Chapter 18

18

BEN

“So how’s the baby doing?”

I’m in the workout room at the practice facility and I’m undertaking my next assignment from Mabel – to strike up a conversation with one of my teammates that’s not about hockey.

Alfie smiles. “He’s doing great.”

Alfie and his wife, Ayla, had a baby about six months ago, a little guy named Kane.

“Growing like crazy,” he adds. “Even sleeps through the night.”

I grin. “I don’t know much about babies, but I know that’s a good thing.”

“Yeah. It’s hard because Ayla’s still nursing and she’s the one who has to get up to feed him. We’re gonna start giving him a bottle so I can do it sometimes, but she didn’t want any nipple confusion.”

Oh, boy. “That would be bad,” I say. I don’t even know what that is.

“Yeah, we had a hard time getting him to latch on at first.”

This conversation is not going any way I anticipated. I’m sweating even more than I was as I pedal on the bike.

“But breast is best!” he says cheerfully. “Ayla was upset about it because she thought it was something she was doing wrong, and she was determined to breastfeed. But we met with a lactation consultant, and she said it wasn’t Ayla, it was Kane, the lazy little bum. He was too lazy to suck.”

I want to jump off this bike and get the hell out of here. I swipe my forehead.

“Anyway, we got through that and the little guy loves the boob now.”

“Great.” I search for another topic. Anything. Anything .

“I still can’t believe I’m a dad,” he says.

“Yeah, that must be quite a life change.”

“No shit. Projectile vomiting, poop exploding out of the diaper, endless crying…” He laughs. “Keeping a small human alive is kind of terrifying. But also… wow. It really changes your perspective on a lot of things. Like, so much stupid shit doesn’t really matter.”

“I can see that. That small human must become the most important thing in your life.”

“Yeah, exactly. Sometimes it’s hard adjusting to that, but other times it’s…” He pauses, staring across the workout room. “It just is. Because I love him more than anything.”

I’ve always thought I’ll have kids… someday. But seeing Alfie head over hockey skates with his little guy tugs at something in my chest.

“Well, I’m done.” Alfie climbs off the bike.

“Yeah, me too.” I grab a towel and mop my face, ready to hit the shower.

Okay, I did it. Now to report back to Mabel.

Just thinking about her makes my blood run faster.

Since that night we ended up in my bed, we’ve been banging every chance we get. Which is a challenge because Smitty’s around all the damn time. I know, I know, it’s his apartment. Now I’m more eager than ever to move into my own place. Only a few more weeks.

After the All-Star break we lost three games in a row. But since then, we’ve been playing better and it gives me hope that we can turn things around. Since I went off the deep end that night, we’ve been working on different things, and it feels like everyone’s trying harder. I’m trying harder, too. Since losing my shit didn’t seem to hurt anything, I’ve been speaking out more. I’m trying to be positive when I see good stuff. And I’m trying to be encouraging when I see other things we need to be better at. I’m trying to walk the talk, to lift the other guys up instead of being down on them, to help them when I can, and to work my ass off, too.

We also had a one-game trip to Charleston to play our nemesis. This was one game I really wanted to play well. In the room before the game, I channeled Super Duper Marc Dupuis and called out some of the guys with what we need from them tonight. Chopper… Alfie… Archie… Turks.

And we won, goddammit.

A few wins can change a lot. Our confidence is higher, our motivation stronger. It feels good.

Smitty and I came to practice together today, so we go home together, which means he’s there when Mabel arrives home from another job interview. She’s been called back for a couple of second interviews, but so far no actual job offers. It’ll happen. She’s definitely working at it and I admire how confident and composed she is. I’ve never seen her at work, but somehow I know she’s a great librarian.

“Hi,” I greet her. “How did it go?”

“It was good.” She sighs. “But the job’s not exactly what I want.”

“You can’t be so picky,” Smitty tells her.

“I know, I know.” She drops her purse on the dining table. “I was excited because it’s the New York Public Library, but it’s at their business resource center.”

“Which means…?” I lift an eyebrow.

“It’s resources about personal finance, investing, small business stuff.” She makes a face. “It would be okay and I wouldn’t turn it down, but I like working with kids. At least some of the time.”

“Right.”

“So, we’ll see.” She shrugs. “I’m starving.” She walks to the fridge and opens it.

She’s dressed in an interview outfit, which for her is slightly less, uh, funky than her usual style. Long flowy pants pool on the floor as she bends over to peer in the fridge, which makes the pants tighten over her round ass. She straightens with a container of yogurt in her hand, turns and catches me ogling her. She smirks.

