Chapter 4 - Bailey

The sounds of the forest are crystal-clear to me as I stare at myself in the mirror. My eyes seem to be reflecting the light, giving me a cold, severe look. I know I should be happy, smiling like a fool on this exciting day. Instead, I look like a miserable bastard.

And why not? It’s not like my bride is happy to be here, so why should I be?

The wedding approached incredibly fast. The pack wanted us married as quickly as possible. Gina stayed with her parents over the last few days while I got my house ready for her to move in. It’s not a fancy event by any means. The ceremony is being set up in a huge barn not far from one of our forest cabins.

That’s why I can hear the animals outside so clearly. Well, that, and my nerves. The sounds of the wilderness should calm me, but instead, they only fuel my rising anxiety.

As if I am the one who wants to escape.

But I don’t. Maybe I want to escape this moment, where I feel trapped and almost panicked, but I don’t want to escape this wedding.

Not like Gina does.

The thought causes a sharp twist in my chest, as if my heart is beating around a jagged blade. I fucked up. I hurt her. She has every right to feel the way she does. It doesn’t make it any easier for me.

“You alright in there, bro?” Jack’s voice calls as he knocks lightly on the door.

“Yeah!” I yell back, still staring into my own eyes as I adjust my bowtie. I can’t help but wonder what Gina will think when she looks at me.

I remember whenever I caught her eye back in high school, she’d be staring at me with adoration. I fed off it, even as I rejected it. It seems so stupid to me now that I’ve always thought she was beautiful, but never allowed myself to admit it.

I thought I had to win the pack’s favor to become alpha. I shunned Gina because other guys did, too. They said she was boring, fat, quiet and weird. I was so afraid that if I showed any interest in her, they would think the same of me.

Now I know, it is my duty to lead the pack. I could have chosen her, made her worthy by that decision. Instead, I fell prey to my own insecurities, and now it’s too late to change what I did.

“Seriously, bro,” Jack mutters, knocking again. “What’s the deal?”

“Struggling with my bowtie,” I growl. I’m not lying. The thing just won’t sit straight.

Even though this is a small, informal wedding, we’ve still gone to some effort. Both families want some nice pictures. This event will be remembered for a long time. Not just by us, but all the pack members who come after.

Our children, and our children’s children.

The thought fills me with excitement. The pack will be so strong with me as alpha and a den mother like Gina. The idea is thrilling enough on its own, but as I allow myself to sink into the how of the situation, my body seems to melt.

I’ve hardly seen Gina since the day she arrived. We discussed the wedding plans completely without her input. She barely looked at me the whole time. We parted ways, preparations for the wedding began, and Gina’s grandmother’s funeral was held.

The funeral was an even smaller event than our wedding. Just a few pack members attended the burial, where everyone could say a few words. Gina looked drawn and tired, and it wasn’t appropriate for me to attempt to speak with her then.

Even standing there by the grave, her scent was driving me wild. It was almost like my blood was dancing in my veins, and goosebumps were rising all over me. The same sensation as my hackles rising when I’m amping up for the hunt.

“I’m going to break the door down!” Jack says, jiggling the doorknob. I sigh as I give up on my bowtie and turn around to let him in.

Jack is more nervous than I am. He still doesn’t fully approve of the wedding, and I don’t really blame him. Even though we stayed best friends after the prom, he never really let me forget that I was the reason Gina left town.

Jack can’t judge me too harshly—it’s not like he stood up for his sister, either. He never teased her in public like I did, but he was happy to stay silent and let it go on.

He knows me so well, he has to have guessed how I really feel about her.

“Let me take a look,” Jack mutters, grasping the ends of the tie and tugging on them as if he’d like to choke me. I can’t imagine how he’s feeling right now. He supports me becoming the alpha; he always has. He’s even honored that it’s his sister standing beside me. But he’s still worried she could get hurt.

Maybe he worries about that because he failed to protect her in the past.

I want to tell him I’m bound to her now. Nothing can change that. As my mate, she is the most important thing in the world to me, and I could never let her go.

I’m just not sure any of that would help. Especially if he hasn’t guessed my true feelings.

“There,” Jack says, tugging on the tie and turning me around. The little strip of gray silk is neatly arranged at my throat, covering the collar of my white shirt. My suit is a dark charcoal gray, and all the groomsmen are in black.

“Who else is out there?” I ask, staring at my own reflection.

“Cody, Ben, Seth. The usual.”

“No elders?”

“Nope. They’re at the barn, waiting for you.”

“Figures,” I mutter, rolling my shoulders to adjust the jacket sleeves.

When Jack turns to leave, I follow him, glad to see my friends waiting for me. If I ever had to march into hell, these would be the boys I’d choose to walk with me.

We head out the back towards the barn, decorated with wicker and evergreen leaves. The few wildflowers available for the season have been hung around the entranceways. I hurry down the aisle, smiling and nodding as I take my place.

Carson shakes my hand as I reach the platform. He conducts all the official ceremonies as head elder, including weddings and funerals.

As my groomsmen take their places, music starts to play. I realize this is it—it’s happening. Gina is about to enter the barn, and I’m going to marry her.

My breath quickens, and I feel sweat running down my sides. I’m nervous, sure, but I’m eager to see Gina above all else. All I’ve done over the past few days is think about her, ache for her, and dream about her.

Will I ever be able to make it up to her?

