10. Theo

CHAPTER 10

Theo

Sexy librarian fantasy come to life.

Theo pushes his glasses up his nose and looks down at his threadbare sweater. He's never thought of himself as anyone's fantasy. Sure, in high school a lot of girls, and a fair few guys who didn't wanna admit it, were into him, but that had more to do with the jersey and the letterman jacket, and the popularity that came with being a varsity football player. He'd been their fantasy because of a role he played, not who he was.

Once the football thing ended, so did most of the attention, which suited Theo fine. In high school he'd hidden behind his image or Jason, and after he hadn't needed to hide at all. He'd quickly realized that despite his bulk, something about his appearance—the plain tortoise shell frames, neutral sweaters and just this side of overgrown hair—lent itself to hiding in plain sight.

When Theo needs to hook up he changes things, dresses in a way to attract people with jeans and tight shirts, club clothes that are as much of a uniform as his football jersey had been. There's a safety in knowing that what he gives to people is a version of his choosing. The idea that someone finds Theo handsome in his most authentic state is unexpected.

"Why do you have so much LaCroix?" Alec yells from the kitchen. "Six kinds, Theodore. There are six kinds."

"I like it," Theo yells back, following him in.

There in front of the open fridge is Alec, hands on his trim waist as he eyes the contents of Theo's refrigerator. "What the fuck is ‘pamplemousse' anyway?"

"Grapefruit."

"Disgusting," Alec grumbles, picking up another can. "Limoncello? Really? Fancy-ass water. Why don't you have Coke?"

"I don't drink Coke. Besides, didn't you say your nutritionist told you to cut back?"

Alec makes a derisive noise, ending up grabbing one of the tangerine LaCroix before shutting the fridge door with his hip. "She did and she can pry my Coke addiction from my cold, dead hands. I've already had to restrict my carbs and drink fourteen protein shakes a week. I am not giving up my Coke."

He cracks the top on the LaCroix, gulping it down with a frown before moaning pitifully. "This taste like Alka-Seltzer, fuck that. Take me to get a Coke."

"I'm in my pajamas."

"Then we'll go through a drive-thru. Take me to Sonic. I want some of that good cubed ice."

"You're going to crack your teeth eating ice."

"I'm sorry, I missed the part where you went to dentistry school." Alec snorts. "Besides, I need to cut back on chewing gum. It's giving me jaw problems. I tried switching to sunflower seeds, but the team nutritionist complained about my sodium intake. Watch your sodium, watch your sugar, your body is a temple. Blah, blah, blah."

As a kid, Alec had forever been eating lollipops or blowing bubbles with his gum. Apparently he never did outgrow it.

"You seem kind of stressed out, Alec. Are you okay?"

Alec's expression flickers but before he can reply, Rio loudly makes her presence known again. Alec bends down to pick up a very irritated and noisy Rio, who is clearly displeased at not being the center of Alec's attention.

With Rio held close to his chest, Alec fixes his honey brown eyes on Theo. "Come on, old man, we want Coke."

It doesn't escape Theo's notice that Alec didn't answer his actual question, but if he's not comfortable telling Theo what's going on, he won't push. He's too afraid of messing up this tenuous thing between them. He hasn't earned that part of Alec. Not yet.

"‘We,' huh?"

"Can't you hear Rio whining?" She's not. The second Alec picked her up she quieted down. Theo's spent the last three days with her meowing her tiny head off night and day, and turns out all she needs is Alec around and she's happy as a clam. Theo's not sure if that makes him want to laugh or cry. Poetic justice indeed, since he's also been moping about wishing Alec would come over, too chicken-shit to go visit him first. "She clearly understands my duress and thinks I deserve one."

"Has anyone ever told you that you're ridiculous?"

"Not in the last six hours," Alec replies, moving past Theo towards the front door. "Are you coming?"

"Apparently," Theo says with a shake of his head. "Are you sure I shouldn't change?"

"It's a drive-thru. No one gives a fuck what you're wearing." Alec stops at the door, turning to wait for him. "If you do need to get out of the car, I give you permission to tell people you were kidnapped."

"Why is every scenario with you the most extreme possible?"

"Because I have a gifted imagination." Alec purses his lips. "Fuck, I forgot my wallet."

"Pretty sure I can manage treating you to a Coke. You're a cheap date."

