Chapter 24

Arianna

I dream.

Dream that I am trapped in an endless maze of corridors with doors that open back into the same corridor.

That I am trapped in mud, sinking deeper and deeper as it pulls me down.

That I am trapped inside my father's mansion again, lying in bed and unable to move.

That I am trapped inside a room, watching Nikolai get married.

Trapped caring for his children while his loving wife is on his arm, and he turns from me, no longer caring. Now, I'm simply the nanny. The help. A prisoner.

When I wake, it's only for a moment before sleep drags me back under. My eyes cannot open, the brightness is too blinding.

"Her pupils are dilating and responding nicely… we think..."

The beeping of an alarm.

The feeling of a warm, strong hand, holding mine.

"Arianna, please wake up."

"Did you see it? Her hand moved!"

But still, I sleep.

This time, when I wake up, it's different. The light is still bright, so my eyes remain shut, but my hand twitches as my senses slowly reanimate. Everything hurts.

My head feels swollen and pounding. My throat is dry and sore.

Slowly, the light stops hurting as much and I blink my eyes open. I'm in a hospital bed.

Tentatively I wiggle my fingers and toes. Sluggishly, they respond. The relief that I can move, that I'm not trapped in my own body is overwhelming. Slowly, I become more alert. As my eyes roam around the room, they land on a sleeping form in the chair by the window.

"Nikolai," I say in barely a whisper, my throat is so painful.

The words come out so quietly it's a miracle he hears me, let alone wakes. But his eyes immediately spring open.

"Arianna, you're awake, thank god!"

He rushes over to me, seemingly afraid to touch me in case I break.

"We need a doctor in here!" he shouts, not taking his eyes off me.

He's looking at me with such tenderness and concern that I'm confused. Am I still dreaming? My Nikolai is anything but soft. The caring man before me can't be the same person.

A doctor enters and checks me over, asking me questions.

"Can you tell me your name?"

My eyes flicker to Nikolai, I'm not sure how to respond. Has Nikolai told them my real name?

He realizes the mistake and quickly answers for me. "Doctor, is this really necessary? My wife knows her name is Jane Brown."

The doctor shoots him an irritated glare. She evidently doesn't like him, nor care for his demanding tone.

"Yes, Mr. Brown it is. Jane has been in a coma for three days and I need to ask some basic questions to check if the lack of oxygen to her brain has caused any damage that didn't show up in the tests."

Relieved, I answer the rest of her questions as best I can. Apart from the first one, the others are easy. When she asks about the attack, I am truthful, saying I don't know who attacked me. That it was a man who broke into our home.

By this point, I'm exhausted. I can barely keep my eyes open, and I soon slip back into sleep.

***

I've no idea how long it's been since I fell asleep again. But when I wake, Nikolai is still there.

"How are you feeling?" he asks, jumping up from his seat to rush to my bedside, concern furrowing his brow.

"Like shit," I reply with a small smile.

"Let me get the doctor, they can give you something for the pain," he says turning to leave.

"Wait. Not yet, tell me what happened first."

"The man who attacked you, we think he was paid off by your father to betray me. To hurt you. We don't know if his goal was to kill you or capture you. Most likely to kill, since there's no way he'd have gotten you out of there alone and survived. The stupid bastard didn't realize it was a suicide mission," the muscle in Nikolai's jaw ticks as he says this, the barely concealed fury flashing behind his eyes.

"What happened to him? How did I survive?"

I wonder how Nikolai knew I was in trouble and saved me.

"Lev, one of my men, noticed that Ivan wasn't at his post and went looking for him. When he heard you cry out over the comms he guessed what must have happened and ran to your room. He shot Ivan just in time. If he hadn't gotten there sooner…" Nikolai breaks off, looking in pain at the thought of how close to death I came. I'm touched by his concern.

"The man, he's dead?" I ask, calmly.

Despite being the one in the hospital bed, I sense it is Nikolai who needs soothing words of comfort right now. I'm just grateful to be alive. I don't think my situation has fully sunk in yet.

