Chapter 5 - Gina

The wedding was nothing short of hell. A few days have gone by, and I still don’t feel recovered from the stress. I keep thinking about how it was supposed to be the happiest day of my life. Instead, it was full-on torture.

Standing in Bae’s kitchen with my hands wrapped around a cup of coffee, I’m still trying to process the fact that I didn’t just marry Bae. I moved in with him, too.

We even sleep in the same bed.

I literally flinch at the thought. It’s a big bed. So far, we’ve slept in it for three nights and not touched each other once.

The morning after the wedding, Bae was furious that I’d slept at my parents’ house. I didn’t even really intend to abandon him at the reception, I was just so tired from keeping up appearances all night that I had to rest. When Mom asked me if I wanted to go home with her to unwind, I agreed and ended up falling asleep on the couch in my wedding dress.

Bae woke me early and practically hog-tied me to take me back to his place. He started banging on the door at 6 am.

“Gina, are you in there?”

I woke up so suddenly, I almost jumped right off the couch to the floor. For a second, I couldn’t remember where I was.

Waking up in a wedding dress isn’t something you do every day, though.

Bae kept knocking, and I got up as quickly as I could and ran to the door before he could wake the whole neighborhood.

“Will you calm down?” I snapped as I threw the door open. “What’s wrong?”

His amber eyes seemed to glow. I couldn’t tell if he was angry or upset. “You left the wedding,” he said.

I nodded, staring him down. “Yes, I did.”

I enjoyed the tortured look on his face a lot more than I should have.

“But it was supposed to be our wedding night,” he said, sounding almost plaintive.

I stepped back and folded my arms. “I didn’t realize bedding the bride was still a thing here. Were we supposed to do it in front of the pack elders?”

The blush that spread across his cheeks was a beautiful thing to see. He grinned at the idea, and I found myself grinning back.

“As alpha, I’m sure I could reinstate it. Confirmation of consummation doesn’t sound like a bad thing.”

It was too early in the morning, he was too good-looking, and I was wearing a wedding dress. I wasn’t thinking straight at all.

“Consummation itself sounds pretty good,” I muttered.

Bae went very serious and stepped closer to me, reaching for my hand. “Then what are we waiting for?”

Even though I craved that hungry look in his eyes, the idea of fully exposing myself to him and being rejected all over again awakened terror in my soul.

“Don’t count on it,” I whispered, stepping away. “I’ll get my stuff.”

“See that you do,” Bae shot back.

“Don’t worry, you don’t have to put me on a leash!” I cried, no longer worried about not waking up anyone else.

“Doesn’t mean I won’t,” I heard Bae mutter very softly.

Since then, the situation between us has been frosty, to say the least.

I stare absently out the window, the beauty of the nearby forest completely lost on me. My inner turmoil has eclipsed anything I feel for the world around me. I still don’t even know my own emotions towards the entire situation.

At night, when Bailey and I lay down to go to bed together, the tension in the air is palpable. I can feel him beside me, almost as if he’s a glowing, red-hot ember. I’m so careful not to touch him, even to brush up against him accidentally. I know if I do, my body will ignite, and my passion will overcome common sense.

Maybe that’s exactly what I want.

The sharp twist of fear and pain returns to my chest. Bae doesn’t really want me; he made that clear years ago. He just has to deal with this now because I’m his fated mate.

There’s no way I’m going to settle for a pity fuck.

I set my cup down on the counter loud enough to make a loud clunk. I’m done sitting around this place with nothing to do. Today, I’m going out to find a job.

It was very difficult to call my friends in Denver and tell them I wouldn’t be returning. I arranged for the few possessions I had in my apartment to go to storage and terminated my lease. Quitting the club was hardest. I had a lot of friends there, and fans.

Maybe someday, I’ll be able to play again.

I didn’t think we had much of a live music culture in Silver Meadows, but if not, I might work on starting one. In the meantime, though, I just want to keep busy and make myself useful.

Bae leaves fairly early every day to work at his sports store and gym, and is always away all day. He doubles as a personal trainer as well as manager of the retail store. It means we haven’t had much time to talk, except for short, mostly awkward conversations over dinner or breakfast.

