Chapter 40

Another month passes as we wait. Evie and I decided to stay in Norway, keeping our ear to the ground until we find something that could link us to the children. We have a team monitoring truckers' radios for suspicious chatter and a few people have been sent to stake out their usual meeting spots.

We suspect that whoever is running the operation has gone underground, which means we have no idea what they did with the kids. Part of me worries we'll find them all dead in a ditch somewhere, but Boris assures me there's no way that will happen.

As a businessman, he explained that the amount of money invested will ensure they stay alive, at least enough of them to keep the operation profitable. That information brings a whole new set of anxieties to the table, but I have been trying not to think about that.

Damien calls us over to the house, and Azazel greets us at the door. He has gotten so big since we arrived, and the training Damien's done with him to work in the field has actually been quite impressive.

"Hey, Az," I greet him, getting onto my knees and making sure to show him one of the treats I always bring. I have to be the favorite aunt after all.

Damien nods, granting him permission to say hello and take the snack. The puppy props his paws on my shoulders, making me nearly tumble over. He goes to lick my face instantly, and I can't help but laugh.

"Yeah you laugh when he does it, but when I do it, you say it's gross," Cillian complains.

Boris slaps him on the back of the head for me as Damien chuckles.

"I get it, dude," Damien says, patting Cillian on the shoulder. "Evie's the same way."

They shake their heads as if they're actually disappointed in us for not liking our faces being licked. Evie spares me from more of their behavior, joining us a minute later with a pissed off expression written all over her face.

Worry instantly overtakes me, and I stand. "What's wrong?"

She huffs, crossing her arms over her chest. "Damien here decided to book us a spa day in order to force us to relax."

My eyes dart from her to him. It's hilarious to me that I can tell how she's equal parts pissed and happy about this. Evie hates being told what to do, but there's something she hates even more than that.

"Did he surprise you with it?" I ask and she nods, making me laugh.

"He didn't even let me pick which massage I wanted."

Damien grabs her by the neck and pulls her to him until their foreheads are touching.

"Are you telling me you didn't want the Thai massage with lavender oil and a eucalyptus scrub, Little Shadow?"

She eyes him as he grins down at her. Eventually, she just mumbles, "Still would have been nice to let me decide."

Damien laughs, and kisses her fiercely enough that the wrinkle between her brows soften. She moans into his mouth, and I instantly want the scene before me to stop. I already feel a little nauseous.

"Well, I for one, am down for a day to relax. I've been feeling like shit this past week."

Evie sighs and pulls back to kiss Damien on the cheek. He preens and smacks her ass.

"You two go."

I look at Cillian and Boris, realizing they already knew why we'd been summoned.

"Go," Cillian urges.

That surprises me because he's usually not one to be happy about me being out of his sight.

"We have the whole place booked and security surrounding the building," Boris says.

"And Lev gave me access to the cameras from my phone," Cillian adds, stalking up to me.

He leans in to whisper in my ear. "Careful how loud you moan during that massage, Love. I might just have to remind you who makes you feel the best when you get home."

I shake my head as Boris hands me a bag. Both of my men kiss me goodbye while Evie grabs her stuff. It's sweet that they planned this for us, and I wasn't joking that my body needs it.

For the past two weeks I've felt strange, but Doc believes my body is trying to find its new normal after all of the trauma I've been through. Coming off of all the prescribed medications and adjusting to life again with all of this scarring is extremely difficult.

I asked Evie about it and she said that her scars felt the same way for a year, like something inside of her was threatening to snap just under her skin. At least I know I'm not alone.

We head to the spa, chatting about anything and everything unrelated to the mission. It is nice just to have girl time again, especially after being surrounded by guys day in and day out.

Once we enter, we put on the soft robes and head to separate massage rooms. I may or may not end up moaning a few times when the woman really gets the knots out of my shoulders, some of it real and some just to get a rise out of Cillian. I swear she massaged away decades-old tension.

After a quick soak in the private jacuzzi tub, Evie and I meet up next to the pool where some fancy champagne cocktails and lunch are brought to us.

"So, how are things with Cillian?"

