Chapter 2

Icouldn't believe I was standing next to Fiona. I never thought we'd be in the same room again, much less get an opportunity to make things right. I'd resigned myself to regretting my life's choices when it came to her.

I thought I was doing the right thing in pushing her away. The desire to be a man worthy of her love was the only thing I could think about. I needed to do it on my own, and the only way I could be the man she deserved was to enlist.

She'd wanted to marry me and be by my side. But it was something I'd needed to do on my own, and I couldn't be the one responsible for her quitting school. I was shortsighted because I'd made her promises, and I hadn't kept them.

I'd broken her heart. When she realized I didn't want to marry her, she'd pressed her lips into a straight line, her eyes hard, and said I wouldn't get a second chance with her.

I hadn't worried about it at the time. I couldn't see past making myself into a man, but now I had so many regrets. I'd thrown her away, not realizing how lucky I was to find love at such a young age. I assumed we couldn't last, but now I wasn't so sure.

I looked over at her, catching her watching me. "I've missed you."

Her breath hitched, and she looked away. "You can't say things like that."

The only sound was the water in the fountain. Everyone was at the party, and it was too cold for a walk in the gardens. We were alone.

"Why not?" I couldn't help but ask, knowing I was about to get whiplash. Fiona never held back what she was thinking and feeling. It was what I'd loved most about her when we'd dated.

"You don't have that right anymore. You broke us."

I swallowed over the lump in my throat. "If I could go back and change things—"

"What's done is done. There's no need to bring up the past." Fiona's voice was hard and unyielding.

I hated that I had to let it go. That I couldn't make it up to her. I had so many hopes about how this meeting would go now that she was here. I should have known she'd shut me out.

"Can I say I'm sorry for how I handled things?"

Fiona nodded tightly, and I took her hand, guiding her to a nearby bench. I grabbed a blanket that we kept in a container for times just like this. I'd never had a need for it, but it was Marley's idea. She liked to offer small things to improve the guests' stays. I'd never been more grateful for her foresight.

I draped the blanket on Fiona's lap. "I'm sorry I hurt you."

Fiona's face tightened. "It was a long time ago."

"It doesn't change the fact that I'm sorry for how things went down. I was so sure of myself. So clear in my path."

Fiona laughed without any humor. "It's too bad you didn't clue me in."

I sighed. "I was worried you'd talk me out of it."

"You promised—" Fiona's anguished eyes met mine, and she broke off. Then she stood, letting the blanket fall to the ground. "I can't do this."

"Fiona—wait." But she walked away, through the trees and into the maze. The path we'd taken was clear. She wouldn't get lost, but I wanted to talk to her.

I picked up the blanket and put it away. By the time I followed her, she was gone. I went inside, hoping to see her in the ballroom or even the bar, but she was nowhere to be found.

"You okay?" Knox asked me from where he sat on the bar stool.

I gritted my teeth. "I will be."

"I heard Daphne's sister is back."

"Fiona rented a room for the holidays." I resisted the urge to check the dates she'd booked it for. How long did I have before she'd be gone from my life again? Would it be like this every year? She'd drop in for a visit, and I'd hope that I could properly express my regrets, but she'd run from me?

"I think she was hoping all her siblings would visit."

"Are things better between the Monroes and the Calloways?" There was tension between the families because they ran competing Christmas tree farms. Recently, Daphne met and dated Knox's cousin, Cole. When everyone found out about it, they weren't happy. I'd advised Cole to follow his heart, the family's issues with each other be damned. I was pleased to know he'd listened and mended his relationship with Daphne.

I had no idea what would have happened between me and Fiona if I'd stayed or if I'd married her. For all I knew, we wouldn't have lasted. She would have resented the life of a military wife, moving constantly and never being able to finish her education or find a steady job. She could have divorced me within a few years.

She deserved more than I had to offer.

I was never good enough for Fiona Calloway. She'd grown up in an idyllic situation, living on a Christmas tree farm with her parents and six siblings. From what I could tell, they all looked out for each other. The only thing that marred her perfect family was when her mother died.

"I wouldn't say that. Everyone is getting used to the idea of a Monroe with a Calloway. My family doesn't like change."

"I can't say I do either." What I loved about the military life was the predictability. My commanding officers might have yelled at me, but I'd work hard to improve and eventually gain their praise. I could never please my parents.

"Cole bought his own place. He took her out to the new house tonight to show it to her."

"I'm happy for them." I'd started rooting for Cole after we'd talked that one night. It was after everyone found out about their relationship and he'd wanted to give up. He wasn't willing to lose his family for Daphne. But it was clear he was in love with her.

"Cole said he talked to you about the situation with Daphne."

"I told him not to let go of the best thing that ever happened to him."

Knox nodded. "He deserves to be happy. I'm glad he's found his way."

"Me too." I just wished I'd found mine. I'd gotten respect in the military. When Gram died and Marley was alone renovating the inn, I'd wanted to be there for her. It felt like I should come home, that it was time.

"How are things here at the inn?" Knox gestured toward the empty stool next to him.

I sat on it. "It's been hard. Marley's been helping out a lot. I just wish she felt like she could rely on me."

"You'll get there."

"I know Heath wants me to contribute more with his business. I've just been too caught up in everything here. There's the reservations, guests' needs, repairs, maintenance. It's a lot."

