Chapter 10

TEN

April was not exaggerating when she said her house was a ghost town and the chances of running into someone would be slim.

It’s been exactly one week since we got on the plane back to Los Angeles. It wasn’t my father’s private plane. Instead, it was a plane ticket flying economy next to a man who snored so loud when he slept, to a woman who kept complaining about everything. The number of times she called the air hostess was a joke. I didn’t think it was possible to be embarrassed by a stranger’s behavior, but this time I was. Some people should never leave their houses.

The worst part of all of this is I used my savings to buy this ticket. I didn’t want a single cent from my father.

Of course, going against him caused drama in my family. My sisters were relentless in verbally abusing me over text messages. Well, Millie and Ava were. Addy was oddly quiet. I figured she was too busy being a newlywed to get involved.

Mom was pissed. Her tone was cold when I explained to her my reasons, all of which came out as one big fat lie which made no sense. In the end, I gave up trying and basically said they had to deal with my decision.

At the time, I felt somewhat empowered standing on my own two feet and making decisions without thinking about anything else. Then, I slowly began to realize that without a college degree or further studies, no one wanted to touch me. In Europe, hospitality roles were everywhere, and no one cared what I had or hadn’t done. Living in the States is a completely different story.

“Look, you’ve gone on four interviews this week and haven’t heard a thing,” April reminds me as we sit in the den, trying to find something to watch. “Will you please take me up on my offer?”

My confidence is shattered because two of those jobs already emailed to say I wasn’t successful, and chances are the other two will follow. They weren’t even anything special. Just junior office jobs involving answering the phone and filing.

“You’ve already done so much, like letting me stay here.”

“And?” April raises her voice. “You need money, right? Why not take the job?”

“Well, firstly, there’s no guarantee I have the job. You’re assuming your stepfather will hire me based on being your friend. If you say he’s some rich CEO like my father, chances are he doesn’t give a shit who the person is. If they don’t have the skills or education, they don’t have it.”

April lets out a frustrated sigh. “When are you going to just trust the universe?”

Laughter comes out of my mouth, followed by an unflattering snort. When I manage to calm down, reality shines its wavy red flags to remind me of the cold hard truth.

“The universe is not my bestie. I don’t believe in the whole universe thing,” I drag with a sarcastic tone. “You sound just like my sister, Ava.”

“Okay, so forget the universe for a second. So what if you’ve had rejections? It builds character. Supposed to make you stronger, or something like that.”

“Yeah, well, unfortunately, it doesn’t build my bank account.”

“I can lend you money,” April offers.

April isn’t wealthy by any means, but she is savvy in saving what she does have. Her car is some old Jeep gifted to her by her uncle. It blows out smoke and has rust around the edges, yet she loves it like it’s a brand-new Lamborghini or something.

During our travels, she flirted with guys to get free dinners and drinks, saving every dollar for no apparent reason. She’s on the fence about going to college but is considering studying abroad just to get out of LA.

“No, you’ve done so much already.” I glance at the time on my phone. My shoulders tense when I see it’s almost time to leave for dinner at my parents’ house. “I’m going to shower and get changed. You sure you don’t want to come to dinner?”

“Why, you sound nervous?”

“I just don’t want to go alone. If you come, my father won’t raise his voice and remind me of how much of a disappointment I am to the family.”

The moment it leaves my mouth, my phone pings with a text message.

Ava:Thank me later. I’m joining you for dinner tonight. Someone needs to keep a tally as you and Dad battle it out.

“Argh, never mind. Apparently, Ava is joining us.”

“See, the universe made sure it all worked out,” April gloats with a grin.

I yank the velvet cushion from beside me and throw it at her head. “Enough with the universe talk, weirdo.”

* * *

Upon entering the house, the smell of something delicious lingers in the air. If I’m not mistaken, it’s Mom’s homemade lasagna and garlic bread. When it comes to cooking, her food is always amazing.

The smell is not the only thing I notice, it’s how everything is in the same position, and nothing has changed. Without even thinking, a sigh escapes me while I take it all in. This place still feels like home, despite my moving out, and so many memories fight for attention the more I observe my surroundings.

Mom walks out of the kitchen and notices me. Our last conversation was strained, but she manages a smile to welcome me.

“Come join me in the kitchen.” She motions for me to follow, which I do. Inside the kitchen, the burner is on and boiling something. The aroma is even stronger, but all I can think about is the fact that it’s been months since I saw her, nearly a year, and she hasn’t offered to embrace me.

I reach my arms out and move close to her, wrapping my arms around her like a little girl. Inside my embrace, I feel her relax, then let out a breath before she kisses me on the forehead and caresses my cheek with the back of her hand.