The tip of Alec's button nose turns pink, his big eyes wide and focused on Theo. For a second Theo forgets how to breathe, frozen in place under Alec's watchful gaze. Embarrassed by his own reaction, he tries to recover and ends up fumbling. "Not that it's a date. Because we would never."

Something dark passes over Alec's face and Theo wants to get that light back. He had to go and make it weird because he's awkward and stupid and unsure how to navigate this. He knows Alec is over him. He didn't need to go insulting him.

"Alec, I?—"

"Less talking, more walking," Alec interrupts, clearly intending to pretend whatever just transpired never actually happened.

With a bitten-off sigh, Theo follows. Maybe one day he can figure out how to stop accidentally hurting Alec's feelings. Or maybe this is exactly why he's better off not having feelings of his own. His attempts to hide his own crush had made him say the wrong thing entirely and there's really no way to fix it without admitting what he actually meant.

Apparently Theo will choose letting Alec have hurt feelings over the alternative, which makes him feel like an asshole. He sighs again, scrubbing a hand over his face. He doesn't just feel like an asshole, he is one. Maybe if he's lucky Alec won't take it too personally.

The first ten minutes or so in the car are awkward, or Theo is, opening and shutting his mouth so much he might as well be a fish. Alec either doesn't notice or is polite enough not to call him on his impression of a Moray eel. Instead, Alec chatters away to Rio about where they're going, acting as if she'll be able to get a kitten combo meal.

Sonic is located closer to the shore, along with a string of other fast food restaurants meant to entice the summer travelers who can't afford to eat on the pier or broke college students. This time of the year there's just enough students moving back to town combined with the end of season tourists to make it completely packed, and Theo has to circle the parking lot half a dozen times before a slot opens up for them to pull in.

"I haven't been here in forever," Theo says, glad to have something else to focus on. The menu is massive, the blinking screen advertising current specials and making his dinner seem like it was days ago and not hours. "I kinda want fries."

"Fair warning, if you get fries, I'm stealing some."

"Pretty sure I can buy you your own fries, Alec."

"I can't have my own," Alec says, the lines of his face flat. "Not with the Coke, too, and I need that carbonation STAT or I might die."

"You can't have fries?" Theo frowns, thinking about the detailed nutrition plan and training schedule that had been taped up on the King's fridge. He hadn't realized it was that strict.

"Not on the meal plan," Alec answers, leaning his seat all the way down to give Rio free rein to crawl across his belly. She swats at his fingers, the tension on Alec's face fading as he focuses on her. "I'll be too sluggish to run in the morning if I eat that. That's what the coach says. Between you and me, I can run nine miles in my sleep, but it's not worth the risk with the season kicking off this weekend."

"You have a game this weekend?"

"Yeah," Alec confirms. "Classes start back up Friday and we've got our first game against Cal Poly. It's just an exhibition game, but there's really no ‘just' at a D1 school. Every game matters. There's no room to have an off minute or an off game. One of those and you've fucked your entire season."

"I'm sure one game isn't that important."

The look Alec gives him makes it clear he's wrong. "At this level there is no room for error. Sure, the team as a whole can recover from a loss, but an individual player? You could lose your starting spot, fuck over your chance to play in a club tournament in front of scouts, you could jeopardize your scholarship. Every second of every game you have to be perfect."

On some level Theo knew the intensity, but his own experience with sports was so different, plus he'd turned down his own chance at collegiate sports so he'd never had to worry about logistics. The idea that Alec lives under that level of constraint sounds exhausting.

"That sounds like a lot of pressure."

"I guess," Alec shrugs, right hand tapping on the door rapid-fire. "Can you get me a large Coke but with extra ice?"

"Sure," Theo says, rolling his window down to push the order button. It takes a few seconds before a voice crackles through the speakers. Once he's ordered Alec's Coke, a large fry, and a milkshake for himself he sits back, trying and failing not to stare at Alec.

"I'm sure your parents are excited for the game."

"They're not coming."

"They're not coming?" Theo echoes, utterly surprised. As a teenager, some of his strongest memories had been hanging out with Jason during one of Alec's games. Jason's parents always gave them cash to use at the snack bar so they'd load up their pockets on Red Vines and gum and bags of chips, walking around like they owned the place. Hell, most of the time they didn't even watch Alec play, too busy with their own teenage bullshit. What he does remember clearly is that one of Alec's parents was always there, no matter what. He'd never imagined they would stop going.