He hasn’t suggested that I should work, but I’ll be damned if I’m going to sit around here and do nothing. I also have to have some kind of income. I’m not sure if Bae expects me to pay my way, but it’s important for me to be independent.

I finish my coffee and get changed, choosing a nice skirt and blouse that don’t look too formal. I scrolled around on my phone while I drank my coffee, but this is still such a small town, and there aren’t many job offerings online.

Since I’m without a car, I get a cab to the main street and start cold-canvassing face-to-face. I go through a couple of cafés, the souvenir shop, and the bookstore, chatting with the managers and emailing them a copy of my resume.

I had forgotten what it was like being in a small town. Almost everyone knows my name and remembers me. A few people offer condolences for Grandma. Most people, even if they aren’t related to the pack, seem happy to have me home.

Anyone who didn’t know me before now knows me as the alpha’s mate. The attention embarrasses me a little but also reminds me that I have a responsibility to be a good, kind leader.

I swing by the bakery for a milkshake and donuts, planning to head to the other side of town after a quick snack. While I’m hanging out in the gardens, enjoying a creamy, triple chocolate shake and sugary, crisp donuts, I hear someone call my name.

Turning around, I see Jill walking towards me. My temper spikes a little. I still can’t forgive her.

“Gina!” she says enthusiastically. “How nice to run into you! How have you been?”

“Good, thanks. And you?” I keep my tone light and noncommittal. I don’t really want to get drawn into a long conversation with her.

“Oh, good,” she replies, running a hand through her long, thick blond hair. Back in high school, she was a bit of a geek, kind of like I was. It’s why we were best friends. She’s transformed into a tall, slender beauty with perfect makeup and killer style.

I don’t need this. Especially today.

“That’s good,” I answer, not elaborating. Jill keeps smiling as if everything is okay and there isn’t this horrible rift between us.

A rift that you caused , I say to her in my head. You scarred me for life!

“So, how is Bae?” she asks. Her smile stays warm and friendly, and she looks casual and relaxed, but there’s a hard glint in her eye I don’t like.

“He’s fine,” I say, letting a hard tone creep into my voice. I know I’ve got to get out of here, or I might start crying. I can’t stop thinking about how much she hurt me. It was so obviously deliberate, even cruel. We were best friends!

“Well, I just thought I’d check in, you know. He was pretty upset at the reception.”

I narrow my eyes at her, my lips wrapped around the straw of the milkshake. I don’t want to respond to that.

What is she implying?

There is a moment of awkward silence, and Jill’s smile falters a little. I see that mean look in her eyes again.

“So, what did you get up to when you left town? You went to Denver, didn’t you?”

Now I can feel myself getting annoyed as well as upset. I’m not sure if she’s deliberately trying to trigger me, but I’m not sticking around to find out. I finish my chocolate shake with a loud gurgle as the straw spins around the bottom of the cup.

“I have to go, Jill. I’ve got somewhere to be.”

“Oh, of course. Don’t let me keep you!” She says it with that same false enthusiasm, and I turn my back on her and stride away before she can say anything else. I hurl my trash into a nearby bin with much more force than necessary and head for the next street, which has a long line of shops.

My mood has darkened now, and there’s no help for it. Even though a few of the shops have positions available, no one wants to interview me. While waiting for a cab, I check my email and find most of the shops I went into this morning have rejected my offer after reading my resume.

I’m dangerously fragile on my way home, and I don’t know if I want to scream or cry. I’m looking forward to some time by myself to process, maybe take a hot bath and try to relax. When I see Bae’s car in the driveway, my guts twist as anxiety hits me.

Just what I need.

I pay the driver and head inside, taking a deep breath before I open the door.

“Where the hell have you been?” Bae demands, striding towards me. “Do you have any idea how worried I was when I got back here, and I couldn’t find you?”

“Calm down, Bailey,” I snap at him. “I just went out job hunting.”

He stops and stares at me while I take off my jacket and scarf as if he can’t believe what I just said.

“No,” he says softly but firmly. “Just no.”

“Excuse me?” I can feel my voice getting high, but I don’t care. I turn towards him, putting my hands on my hips. “Are you telling me I can’t look for a job?”

