26. Harper

26 /

harper

Eckie climbed out of the pool and joined Jack and me in the nearby chaises. Faint noises from Levi playing with his nanny were the only sounds except the pool pump. It had been this way since I arrived—them waiting patiently for me to talk, and me putting it off. I'd told them what happened in Buffalo, but nothing about my feelings.

"Have you spoken to Luca yet?" Jack's voice was soft.

"No. I told him we'd talk when I got back."

"He's been texting you though, hasn't he?" Eckie asked.

I glanced at them, then stared at the rose bushes on the far side of their backyard. "Every day."

"Have you responded?" Eckie asked.

"No. Nothing to say."

The D.C. weather was miserable, but the heat and humidity were nothing compared to the hellish jungle in my brain. I wondered for the millionth time if Luca had fucked Caleb that night. The thoughts ran in an endless loop, tormenting me more each time they spun around. Luca had sworn nothing happened, but as much as I wanted to believe him, I couldn't escape what I'd seen.

"Excuse me for saying so, but that's bullshit."

I turned to look at Jack. "What?"

"It's bullshit, Harpy. You need to answer him."

Irritation gnawed at me, and my voice came out sharper than I intended. "There's nothing to say. I'll talk to him when I get back, like I promised."

"And say what?" Eckie asked. "Have you thought about that?"

"Tell him it's over, I guess. It was a mistake to start with, and we're lucky it ended before both of us got hurt worse than we did."

"Not so fast." Jack let out a long sigh. "Are you sure you want to end it? You've been waiting a long time for a good man, and leaving him is a huge decision."

"A good man?" I snapped. "A man who's still in love with someone who screwed him over years ago? He fucked Caleb the first chance he got even though we were together. I can't live like that. I don't share well, and I sure as hell can't live my life as a distant second to someone Luca would rather be with."

"Harpy." The intensity in Eckie's voice had me turning in his direction. "That's a lot to unpack, but let's start with the sex. You told me the other day you weren't sure Luca and Caleb fucked."

My mind was caught in a storm of emotions as images from years earlier flickered through my brain: Manny's face, the stranger in his underwear beside the bed, the wrinkled sheets. The brazen defiance in the man's eyes had dared me to question what had happened. It had been the same with Caleb, strutting around in his underwear that morning in Luca's apartment. He'd looked at me without the least bit of shame, and when I asked where Luca was, he tossed out a casual, "Still upstairs." He wanted to be sure I knew what had happened.

A distant siren brought me out of my trance, and I cried out, "Coffee!"

Eckie put a hand on my back. "What?"

"Caleb offered me coffee when I was storming out that morning. There was no way he thought I'd want something to drink. He wanted to make it clear that he didn't care how I felt."

"It sounds pretty damn cold," Jack said, "but Eckie's right. When you got here, you told us you weren't a hundred percent certain they'd fucked."

The irritation I'd tamped down earlier roared to the surface. "Fucking, blow jobs, hand jobs, frotting—what's the difference? I found Luca lying in the bed they'd shared. He hadn't even done a good job of putting his boxers on, and he was still hard. When he jumped out of bed, his dick was sticking out of the fly."

Jack's eyes widened, and a few beats went by before Eckie said, "We all get morning wood. You said you woke him up."

"For fuck's sake, there were cum stains on the sheets. Don't you think I know what those look like?"

We all went quiet again, and as the water lapped against the edge of the pool, my heart began slowing down. After a moment, Jack put a meaty hand on top of mine. "I've been cheated on, and it about killed me. If that's what Luca did, he's a horrible bastard. But you guys are just getting started, and it sounds like what you have is a lot of circumstantial evidence. I still think you should reply to his texts."

"I was the worst of the worst," Eckie said. "You know that because you saw it at Mohegan. There's no telling how many people I hurt, but even when I was at rock bottom, I didn't always do awful things."

"And you?—"

"It's possible for things to look bad but not be bad. If Luca really wanted to let you sleep a few hours, he may have jerked off and shot his load all over the place."

Jack nodded. "I jerk off a lot when Eckie and I can't be together."

"Maybe he jacked off, then some leaked out after he went to sleep," Eckie said. "That's happened to me before."

Jack agreed. "There are other possible explanations beside them fucking, Harpy. Maybe Luca wanted a snack and spilled yogurt in bed."

"Bullshit." They meant well, but my blood pressure was spiking. I struggled to keep my voice down. "Yogurt doesn't look like cum."

"Yes, it does," Eckie said. "I know because Levi spilled some once. Want to do an experiment and see?"

My vision darkened as a rush of anger hit me in the gut. Why were they defending Luca? They were supposed to be my friends, and they should have been sympathizing with me, not telling me to talk to the person who'd broken my heart. Why would I want to talk to Luca, anyway? Fuck him for hurting me so much. How could he have done it? I clenched my fists so tightly they ached. "I don't need experiments, but thank you for caring. I've got to swim."

In one explosive motion, I jumped off my chaise and launched myself into the pool. The cool water was a shock, but it did nothing to kill the inferno raging inside. Lap after lap, I churned through the water, trying to outrun the pain that was tearing me apart. Sobs wracked my body, and my breath came in such ragged gasps I nearly strangled from inhaling water. I kicked harder, hoping the splashes would deaden the sound of my cries.

My energy vanished in the middle of the pool, and I sank like a stone. Eckie dove in and hauled me onto the pool deck, where I curled into a fetal position, gasping for air. He sat beside me, holding my hand. When my breathing finally steadied, he leaned closer. His big dark eyes reminded me of Luca's, and—fuck me—I started crying again.

"I'm sorry you're going through this," Eckie said. "Jack and I love you, and you're welcome to stay as long as you want. But would you please do me one favor?"

I nodded.

"Text Luca and let him know you got here safely. Since you promised to talk when you go home, you don't need to say anything about last weekend or what might happen."

"It's not that fucking easy."

"If you shut him out completely, it'll seem like you've already made up your mind. I don't think you have, and he deserves to know you're safe."

Eckie squeezed my hand, and I squeezed back. He was right; whatever had happened, Luca deserved to know I hadn't died somewhere by the side of the road.