anya shrugged. "When it comes to magic, I definitely am. Could you tell me how to use it, at least?"

"Only basics. This drum is Sámi, and it"s not our magic. Baba Zosia knows the basics, but as for actually using it traditionally… Well, you"ll need a Sámi shaman for that," Aleksandra answered.

"I"ll take any information she can give me," Anya replied.

"Very well, drums are read in all directions, from the front, and from the back. From top to bottom. Your eye should move from the highest "world" to the lowest one, reading the markings counter-clockwise. This is North, South, East, West," Aleksandra explained with Baba Zosia prompting her. "This is the Northern Star. The top half of the drum is usually the Heavenly Realm, especially the northeastern section. This is a church, representing God or divine beings. This bear is the god Ukko. The rune here is Algiz if you remember."

"Protection, defense, and warding off evil," Anya interrupted with a glance at her notes.

"That"s right. This bird, I can only assume, is the firebird. Look at its tail, long and beautiful, and its home is in the sky. This section, northwestern, is also heavenly things or higher knowledge. You have Yggdrasil, the World"s Tree, from your Northern tales. Also, we have Odin"s ravens, Huginn and Munin, Thought, and Memory."

"And that symbol is Ansuz, a symbol for Odin, God, insights, truth, vision and the power of words." Anya looked at it closer, secretly proud that she had remembered it without the notes this time.

"This whole middle section is Earthly realms. You have a warrior, or hunter, right here, a forest, salmon. Here is Uruz, physical strength, speed, courage, and sex. Here is its female counterpart, Pertho, which is a symbol of women and mysteries and fertility. This is a male shaman with his drum with a female shamanitsa on the opposite side. Now, this last end of the drum is the Underworld, especially this southeastern section. These crosses are a graveyard or Death. We have Fenrir or Cerberus, hellhounds of the Underworld. This is Thurisaz, but it is merkstave, backward, so the meaning is the opposite. Here it represents evil, hate, lies, rape, and torment. It"s all bad."

Anya pointed. "What"s this one? It looks like a funny little house."

"That"s a winter storage hut, but in this case, I believe it"s Baba Yaga"s house. Those are not traditional tree trunks holding it up."

Anya rubbed a hand over her face. "Great. I really can"t escape her, can I?"

Baba Zosia"s words chilled her to her core. "No. She watches you. Wants you. And won"t give up until you bow to her."