29. Skylar

Chapter 29

Skylar

I think I'm in shock. I haven't even allowed myself to cry since I got here. My mom called when I was almost to the Kentucky state line. I told her I was planning on driving straight to her house, but she asked me to meet her at the clubhouse. I could tell that she had been crying. I knew something bad had happened. I just didn't realize what she would tell me would rip my heart open even more. I drove straight to the club and immediately began trying to do whatever I could to help. The club is all in shock. Mom and Thea are both a mess. I'm worried about Thea because she's relatively early in her pregnancy. She doesn't need stress right now.

Mostly, I feel useless, but I keep trying. I look down at the sandwich and chips I'm carrying in one hand and a ginger ale in the other as I let myself in Thea's room. She was too queasy to eat dinner and I'm hoping I can talk her into at least taking a few bites. I know the ginger ale will help settle her stomach, at least.

"Knock, knock," I murmur softly as I open the door, closing it behind me.

"Skylar?"

"I thought you might be hungry since you were too queasy to have supper," I respond, sitting the food and her drink on the nightstand.

"You didn't have to do that. It seems like I'm going to have my hands full with this baby. I thought morning sickness would take a bit to hit. Guess I was wrong," she answers, trying to smile. It doesn't really work. Her poor eyes are extra puffy from all the tears she's shed.

I take the ginger ale and open the can, then hand it to her. "This might help a little with the queasiness."

"Thanks," she murmurs, taking a small drink and putting it back down. Her hand goes down to rub her stomach. She doesn't have a baby bump yet. It's too early, but I smile at the action.

"You're going to make a wonderful mother, Thea."

She lays down on the bed and I stretch out beside her. She grasps my hand as I turn on my side so I can see her better.

"Thanks, Sis." I swallow. She doesn't call me that often. It's good to hear.

"Are you doing okay?" she asks, and I have to think about how to answer it. I'm not okay. I'm not sure I ever will be again.

"I imagine that I'm just like you. Missing, Mattie."

That was the wrong thing to say as Thea's tears start again. I can feel mine stinging my eyes, but I try to hold them in. I can't allow them to escape … not yet. I can fall apart later.

"I can't believe he's gone," she wails.

I sit up, leaning my back against the headboard, and hold my sister as best I can. "Hey, don't give up on our big brother that easily. He's tough as nails. You know that. I won't believe he's gone unless we get proof. You know him, Thea. He'll fight hard. There's still a chance he can come back to us and be the uncle we all know he's going to be."

Thea feebly attempts to laugh through her tears. "You mean he'll feed the baby chocolate and spoil him or her rotten before sending him back to me?"

"Exactly," I giggle, wiping a few tears from my face that have managed to escape.

"How's Mom?"

I sigh. "She's struggling. I'm glad Dad is headed back. He'll be able to keep her together. Aunt Carrie is keeping her busy right now."

"That's good. I need to go see her again, but I just couldn't stop crying and that's not what she needs right now."

"That's not true. Mom loves having both of us close to her right now. It reassures her."

"I'm not like you, Skylar. You're so strong. I'm a little envious of you at the moment."

I shake my head, giving her a smile. "I learned it from my big sister. I used to watch you and Mattie and feel so lost."

"Why on earth would you feel that way?" she asks.

"Because I knew I didn't measure up. You guys always had a plan and knew exactly what you wanted. Dad doted on you both. I was just jealous. I know it turned me into a bitch sometimes, and I'm sorry."

"You're wrong, Skylar. Why on earth would you think you don't measure up? You're amazing. I mean, you're already on your way to being a doctor. Plus, you've always been so independent. I envy that. I hate being on my own. That's how I ended up in the relationship with the serial cheater who shall never have his name spoken in my presence again," she grumbles, giving me a smile. The smile doesn't shine on her face, but I give her credit for trying.

"I wish you knew how much I wanted to be like you growing up. You're so gorgeous, tall, skinny, with skin that looks as if it was kissed by the gods. Mattie looks like an NFL pro athlete with his dark brown hair with natural red-gold highlights and sparking green eyes. You guys both are practically perfect. I'm shorter, fluffier, and when we're all out together, I'm the oddball. I don't even look like I belong with you guys."

"Bullshit. Have you always felt like that, Skylar?"

I nod. "Well, yeah. You and Mattie would always gravitate toward each other. I just annoyed both of you if I was around. Then I'd get my feelings hurt and act bitchy to you guys as a defense. I've always been the outsider, Thea. When it comes to you guys and Dad, I just never quite measured up—no matter how hard I tried."

"I'm so sorry, Skylar. Mattie and I both let you down. You won't believe this, but we both felt horrible a few years ago when we discovered no one came to your graduation."

"Mom was there."

"I should have been there. I think I got so used to avoiding Dom that I just tuned out when Mom talked about it. I'm so sorry. Can you forgive me?"

"It's fine, Thea."

"It's not, and I know Mom has already set Dad's ears on fire. She made sure Mattie and I were raked over the coals, too."

"I wish she hadn't," I respond with a yawn. Thea and I recline back on the bed and lay on the pillows, staring at one another.

"It wouldn't have mattered. We were already upset with ourselves. Dad, too. I know he felt horrible. Mom said he cried. In his defense you know he struggles with short term memory at times from the head injury he suffered before he met Mom. It didn't help that Mom wasn't there to remind Dad before he left for club business. There's no way to make it up to you, but I hope you at least know that we all love you and we're all going to make an increased effort to do better in the future."

"Right now, I'll be fine with just having Mattie hug me once more."

Thea grabs my hand and squeezes it tightly. "Me too."

I smile as I notice Thea's eyes start fluttering. I give her a hug and carefully get up. "I'll cover your sandwich with the paper napkin I brought. You can eat it when you wake up."

"Okay. Love you, sissy."

"Love you, too, Thea." I murmur while I cover up the sandwich.

Before I turn back around, Thea is already asleep, her tears still glistening on her face. I pull the coverlet up and put it over her body gently. Strangely enough, I feel better after talking with my sister. I can't lie and say my feelings still aren't hurt a little, over graduation. It doesn't seem to matter that it was years ago. Still, I know it's not just on them. I've always antagonized Mattie and Thea. I'm going to try to keep the past in the past from this moment on. That's where it belongs. I'm just praying my future will still have Mattie in it.

I leave the room and softly close the door. With a sigh, feeling tired and heartsick, I turn down the hall and take the room that I've been assigned. I don't even look at the bed, knowing it would be too tempting. I head straight to the shower and turn the water on completely hot. Hoping that will make me stop feeling so cold and alone. Once the water hits me, I sink to the floor, my back against the cold tiles. It's then that I let all the tears I've been holding inside. I sob uncontrollably. I shed tears for my brother, for my family, and tears for Torin because no matter what, I love him with everything I am. There's a big part of me, praying that he'll tell me that I got it all wrong and he didn't have sex with me out of pity. Right now, however, I just really ache to be in his arms. If he tells me everything is going to be okay, somehow, I think I'd find the courage to believe him.

Even if he is lying.