33. Skylar

Chapter 33

Skylar

I take a deep breath, inhaling the clean air that surrounds me. It centers me and brings peace. After the night I had at Mom's, I need it. I let my gaze move around and take in the beauty that is the Levi Jackson Wilderness Park. It's one of my favorite places to unwind in London. I'm currently sitting by the pond, watching the geese and ducks swim. I don't have to turn around to know that Torin has just got here. There's a shift in the surrounding air—an intensity that makes me feel alive. I can feel his gaze boring into me, making me smile. God, I love that man.

He sits down beside me, instantly wrapping his arm around me. I'm not a small woman, yet he somehow uses his hold on me and lifts me off the bench and places me securely in his lap. Immediately, his nose burrows into the corner of my neck and he breathes me in deeply.

"Torin?" I question angling my neck to look up at look up at him. He doesn't respond, but his heated stare is trained on me. He's glowering, and it makes me sigh.

"Stop looking at me like that, Torin."

"I don't fucking like being away from you, Skylar."

"Sweetheart—"

"I still don't understand why you feel the need to hide us. I could have picked you up this morning. I don't like us being a secret. If you think I'm going to keep doing this, you're fucking crazy. Besides, it's not like our friends and family won't see us together from here on out. I don't care who sees us. I'm fucking proud to be your man."

I curl my hand against the side of his neck. Torin adjusts me on his lap, making it easier for both of us to look at one another. He cradles me against his chest. I give him a weak smile. I'm emotionally spent. My insides feel raw, but I hate that I'm hurting him.

"I'm proud of you, too. All I've ever wanted was to be yours. You know that. I'm just trying to be mindful of my parents. They're going through too much right now. I know they will accept you, but my mother?—"

"You think she will object to me?"

"It's not completely her fault. She's spent years watching Thea cut herself up over Dom. We all watched how he broke her heart and that's the last thing she ever wanted for me."

"All other women disappeared for me the moment you accepted my claim, Peaches. You're everything to me. Fuck, you're all I've ever wanted. There's never been another woman who meant anything to me."

I lean up to kiss him. I only reach his chin, pressing my lips against his salt and pepper beard, but it makes me happy, just the same. My man is so sexy it steals my breath. "I know that and eventually, Mom will, too. It goes deeper than that. Mom is a little jaded when it comes to how men in the club treat their women."

"Why? For God's sake, all the men who have claimed their women are devoted. Jesus, you can't tell me your father has even looked at another woman," he gripes. I can feel his anger—even if it's not directed at me.

"Of course not, but she still remembers how they met."

"How they met?" he asks, sounding confused.

A ghost of a smile blooms on my lips as I shake my head. "Dad was going through a really dark period. It's not something he likes to remember, but he was always frank with us about it. He was adamant that he wanted us to learn from his mistakes and be better than he ever was. Mom said he also wanted to show us what a healthy relationship can bring into our lives and to never sell ourselves short. She said Mattie idolized him and wanted to be just like him, and Dad decided to open up about his struggles so Mattie would realize that belonging to the Savage Brothers could also eat you alive if you let it." I close my eyes for a minute as the pain from small memories of my brother hit me full force. For a second my lungs burn, and I can't breathe.

"Peaches," Torin says softly. I open my eyes slowly. I know I have tears in my eyes. I mostly contain them and keep them hidden. Torin is the only one I can allow to see my pain. I'm safe with him.

"I'm okay. It just hurts. I know what my parents and Thea believe. Heck, even Dom thinks Mattie is gone, and he's his best friend. I refuse to accept that. My brother would fight with everything he had to survive, so unless I see proof that he's gone, I refuse to accept it."

"Baby—"

"No, I'm not going to discuss it. My brother is out there. Maybe he's hurt somewhere and can't get word to us, but he's alive. Nothing you say will make me change my mind, Torin."

"I'm not going to argue with you, Skylar. I know what a fighter your brother is."

I nod, mustering a genuine smile in response as he squeezes me close to his body. "He is," I respond. I know he and Thea are the closest, but I've always thought the two of us were more alike overall. Mom says we are, and that thought brings warmth to my heart.