“That’s exactly what I’m telling you,” he growls quietly. He takes a step closer to me and folds his arms across his chest. I stand up as tall as I can, looking up into his pale brown eyes.

“No,” I answer.

“What?” he mutters.

“You don’t get to tell me no!” I cry. “I’m fully entitled to work if I want to. I can’t believe we are even having this conversation!”

“It’s my job to provide for you!” Bae exclaims, throwing his hands up in the air. “What the hell are you even thinking?”

Without realizing it, we’ve gotten closer and closer to each other to the point our noses are almost touching. I’m furious that he could even think about telling me what to do, but when I notice how close we are, the fire in me turns into something else.

Lust begins to burn inside me, just as intensely as it did when I was back in high school, watching him from a distance. So far, being this close to him, touching him, all of it, has been torture.

He doesn’t really want me.

“This marriage isn’t real,” I stammer, my old stutter returning as pain and rejection cut through both my anger and my lust.

I see emotion flash in Bae’s eyes, but I don’t know what it means. I can definitely feel something emanating from him. It feels like he’s just as attracted to me as I am to him.

This can’t be happening. He doesn’t care.

Suddenly, Bae grabs my upper arms and pulls me against his chest. Before I know what’s happening, his lips are pressed up against mine, and all thought and doubt are obliterated by the shock of his hot mouth.

Any arousal I felt for him previously is eclipsed by the sudden white-hot rush of lust that floods through me. It’s as if every single inch of my skin has come alive and is hypersensitive. I press my body against his and wrap my arms around him, running my hands along his back as I fall into his kiss.

Bae’s hands are all over me, too. He squeezes my ass and pulls me against him, making me writhe and thrust my hips towards him. When he grips my waist and bends me backwards, my head falls back, and I open my mouth even wider so he can kiss me more deeply.

Small, helpless moans are rising in my throat, being answered by growls that rumble from deep inside Bae’s chest. I can feel his hunger, his need. The grip of his hands gets tighter as his kisses become even more passionate. I can feel all the resistance in me melting away.

Take me! Oh, fuck yes, take me!

The arousal pounding inside me throbs and burns, begging to be satisfied. I thrust my hips towards him again, and he grabs my ass, squeezing me as he crushes me against his body. Moaning in ecstasy, I wrap my arms around him and reach up with my lips, tangling my tongue with his.

The world drops away from me. All my pain and doubt fall away, and I submit to my own emotions as well as to Bailey’s kisses.

I want this!

I’ve wanted him for so long, I can’t hold back.

Bae’s hands find my breasts, and he groans as he pulls me against him with one arm and squeezes me firmly with the other. Low cries burst from my mouth at every touch, and they are swallowed by his kiss.

“Gina,” he whispers very softly.

It breaks the spell. The sound of his voice speaking my name shocks me back to reality.

What am I doing?

I grab his shoulders and shove him away, staggering so badly, I hit the door behind me and smack against it. My heart is hammering, and my head is swimming, but now it’s got nothing to do with lust.

My chest feels cold. I feel shivery and scared, like I’m about to cry.

No! Please, no, anything but that!

“What’s wrong?” Bae’s confused expression and gentle tone pain me even more. He really doesn’t seem angry at all, just concerned about me.

A joke. Just like everything between us is a terrible joke.

“I can’t,” my voice comes out as a breathy whisper. “This isn’t right.”

Before he can say anything else, I turn and run up the stairs, charging straight to the bathroom and locking the door behind me. I sit on the edge of the tub, my arms wrapped around myself as I breathe deeply, trying to calm myself down.

That was the hottest kiss of my whole damn life!

My nipples still feel hard and tingly, and the throbbing and aching deep inside me has not settled down in the slightest. I want him. I want him more than I’ve ever wanted anyone or anything.

But right beside that desire is a horrible fear that strikes right through my soul. He’s already destroyed me once. How much worse would it be to give myself to him, my body as well as my heart, only to be shamed and rejected all over again?

I could not cope. I really couldn’t.

Hot tears prick at the edges of my eyes, and I let them come. He’s still the same jerk he always was. I’m just a conquest, something for him to own and possess.

He doesn’t love me. And he never will.