Chapter 21 - Julie

Kaius has been gone for three days, and I think I'm at the point of actual insanity. I sent him a text message two days in, despite Lena telling me he wouldn't have his cell phone with him.

I constantly check my phone, waiting for Kaius to respond. It's ridiculous how much I miss him after just three days. I feel like I'm climbing the walls with how badly I need to see him. The logical part of me screams that it's absurd to be pining after him, but my body doesn't care.

We haven't even been able to talk about anything…

It's probably a good thing that I've had a couple days to myself. I needed this time to think and really figure out how I felt after experiencing Kaius's power in full effect. I don't blame him anymore like I did that night. I realize now why Rufus was so cautious about it.

When I get the text that letting me know they're finally back from the council meeting and asking to meet at the bar, I practically jump off the couch. Much as I want to dive into this conversation, I also am not prepared for all the emotional baggage Kaius's power would unleash. I've been reassessing my entire life since.

I can't help but let my eyes linger on the closed museum, boarded up and vacant while I walk towards the bar. I hate that our town has lost that little piece of history. With these visions, it's like this link to the past I've always felt is even stronger now.

I'm relieved to see Peyton sitting at the bar when I arrive and Kaius nowhere to be seen. All the better, I'm not sure I'm ready to have this conversation just yet. At least I can talk through some of my jitters with her before he gets here.

"Hey girl," I say. Peyton smiles as I approach, and she waves down Jim, the bartender.

"What's up?" she asks as I slide onto the bar stool next to her. Jim points to the Guinness, my favorite, and I nod in confirmation.

"Getting ready to talk to Kaius. Could really use some of your expert Mom advice," I admit. "I feel like I'm in limbo right now."

"Sure, what's going on? You're in limbo with him?" she asks, raising an eyebrow, leaning forward on the bar.

I tell her about Uncle Merl's recovery, about my indecision over what to do next, and how all these feelings for Kaius make me worried I'll fall into this idea of a relationship being my replacement for a purpose.

"So no, it's not just him, but I just feel like I'm stuck, you know? Like I don't have a direction."

"It's tough when you're not sure where to go next. Have you thought about what you really want to do if you don't want to go back to the store with your parents and Greg?"

"I miss history. Lately, I've had this renewed pull towards it. I have always had this silly idea about trying to help regain some of the town"s history for people to learn about it. We have so many stories that haven't been told, and I can't help but feel like that is important."

"Hey, it's a direction, at least. What do you want to do with it?"

"Perfect world? Reopen the town museum," I say, my excitement growing as I speak. "Really, I want to find my own place in this town, outside of my family and their business. Maybe write a book about the town's history or write some fictional stories that are loosely based on it."

"That sounds amazing," Peyton says, her smile warm. "It's something you can work toward even while you're figuring things out with Merl. I would focus on that and stop putting pressure on things with Kaius. He's not Luke, and you're also a very different person than you were with him."

Her encouragement fills me with hope, and I feel a renewed sense of purpose. I want to make this happen, to make my dreams a reality. It's something that would give me purpose. My own direction. I don't think I've ever had that.

"Speak of the tall, dark, and dangerous," Peyton laughs over her drink.

The door swings shut behind Kaius as they all filter in. Orion, Milo, and Evander overtake a table by the door. Rufus and Merl approach and drag Peyton along with them to make her dance, despite her protests. Kaius trails behind them in my direction.

"Hey, no drinking, you two," I lecture as Rufus and Uncle Merl do their best to look innocent. "Pain meds… Remember."

"I swear, I've got an eye on them," Peyton laughs as she's pulled toward the small area where they are trying to get her to dance.

I turn back to the bar. Kaius is standing beside me, quiet. My body clenches in response, and I feel the familiar burn of heat rising up my face.

"Hey," he says with his voice low, a grin spread on his face. "Miss me?"

I smile, feeling the familiar rush of emotions he always brings. "Not even a little."

"Really, not at all? I thought I've at least left enough of an impression that you'd miss me at night," he whispers.

I'm certain the blush is now covering my entire face, and I bite my lip to avoid answering. I take a long drink of beer to hide my reaction. This is not how I expected this conversation to go. I can't seem to keep in check the raw need for him that my traitorous body seems to want to give in to.

"I'll take that as my answer."

He straightens and leans against the bar. His eyes take a long, slow journey from my face down the rest of my body. The way he looks at me, the warmth in his eyes, has me feeling like I'm melting from the inside out. I can't deny the pull I feel toward him, the way he makes my heart race.

The after-work crowd is picking up, which isn't much in Greyson Ridge, but it means that there are twenty or so of the regulars who don't like to cook milling about now. Bernadette and Sarah walked in and stopped to talk to the guys. Georgia has joined Peyton and is in some deep conversation with Orion in the corner. Sarah and Rufus are doing their usual butting heads.