"Nah, I mean, this is my fourth year playing. They've been to a lot of games. The novelty wears off after a while and they've been pretty busy."

"What about your brothers?"

Alec shakes his head. "They all have adult lives. I mean, they came to a lot of games my freshman year, but you know, it gets boring after that, I'm sure."

"I find it hard to believe anyone could be bored watching you."

"I am fun to watch." Alec grins. It's honestly staggering for Theo to realize how much he likes being the one who made him smile like that. "Not that you'd know. You've never been to one of my games."

"I've been to lots of your games."

"Not for the Lions. You saw me play as a kid, and even a few high school games, but you've never been to one of my college games."

"That can't be possible."

"It's not a big deal. You were busy and it's just, whatever."

Except it doesn't feel like whatever. It feels like the exact opposite. Theo opens his mouth, maybe to apologize or get Alec to keep talking, but he's interrupted by the arrival of their food. As the tray passes through the window, Alec snatches his Coke like a goblin, lips curling around the straw as he chugs.

"Fuck, that's good," he mutters after a moment, turning his eyes on Theo with a playful smirk. "Pass over a fry and no one gets hurt."

"Who's gonna hurt me?" Theo asks, pretending to think it over. "You're the size of Rio."

"Fucking excuse you?" Alec lowers his soda into the cupholder. "I'll show you small, you fucker."

Above them the neon lights from the restaurant flicker, the sounds of people around them talking dim to background noise, and the only thing Theo has eyes for is Alec and the way he's trying to crawl over the center console. Alec looks happy, relaxed even, and Theo knows he's completely screwed, because he wants to do anything and everything to make sure Alexander King never stops smiling.

"Open the door," someone bellows. A very loud, familiar someone.

Theo wastes no time hurrying to the front door before Jason bangs the damn thing down. Swinging the front door open, he's met with the sight of a smiling Jason, a six pack of beer under one arm and a pizza in the other.

"Well, hello there, stranger. Long time no see."

"It hasn't been that long," Theo protests even as he knows it has, at least for them.

"Not that long," Jason mimics. "You skipped Friday night pizza two weeks in a row and were busy all weekend. That makes it thirteen days since we hung out. Thirteen, dude."

"You counted?"

"Shut up and let me in," Jason grumbles good-naturedly. "A man notices when his best friend disappears."

"I didn't disappear. I replied to your text messages."

"Yeah, in one word replies, with punctuation. I let you have some time to figure it out, and now it's time for the big guns. I'm bringing out the contract."

"You can't be serious."

"I'm so serious," Jason says, moving past Theo to head inside the house and deposit the pizza and beer on the coffee table before pulling his wallet from his back pocket. He flips open the worn brown leather of his trifold wallet, thumbing through pieces of paper and money. He's the only person Theo knows who always has cash. He's pretty sure it's because he's addicted to the vending machines at the high school, but it's endearing just the same.

Shoved beneath his driver's license is a folded up piece of paper that Theo hasn't seen in over a decade.

"You did not keep that."

"I did." Jason grins, looking satisfied as hell with himself. He unfolds the paper, clearing his throat before reading it, "I Theodore James, promise not to be a giant dickface?—"

"I didn't write dickface," Theo interrupts.

"It's a dramatic reading. I'm giving it flair." Jason smirks. He clears his throat again, starting from the beginning. "If you insist on historical accuracy, I'll read it as you wrote it. Okay, here goes. ‘I, Theo, promise not to shut out my best friend, even when I'm scared. Signed, Theo and Jason.'"

There's something burning in Theo's gut, but whether it's love or guilt he can't be sure. Jason had made him write and sign that when he'd found out Theo had been scared to come out as bisexual. He'd thought it was just Jason being dramatic as always, and the idea that he kept it and has been holding onto it for thirteen years is more than Theo can bear.

"I wrote that when I was sixteen, Jason."

"Yeah, well, apparently it's a good thing I kept it, isn't it? Now pop open a beer, eat some pizza, and tell me what's going on."

"You could've just called me," Theo says.

"And given you a chance to pretend to be busy? Not a chance. You can't avoid me for two weeks and not face the consequences."