I glance right away at Smitty, but he’s looking at his phone. I need to be careful about looking at Mabel when he’s around. I have a hard time keeping my eyes off her, though. Also my hands.

She grabs a spoon and leans on the counter. The fitted shirt she wears hugs her tits and a leather belt emphasizes her narrow waist. Her hair is in a neat librarian ponytail. “Did you do your homework?” she asks me, dipping the spoon into the yogurt.

“I did. I talked to Alfie.” I pause. “About breastfeeding.”

She grins and Smitty even looks up. “Breastfeeding?”

I shrug. “That’s what new parents talk about, apparently. Also projectile vomiting and poopy diapers.”

“That’s great.” Mabel nods approvingly. “Good work. What should we work on next?”

“Well. The fundraiser is coming up in a couple of weeks.”

“Lots of time for that. I think you should keep having those one-on-one conversations with your teammates.”

It went okay today, so I agree.

“You’ve been talking more in the dressing room,” Smitty notes.

Mabel perks up. “You have?”

“Yeah.”

“It’s making a difference,” Smitty adds.

“That is great!” I love her pleased smile.

“Also, your new wardrobe is getting big ups on the socials.” He holds up his phone. “People are noticing.”

“Oh. Good?”

Mabel laughs. “Yeah, that’s good. Show me.” She bends over Smitty to peer at his phone. “‘Nothing wild, but stylish, classy, and tasteful,’” she reads. “Um… oh! ‘This blue checked sports jacket is outstanding, a bit more casual but still elegant. It’s nice seeing Antonov try different things.’ Woop!” She turns around and blinds me with a smile. “There you go!”

I grin. “I guess I’ll take it.”

“Yeah, you will.” She saunters back toward me. “Hey, you should organize a get-together for the guys. Like a team-building event, but informal. Just hanging out.”

“Like axe throwing?” I ask dryly.

“Sure! Or an escape room. Or that bar with the pinball machines. You could have a pinball tournament.”

I rub my beard. “That could be fun.”

“I’ll help. I mean, a bit. Behind the scenes. Let’s look at your schedule and see what would work.”

I’m not a guy who throws parties. I can be social when I have to, but hosting a party scares me. What if nobody comes? Or… even worse… one or two people come? But this is definitely something a captain would do. So I man up and do it. I’ll tell everyone about it tomorrow and send a text with details to the group chat for the team.

Smitty disappears while we’re working on this, then comes back to announce he has an appointment for a haircut.

“It’s about time,” Mabel says, but her smile is teasing.

When he’s gone, we look at each other.

“How long do you think we have?” she asks.

“An hour?”

“That’s not long.”

“We better be quick then.”

She laughs, a delighted musical sound that I’m coming to love, grabs my hand, and drags me to my bedroom.

“You have so many books,” she says a while later as she gets dressed. She studies the pile on the dresser.

“This isn’t even all of them. Most are in storage until I move in.”

She nods. “Me, too. I couldn’t bring all my books. They’re at my parents’ place.” She moves to inspect the titles. “You must like David Aaldenberg.”

“Yeah.” He writes historical stuff. I have a few of his books. “That one’s about the Cold War.”

“I know.” She smiles at me. “I’ve read it. What else do you like? Oooh, thrillers. Is this good?” She holds up a paperback.

“Yeah, I liked it. It has a really tricky plot.”

“Cool.” She sighs. “I can’t wait to have my own place and all my things.”

“Oh yeah, same.”

I hear Smitty coming home. “Ah, shit,” I mutter.

Pursing her lips, Mabel grabs a book and walks out with it. “Thanks, I’ll return this to you when I’m done!” she calls to me over her shoulder. “Oh, hey, Marek. Your hair looks good.”

I close my eyes and shake my head. We’re playing with fire here. I’m starting to think I should just come clean with my buddy. Hey, I’m fucking your sister. Just thought you should know. The thought makes me cringe. I don’t know what else to tell him, though. It feels like more than just fucking. But I made that mistake once, the first time I slept with a girl. I told her I loved her and then never saw her again. I can have casual relationships with a woman; I’ve done that lots. But calling whatever this is between me and Mabel “casual” doesn’t feel quite right. It feels… disrespectful.

And yet Mabel’s not serious about this. She’s been clear that she’s not interested in a relationship and who can blame her after what she went through with Julian the super prick? Only I’m not Julian and I’m not a super prick… would it be so bad to get involved with me?

Fuck, I can’t think like that.