"You said you wanted to talk? I'm assuming it's about the things that I saw," he says in a serious tone as he brings his eyes back up to meet mine.I hesitate, feeling the blush creep up my cheeks.

"Yeah, that was what I was thinking we should talk about," I say, finding it difficult to keep my mind focused on the conversation and not on his lips or the nearness of his body.

Damn it, Julie. Focus.

"Mmmhmm, and we're here, talking," he presses, leaning closer.

"I'm having a hard time stringing words together with you around," I admit quietly. It's the truth. I can't think coherently with his body this close and desire raging through me. I am tempted to climb him right here in the middle of the damn bar.

"Right, can't compare to the dashing romance heroes. I'll give you space if you need it."

He turns, his shoulders dropping a little, and his eyes have lost that light they had with our banter. I don't want him to give me space.

The combination of his presence, the idea of having some sort of direction in my life, and the buzz from the beer make me feel bold. Before I can overthink it, I grab his hand and pull him toward the bathroom. He follows without hesitation, a look of amused curiosity on his face as I glance over my shoulder to see if there are any eyes on us.

I pull him into the hallway leading to the bathrooms. As soon as we're around the corner and out of sight, he steps closer to me. I pull him into the ladies' room and close the door behind us, my heart racing. He looks down at me, his eyes filled with a mixture of surprise and excitement.

He needs no more encouragement than me winding my arms around his neck. Kaius pulls me up into his arms as I wrap my legs around his waist, his lips crashing against mine in a kiss that leaves me breathless. His hands are firm on my ass as he pins me against the wall.

I pull greedily at the edge of his shirt, wanting to feel his skin beneath my hands. He laughs against my lips as he sets me down. He draws back for a breath, looking down at me, his arm bracing him on the wall over my shoulder.

"You sure?"

I unbutton my jeans and step out of them, along with the panties I had on. I genuinely need fewer words and more action from him at the moment. He leans in with a satisfied smile, capturing my lips again. I wrap my leg around him, and he lifts me up against the wall as my hands fumble at his belt and pants.

"Fuck me… Hard," I gasp as I finally get him free from his pants, and he doesn't disappoint. He thrusts into me, slamming my back against the wall as he does, and I can't help the faint gasp that escapes my mouth.

Conceptually, somewhere, my normal thinking brain knows that I need to be quiet and that there's a room full of people on the other side of the door, but I don't know if that part of my brain is functioning anymore as his name escapes my throat.

Kaius moves me with him, and I roll my hips against the length of him, enjoying the feeling that is just shy of pain again. I need more. I move against him, my hands digging into his shoulders as his head dips to my neck.

"Harder."

My insistence is more of a turn-on for him than I thought it would be. He shakes his head, kissing me hard one more time before setting me down and turning me to face the small mirror above the sink, bending me forward.

His eyes bore into mine in the mirror as he slams into me from behind. I gasp at each impact as his cock crashes into me as deep as possible. I try to hold eye contact with him, but after a few more punishing strokes, I'm seeing stars. I collapse forward on my arms as my body clenches around him, and I feel like I'm shattering into a million pieces as he spills into me.

"Fuck," he whispers as he pulls out of me. He bends and places a kiss on my ass cheek as I lean against the sink, trying to get feeling back in my legs.

"Yeah," I giggle, "That was the idea."

We clean up, and I get my pants back on in awkward silence. I don't know what to say now. This is definitely not the conversation that I intended to have.

"Why don't you go out first so it's less obvious. Won't draw attention that way," he offers with a shrug. The snark and teasing being replaced by thoughtfulness leaves me uneasy. It hits me that he's thought about this more than I have, but now that he's said it, the anxiety is creeping in.

"I'm sure no one will notice," he assures me with a grin and smacks my ass playfully as I turn for the door. I can feel the heat still flushing my face as I come back around the corner of the hallway to the bar. Everyone is still engrossed in their own business. I reclaim my seat and finish the rest of my now-warm beer.

A few minutes pass, and Georgia slides into the seat next to me as she argues with Milo about something related to a student they both are trying to help. She turns and offers me a quick smile but then goes back to her conversation. With this many more people, it's almost too easy to just fade into the background.

"I think I'm going to head out," I mutter, sliding enough cash across the bar to Jim to pay for my beer and a tip. I slide off the bar stool and feel the heat of a body pressing in close behind me. I smile as Kaius pushes the chair in for me, and I can't control the rampant blush that's raging up my face.

"Are you driving or walking?" Kaius asks with a tilt of his head.

"Walking, I didn't want to drive since I was planning to drink."

"Kay, I'll walk you back. Let me just make sure Rufus knows to get Merl back—and sober," he says with a small nod before he heads off. Georgia turns and wiggles her eyebrows at me.

"Not a word, Georgia, not a word."

The words, the explanations that I had spent so much time in my head with, all die on my lips the moment I step into the night air. I have no idea how to say the things I need to say to him.