34. Skylar

Chapter 34

Skylar

I look out the window of Gabby's childhood bedroom. I've been here several times. It's close to the Devil's Blaze compound, but separate. There's a private lake with a dock, three beautiful homes, and a small cemetery up on the hill overlooking the property. I know Beth and Katie's father is buried there. I don't know the family history, but then again, it's not my place to know it. They're having the funeral here today, with an outdoor dinner—most of which is being fixed in a large farmhouse across from Skull and Beth's home.

It's beautiful, but I hate being here. I hate the reason, but I also hate that I insisted on keeping my relationship with Torin a secret. I made a mistake. The last three nights I've had to sneak into his room at the club. I'm pretty sure everyone knows what we're doing, but I ignore it. Torin would have shown up on my parent's doorstep if I didn't show. Plus, I don't think I could have survived the night without him. He's held me while I cried every night. We haven't even had sex. He's just been taking care of me. Last night, I was such a mess that he ran the bathtub full of water, got in with me and washed my hair, my body, and just held me as the tears fell. In three days, it feels like we've been together forever. Not being in his arms today is nearly killing me. I'm not sure how I'm going to survive the funeral without him.

I turn as Gabby murmurs, "Sorry about that."

"Don't worry about it," I respond softly, walking to the vanity she just sat down in. I'm braiding her hair for the funeral. We started a minute ago, but she needed to use the restroom before I finished. I take her soft, blonde hair back in my fingers and start to work.

"You didn't have to do this, you know. I can handle pigtails, but French braiding is beyond my capability. Mom used to always do it, but …"

I squeeze her shoulder. "I like doing it," I answer honestly. Gabby is in so much pain today. Deep inside, I'm terrified that we won't find Mattie and I'll be just like her soon. It terrifies me. "How are you holding up, Gabby?"

She lets out a sad sigh. "I could ask you the same thing."

"You could," I answer, "but I asked first."

"Skylar, I know what everyone thinks of me. Heck, I think the same thing about myself. Why are you being nice to me?"

"Gabby—"

"I mean it. I know you are aware of what I tried to do to Dom and how that hurt Thea. Everyone hates me, and I deserve it. You don't have to pretend."

I exhale as I finish her hair, feeling uneasy. I force myself to look at her eyes in the mirror we're facing. "Gabby, what you did was wrong. You don't need me to tell you that."

"Then—"

" But, " I interrupt before she can argue , "I also know how much you've always loved Dom. I'm also not like everyone else. I know how insecure Dom always made you feel. He should have broken up with you years ago, instead of making you feel you weren't good enough. You got desperate. It's a feeling I've become very familiar with over the last three years. I understand things happen. As long as you leave my sister and her family alone from here on out, I don't see why we can't be friends. I think we both could use a true friend. Especially right now. Don't you?"

"Okay, but you're kind of letting me off easy. Being desperate doesn't give you a license to destroy lives."

"Well, you didn't destroy Thea's and Dom's lives, did you? Now, you all three have a chance to live happily, so why would you think you ruined lives?"

"It was my fault that I was at the clinic that day. My fault I was kidnapped, and that is the very reason both of us lost a brother. They were there to rescue me."

"How do you figure that? My brother would have been there anyway because Nicole was taken too."

She frowns, but finally nods. "Okay, but my brother wouldn't have been. I'm the reason my brother died. My selfishness ended his life."

Tears fall silently down her cheeks. She looks so broken that my heart hurts for her. I kneel beside her and turn so that I'm looking directly at her, instead of through a mirror. "Gabby, how can you even think that? The Devil's Blaze and our club are allies. Hell, they're family. If you don't think your dad and club wouldn't have people there to help us, you're crazy."

"Maybe some of the club, but not all."

I grimace but stick to my guns. "Fair enough, but Diego was training hard because he wanted to take over for your dad one day. He would have absolutely been there. You know that. Why are you trying to put so much on your shoulders? Where is all this guilt coming from?"

"Because I know everything I'm saying is true. Even my father thinks so."

"No way. You are talking crazy. Your father loves you. There's no way he'd blame you for any of this."

"He does, Skylar."

"Why would you even let that idea settle in your brain?" I ask, truly perplexed.

"Because I heard him say it."

Those last words are spoken like a guilty secret that is festering in her heart. Hell, if what she's saying is true—and I definitely think it is—it must be tearing her apart. I can't even figure out how to respond. I do the only thing that I can think of. I hug Gabby tightly, trying to express without words that she's not alone. I'm sure she feels like she is. What in the fuck was Skull thinking? I want to go outside and knee him in the fucking balls until he's forced to sing soprano. Sadly, I can't really do that, especially since he's burying his son today.

"I'm so sorry Gabby. No one should ever have to hear anything like that. He's wrong. I know you won't believe me, but he's way fucking wrong. Diego wouldn't want you to feel like that. He wouldn't want you to take that load onto your shoulders."

"It's okay, Skylar," she says, drying her eyes. "I don't really matter. I shouldn't have said anything. I need to go make sure the food is organized for the dinner."

"Do you need help?" I offer.

Gabby studies me for a minute, clearly surprised. "Don't you have things to do?"

"Nope."

Gabby gives me a sad smile and a small nod. "Okay, if you're sure."