"I can give you a deal on landscaping. You should really hire some of this stuff out."

"We have cleaners. That's about all we can afford for now." Marley had offered to infuse her money into the business, but I wouldn't let her. I wanted to make it work on its own.

Knox nodded. "I'm here if you need me."

"I appreciate that." The good thing about my relationship with Fiona was that not many people knew about it. I think her father suspected, but he never said anything to her. Maybe even her brothers now that we were over, but I wasn't positive.

Knox drank his water. "I need to get Addy and Izzy home. It's getting late."

"Thanks for coming. This party is important to Marley. She loves getting everyone together." I couldn't say I had those same desires. I preferred to avoid people, which was why running the inn was difficult for me.

Knox stood. "Always a pleasure to be here. It's nice to have the inn open again."

When I grew up here, I was embarrassed to be a Matthews. My parents' reputation marred the one Gram had created with the inn. I was known as the kid who lived in a trailer on my grandmother's property. I loved Gram, but the situation didn't do my reputation at school any favors. Thankfully I'm not that kid anymore.

I was a grown man, and I was slowly finding my way. I just wished I could dismiss this thing with Fiona as easily. There was something about her coming home unexpectedly. There was a story there, and it wasn't my business to find out what it was. But I wanted to.

* * *

Istayed up long after the guests had gone home from the party. Even though there was a cleaning crew that came in the morning, I threw out all the trash, returned the glasses and dishes to the kitchen, and turned out the lights before finally going to bed. My suite was on the third floor, and it was more of an apartment than a room.

When Grandma ran the inn, she slept in a small room on the first floor next to the kitchen. But Marley wanted more privacy for the innkeepers and designed an apartment on the third floor.

I went to sleep thinking about Fiona and all the ways she'd changed. She was curvier, no longer the slight girl she'd been back then. But her fierceness had only increased. I didn't like my odds to convince her to talk to me about the past.

What had she been doing since I walked away? I hated even thinking of her dating someone else. But that was reality. She had a life without me, and if I wanted to get to know her now, I'd have to make an effort. I wasn't sure if I wanted to alleviate my guilt over the breakup, but I had to do something. Maybe then I'd clear away a lifetime of regrets.

* * *

The next morning, I went for my run onto the Monroes' property. When I returned, I was sweating and only felt marginally better. Nothing would help the scattered sleep I'd gotten the night before. But physical exercise always helped to make me more alert. I showered quickly, then went to the kitchen to start the coffee and make a quick breakfast for anyone who needed it.

Most didn't get up early, and we offered muffins, croissants, and donuts for those people. For the ones who came down early, I cooked. It wasn't something we advertised because I wasn't sure how long I could keep it up. It was a service I offered for now.

I made eggs and pancakes, serving them to anyone who showed up.

Around ten, the breakfast crowd cleared out, and I got to work cleaning pots and filling the dishwasher.

"Is it too late for breakfast?" Fiona asked.

I turned to find her standing hesitantly by the counter. Behind her, the dining room was empty.

"We have muffins and coffee." I nodded toward the platter of muffins and the carafe of coffee.

Fiona smiled. "I smell pancakes."

"We usually offer full-service breakfast earlier, but I can make an exception for you."

"You don't have to go out of your way," Fiona said softly.

"I don't mind." I placed the clean skillet on the burner, then grabbed a mixing bowl. "Chocolate chips?"

Her lips curved into a smile. "Sure."

We'd dated secretly as teens, which meant evenings in the bed of my truck and any stolen moment we could find. The only time I'd risked anyone learning about us was when I'd snuck into her high school prom.

I never took her out for dinner or a movie. I'd never had the opportunity to cook for her. I hadn't minded back then, but now I was wondering if we'd missed out on a primary part of any relationship.

Fiona sat on the stool while I mixed the batter and poured it into the pan.

There was so much to catch up on, but at the same time, it was nice to just be together.

"Now that you're back, are you running the inn?"

"And working part-time with Heath. I think he'd like me to take on more, but I'm trying to get the hang of this place."

"That makes sense.

"There's a lot to do. Breakfast, cleanup, checking in guests, fixing anything that's broke, and landscaping."

"You could hire someone," Fiona said.

I shrugged. "We can't afford to do that yet."

"Daphne recently started selling her pies. I know it's tough to get a business started."

"Especially since this one was closed for so long. The long-term guests moved onto other accommodations, and others don't trust that we'll stay open."

"Consumer trust is a big part of business."

"I didn't know anything about business until I started here. Luckily, Marley's good at it. She helps when she can, but she has her own online consulting business. I like to figure things out on my own." I wondered if that was where I went wrong with Fiona. I'd taken things into my hands and decided the future for both of us. I'd thought I was protecting her from the life of a military wife. But I took that choice away from her.

I wasn't sure how to broach that subject over breakfast, so I stayed silent. When the pancakes were done, I stacked some on a plate and handed it to her.

"This is great. Thank you."

"You're welcome." Watching her eat the pancakes with obvious pleasure satisfied something deep inside me. I liked taking care of this woman. The years had done nothing to lessen my feelings when it came to her.

The fact that I'd never felt anything similar with anyone else was also telling. Nineteen was too young to understand what I was giving up and that I'd never find it with anyone else. In order to move forward, I'd need to deal with our past, and I wasn't sure that was possible.