Chapter 9 Ashlyn

Life had been…weird since Niko told me he was leaving. He hadn't been around much, and even when he was, he was distracted with packing, studying, and preparing for his internship. We hadn't spent any quality time together, and that was definitely pissing me off. He hadn't even left yet, and it was like he was already gone.

If I couldn't handle this, how was I going to handle him actually not being here? For months or even years?

The first day, I descended into sorrow and mopey depression. But that took way too much emotional effort, which I had absolutely no patience for, so I shoved it away and took to indifference instead.

I stopped asking Niko to spend time with me. I stopped texting him asking how his day was going or what task he was doing when he left with his parents. I told myself that I stopped caring, but that one wasn't so easy.

Did Niko even notice my nonchalance? Did he even care?

Ugh, this was why I didn't date. I didn't need this shit. This neurotic will-he- won't-he obsession!

Maybe it would be better after he actually left. Out of sight, out of mind. Maybe I wouldn't mind if he didn't respond to my texts because I would know he was, in fact, busy. Maybe I wouldn't worry that he might have gotten killed under the general's instruction. Maybe I wouldn't imagine on repeat that he met some badass dragon bitch in the military who made him forget all about me.

"Ash?" A pair of fingers tapped on my shoulder as I stared at nothing, the book sitting unread in my lap.

I looked over my shoulder up at Niko behind me, the lighting in our secret library spot too dim for me to clearly see his face.

"Hey," I said.

"I'm surprised to find you here." He came to sit across from me on the carpet, an uncertain expression coming into view on his face. "But I looked everywhere else with no luck."

"Oh, you were looking for me?" I asked, not hiding my—slightly sardonic—surprise.

"Yeah, of course," he replied with a frown.

I shrugged, closing my book. "I like it here. It's cozy and secluded. No one bothers me here."

"That's why I like it, too," he said.

I nodded, looking everywhere but at him.

"Is something wrong?" he asked, and when I did look at him, there was a concerned crease between his brows.

I sighed. "It's just been…difficult. You haven't left yet, and it's like you're not even here. This was your last week here, and you haven't made a single effort to spend time with before you go."

He narrowed his eyes at me, incredulous. "You don't think I've tried to make time for you? You have no idea how busy I've been wrapping up my semester work, packing my shit, dealing with countless phone calls from my mom, my dad, the general… I've tried really hard, but I can't get anywhere. This was the first chance I got to spend time with you, and I took it. That's why I'm here."

I didn't like his defensive tone. Like his neglect was somehow my fault. Like I didn't have the right to be irritated at his lack of attention.

"None of that is my fault," I said coolly. "I didn't make you take this internship. I'm not the one piling anything on you. I haven't even tried to steer your attention away from your duties ."

He blew out a breath. "You're right. This isn't your fault. I chose this."

He clasped his hands in his lap, twiddling his thumbs as he practically scowled down at them.

"Listen, this week has shown me how hard this is going to be," he said slowly, like it was hard to say.

"This?" I asked, my heart tripping over itself as I feared what he might say next.

He peered up at me beneath his lashes, then waved his hand back and forth between us. "This. Us. Maintaining a relationship from a distance while performing a high-profile internship."

My heart thudded, my eyes widening before narrowing in rejection. "What are you saying?"

He hung his and looked up at the ceiling for a moment before meeting my stricken gaze. "I think it would be easier for both of us if we hit pause during my internship."

The rejection inside was simmering into anger .

"Pause," I deadpanned. "You mean you're breaking up with me."

"No," he said. "Not—I—It just means we take a break. Until I come back."

" If you come back," I snapped, slamming my palm on the top of my book—and pretending it didn't sting. "And what, I'm just supposed to wait for you? Or am I free to date other guys? Are you free to date other girls?"

He frowned, clearly flustered. "What? No. I mean, I wouldn't ask you to just wait for me if you were interested in someone else. But I'm not going to da—"

"You know what, why don't you just make this easier on both of us and cut the damn chord," I yelled.

"You want me to break up with you?" he snapped, his own anger rising in response to mine.

"Well, clearly you do," I shot at him.

"Ugh, fine!" He threw up his hands, then got to his feet.

I tossed my book to the side and jumped to standing as well, my fists clenched at my sides. "Fine!"

"Fine," he said again, crossing his arms as he glared at me.

I glared right back, damned if I was going to back down.

His jaw ticked, the conflict in his eyes masked by the scowl in his forehead. "Well, I guess that's settled. Later, Ash."

Then he stormed out without another word. Anger turned to rage inside me.

"Later, Ass! " I shouted after him.

I stood there for several furious seconds until my peripheral vision caught the tendrils of smoke rising from below. I glanced down at my hands to find them glowing like hot irons in a fire pit.

If I didn't calm myself down, I was going to burn the entire library down, and as much as I wanted to burn down the whole world at the moment, I thought better of it.

Fuck him. I didn't need Niko. I'd never needed anyone before, and I didn't now. He could go die in the military for all I cared. Good fucking riddance.