“Alexa,” she whispers. “You’re grown so much.”

“And you’ve not aged one bit.”

Mom laughs. “Eric thinks I should take the plunge and do Botox. He took a photo of my face and drew lines where he thought I needed it. Then, Kate got annoyed and took an all-body shot of him and pointed out where he needed Lipo.”

“Lipo? Eric? His body is toned to perfection.”

“It is, but she just wanted to make him paranoid and prove a point.”

“And?”

Mom cringes. “It didn’t end well. Eric cried and said he thought he had a thigh problem and had been in denial for years. It was so dramatic that we spent the rest of the day convincing him he had absolutely no thigh problem. It was a joke, or perhaps a lesson, which backfired.”

“Poor you and Kate.”

“So, I let him book in my Botox because I felt sorry for him.”

“Mom,” I shout with a grin. “You don’t need it.”

“I know, so when the appointment comes round, Adriana said she’ll go.”

“Thank God,” I say with relief. “Although, Aunt Adriana doesn’t need it either.”

Mom opens the oven and pulls out the lasagna, as I suspected. The cheese on the top is bubbling to perfection, making my stomach grumble from how mouthwatering it looks.

As she places it down on the countertop, she removes her oven mitts and then focuses back on me.

“Your father is not here,” she begins with, then continues. “So, I’m going to ask between us girls, how you are?”

I force a smile, then realize Mom’s not the one I’m angry at even though our last conversation didn’t end well. “I’m trying to adjust. It’s fun staying with April.”

“And what about money?”

“Mom,” I say, lowering my voice. “I’ll make do.”

“Alexa, I’m a mother. My job is to worry about my kids even though they may not be kids anymore.”

My head shakes in disagreement. “You shouldn’t worry, Mom. Be proud that you raised women who can make it on their own.”

Mom stills her movements, but her eyes continue to watch me. “I’m here to talk about anything.”

“I know Mo—” The engine of my father’s car interrupts as it pulls into the driveway and parks out back. I bow my head, close my eyes, and take a deep breath. It’s just dinner … two hours at best. I can do this.

The back door opens, and Dad walks in dressed in his usual suit. His eyes instantly gaze upon me, but he’s quick to distract himself by placing his keys and phone down on the bench before he kisses Mom hello.

“Alexa, it’s nice for you to join us.”

“Thank you, Dad.”

The conversation comes to a crashing halt until Dad excuses himself to freshen up before dinner. Before Mom can get a word in, another car pulls up. The loud music blaring a trending song is enough for me to know it’s Ava.

Minutes later, Ava walks in looking extra nice in a camel-colored maxi dress which she paired with matching wedges. Her hair is French braided, something I’m jealous of since Ava can braid her own hair, but I never could, no matter how much I tried.

“Alexa,” Ava squeals, then fans herself as if she didn’t see me on the weekend. “It’s been forever.”

“Ha, ha,” I mock, then grab the plates Mom has put out. “Maybe help me set the table?”

“Sure.”

Inside the dining room, when I’m standing alone with Ava, I quickly grab her arm before my parents walk in.

“We need a game plan,” I whisper.

“For what?”

“Getting me out of here.”

Ava folds her arms, tilting her head. “Why?”

“Quit playing dumb. Dad is going to crucify me for not going to college.”

“And?”

This time, my arms fold in frustration. “What do you mean and? The whole purpose of you being here was to defend me.”

“I never said I was going to defend you,” she corrects me. “I said I was going to watch … with popcorn.”

A loud groan escapes me at the same time both my parents walk in. The mood in the room instantly shifts, forcing Mom to encourage us to take a seat and begin eating.

Ava carries most of the conversation, thank God. She’s been blessed with the gift of talking non-stop, no matter what topic you throw at her.

“Anyways …” She finally takes a breath, “… that’s what’s been happening with the online store. Hopefully, this new marketing campaign will give it the facelift I envision for my brand.”

Mom smiles politely, then shifts her gaze to me.

“It’s really nice to have you join us.”

“Thanks, Mom.” I smile in return. “The food is delicious as always. It’s been a while since I’ve eaten something so tasty.”

“I thought April’s place had chefs or something?” Ava questions.

“She does, but it doesn’t seem right for them to cook for me,” I admit, then rush, “you know, because I’m a guest for now.”

A cold breeze sweeps across my skin, but no windows or doors are open as I look around. It dawns on me the cool air is not so much the air but the tension between my father and me. The cold snap, cold front, or whatever you want to call it, is because his opinion of my behavior will have to come out tonight. There’s no chance he will keep it to himself. Not Lex Edwards, he always has to have the last word.

“And how do you expect to support yourself, Alexandra?” he questions in a condescending tone. “Stay with your friend until what exactly?”