"So, explain what's up with Sky?" he asks, and I sigh.

"Dad went to the hospital where Mom was doing an ER rotation. She was the one to diagnose him with an STD."

"Oh, fuck …"

"Yeah. It's definitely an odd way to start falling in love. Unfortunately, Dad was also fighting addiction at the time and sleeping with anyone who could help him feed that."

"Jesus, I can't even reconcile that with the man I know today," he responds, clearly shocked.

"That's because he's not. Still, Mom never wanted us to fight the battles she did. Plus, over the years, she's seen the struggles others have had. Even Dragon and Nicole stumbled a little, and they love each other completely."

I nod. "Baby, those battles won't be ours. My eyes will only ever be on you. Still, any of those issues could happen with any couple. It has nothing to do with the Savage Brother's way of life."

"You don't have to convince me, Torin. I've always wanted to be a part of the club. It has never been what Mom and Dad wanted for me, though. That's exactly why I chose a medical school in Cincinnati and spoke with Wheeler about being a doctor for the club. I wasn't going to fight for my right to be part of Dad's club. I would blaze my own trail—so to speak."

"How did that asshole from the Devil's Blaze get the okay to approach you, then?"

I laugh. "Dad really won't care, Torin. He has always wanted his kids to be happy and considering the shape he was in when he met my mother, he's not about to pass judgment on anyone. He'd probably kill you if you broke my heart—but …" I shrug, letting my words trial off unspoken.

"So, I'm going to have to win your mother over," I answer with a frown.

"No. It would be good, but our relationship is just about us. They can either accept it or not. Adding drama to my parents' situation is something I'd rather avoid, though. I honestly don't think I could handle much more, either. I'm about to crack. Although, once we find Mattie, you may have your hands full proving to him and Mom that you aren't the man-whore they believe you to be."

"Are you seriously expecting me to stay in the periphery of your life until Breaker comes back? There's no fucking way, Peaches. You can forget it," I growl.

"It won't take that long. Mattie is alive. I know he is," I argue, getting over emotional as a tear slides down from the corner of my eye.

Torin's face softens slightly as he holds my face, using the pad of his thumb to brush a tear away. "Baby?—"

"If he was dead, Torin, I'd feel it ," I insist.

"You can't expect me to wait however long it takes to claim you in front of the club, Skylar. You can't ask that of me. Fuck, I haven't been able to sleep since you left yesterday. I couldn't lay in the damn bed without you."

"I know. I missed you the same way."

"Then what the hell do you want from me here, Peaches?"

"Give me a week," I ask, taking a breath that shudders through me, making my voice come out quivery. I know he's going to hate this, and I do, too. I just don't see any way around it.

"No," he growls, adamantly.

"I know it won't be easy. I'll do my best to make sure the two of us aren't totally separated. I'll come to you at night. We'll find a way to make this work. I just want to let my parents breathe for a few days without adding to their stress. Dad wants us to travel to Diego's funeral together. We can tell them once we get that behind us. Sooner, if we find Mattie before then," I add, hoping he'll give in.

"I might can agree to not telling your parents for a few days, Peaches."

"Thank—"

"But you're going to have to tell them you're staying the night with a friend or something. I want you with me. I'm not spending a night without you."

"Okay," I agree, because honestly, I don't want to be without him either.

"I'm also going to the funeral. A lot of the club is. I'll try not to let it show that you're my woman, but I can't promise—especially if that damn kid comes sniffing around you."

"Do you really think I'd ever look at another man, Torin? In the last three years, God knows you've given me every reason to find someone else, and I didn't. You're the only one I've ever wanted. That's not going to change."

"I trust you, but I'm not the kind of man who will let his woman be around men without them knowing she belongs to me— and only me ," he says, shaking his head. "The first thing we're doing is inking my brand on your body and putting a fucking diamond on that finger of yours, Peaches."

"Are you going to wear a ring and tattoo my name on your body, too?"

