14. Luca

14 /

luca

The camera flashed, momentarily blinding me, but I forced a smile that would probably look fake in the photo. This week, I was modeling the uniforms of all the pro teams. I was on my third outfit change of the day, and the artificial cheer was wearing thin. Normally, I prided myself on making it through a session with energy to spare, but now, I couldn't shake the memory of tangled sheets and strangled moans.

I relived the way Harper had shuddered under my touch and begged for more. My heart somersaulted when I remembered how he'd clung to me in the quiet moments between fucks, whispering about which fantasy he wanted to try next. He was extraordinary, and though he couldn't have been more different from Caleb, the emotions he stirred within me were similar.

But beneath the fiery passion, fear twisted in my gut. Despite yesterday's resolve to be careful, I was becoming vulnerable. Letting anyone in, especially someone as amazing as Harper, felt like walking a thin line over a deep abyss. Memories of Caleb lingered in the corners of my heart, a constant reminder of… what exactly? My soul wanted to say "devastating betrayal" even though my mind knew better. If I could focus on caring about Harper, I could get Caleb back in the slot where he belonged, a good friend.

I wasn't using Harper, though. I'd asked him to date, and I wanted things to work, at least for a while. Could I open myself enough to make what we had genuine? Or would I remain stuck in emotional inertia, hurting the man I already liked so much, and simultaneously dooming myself to an eternity of loneliness?

After yet another uniform change, more sprayed sweat, and what felt like a hundred forced smiles, the photographer became an asshole and yelled at me. "You fucking lost it. I asked for the look you have after someone scores on you. Have you ever done a photo shoot before?"

"Eat shit. Good photographers know how hard this is, and you haven't even given me a break. I need fifteen."

Stalking away, I took refuge in my dressing room. After toweling off the mixture of real and fake sweat, I curled up in the cheap armchair they provided. Modeling was hard work, and if the photographer was a jerk, it was almost impossible to do a good job.

My phone chimed while I tried to relax. Curious about who was texting, I got up and dug it out of the jeans I'd left hanging on a hook.

HARPER: I had such an amazing time with you. Want to grab dinner tonight?

The message sparked a surge of excitement. I'd promised to text him after I got home, but it seemed like he couldn't wait. I broke into a smile as I sat down and typed a reply.

LUCA: That sounds perfect. I've been missing you.

The lightness in my chest made me giddy. Could Harper be as excited about us as I was? That would be terrific, but —us ? Did dating mean there was an us ? Preoccupied with that thought, I almost dropped the phone when it chimed again.

HARPER: I'm missing you, too. 7:30? I saw an Italian place over on Pearl. Is it any good?

LUCA: Amalfi? Only my favorite place in the neighborhood. Pick you up at 7:30, handsome.

HARPER: I'm excited about seeing you.

HARPER: I'm kind of sore too.

HARPER: I love it, though. You're so good at fucking.

HARPER: Ugh. Sorry, inappropriate.

I laughed out loud.

LUCA: Do you mean I left something awesome for you to remember me by?

HARPER: Drop that ego down a size or two. I only meant you must have had a lot of practice.

Emotions swept through me—a sense of pride in what I'd made him feel, along with a protective instinct I hadn't experienced for a long time. It blew my mind that someone so incredible could be as sex-starved as he was, but I was determined to satisfy him in every way possible.

LUCA: You really liked it, then?

HARPER: Liked what?

LUCA: LOL. My cock in your ass, making you beg for more. Getting spanked and held down. Me owning you.

When no response came, I tried again.

LUCA: You did like it, right? Enough to want more?

He still didn't reply, so I sent another message. Harper may have pleaded for sex in bed, but I was the beggar now, needing confirmation that we could do it all again.

LUCA: We're being honest about our feelings, remember?

HARPER: I wouldn't turn it down. :)

I laughed so hard I clapped a hand over my mouth.

LUCA: Tell me what you want. In detail.

Eager to hear his latest fantasy, I drummed my fingers on the chair while I waited.

HARPER: Come to my apt. Push me to my knees and choke me with your dick. Shoot your load on my face, then lick it off and feed it to me.

Holy fucking hell. My cock roared to life, getting so hard in a few seconds that I almost nutted in my shorts.

LUCA: I am so hard right now.

LUCA: That's what you want tonight?

HARPER: That about covers it, at least until after dinner.

Hm. After dinner, maybe I'd indulge my own fantasies. I was trying to decide which one when the photographer's assistant knocked on the door and said I had two minutes.