Before my thoughts can twist on this, there is a movement at the doorway, and all my attention narrows to one fixed point.

Gina .

The light is glowing behind her, tracing her silhouette. Her white gown sparkles as if stars have been threaded into the white lace. A low neckline reveals her big, round breasts, and the tight waist of the dress enhances her curves.

She takes slow steps forward, every movement of her legs swishing the light skirts around her. Her inky black hair is pulled up behind her head, with glossy curls falling across her shoulders. She hasn’t taken her eyes off me since she came through the door, but her expression remains completely impassive.

She carries herself with an assured confidence I’ve never seen before. She used to mutter, whisper, and stutter. Under her loose, baggy clothes, she looked thick and heavy. Every word was awkward, and she was painfully clumsy.

The woman walking towards me now is light years away from that girl I knew. My chest feels tight, and my head swims a little. I’ve completely lost my ability to think or speak.

Gina steps up onto the platform, handing her bouquet to her mother, who is the maid of honor. I turn towards her, holding out my hands. Gina takes them in her own, and I’m surprised to find her hands are cool and her grip is firm.

She’s not trembling, cold, or sweating. She’s not nervous at all.

Carson begins the ceremony, and I stare into Gina’s eyes, trying to get some hint of how she feels. Throughout the ceremony, her face stays impassive, her eyes calm. Maybe even calculating.

When it comes time for vows, I’m the one who stutters a little. Gina repeats the words without faltering. When I slip the ring on her finger, she flinches a little, but it’s the only sign I’ve seen all day that suggests she’s not happy.

When we turn towards the crowd, everyone claps and cheers. Music starts playing, and the reception begins immediately, with food, drink, tables, and chairs already set up on the other side of the barn.

As Gina and I step down from the platform, people rush forward to congratulate us. Gina lets go of my hand and takes a long step away from me, even though she smiles welcomingly and speaks warmly to the others. I step towards her again, holding out my hand, but she dodges me artfully so no one notices she is deliberately avoiding my touch.

I’m about to push the issue when Jack claps me hard on the shoulder. “Good going, buddy!” he says, wrapping an arm around my shoulders to give me a squeeze. “You’ve tied the knot.”

“All sorted now,” Cody agrees, handing me a beer. “Onwards and upwards, right?”

“Right!” I say, grinning. I take a big sip of beer and join in the conversation, letting the guys lead me into the crowd. Plenty of people want to talk to me, and Carson makes a short speech about how bright the future of the pack is with such a strong alpha and his beautiful mate.

I seem to spend the entire night chasing Gina. No matter how hard I try to get near her, she is always on the opposite side of the room. Even once the dancing starts, she manages to avoid my grasp until her mother quite literally shoves her into my arms.

“You almost forgot to dance with your husband!” she says to her daughter, laughing. I’m sure it’s clear to her that Gina has been avoiding me, but she’s handling it well.

I simply hold out my hand and wait for Gina to take it, sweeping her onto the floor and putting an arm around her waist when she gets close to me.

“Are you trying to stay away from me?” I growl softly.

Gina’s face hardly changes, her slight smile and hard eyes practically glaring up at me. “Yes,” she says simply, and my hands loosen on her waist. I’m shocked. I didn’t expect her to admit it.

“Why?” I can’t help but ask, even though I know there are a lot of reasons.

She doesn’t answer, just tilts her head slightly and looks over my shoulder. For just a second, I see a sheen of tears in her eyes, and her mouth twists a little. I feel her hands tighten on me, and as our bodies get closer together, I hear her sigh.

She doesn’t want to let go of me.

Being this close to her, my hands holding her against my body, is affecting me far worse than I thought it would. Her scent fills my nostrils, making my head spin. I pull her even closer to me, dreaming of my tongue caressing her skin and licking up that wonderful taste.

I can almost feel the soft skin between her breasts as I imagine tracing it with my lips. My hands tighten a little as I think about filling them with those gorgeous, huge, soft breasts and squeezing them. A soft moan slips out of my mouth as my fantasy grows in strength.

I feel her small hands twitch. When I look up into her eyes, I see a moment of complete, unbridled lust.

She feels it, too!

Abruptly, she lets go of me. The song finishes, and she steps away and fades into the crowd. I’m completely maddened by her retreat and almost chase her down, but I’m immediately surrounded by well-wishers again.

I can’t believe I’m being kept away from my wife—on my wedding night!

The party runs late, and people don’t start to wind down until after midnight. I’m looking for Gina in the thinning crowd when one of the bridal party—Jill—tells me she already left.

“What?” I say, unable to accept the words. “What do you mean, left?”

“She had sore feet from the heels,” Jill says, standing close to me and rubbing my arm. “I told her she should go and have a rest. It’s been a big day for her, after all.”

“But… it’s our wedding night!”

“I know,” Jill says sympathetically. “But you know Gina. She’s just a bit… different.”

She sure is.

“Well, where did she go?” I ask impatiently.

“I’m not sure,” Jill says with an air of confusion. “Maybe back to her mom’s, or here at the cabin. The party isn’t done yet, though. Why don’t you come and have a drink, or dance with me a little? The music will improve when the elders head off home.”

“No, thank you,” I mutter, stepping away from her.

I can see my friends and other young pack members hanging out, still partying, but I have no urge to join them. There is only one thing I want, and that is Gina.

What a great start to our life together!