Chapter 9

NINE

The best part about traveling through Europe is the freedom to be me without the pressure of my family’s name.

No one knew who I was, or maybe if they did—they didn’t care.

The anonymity relieved me of the expectations I’ve lived with my whole life. Our family weren’t celebrities by all means. It wasn’t like the paparazzi followed us everywhere, but they still managed to keep an eye on what we did. They were strategic and targeted mostly my father at big events, not so much everyday life. In recent years, they slowed down because frankly, my father is boring as fuck. He never did anything exciting to cause a media frenzy unless it was a colleague or associate embroiled in some scandal.

Ava became a target for a while, but it was only because she made sure her life was documented on social media for the purpose of content as she likes to put it. Since becoming a mother, she’s been careful to keep her daughters away from the limelight. I think it has a lot to do with Austin not wanting his daughters exposed to the creeps of the world.

I said goodbye to my family over six months ago, two days after Masen and Addy said I do. Mom struggled to say goodbye again, unable to compose herself when we hugged for the last time. She worried about me and even tried to slip some money into my purse. Her intentions came from a motherly place, but I was determined to make it on my own. That hadn’t changed just because I spent a few days with them.

My sisters were dramatic with their goodbyes, ugly crying of course. At the time, I was really not surprised if one of them, if not both, were knocked up. It would explain the hormonal mess they were that morning. So far, no announcements so my assumptions were wrong. They were just hot messes.

As for my father, the cold goodbye was enough for me to turn around and not look back. He embraced me, though it was stiff and not loving in any sort of way. It didn’t upset me. I expect nothing more from him.

It was time to move on to my next adventure, where the best thing happened to me—April West.

April is nothing like me, unstoppable in her quest to live life to the fullest. We met in Ibiza when we realized the guy we were flirting with was trying to get us all into bed together. Now, I’m not one for threesomes, and the guy was so full of himself that we just had to teach him a lesson.

The lesson was telling him to book the expensive suite, but we never showed up. Instead, we spent the night drinking and laughing so hard I’ll admit a tiny bit of pee came out during the barrels of laughter.

“Do you think the yellow bikini or polka dots?”

April is holding the hangers up, waiting for my opinion as we stand in a small boutique store in Mykonos. Our lives have revolved around the pools and beaches, which warranted new swimwear. Also, we got a nice tip from an American businesswoman last night who felt sorry for us since it was a busy night and the crowd was rougher than usual.

“Yellow,” I state firmly. “Polka dots are never a good idea.”

“Wait … should I entertain a one-piece?”

A laugh expels so quickly, causing me to choke. When I finally catch my breath, I shake my head. “You, a one-piece? I don’t think so.”

“You’re right. What would I do without you?”

“Be wearing a one-piece and never get laid,” I joke.

“Speaking of getting laid, what happened last night with that tall, dark-haired beauty? Adrian, was it?”

I shrug, continuing to sort through the rack of swimsuits. “Not much, you know, we fooled around, but I wasn’t into it.”

Adrian was hot, sure. Halfway into it when he pulled a condom out, something didn’t feel right. Panic overcame me, and I politely told him I had to go. He didn’t look hurt, maybe frustrated. I shouldn’t have put myself in the position to begin with when I had no intention of sleeping with him.

April places her hands on my shoulders. Her stare is fixated on mine with concern.

“I think you’re broken. No man has made you feel that thrill since we’ve been together. I mean, Alexa, the men are throwing themselves at you, and you are stunning, my girl. I mean, how many times have you been approached by photographers to model? That’s how beautiful you are. What the hell is happening?”

“I’m not broken,” I answer defensively. “I’m just clearly not a one-night stand kind of gal. It just feels so rushed, and zero connection.”

“As long as you masturbate and still get off somehow.”

“I’m not a robot.” I chuckle. “I’m pretty self-sufficient when I need to be.”

“Good,” April says, removing her hands from my shoulders. “Okay, so let’s talk about our plans for the next month before I lose you forever to some sorority.”

April’s words sink deep, causing a heaviness to form inside my chest. My shoulders slump, the reality of my father’s demands drawing closer as time passes. Time is of the essence. Only three weeks left before I’m back under his rules and applying for colleges as originally agreed upon.

It already started, the subtle emails checking in on how I’m doing. At first, I fell for it and answered as if I was talking to a long-lost friend. Then, he followed with links to university programs.

For most of the part, I did my best not to dwell on the future. Since I was nineteen already, having celebrated my birthday while traveling, it wasn’t impossible to get into college, and my father made sure I knew that.

“Can we not go there?” I mumble, finding myself in a funk. “You’re killing my buzz.”

“Buzz?” April chuckles. “You’ve been in a mood all day. Periods?”

“We’re period sisters, remember? I had mine last week with you. We bought that whole tub of ice cream and watched The Notebook. We cried, then spent the night on the toilet with cramps.”