"I wasn't avoiding you," Theo lies like a goddamn liar.

"Uh-huh," Jason hums, dropping down onto the couch. He kicks off his sneakers and stretches his feet out onto the coffee table, making himself very comfortable. Relief and apprehension hit Theo all at once. He's missed Jason. "You've been weird and distant and—what the ever loving fuck is that?"

It happens to be Rio, who appears from beneath the sofa and proceeds to attack the laces on Jason's sneakers.

"Ah, yeah. About that."

"There's a kitten in your house, Theo." Jason's expression would be hilarious if Theo weren't on the hook for the explanation.

"There is."

"A kitten," Jason repeats, as if Theo doesn't know. "You don't have pets. Why do you have a pet?"

"So the thing is," Theo starts, filling his lungs with air and then holding it. He has no idea how to explain this without lies upon lies. And now that he's staring at Jason after he pulled out that damn contract, he doesn't have the heart. Then again, Theo doesn't have the heart to be honest when he barely knows what the truth is himself. "Uh, well?—"

"Alec got to you, didn't he?"

"Alec," Theo croaks, ears ringing.

"Damn kid and his bleeding heart. Me and Charlie have been placing bets on who he'd rope into taking the next stray. I figured that Riley kid, and Charlie was sure it'd be me, but I guess he came to you. Did he do it when you helped him move?" Jason doesn't give him time to answer, leaning forward to look at the kitten. "What's her name?"

"Rio," Theo answers, dropping onto the opposite end of the couch. He grabs a beer, cracking the can open and chugging it.

"She's so small. Is she healthy?" Jason asks, petting her. She looks ridiculously small in his massive hands and she lets out a tiny hiss. "Damn, she's feisty."

"Pretty sure she only looks that small because you're huge."

"I know, right?" Jason grins. "I've been training with the boys."

"Aren't you kind of old to be training with high schoolers?"

"I'm the same age as you are, asshole. I'm also their coach. I'm setting a good example. Plus it makes me bigger."

"If you get any bigger, your clothes are gonna pop," Theo points out, nodding to Jason's sweats, which might as well be painted on.

"Thank you." Jason grins, lowering Rio to the couch. "Now back to you."

"Do we have to go back to me?" Theo groans. He flops back against the couch cushions, nursing his beer.

"We do," Jason affirms, grabbing his own beer before flipping the pizza box open. The scent of garlic and cheese assaults Theo's nose. Jason grabs a slice, folding it half before fitting most of it in his mouth in an obscenely large bite. He lifts one eyebrow in a silent invitation for Theo to speak.

He knows Jason. He knows there is going to be no getting out of this when he's being so direct. The best he can do is deflect with the smallest bit of honesty possible, and absolve himself of the guilt through the assertion he's protecting their friendship.

"I, uh, there's a person."

"Dude, if you've been in a hookup mood, you just needed to tell me. I'm not gonna judge if you've been getting freaky more than normal."

"I haven't been getting freaky." Theo snorts. "It's not like that."

Jason swallows his second bite, taking a huge gulp of beer before fixing Theo with a piercing gaze. "What do you mean it's not like that?"

"I mean, it's not like that."

"It's always like that. If there's a person, you fuck and move on."

Theo stares at his beer. This was a bad idea, a horrible idea, and yet he knows he can't backtrack. As wrong as it feels to deceive Jason, the truth is he needs his best friend, now more than ever.

"I haven't fucked them."

He's careful to use gender-neutral language and offer as few details as possible. Lucky for him, Jason isn't nearly as nosy as Alec. The thought catches him off-guard. Since when does he compare Alec and Jason?

"So there's someone, and you haven't fucked them."

"Yup."

"And you haven't fucked them because?"

Because they're hung up on someone else. Because I missed my chance. Because they're your baby brother.

"Lots of reasons," Theo sighs, tracing the rim of his beer. "They deserve more than a once and done fuck." The words are too close to the truth but they slip out before Theo can censor them.

"You like them." Jason slaps his thigh. "Holy shit, Theo! You've got feelings. I never thought I'd see the day."

"I don't know if I'd go that far," Theo hedges, trying to walk things back. It's no use, though. Jason knows him too well.

"There's no shame in having feelings, dude. Own it."

"I don't want feelings," Theo whispers, voice tinged with the painful edge of truth.