LUCA: See you at 7:30. And don't worry, you'll get what's coming to you.

My blood was rushing in my ears, so I tried to will my heart under control. Yes, there would be lots of hot sex tonight, but the evening was also a chance to build our connection. Learning about each other would help us enjoy dating more.

I'd just slipped my phone back into my jeans when a social media notification pinged, so I pulled it back out. Caleb had posted a picture of himself on a beach somewhere, sporting sunburned skin and a carefree smile. My chest clenched as another photo came through, this one of Caleb and Daniel toasting over what looked like lunch. Trying to swallow the bitterness flooding my mouth, I put the phone away and went back to faking it for the camera.

I arrived home with time to relax before meeting Harper. After chugging a bottle of water, I went to the bedroom and set an alarm for seven o'clock. My phone rang before I could undress. Caleb wanted to FaceTime, so I accepted the call, thinking a short conversation might help me unwind.

"Hi, Luki. How's it going?"

My stomach soured when I heard the nickname only Nonna and Caleb called me. I used to love hearing it from him, but tonight it seemed too intimate. He was less sunburned than in the photos he'd posted earlier, and I recognized his living room in the background. Flopping onto the bed, I tried not to frown. "Doing good, thanks. I thought you were at the beach."

He explained they'd taken a long weekend in Florida a few weeks back, but he'd only gotten around to posting pictures today.

"I'm sure you had fun." Wanting to keep things light, I asked, "How's your job?"

"It's okay. I'm still doing scut work, sorting documents for discovery." Caleb was an associate in a Chicago law firm, which kept him busy. "I have good news, though."

"Which is?"

"Daniel and I are coming to Buffalo the last week in August."

I thought we'd already settled this, but maybe I misunderstood. Like always, I wished Daniel would stay home. Caleb and I would have a lot more fun without him hovering. But at least having him around would keep Caleb from feeling like the third wheel with Harper and me. I'd been there, and I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

"Luki? Did you hear me?"

"Have I missed something?"

"You were a million miles away. Is everything all right?"

I was glad he still cared, but… Actually, was I really glad? If so, why did I want to run from him, close that door in my heart, and throw away the key? "Everything's fine. I have a date in a little while and was trying to decide what to wear."

The corners of Caleb's mouth drooped. "A date? With whom?"

Fuck, fuck, fuck. Why did I say anything? "His name's Harper. He's a nice guy."

"I assumed that. You hook up with all kinds, but Carter must be special if you want to date him."

"His name's Harper , and he's amazing. We get along really well, and he makes me laugh. I haven't met anyone like him in?—"

What was I saying? Fuck me a hundred ways. Caleb had always been like truth serum, and when I wanted to keep something from him, I psyched myself up beforehand. This time, there'd been no chance to do that because he called out of the blue.

"Are you guys serious?"

Not wanting to answer, I hedged. "We haven't known each other too long."

"I see. With everything you said, I thought…"

"Harper's special, Caleb. He plays hockey, just got traded to the Warriors. Since he's another athlete, I feel more relaxed. We understand each other."

Caleb's eyes narrowed to slits. "You said he got traded to Buffalo?"

"Yes, from the Barracudas. His name's Harper Blanton, and?—"

"Be careful, Luki."

"What?" My voice was louder than I intended, but I didn't care. "Why would you say that? Since he's an athlete, he's safer for me than other guys are."

"Let's think about that for a minute." Caleb's attempted smile was flatter than a pancake. "Since Harper was recently traded, he could have certain reasons for wanting to date you."

I didn't like the tone in Caleb's voice, so I tried to defuse it with humor. "Reasons like I'm killer handsome, stay in great shape, come with a stellar personality, and have a big dick?"

"Stop it. All that may be true, but there might be other things at play." He paused to take a breath, and his voice was calmer when he went on. "You know I only have your best interests at heart."

Which is why you somehow missed me falling in love with you although we were together half the time? Is that why you stomped all over my heart, and have barely found a minute for us to be together one-on-one in the years since?

I couldn't stop an exasperated huff. "Tell me what you're thinking."

"You're established in Buffalo. You're a star athlete, and everyone loves you. People across the country know who you are."

"I'm not a star."

"Yes, you are. I've been to your games, remember? I also see your face everywhere, including websites and blogs that have nothing to do with sports. Since Harper is new in Buffalo, dating you could be a quick way to win acceptance there."

Fuck Caleb. I was not going to sit there and let him run Harper down. Or me, for that matter. Did he think the only reason anyone could be interested was to use me? "Harper doesn't need to do that. People here already love him because he's supposed to bring new life to the Warriors. It's been too long since they've had a winning season, and you should see all the publicity about him. The fans are so excited."