"Absolutely, to both. I want your name, your bite, fuck, anything to do with you I want inked on me." I shiver at the thought of biting him and having that permanently on his body. "You like that," he purrs, his voice dark and sexy—much like the tone he uses when we're in bed together. It's not a question, so I don't respond verbally. I just smile, biting into my lip. He already knows I do. "Good, because you're going to be wearing my bite marks, too. Fuck, I may even have Kaysha ink my handprint on your ass."

"Kaysha?" I ask.

"She's a female artist that works for Venom. He does all my ink. There's no way another man will be marking your body—especially your ass. That's all mine. No one will see it, unless you want to explore some of the underground clubs."

I go stiff at what he's saying. "Underground clubs?" I ask. "Are you talking about sex clubs, Torin?" I squeak. I try not to panic, but I'm not really succeeding.

"Calm down, Peaches."

I instantly shake my head no. "I don't want anyone else but you, Torin. I couldn't give myself to anyone else . Plus, the thought of you with another woman—even if I was there—makes me physically sick. I'd probably kill her."

"Peaches—"

"I'm not kidding. This is nonnegotiable. If you can't be satisfied with just me, then we need to walk away from one another right now."

He changes my position so that I'm straddling him. Then he presses a kiss on my forehead, before placing a hand on each said of my face. "Calm down, Skylar. I'm never going to touch another woman. I belong to you and you alone," he reassures me. I don't really understand though.

"But—"

"And I told you that you were mine now, too. There will never be another man allowed to touch what is mine."

I relax slightly, but my forehead is still scrunched up because I don't truly understand what he's talking about. "Then what exactly are you saying?"

"It goes back to what I was discussing on the phone conversation with Raze that had you confused," he begins. Now that I'm not completely panicked, one of his hands moves down to my hip, while another rests along the side of my neck. I like that he's maintaining contact with me. It's reassuring and I need that from him.

"Tell me," I urge.

"That day on the phone, you couldn't hear what I was answering, baby."

"I'm listening."

He nods before continuing. "I was telling Raze that I felt guilty for hurting you all those years because I have always wanted you. Hell, I'm pretty sure that I've been in love with you since that first night."

"You loved me back then?" I ask, trying to wrap my mind around that.

"At first sight and I don't give a fuck how corny that sounds. It's true. You have always been the only woman I wanted to claim permanently. I just felt you were always going to be out of my reach. I knew you deserved better than me. Fuck, that's the only reason there were that many club girls to begin with. I knew I'd never have an old lady. So, sex lost any real meaning for me. It was just about getting off. If I couldn't have you, Peaches, I didn't want anyone else."

"Torin," I murmur. I know most women probably would roll their eyes at what he's saying, but I don't. I know he's being honest. I'd already decided that I didn't care about the past, as long as I was his future.

"I'm a man who likes control, though, Skylar."

"I've noticed," I hum, pleasure filling me as I remember our last time together.

He grins at me, placing a chaste kiss against my lips. "I mean, I'm a Dom, baby. I want my woman— you— to always be submissive. Our first night together was beautiful, but I held back a huge part of who I am, so it didn't scare you off. I didn't want to lay everything out. You had let me see the pain I'd caused you already. There was no way I could lay more stuff at your feet. I let you take control that night. I handled you with extreme tenderness because you deserved it and it's what you needed. I had to fight my instincts of wanting to dominate you and make you completely submit."

"You've always been kind of dominant with me, Torin. What are you talking about here exactly? Do you mean like whips and chains? Collars? " I squeak out the last question, because I know that's not for me. I don't think I could do that—even for Torin.

He laughs a little, shaking his head. "That can be part of the lifestyle, yes. We can decide what you like. I will want to tie you up in our bed—maybe not always, but sometimes. I wouldn't feel comfortable using a whip, but you already love when I spank you. We'll talk about your fantasies and what your hard limits are. I would like to experiment with floggers and some other things. But, baby, whatever we do together will be for your pleasure . I will never cause you pain and we will always have a safe word. We will discuss what that is very soon."

"This is a lot. I mean, I was expecting some of it. I'm not blind to how dominant you are. Still, I kind of need to wrap my head around it," I explain.