Jason is quiet for long seconds, sipping at his beer. "You know it's okay to let people in, right?"

"I let people in," Theo mumbles.

"You let me in. You don't let other people in, you never have. If you were happy with that, if it was all you wanted, I wouldn't say a damn thing. But?—"

"But?"

"But I wonder sometimes if you're happy."

"I'm happy," Theo insists. He likes his house and his job, mostly. He likes Jason and his routines. He's happy. He is. But if that were the truth, then why does it feel so much like a lie?

"I can't believe my baby boy has feelings." Jason's tone is playful, his smile wide as he reaches for a second slice of pizza. That's the thing about Jason, he's always there, always steady but he never pushes too far. Not like Alec, who calls Theo on his shit, who makes space for himself without letting Theo make excuses.

"Shut up," Theo grumbles, knocking against Jason.

Jason is undeterred, throwing his right arm around Theo's shoulder and clanking their beers together. "To Theo's first crush. When can I meet them?"

Meet them.

Theo's gonna puke. He didn't think this through, didn't plan ahead.

"She doesn't live here."

The lie is out before he even thinks about it and he hates himself, but not as much as he would hate himself if Jason knew the truth. His sole consolation is the knowledge that the lies are to protect their friendship.

"Alright, alright. I'll give you some time to see what happens, but if things get serious, you've got to promise me I can meet her first. Make sure she's good enough for you."

"I promise," Theo whispers. This is an easy promise, because things won't get serious.

Jason grabs another slice of pizza, passing it to Theo. He's just taken a huge bite when Jason speaks, causing him to nearly choke.

"I'll talk to Alec."

"Why?" Theo asks around a mouthful.

"About that cat. I'm sure you didn't want it. I mean it's cute, I'll give you that but—" Jason watches Rio, who is rolling around on the ground on the other side of the room playing with one of the little cat toys Alec picked out. "He's persistent and you're not very good at telling people no. I'm sure you didn't want to upset him, but he can't just foist a kitten on you."

"He didn't," Theo says.

"I know Alec. He's a persistent shit."

You don't know him the way you think , Theo wants to say. He wants to explain the way Alec had shown up on his doorstep hurt and uncharacteristically quiet, how he hadn't even asked Theo to take her. Theo wants to say a lot of things, but all of them would lead down a path of admitting things he isn't ready to admit, even to himself, so he takes the coward's way out.

"It's fine, really. Alec's looking for a permanent place, anyway."

Just saying the words makes his throat tight. They're true, but it's the first time he's said them out loud since Alec offered. At the time it had felt like a failsafe, but he's growing attached hard and fast. Possibly to more than just the kitten.

"Alright, but if you need me to step in, just let me know."

The last thing Theo wants is Jason talking to Alec for him, so he stays quiet and eats his pizza. He's halfway through his next slice when his mouth runs without permission.

"When's the last time you watched Alec play?"

"Shit, I don't know," Jason answers, leaning back against the couch. "Probably last year. Or was it his sophomore year? I don't even know for sure. You know how busy I was coaching. We made the playoffs the last two years and I just couldn't make time. He told me it was fine, that he didn't care if we came to watch him play. You know how he is."

Theo hums, not trusting himself to speak. He thought he knew Alec, but he's not so sure anymore. He's starting to wonder how many people really know Alec, and how many only know the easygoing guy he lets them see.

"What makes you ask?" Jason's question is easy, but the answer is anything but.

"I was just thinking, it's his last year with the Lions and I realized I've never seen him play. No big deal."

"Huh." Jason hums, rubbing a hand over his jaw. "You're right, it is his last year at school. I wonder when his next game is."

"Tomorrow," Theo blurts, fumbling for a recovery. "I saw it online. Some exhibition game against Cal Poly."

Jason hums again, staring at the ceiling. "We should go."

"We?" Theo counters, trying to keep his cool. This is exactly what he was angling for, wasn't it? Hoping if he brought it up, Jason's brotherly guilt would kick in and he'd go to the game so that Theo could have an excuse to go.

"Obviously I'm not going alone." Jason sits up grinning. "I wonder if I have time to buy face paint?"

"Why the hell do you need face paint?"

"School spirit, obviously."

"You're such an idiot." Theo laughs.

"That says more about you than me if you're my best friend."