After a single nod, Caleb tried again. "He's probably lonely, moving to a new place. Having another athlete to be with feels right, and… Look, I can't deny knowing how good you are in bed, and I'm sure Harper must be used to getting a lot of sex. How can you be sure he's not just looking for convenient hookups? That's what you do, and personalities don't always enter into it, do they?"

My throat closed, and I struggled not to tear up. It always sucked hearing what Caleb really thought of me. He usually let the truth slip when he thought he was saying something else, but tonight felt different. Was he trying to hurt me?

Surely I hadn't been so eager to see what I wanted in Harper that I missed the bigger picture. He was new in town, and it was true that fans liked me, but there was no way he was faking it with the sex. At least, he couldn't have faked enjoying it so much. Was it possible he got off on an I-don't-get-it-much act?

No, fuck this. Caleb is so full of shit he's trying to gaslight me. He doesn't think anyone could possibly like me for who I am, and I'm playing right into his hands.

I tried to keep my voice down while I glowered into the phone. "You're wrong. Harper is not like that. Plus, we're dating, not engaged. No one even knows we're seeing each other."

"Not yet. But you're a celebrity, and you never know who's watching. Word will get out."

"Goddammit!" I yelled. "You're not getting it. I don't give a flying fuck who knows because I'm proud to be with Harper. It's so good to finally have someone who cares about me , who makes me feel special. I've never had that before. Maybe I thought I did once, but I was wrong."

He blinked a few times, no doubt processing what I'd said. Caleb had been my best friend for years, but today, he was making it hard to believe in him. In fact, he wasn't acting like a friend at all. I had to make him stop, but with no time to argue, I lowered my voice and tried to be diplomatic. "Thank you for looking out for me, but you're wrong. I don't believe Harper is using me. We're two single guys who are attracted to each other and have a lot in common."

"No, you are two guys who?—"

"Listen to me. My life has been fucked up for so long, and I'm lonely. If I can be happy, please leave it alone." My eyes welled up, and I paused to be sure I didn't say something I'd regret. "I supported you when you fell in love with Daniel, and I could use your support now."

Caleb's face softened, and he took a moment before saying, "You've got it, Luki. I want you to be happy, but I worry that you'll be hurt again. If you can find the right guy and settle down, nobody will be happier for you than me."

"Thank you."

"Just watch out for yourself, okay? There are all kinds of people out there with as many motives as there are stars in the sky. You've been through so much already."

I've been through it, all right. And who's responsible for that?

Shutting those thoughts down, I reminded myself that I was responsible for my own feelings. It was wrong, not to mention useless, to try to put them on someone else. "I'll be careful because I couldn't handle another round of heartbreak. The last one nearly killed me."

Something flashed in his eyes. Anger? Hurt? Whatever it was, he suddenly remembered he had to go cook dinner because Daniel was hungry. We wrapped up the call, and after squeezing one more promise out of me to be careful, he was gone.

The steam from the shower swirled around me, but it couldn't clear the jumble of thoughts in my head. Only one thing was clear: I was done letting Caleb control my life. Sure, we used to have each other's backs because that's what friends do, but when he fell in love with Daniel, his priorities shifted. Daniel became his focus, and while Caleb felt bad when I confessed to being in love with him, he was too deep in his relationship to be there for me. It had been the same ever since—I knew he cared, but his world had rearranged itself.

The hurt, humiliation, and sadness I felt over Caleb's rejection grew into a firestorm that nearly broke me. Now, years later, I was still seeking his approval, letting his words guide my decisions. But no more; that ended now.

Harper and I were in the early stages of getting to know each other, finding out what was in store for us. I was scared, and it would take time to work through those fears and gain confidence, but fuck the idea that I could never be happy. However long Harper and I lasted, I wasn't about to ruin it by being so careful I couldn't enjoy myself.

I spent too long thinking about things in the shower, so I had to rush through the rest of my routine. Fortunately, I didn't need to shave, which saved a little time, and I hurried into a pair of black jeans and a white button-up shirt. After running down the steps, I knocked on Harper's door.

"Who is it?" he called out.

"I think you know."

When the door opened, a rush of adrenaline took my breath away. Harper smirked for a moment before glancing down at himself and then back at me. My dick took off like a rocket, because the only things Harper had on were a pair of boxers and a baseball cap, turned backward on his head. Fuck if he didn't look like the hottest straight guy I'd ever seen.