Chapter 28

Shea~

N othing was more painful than heartbreak, so pride was the magic behind making sure that your heart never got broken. Pride was also the magic that helped you get over a heartbreak should you end up experiencing one anyway. Heartbreak was so devastating that people often chose bitterness just to avoid ever having to feel that kind of pain ever again.

So, was I giving Noah a fair chance?

Probably not.

Did I feel guilty about it?

No.

However, I could admit to feeling bereft over my decision to shut and lock the door on any possibilities of something more with Noah. Yeah, I was probably cutting off my nose to spite my face, but falling in love with Noah Murphy was the most reckless thing that a woman could do, next to believing that he loved her in return. Noah wasn't a hearts or flowers kind of man, and those were the ones that always had heartbreak written all over them.

Sadly, the little girl in me that used to believe in fairytales wanted to believe him. She wanted to believe that the father of her future children loved their mother. She wanted to believe that her husband was going to be faithful because of love, not commitment. She wanted to believe that she was going to matter more than just being a chess piece on the board.

It was often said that women were emotional creatures, and it had to be true. Otherwise, why would we still want a miracle, even in the face of the cold hard truth? I knew the truth, but I still couldn't deny the way that my chest ached every time that Noah had said that he loved me. I couldn't lie and say that I didn't feel anything whenever he laid out the terms of his ownership over me. My mind knew better than to listen to any of it, but my heart was desperately trying to argue.

Knowing that I wasn't going to find any answers in my reflection in the mirror, I wrapped my robe tighter around my body before finally exiting the bathroom. Since the cabin was no bigger than a shoebox, I was no more than two steps out the door before I was already in the bedroom, Noah standing in the middle of the room, looking at me.

"How's the pain?" he asked. "Do you need some pain medication? Keavy has a pretty impressive first aid kit here if you need anything."

I shook my head. "I'm fine."

"Even your arm?"

"It hurts, but nothing that's not manageable," I answered. "A couple of aspirins will be fine."

After a few seconds, he said, "Come here."

Too tired and confused to argue, I walked over towards him, wondering what he could possibly want now. "What?"

Noah reached up to remove the towel from my head, and when it fell to the floor, his hand circled the side of my neck, tilting my head, so that he could look at the wound across my temple. While the gash was deep, it wasn't as bad as the hole in my arm, but it sucked because the scar was going to leave a small bald spot, though I wasn't vain enough for it to ruin my life.

When he was done inspecting the injury, he reached for the belt on my robe, and after untying it, he pushed the material off my shoulders, leaving me standing naked in front of him. I wasn't sure what he was looking for, but I wasn't injured anywhere else.

"It's just my head and arm," I told him.

Noah's blue gaze burned as he said, "I know where your injuries are, lass. I removed your robe because I want to look at my wife. I want to look at what belongs to me."

Heat crawled up my chest, and I hated how the rest of me clenched with the timber of his voice. I hated how I could believe that this man had tried to have me killed, yet my body didn't seem to care. I hated how I couldn't push how good he felt out of my head. I hated that I wanted him, and I hated how I wanted him to prove me wrong about everything. I hated that I was complicating things because my mind told me one thing while my heart felt something else. In fact, it was insane that I could even feel anything for this man after the way that I'd been treated. Nevertheless, here I was, silently begging for him to touch me and make me forget the past twenty-four hours. I wanted to pretend for just a little while because it felt exhausting to think of the rest of my life in a loveless marriage. Now that I was never going to get my fairytale, I realized just how much I'd always wanted one, and it fucking sucked.

So, because I was feeling confused, tired, and hateful, I asked, "Why? There's not much to me, remember?"

Noah grabbed my chin in between his fingers, then squeezed painfully. "I am never giving you up, Shea," he snarled down at me. "So, if it makes you feel better to throw my carelessness back in my face every time that I touch you, then be my fucking guest. If it makes you feel better to dismiss my declarations of love like they're lies, then have at it. If it makes you feel better to hate me with every breath that you take, then hate me, baby." He stepped closer until I had to tilt my head back all the way to maintain eye contact with his fiery glare. "I'll pay whatever price that I have to for whatever it is that will make you feel better about yourself and our marriage. However, the one thing that I will not do is set you free. I will never let you go, so it's your choice to live in Heaven or Hell with me, but whichever one you choose, you'll be living in it with me."

Tears began to spill down my face, and they were a mixture of anger and something else that I refused to identify as real. I wanted to scream because none of this was my fault. I wanted to scream because I hadn't done anything that had deserved this kind of karma. I'd had nothing to do with any of this, but Noah was making it sound like I was the only one that could clean up this mess, and that was unfair on so many levels.

"I'm not the villain in this story, Noah," I bit out, just so goddamn angry at everything.

His hands moved to cup my face, and my heart thumped painfully as I watched him close his eyes before leaning his forehead against mine. His harsh breaths were thrumming in my ears, and I had to grit my teeth against the emotions that were trying to break through at this moment. Noah looked vulnerable, but I knew that vulnerability was foreign to a man like him. After all, he was Noah Murphy, Declan O'Brien's right-hand man.

"Say it again," he ordered, and I knew exactly what he was talking about.

"It won't change anything," I said stubbornly.

"Yes, it will," he insisted. "So, say it again."

I cursed my weakness at the same time that I obeyed my husband. "Noah."

Noah straightened, and as he stared down at me, I felt more exposed than I'd ever had before. Even though he'd seen me naked before, it felt like he was trying to look into my soul, and that was a terrifying thing to imagine. Nothing was more terrifying than showing someone all the things that scared you the most, especially when Noah was one of those things.

"Say it again."

"Why? I-"

"Say it again, lass," he ordered, his voice hardening a bit.

"Noah."

"Again."

"Noah."

His blue eyes flared as his hands went to my waist, and I didn't say anything as he lifted me with ease, walking us over to set me on top of the bed. If I were a stronger person, I'd use my injuries to manipulate him into leaving me alone, but I wasn't a stronger person. Right now, I wanted what I knew Noah was capable of, and I couldn't deny it, even if it did make me the biggest hypocrite on the planet. At some point, I knew that I was going to have to draw a final line in the sand, only I had no idea which side of the line that I was going to end up on, and that frightened me more than anything.

When I'd finally woken up earlier, it'd been to Noah dressed in a white t-shirt and pair of black joggers, so it was nothing for him to undress in front of me, his hands automatically going to the hem of his shirt to whip it over his head, and he undressed the same way that he did everything else; with the confidence of a man that knew how proficient he was.

My breath caught in my throat as his shredded physique rippled with muscles, and it still surprised me how he didn't have any tattoos. While they didn't make a difference to me one way or the other, Noah's absence of ink made him look clean-cut and respectable, which was the exact opposite of everything that he was. He was a stone-cold killer and could have very well orchestrated a hit on his own wife, something that I wasn't even sure of anymore.

As soon as Noah rid himself of all his clothing, he dropped to his knees, and that didn't surprise me in the least as that was his go-to move when he wanted to drive me out of my mind. It was his go-to move when he wanted to manipulate me.

I also never stopped him.