Theo laughs again, his tension bleeding away. This is fine. He can do this. He can figure out how to be friends with Alec without losing Jason and everything will be fine.

Everything is not fine.

"Dude, why didn't you bring a hat?" Jason asks. "Your face is so red. You look like a fucking tomato."

The sun has nothing to do with Theo's face being red. Rather it has everything to do with Alec who is currently sprinting across the field like a badass motherfucker with the soccer ball, his footwork as impressive as the rest of him. He looks damn good in his soccer uniform, his bright blue jersey tight across his shoulders and tiny waist, and the movement of his strong thighs as he runs is enough to have Theo nearly panting.

"It's the sweater. Take off that damn sweater," Jason grumbles, shoving his water at Theo who takes it without a word, gulping down huge mouthfuls of ice water. It does nothing to quench his other thirst, but at least his mouth no longer feels like sandpaper.

The coastal breeze means it rarely gets sweltering in Santa Leon, but with the sun beating down on their heads, sweat rolls down Theo's neck. Even his light sweater vest feels too heavy and he concedes to Jason's advice, shrugging it off and leaving him in nothing but his thin white undershirt. He feels under-dressed and still hot, rubbing both hands over his face.

His attention returns to the game when the crowd screams, drawing Theo's eyes to the field where Alec has just scored his second goal. He kisses his two fingertips, lifting them towards the stands where his classmates go wild. Seconds later Antonio slams into him, followed by several other players Theo doesn't know.

"King, King, King," the crowd chants.

Beside him Jason whoops loudly, thumb and forefinger sneaking between his lips as he lets out the world's loudest whistle. Alec's eyes are drawn towards the stands and rise to Jason, who is making an absolute fool of himself waving his arms around and yelling. It's only a few seconds before Alec's gaze drifts sideways and lands on Theo. Even at a distance his surprise is evident. Hundreds of people are screaming Alec's name and yet the only person he looks at is Theo, who is acutely aware of every bead of sweat that rolls down his face, of the air that fills his lungs and the blood that pumps through his veins.

The coach is throwing his arms up and Antonio leans in to whisper something in his ear while pulling on Alec's arm, but the entire time his gaze stays locked on Theo, the smile that spreads across his face enough to knock Theo sideways. His face lights up like the Fourth of July and Theo feels the curl of Alec's lips in his guts, the weight of Alec's pleasure tangible.

"That's my baby brother," Jason screams loud enough for everyone, including the players, to hear. It earns him two middle fingers from Alec before he takes off across the field.

Though Alec doesn't turn to look at Theo again, the ghost of his smile lingers on Theo's skin.

Soccer was never Theo's favorite sport, but he understands just enough to follow the game and to appreciate that Alec is an absolute beast on the field. The rest of his team is good, as is the opposing team, but there's something magic about the way Alec handles a pass and his footwork when he has the ball. He's not just fast, he's coordinated and smooth, running laps around the other team.

When Alec scores a third time, the cheers are nearly deafening, or maybe that's Jason, who seems determined to be the most embarrassing, proud big brother on the face of the earth. Alec flips him off again when Jason manages to get everyone doing the wave, but he never stops smiling.

It's clear Alec is a crowd favorite from the way the stands erupt in cheers when he's in possession of the ball, as well as from the numerous students wearing his jersey. The sight of "King" plastered on so many people's backs has an unfamiliar feeling clawing its way up Theo's spine. There's a level of pride at seeing so many recognize Alec's skill, but there's something else, too. The bitter tang of jealousy darkens his mood as he thinks about the social media comments and the way people talked about him like they knew him, like they were entitled to a piece of him because of his popularity or skill.

He can't help but wonder if Alec knows, and if he does, if he likes it. He likes attention enough; he probably revels in it. Is that all Theo is? One more pathetic fan in the crowd, angling for a piece of Alec?

The thoughts nag at the edges of his joy. Though Theo tries to keep his head in the game, it's difficult to focus on everything except Alec and the longing that makes his heart race. Coming here was probably one of the stupidest things he could do, yet when the game ends and Alec seeks him out in the stands and waves—that smile of his enough to power the sun—Theo can't regret his choice.

Maybe what he wants from Alec is more than he can have, more than he should want, but that doesn't mean he can't be here for Alec and support him.