April scrunches her nose. “Never again.”

Our three weeks together flew by like it was minutes. The closer we got, the more I drank, expecting it all to go away like some miracle. I almost expected my father to call me on the day of the one year spent abroad, but he didn’t. Instead, a month passed, and nothing from him.

Mom continued to check in on me, but she mentioned nothing about me returning. It was like something out of the twilight zone, and cocky me thought I got away with it.

That was until I got an email from my father with an attachment. It was the plane ticket home. I must board his private plane from Heathrow to Los Angeles in exactly one week.

“It’s not that bad,” April says softly while sitting beside me as I stare at my suitcase blankly. “We’ll go back together.”

I shake my head. “I can’t ask you to go back.”

“What else am I going to do? Just like you, I traveled to do something greater. Turns out not as fun if you don’t have someone to enjoy it with.”

April’s family lives in Los Angeles too. She only moved there a year ago from Arizona when her mother remarried. Her mother married some rich guy five years younger than her. According to April, she married for the money since April’s mom had her at fifteen and struggled their whole lives financially.

Of the times we spoke about her family, she didn’t hate her stepfather. April said she chose to keep to herself and allow her mom to live her new life. Her stepfather was young, only thirty, so it makes the dynamics awkward. I kinda feel sorry for her, completely understanding why she chose to travel after graduation rather than stick around to watch her mom and new daddy play husband and wife.

“April—” The phone beside me beeps with a text message from my sister, Ava. My eyes quickly read the message.

Ava:I thought it’s best this came from me, and you didn’t stumble on it during scrolling.

There’s a screenshot that appears next. My eyes zoom in to get a better look. It’s Cole with his arms around Madaline. I remember her from English class. She wasn’t a mean girl or anything. She was nice, chilled, and caused no trouble.

It’s the arms around her that my eyes fixate on. It’s the protruding belly. The room temperature rises, making me anxious and uncomfortable. My vision blurs, but I widen my eyes to focus so I can read the post’s caption.

We are finally ready to announce our baby girl is due just before Christmas. I never expected to love someone so deeply, but I can’t wait to meet you soon.

The bile rises in my throat. My head shakes from the sheer shock. I cover my mouth, rushing to the toilet before I empty my stomach into the toilet bowl with a loud cry. April rushes up behind me, rubbing my back while pulling my hair from my face.

My sobs become louder, the hurt rippling through me like a hurricane destined to destroy everything in its sight. The walls of my chest tighten, making breathing hard, and my breaths come out like chokes.

“What have I done?” I cry, unable to control the pain consuming my whole heart. “It could have been us.”

“Alexa, what happened?”

The words refuse to come out, the pain crippling me to the point of despair. How was I to know he would want this? The Cole I knew only wanted to pursue his football career. Not once did he give me any inkling of a future with children. If anything, he didn’t want anything standing in the way of him chasing his dreams. Football … all he wanted was football.

“I can’t go back,” I sob, shaking my head repeatedly. “I can’t go back and face him.”

“Who, Alexa?”

“Cole, my ex. I can’t go back home and face him. I don’t know what I’ll do if I see him.”

April doesn’t say anything else. Being the good friend she is, her silence is exactly what I need. My guilt is making enough noise. Screaming and forcing me to relive the nightmare I’d been trying to escape the last year while traveling.

“Alexa, right now, you don’t have to do anything,” April eventually says softly. “But going back home is inevitable.”

“I won’t go back and live under my father’s rules. He’s the reason this all happened,” I sputter angrily.

“Okay, okay.” April attempts to soothe my anger. “My door is always open. I say we go back to LA, and you stay with me. There’s plenty of room. Mom is always out spending Hunter’s money.”

“Hunter?” I ask through thin, strained sobs.

“Yeah, step-daddy. I call him Hunter since that’s his name, and it would be awkward to call him Daddy since he’s like ten years older than me.”

The corners of my lips slowly move up, but they fall right back down as quickly as they do.

“They won’t mind me staying?”

“The house is like eleven thousand square feet. Too big for three people, trust me, we never see each other, and it’s like a ghost town. There’s a guest quarter, and they won’t mind. As I said, they’re never home and wouldn’t even know you’re there.”

It’s not like I have a choice. There is no other option for me.

Going back home to live with my father would remind me of the mistakes I’ve made. As for attending college, why should I reward him for ruining my life?

The decision is made. I’ll go back to the States but under my own terms. April’s offering her home which I’ll stay in until I get a job and can take care of myself.

It can’t be that hard, I tell myself as I take a deep breath trying to control my emotions and get a grip on reality.

I’m Alexa Edwards. If there’s anything good my father has passed down to me, it’s my determination to succeed.

And I’ll do it exactly how I want to do it.

Without his help.