He grimaces a little but doesn't reply. He takes a breath and keeps explaining. "It may seem like I am the one in control of our relationship, Skylar, but that's a mistake an outsider would make. Once we settle together completely, you'll see. You are the one in control. You will always be the one to determine how far we go and when too much is just … too much . I never want you to do anything you don't like just because you think I need it. Honest to God, woman, if all we have is what we did together last night? That's more than enough for me. It's more beautiful than anything I've ever experienced. You're it for me. You're ultimately the most important thing in the world to me. I wouldn't even tell you all this if I didn't think that you weren't made for this, baby."

"Torin, I'm kind of headstrong and independent. I'm not really the type to hand over control of my life to anyone," I tell him, worried for the first time that we might not be able to make this work between us.

"This is where you misunderstand the lifestyle, Peaches. I don't expect you to bow down to me. I like complete control in the bedroom, but there will be only parts of that which will filter into our everyday lives. I'm going to be possessive. I don't want other men sniffing around you. Your safety will always be my biggest concern. I also enjoy having you close, like when we were at the restaurant and I fed you?"

"Yeah," I answer, blushing.

"You liked that, didn't you, baby?"

"Yes …"

"I want to see to your needs. I want to draw you a bath and wash your hair, shave or wax your legs and that beautiful pussy of yours?—"

"I usually go to a spa," I explain.

"I'll make sure you get that, too. Yet there will be times when I want it to be me who pampers you. I wasn't kidding. Taking care of you is something I get pleasure from doing. It brings me peace. When you're sick, I'll be right there. Any time that you need anything, I am going to be there. Some women would hate that life. They'd probably complain it suffocates them. I happen to think that if you completely let go and trust me, you'll love it."

"What makes you so sure?" I ask, already acknowledging in my head that I probably will.

"Fair warning, I think if you tried to put a collar on me, I'd kill you," I grumble. I'm surprised when it makes him laugh.

"Some women enjoy it, Peaches. I'll never force you into anything. All I ask is you let me lead you. Together we will find exactly what works for both of us. My ultimate goal will always be your happiness. I may punish you when you do something that puts yourself in danger or disrespect what we have together, but I can promise you that you will always like the punishment. I would never hurt you or degrade you. That's not who I am. My sole purpose in life is to make you happy and bring you pleasure. That's it, honey. Other couples deep in the lifestyle enjoy other things and that's good for them. You and I will find out what you like and who we are together. If you don't like something, then you tell me. I'll proceed to find something else that brings us both pleasure. It's that simple."

"And the clubs?"

"I'll take you to one and you can make up your mind. There are private rooms where it will be just the two of us. There are also rooms with two-way glass, where we can watch other couples together, or they can watch us—depending on your choice. You can choose the extent we play, but there will only ever be the two of us touching each other. No one gets that privilege but me when it comes to your body, Skylar."

"And no one else touches you," I add possessively.

"Exactly," he agrees at once.

"Do you truly think our first night together was a mistake?"

"Fuck no. Making love to you could never be a mistake. I loved every second. I just should have made it clear to you what I wanted for us before I claimed you. I should have given you a choice. You don't get that now, because honestly, baby, I can't give you up. I made the mistake of not talking to you about the controlling asshole I am. That is the only thing I needed to correct about that night. I know my lifestyle can be hard to accept. It's also just another in a long list of reasons I stayed away from you for three years."

"I'm scared that I won't be able to make you truly happy, Torin. Everyone knows you like multiple partners at a time."

"That was getting off, Skylar. That wasn't what I needed. Don't judge me based on my past. You make me happy."

I'd be lying if I didn't say I wasn't still nervous about being enough for him, but I know that no matter what, Torin wouldn't lie to me. I lean up and kiss him softly on the lips. "I'll find a way to be with you tonight. We'll get Diego's funeral over and then figure out a time to talk to my parents."

"You're going to be in my bed every night from here on out, Skylar. You belong to me, just like I belong to you. We're a part of one another."

"Okay, Tor," I answer, shortening his name the way he loves when we're intimate. I smile as he groans. I'm instantly rewarded with his kiss.

God, I love him.