35. Harper

35 /

harper

Time slowed to a crawl as the intern led us through the hotel corridors. Holky walked beside him, while Gabe and I trailed behind. I wanted to run, to escape whatever bad news was waiting, but my legs were trembling too much. Gabe steadied me with a hand on my back when I stumbled around a corner.

We entered the small, dimly lit lobby where Caleb stood near the front desk, tapping a fist against his leg. His expression was unreadable as he nodded at me and stepped forward, extending a hand. "Thank you for seeing me, Harper. I know how busy you must be."

"Why are you here?" I was in no mood for pleasantries. "Is something wrong with Luca?"

He didn't respond, but the flicker of concern in his eyes was all the confirmation I needed.

"What is it?" I fought to keep my wavering voice steady. "Is he okay?"

Caleb's eyes darted around the room before settling on me. "Is there someplace we can talk privately?"

"For fuck's sake, just tell me if he's hurt."

He shook his head. "Not like you're thinking. But can we please go somewhere more private?"

Gabe stepped up beside me. "Go to the quiet lounge. No one will be there this time of night. If they want quiet, they'll go to bed."

I glanced between Holky and Gabe. If something serious was wrong with Luca—and why else would Caleb have come?—I'd need their support.

Holky tapped Gabe's arm. "Let's go play something on my Switch." Then, looking at me, he added, "You know where to find us."

"Thanks, guys." I nodded at Caleb. "Come with me."

I led him down another hallway to the quiet lounge, a room filled with sofas and armchairs. After closing the door, I pointed at a sofa. We sat down, angling ourselves toward each other, and I gave him a hard look. "Tell me what's going on. You didn't come all this way just to say hi."

Caleb fidgeted with his hands before making eye contact. "I saw Luca this afternoon. Physically, he's okay."

His careful choice of words set off alarms in my mind. "You were in Buffalo? Or did he go to Chicago?"

"Buffalo. It's…" He trailed off, looking uncomfortable.

My pent-up anger boiled over. "What game are you playing? Do you have any idea of the hell you caused? And now you're back?" A horrible thought hit me. "Did Luca ask you to come?"

"He doesn't know I'm here." Caleb's voice rose, but he regained control. "I understand why you're pissed at me, but please listen. This isn't about me. It's about Luca's well-being and your relationship. Let me finish, then you can yell all you want."

I scrubbed a hand over my face, trying to stay calm. "I'm scared, Caleb. Please tell me what's going on with Luca."

"Full disclosure, he told me what happened between you two. I feel awful about my part in it, but as I said, this isn't about me. After you left for camp, Luca… he deteriorated."

"What the hell does that mean? Speak fucking English." Though I felt like strangling Caleb, I forced myself to sit back and wait.

"You know he's struggled with depression before, right?"

"Yes." A cold dread settled in my stomach.

"It got bad after you left the first time, but he pulled himself together when you came back to talk. Then you left again—to come here, right?"

I nodded.

"After that, he went downhill drastically. Stopped eating, wouldn't talk to anyone—just stayed in bed all day. He said he messaged you, but your replies didn't tell him much. Then you didn't text at all."

"There was only one day like that, and it was an accident. My phone… I don't know, I typed a message but must not have sent it." My words felt weak as I tried to explain.

Caleb tilted his head. "How could that happen?"

"It's fucking busy here. This is a professional training camp, in case you didn't notice." I held up a hand, fighting for control. "Maybe I was interrupted. I don't know, but I texted him the next day and explained." When Caleb said nothing, I added, "He never responded."

Caleb stared at me, flipping his hair back with a gesture that made my blood boil. He'd done the same thing the morning I'd gone upstairs. "Why the fuck are you here, anyway? And if Luca's so upset about that one goddamn day, why hasn't he replied? Fuck that, why isn't he here asking me himself?" A terrible thought hit me. "Don't tell me he sent you to break up with me."

"Like I said, he doesn't know I'm here, and he'd be mad as hell if he did."

As teammates shouted in another part of the building, I struggled to control my anger so I didn't break Caleb's jaw.

He took a deep breath. "How much do you know about depression?"

"Too much. My mom went through it when I was in high school."

"Then you'll understand better than most. Luca took some crackers and water upstairs, but he couldn't eat anything. He was incredibly upset and only got out of bed to use the bathroom. This went on for about two weeks, I think, and when you didn't text him that time, he thought you'd decided to break things off. His phone died, but it took him a few days to find the charger. By then, he'd gotten sick. His system was shutting down because of stress and lack of nutrition."

"He didn't eat at all, just went to bed? Who does that? No wonder he got sick."

"He wasn't thinking clearly, Harper."

"No shit." Dread gnawed at the edges of my mind, but anger was safer than fear. "He could've still texted even if he wasn't feeling well."

Caleb leaned in, close enough for me to smell a faint trace of his cologne. "After Luca found the charger and his phone came back to life, he passed out before he could read your messages. At some point, he woke up enough to call 911."

My heart pounded so hard I put a hand on my chest. "The fuck?"

"The paramedics found him on the floor and took him to the hospital. Once the doctors got him stabilized, they realized he was depressed and transferred him to the psych ward. They didn't give him his phone until today, so he only saw your messages a few hours ago."

My stomach bottomed out, and I lowered my head to hide the tears in my eyes. I didn't know where Caleb stood in all this, and I wasn't about to give him the satisfaction of seeing me break down. "If he saw the texts, why hasn't he called?"

"He's scared you'll be mad because he didn't reply sooner. And he's ashamed of where he is, afraid you might judge him for it."

The words hit me in the gut, and I blinked back tears as I looked up. "He's an idiot. How could he think I'd judge him for that?"

Caleb placed a hand on my knee. "There's more. He's planning to check himself out tomorrow so he can come here."

"He hasn't been there long. Is he ready to leave?"

"I don't think so, and there's apparently a question about whether he's there voluntarily. He thinks he is, but his chart says he isn't. He says he'll leave whether it's voluntary or not because…"

I scoffed. "Because what? Don't stop now."

"He has some things he wants to tell you in person."

My anger disappeared, replaced by desperation. "Is he out of his mind? He can't just leave."

"He will, though. You know how stubborn he is."

The world narrowed to a single, terrifying fact: if I'd gotten over myself sooner and told Luca I wanted to stay together, none of this would be happening. After the week in D.C., I never doubted I wanted to be with him. I just worried I wasn't good enough to be what he needed. Now he was hurting worse than I could imagine, and it was my fault.

My self-control shattered, and I cried so hard I shook. Caleb pulled me into his arms and held me while I sobbed against his shoulder. In the unlikeliest twist of fate, I found myself being comforted by the man who'd caused all this misery. "Luca is everything to me," I choked out. "I love him, but now…"

When the tears finally stopped, Caleb sat up but kept his hands on my arms. "You need to talk to him, Harper. Can you go to Buffalo?"

My decision was already made, and there was no time to waste. "How did you get here?"

"Drove."

I stood up. "Will you take me to Luca?"

Caleb nodded while he got to his feet. "That's what I was hoping you'd say."