"Lead the way," I tell her with a grin. As we walk, I notice the physical changes in Gabby. She's lost weight and definitely seems more reserved than I ever remember her being. It's more than that, though. Her dress is high collared with long sleeves and goes almost all the way down to her ankles. It shows off nothing about her body. Gabby's not wearing makeup either. The Gabby I remember wouldn't be caught dead in this dress, not to mention leaving the house without makeup. This new Gabby is painful to even look at.

I follow her to the house where they're fixing dinner. She leads me past a huge garage area where tables have been set up with chairs. There are three of them and they're huge. It's designed for a buffet style meal. There are a series of tables in the corner with a bunch of covered dishes already in place.

We keep walking as she takes me to the kitchen of the house her grandfather used to own. I watch as she pastes a smile on her face. "Do you guys need some help?" she asks in a fake voice. I won't say it sounds cheerful, but it definitely doesn't portray how broken she is right now. I watch as some women come over to her, instantly hugging her close. Gabby's tears begin to fall again. An older woman takes a napkin out of her pocket and does her best to dry Gabby's tears. "You should be with your mom," she tuts.

"She and Dad are talking with Carlos. I wanted to find some way to help," she answers. "Plus, Skylar wanted to help me too," Gabby adds.

I resist the urge to shrink back when their stares turn to me. The older woman looks at me with a sad smile and wraps me up in her arms. "I'm so sorry about Breaker, dear," she says, and I return the hug—although I'm a little stilted.

"Uh … thank you," I whisper, my throat tight. I feel awkward as hell. I don't want to even think about Mattie being gone for good. I just can't grasp it.

"You two can grab those platters over there and go put them on the table. The rest of it, we'll probably wait until the service is almost over before we set it out. You can have one of the prospects outside make sure the coolers are ready, if you don't mind, Gabby."

"I'll do it, Maria," Gabby responds.

I wince because I didn't recognize Maria, but now I know how she knew Mattie was my brother. Maria used to be Gabby and her brother's nanny. Shit. I feel horrible that I forgot. I want to say something but decide not to. I feel awkward enough.

I follow Gabby once more and we take the food outside. We're checking the coolers and making sure the foil is tight on the platters when Carlos comes over. I pinch the bridge of my nose and hold my head down. This is not good. I've been purposely avoiding him. Torin is having a hard enough time with me being here without him by my side, or me wearing his cut. If he walks by and sees me with Carlos, he will lose his shit.

"Kyla," Carlos whispers warmly. Before I realize what he has planned, he takes me in his arms and hugs me tightly. "I'm so glad you came today," he whispers in my ear.

"Hey," I respond, looking around in a panic, praying Torin doesn't see us.

"Will you sit with me at the funeral?" he asks, and my heart runs away with me.

"Carlos, it wouldn't be right. That's for family," I instantly respond. Sitting with him would be bad. Way bad.

"He's my brother and I want you there. Please?" he asks.

Fuck, fuck, fuck! I'm trapped. Torin is going to kill me. "I really would feel weird."

"You shouldn't. I want you there and that's all that matters." He puts his hand against the small of my back, and I try not to cringe. "Are you guys done here?" he asks, turning around to face Gabby.

"You two go ahead. I'll meet you there. I'm going to go check on Mom," Gabby responds. I bite my tongue to keep from begging her to stay with me.

"They're already outside, Sis, waiting for the service to start."

"I guess I'll go too, then. Besides, the food is ready except for the things that need to stay in the fridge until it's time for everyone to come in and eat. I had Tug fill up the coolers. We should be set."

I step back, hoping Gabby takes the hint and gets between us. She doesn't. Unfortunately, she doesn't even get on the other side of Carlos. She follows behind us. I feel my face heat with discomfort. It looks even more like the two of us are together. Shit.

I know this is a mistake. Torin is going to be pissed. The problem is that I have no idea how to get out of it. I mean, he's not asking me out. He wants me to sit with them at a funeral for his dead brother. How do you turn that down without sounding like a bitch? I need to find time to talk to Torin.

Carlos takes my hand in his and leads me toward the area outside where the service will be held. I feel my heartbeat running away with me. I don't know how my body knows, but I can tell that Torin is looking at me. Quickly looking around, I try to find him. When I do, my heart drops to my feet. He's standing by a storage shed, leaning against it and talking to Raze. His eyes are all but drilling into me. I can see the anger on his face, but it's more than that. He's hurt. Fuck.

On the other side of us, I notice Dom, King, and my sister standing and talking. I open my mouth to tell Carlos that I need to go stay with my sister because it's clear she's upset. I don't get the words out before Carlos leans down and whispers close to my ear so I can hear him. "I really appreciate you staying with me, Kyla. I'm having a really hard time with all of this. I just might make it through the service with you close by."

I snap my mouth shut. I'm well and truly screwed. I just smile at Carlos and nod. "That's what friends are for," I answer lamely. I say it a little louder than I normally would. I'm praying that Torin hears me. I want him to know that there's nothing to any of this. It won't help a lot, but I'm hoping it will keep him from going caveman and carrying me away, bent over his shoulder. As we turn and walk toward our seats, I look over my shoulder to smile at Torin.

He doesn't return it.