Hiding my smile behind the rim of my glass, I respond, "Really good."

I feel incredible—dressed only in our soft robes, hair wrapped up in towels from being washed with oils and our scalps freshly scrubbed.

"And Boris?" She gives me a look that tells me she wants all the details, so I spill.

"Perfect. Honestly, I never understood what you and Laney had, but I feel like I really do now. They both bring out a different side of me, and it makes me strive to be a better person. I can't help but think it will all be taken away from me soon, but I promised myself to enjoy it while it lasts."

My stomach churns at possibly being too vulnerable, but this is Evie. She's safe to tell these things to.

"I'm happy for you. I knew after I saw how they both looked at you that you would get there one day."

She laughs, taking a large bite of her sandwich and speaking with her mouth full. "They mark their territory harder than Alexi sometimes, and that's saying something."

We giggle together. "I think I love them, both of them. Is that weird?"

Evie squints at me. I realize how dumb that question is to her, but I had to say it out loud.

After she's finished giving me a blank stare, she swallows her very large mouthful and says, "I married three men, Ness. If I know anything for certain, it's that it's possible to love more than one person with all of your heart."

I take another sip of the fizzy drink, feeling the bubbles all the way down to my toes. I almost feel dizzy because it's so delicious and sweet.

"Do your men have a schedule for sexy time?" I'm anxious about handling the two of them. When it was just Boris and me, we were having sex once to three times a day. I can't imagine how sore I'll be if Cillian wants the same thing. I don't even know if I could handle four times a day.

Evie cracks up, setting her empty tray to the side, and I do the same with my half empty one.

"No girl, we just take it day by day. We tried a schedule, but honestly that created extra work for us. It's not just about the sex anyway, it's about spending time together. We each have our things that bring us joy and we share them. That is what I think makes us work."

I nod. "Like what?"

Evie thinks for a minute. "With Lev, we'll go to his studio and paint together or sketch. I'm not good, but he likes it when I'm there with him, and I like the serenity of his space. Damien and I will wrestle or workout together. He loves hitting the bag, so we will make games out of combinations."

She takes a drink, her cheeks turning pink as she continues. "Alexi and I like to spend time at the cabin and go for runs in the woods. He cooks for us and we'll sit in front of the fire together to read a book. Sometimes, we will even have a round of target practice."

She smiles as she talks, the love and joy she has for her men clearly written all over her face.

"What do you enjoy with Boris and Cillian? Do you have things you do separately?"

I nod as a grin stretches my lips.

"I take walks around our lake with them and have coffee on the porch. Laney and her men invited us for a puzzle night and that was really fun. I think we're starting to find out what each of us needs from the other. But Boris likes the quiet moments with me, like on the porch or cooking together. Cillian likes to ride in the car while I push it to the limit and blast music. It's like my soul has a place to settle with each of them."

"Isn't it strange that we're taught that one person is supposed to do all of that for us?" She downs the rest of her champagne and signals to the waitress for another.

"It is. Don't get me wrong, I was happy with Boris. It wasn't until Cillian came around that I realized something was missing."

Evie smiles, taking my hand in hers and squeezing before letting go.

"I am happy for you, Ness."

I can't help but grin because I really am happy, truly. I never thought I would be able to say that, or allow myself to be this full of joy. For so many years, I punished myself and said a life of misery was what I deserved after Enya. But I know she didn't want that for me.

"Ness," Evie says seriously, "don't let the fear of losing what you have keep you from enjoying it. We deserve to be happy."

That's the hard part. I really want to believe that, but my struggle is that anytime I enjoy something, my father's voice rings in my head.

If you ever love something, someone will find a way to use it against you.

I shake my head as Evie pours us another glass of champagne. I hadn't even realized I'd drank all of mine.

She raises her glass in the air, and I decide to put my past behind me. He can't get to me anymore.

"Cheers to figuring out how to find our own happiness."

"Sláinte," I say, truly meaning the Irish wish for good health.

I go to laugh as I hold up my glass, but that wave of nausea returns, making me lurch forward with the intensity. Evie notices immediately.