Boom.

My eyes fall to the napkin sitting on my lap. The plain white fabric is like a blank canvas where I can paint my thoughts and emotions, blocking out his noise since he chooses to project all his bullshit onto me.

“Dad,” Ava begins with, trying her best to mediate between us. “We were all young—”

“Ava, this is not your battle.”

His cold stance on my sister is enough for me to raise my eyes to meet his.

“You’re right,” I state firmly, watching as his head draws back. He quickly realizes he’s shown emotion, then snaps into a stern glance once again. “This is not Ava’s battle. It’s also not my battle. It’s your battle. You can’t control me anymore, and it’s eating you alive.”

“Alexa,” Mom warns. “Your tone.”

My lips purse, followed by a frown. “My tone? Look at your husband and reprimand him, not me.”

I stand up, throwing my napkin on the table before Ava reaches out and touches my arm softly.

“Alexa, sit down,” she says softly. “It’ll be okay.”

My head shakes involuntarily. “I refuse to sit at this table and be told how I’m going to fail in life without sticking to his rules.”

“Alexandra!” My father’s raised voice echoes in the dining room, startling all three of us. He slams his fist on the table, causing the silverware to rattle. “Why must you defy everything I say? What have I done to make you hate me this much, huh?”

If I look away, he will win. He will know his power over me still reigns. If I come back here, everything I’ve experienced in the last year will be wasted, like I’d escaped the dungeon, but the four walls will trap me once again for as long as I need his help.

“I’m leaving,” I mutter.

“C’mon, Alexa,” Ava begs.

For a brief moment, I glance at Mom, staring absently at her hands. Despite my father practically bursting at the seams filled with anger, her still pose, and blank stare speaks much louder words.

I’ve let her down, and quite possibly, that’s what is hurting the most right now.

My hands reach into my pocket as I retrieve my car and house keys. With a deep breath, I place them down on the table.

“I won’t be needing these. They belong to you.”

I don’t look at my father nor allow him to say another word. Instead, I walk away toward the front door with a greater weight on my shoulders. Everything I need or want, I’ve let go of.

It’s now just me fighting to survive.

The door closes behind me but opens in a rush as Ava runs out, all huffed. Her eyes are red, and her lips quiver. She crosses her arms when I stop but lowers her gaze so I can’t see them.

“Why, Alexa? What happened to you? You’re so angry at them, and none of this makes sense.”

The quiver in her voice and her emotions surfacing triggers something inside of me. My stomach churns, and even though we’re standing outside, the heat against my skin has a chokehold on me like I can’t even breathe.

“Ava, don’t—”

She rushes toward me, pulling me against her and holding me tight. In the arms of my big sister, the walls inside of me begin to crumble. A tear escapes me as I shake my head, willing it to stop.

“I’m here, Alexa. I’m here with no judgment,” she offers.

“I know,” I whisper. “But I can’t, not now. I’m not ready.”

And for the first time in my life, I admitted the pain I carried was never going to go away. It followed me wherever I went, and time did not erase it either.

“When you’re ready…” she trails off.

I pull away slowly. “I know you’re here, Ava. But I need to prove to myself that I can do this alone. Without Dad’s help.”

“But why, Alexa? What’s so bad about having Dad’s support?”

“Please, just let me do what I need to do.”

Ava lets me go but keeps close. Without a car, I’d have to call an Uber or ask Ava. As I look down at my phone, I realize my phone and bill are linked to my father. A long-winded sigh escapes me. Why is seeking independence so hard?

Or perhaps, why the fuck am I so stubborn?

“I’m assuming you need a ride home?”

I nod, allowing my pride to take a back seat for a moment. Some of these are worth arguing with, and others not so much.

“What are the chances of a magic carpet pulling up at any moment?” I manage a small smile and then sigh. “Thank you.”

“At least I can check out the new digs you’re staying at.”

“Actually, I kind of need a favor. Do you have a nice pantsuit or outfit I can borrow for an interview?”

Ava laughs softly as we both enter her car. “Are we impressing a hot CEO or some old dude we don’t want anywhere near our panties?”

I shudder at the thought. “Gross, I would never. It reminds me of the time Eric told me one of his clients had a fetish for used panties. The more they were used, the more money they were worth.”

“It’s true. There’s a market for it. The crustier, the better.”

“Okay,” I moan while cringing. “You took it way too far. How about a nice outfit that makes me look mature and not like some angsty college dropout?”

“You must attempt college to be a dropout,” Ava teases, lightening the somber mood that clouded tonight. “I’m good with my outfits, but I don’t know if I’m that good.”

“You’re the queen of fashion. You’ll come up with something,” I tell her while grinning.

“Challenge, accepted.”