"Yes," Nikolai says, no doubt pissed off that he wasn't the one to kill him.

"Good," I reply vehemently, surprised at how happy I am that a man is dead. "How long have I been here?"

"You've been here for almost six days. You were in a coma for three of them, you've been in and out of consciousness since," he informs me.

I'm shocked at how long it's been. I thought perhaps it had only been a few hours, a night at most. No wonder Nikolai seems beside himself with worry for my well-being. I've lost six whole days. Before I can ask any more questions, the doctor returns, bustling in with a chart in hand.

"Mr. Brown, I'm going to have to ask you to leave and give me a minute alone with my patient," she says.

"Anything you have to say to my wife you can say in front of me," Nikolai replies coolly.

An involuntary flush of pleasure rises in my cheeks at hearing Nikolai call him my wife. I have to remind myself that it's a ruse put in place to allow him to visit and know more about my condition, nothing more. I mustn't get ahead of myself here.

"Mr. Brown. That was not a request," she snips, standing her ground and staring him down, not in the least bit afraid.

I don't think I've ever seen anyone speak to Nikolai like that before. To tell him what to do. I let out a giggle at the sheer balls of the woman. I like her. Nikolai looks at me, about to argue.

"I'll be fine," I assure him.

He reluctantly leaves, giving me one last look.

"I'll go and get the others, they're dying to see you."

Once he's out of earshot the doctor looks at me.

"Mrs. Brown. I'm sorry but I have to ask in circumstances like this. Did your husband do this to you?"

I'm taken aback by her question, she thinks Nikolai did this?

"No, he would never hurt me," I reply truthfully. I believe it.

She fixes me with that steely glare of hers, "That's what they all say."

"Really. It wasn't him."

She nods, seeming unconvinced but continues. "Now, I'm sure you're worried and wondering about the baby, but rest assured, everything is fine."

It takes a moment for me to realize what she's just said, I'm so surprised.

"I'm sorry, did you say baby?" I ask, flabbergasted.

It's her turn to look surprised as she realizes. "You didn't know. I thought perhaps you were hiding it from your husband, or that perhaps it's why he might have harmed you…"

"No. No, I had no idea. He doesn't either. How long?" I ask.

"From your beta HGC levels you're around three weeks, too early to be showing signs or having symptoms. I should have realized you were unlikely to know, my apologies," she says looking contrite.

My hand immediately reaches for my stomach. A baby. I'm pregnant. Nikolai and I are going to have a child.

Thoughts of all the reasons why having a child with Nikolai is a terrible idea barely cross my mind. I'm filled with an overwhelming sense of love for this unborn life inside me. I will do anything to protect them. Everything else in my life means nothing now.

"Is he okay? Did the attack harm him?" I ask.

"They're a fighter, just like mom, you're too early for anything to be detected on a scan, but your beta HGC levels have been rising while you've been hospitalized, and there's no bleeding," she says with a small smile.

I return her smile with a broad beam of my own. I'm going to be a mother. I didn't think I could feel this happy, this at peace and resolutely certain about anything or anyone.

I know it's too soon, and yet I have the feeling it's a little boy growing inside me. Who I imagine will have chubby cheeks and azure-blue eyes like his father. One who will grow up to be as strong and handsome as his dad.

"Thank you. Could you… could you please not let Nik… my husband know, I'd like to tell him myself."

"Of course," she says with a nod before leaving.

Right now though, I don't know when or even if I want to tell Nikolai. Whether he would even want this child. Whether I would want to raise my child in this lifestyle of death and violence. My initial instinct tells me to run, that I can't possibly subject a child to the world I grew up in. A world I hate. But the thought of never seeing Nikolai again is almost unbearable. I know he'd never leave the Bratva life, he would never, could never, sacrifice everything he's fought so hard to build.

I have so much to think about and decide. But first, I have to finally confess and tell Nikolai everything—until I do that, there's no knowing what the future holds for us. If there will even be an us.