"You okay?" she asks.

I can only shake my head as I cover my mouth. Evie thinks quickly and dumps the ice bucket out before handing it to me, and I violently vomit into it. She carefully rubs my back as she picks up my drink and sniffs it, instantly calling someone in.

Was I poisoned?

"Check this now. Call Doc."

I can't focus on her as I heave everything I just ate into the bucket, but she makes sure the towel on my head stays in place.

I don't know how long it goes on for, just that by the end of it, I feel like I might pass out. My face physically hurts. When I think I'm done, I sit back and Evie cracks open a fresh bottle of water. I try to chug it, the cool liquid bringing relief to my throat, but she stops me.

"Small sips, Ness, they're testing your drink now."

Dozens of people scramble around us, the staff looking panicked as they're questioned by our team.

I nod, trying not to cry. I have no idea what kind of poison makes you vomit like that, but I feel like everything I had the past week was just exorcized out of me.

Then, it starts all over again. This time, a larger bucket with a liner is placed in front of me. I choke as tears run down my face from the force of my heaving, the bile coming out so strong it forces itself out of my nose.

"Doc!" Evie yells in a panic. This can't be normal. I feel like I can hardly take a breath between gagging.

I barely make out Doc running into the spa, nearly slipping on the damp tile from the pool water as he hastily moves to kneel at my side.

He asks me about my symptoms and takes my temperature before starting an IV. I don't even flinch as the needle punctures my skin, too focused on making sure that everything that comes out of me goes into the bucket and not all over the floor.

Even turning my head to answer Doc feels like I'm swimming in a violent ocean inside of my own brain. I've felt randomly nauseous for a few days now, but it hasn't hit me like this before.

Maybe it was the salmon in the sandwich?

Just the thought of the food has me gasping for breath as another round of vomiting aggressively assaults my body. I'm convinced it is not possible to have anything left inside of me by the time I sit back. Doc gave me some medicine in the IV and is running some saline in order to rehydrate me and help flush out any poison.

When everything seems to be alright and the nausea subsides enough for me to sit up, we come to the conclusion that it had to be the food we ate for lunch. He requests to take my blood and urine to run some tests just to be safe, and I give my consent.

The minute he pulls the needle from my arm, Cillian and Boris come rushing in. I still feel awful, so Evie fills them in on everything.

"We can't leave you alone for even a minute, can we, Sweetheart?"

Cillian kisses my head, and I close my eyes at his touch. White spots dot my vision, dancing around like fireflies. Doc thinks it's because of my blood pressure being slightly elevated from the vomiting.

Cillian is convinced someone tried to poison me or that they put it in the oils for my massage, but the person used their bare hands, which would be dumb if it had poison in it. Either way, he sends Damien to go check it out.

Doc discusses everything that happened since we arrived as Lev pulls up the security feed. Evie and I ate and drank the same things and had the same oils used during our massage. Nothing seems out of place except for the fact that I used the hot tub while she opted for a facial.

Doc takes a sample of the water, and Boris picks me up in his arms. I want to protest, but it's honestly what I need. I feel tired and weak from vomiting. My stomach still feels sensitive, and I don't want to get in the car to be jostled around.

I don't have much of a choice though. It's not too bad, but the second we get to the house, another bout of nausea hits me. Cillian holds my hair and Boris rubs my back. I refuse to get up off of the bathroom floor though. The tile feels cool against my overheated body.

Maybe the combination of the food and hot tub did me in?

I hate being sick. Throwing up is worse than broken ribs to me. If I could trade one for the other, I would in a heartbeat.

Boris calls Doc, who comes to the house and sets up a new IV line with fluids and more anti-nausea medication since the first round didn't seem to help for long. I feel like such a baby for getting all of this attention because of an upset stomach, although I can't help but appreciate the perks of this life.

If a girl has to deal with torture and hunting down bad men, she might as well get pampered when she's sick. I'm sure it creates balance or something.

I doze off in Cillian's arms as Doc leaves to retrieve the test results. He's certain that even if I ingested poison, it would be out of my system by now. Which must give me the peace I need to fall asleep.