Chapter Twenty

Cooper

I lean back on Mallory's desk, wishing she was still here.

I hated asking her to leave, but what else could I do? Whatever Meredith's motives in coming here, I know what she's like. I've seen her cut people dead, just for having different tastes in art. I hate to think what she might say and do to Mallory, given the opportunity, and I don't intend to let her.

She can throw abuse at me if she wants, but I'll move heaven and earth to protect Mallory. Speaking of which…

I tip my head toward Meredith, who's still standing by the door, a smile touching at her lips.

"That's better," she says. "We can talk now."

"I've already said, we've got nothing to talk about."

"Then why did you ask your receptionist to leave?"

"It seemed best, in the circumstances."

"Exactly." She walks forward, only stopping when she's standing right in front of me, and looking up into my eyes. I fold my arms across my chest, hoping the defensive pose will give away how uncomfortable I feel. "Let's stop playing games, shall we?" she says.

"I'm not. It's not me who's using false names, making fake appointments, wasting other people's time…"

"I'm not wasting your time, Cooper. And you are playing games, whatever you might say. You brought that girl to the festival to make me jealous, and we both know it."

"No, I didn't."

"Yes, you did, and just so you know, it worked. You spoiled my plan to make you suffer for the way you'd treated me, and…"

"The way I'd treated you?" I raise my voice and she jumps, moving back slightly, thank heavens. "What exactly am I supposed to have done to you? You wanted more from our relationship than I was willing to give. That was it. When you couldn't get your own way, you flounced off, just like you always did."

"I didn't flounce," she says, getting closer again. "I've never flounced." I could argue that point for a couple of hours, but I've got better things to do, and I just tip my head, letting her know I don't agree. "You're missing the point," she says, which is her way of saying she knows she won't win her argument, so she's changing the subject.

"What point, Meredith? What's the fucking point in this?"

"I've decided to come back."

I laugh, unable to stop myself. "You've what?"

"I've decided to come back," she repeats, lowering her voice to something that resembles the soft, sexy tone she used to use on me. It worked back then… some of the time. It does nothing for me now, and I shake my head.

"There are a few problems with that," I say, and she tips her head.

"Oh?"

"Yeah. First, I don't want you back. Second, you seem to have forgotten your boyfriend."

"What boyfriend? You're my boyfriend."

"Not anymore. I was referring to the guy who was practically inside your panties at the Fall Festival."

"You mean Zeke?" I nod my head and she smiles. "He's not my boyfriend. So you don't need to be jealous about what we were doing. I asked him to play along, so you'd realize how much you missed me."

"Except I didn't miss you, Meredith."

"Yes, you did."

I shake my head. "No, I didn't."

She deflates slightly. "You knew I'd be there, though," she says. "That's why you brought your receptionist along."

I can't explain why I took Mallory to the festival, and to be honest, it's none of Meredith's business, anyway. "Of course I knew you'd be there. I even knew your stall would be next to Zeke's."

"How?" she asks, looking confused, although her face quickly clears, and she bites on her bottom lip, a triumphant gleam forming in her eyes. "Did you check up on me? I knew you would. I knew you couldn't help yourself."

"I didn't. Angela told me. There was no checking up on my part."

"Who's Angela?" she asks, deflating again.

"She was helping to organize the festival. She told me you'd asked to have your stall moved because you and Zeke were seeing each other."

"I had to do that so he and I could pretend to be an item. But it was all an act, I promise. You don't need to worry."

"I'm not. I couldn't care less."

She edges closer. "You don't mean that."

"Yeah, I do. I'm not playing games here, even if you are."

I suddenly remember what Mallory said to me about how the scene at the festival had felt like a game… like it was fake. I hadn't understood at the time, but it seems she was right, even if the game in question had nothing to do with me… or her.

"Yes, you are. I know you, Cooper," Meredith says, capturing my attention again. "And I know that girl isn't your type."

"That's where you're wrong. She's not a girl. She's a woman… and you don't know me at all. Not like she does." She shakes her head, but I'm not done yet. I need to get her to understand. "And that's the third problem with your plan, Meredith. I wouldn't risk what I have with Mallory for any kind of game with anyone else."

"Not even me?"

"No."

She sidles a little closer, looking up into my eyes. "I'll do whatever you want," she says, fluttering her eyelashes at me. "Anything at all. I—I know I didn't want you to touch me there before, but if it makes that much difference…"

"It doesn't. We didn't break up because of that, and you damn well know it."

"But you wanted it, didn't you?"

"Yes, I did. I tried once. You said no… or to be more precise, you screamed at me, called me a few names while you pulled your clothes back on, and ran out of the apartment… as usual. Anal sex isn't for you. I got that, and it was fine."

"Was it, though? Was it really?"

"Yes. And no matter what you say, you're still not comfortable with it. You've just skirted around it, like you always did. But you can't say the words, can you? You can't say you didn't want me to touch your ass. You'd rather say ‘there', like it's something unmentionable that only bad people do."

"That's because I'm not used to it."

It occurs to me that Mallory isn't ‘used to it' either… but that doesn't stop her from screaming at me to fuck her ass.

"Maybe not," I say. "But that was no reason to call me a… what was it? A fucking pervert. That was uncalled-for."

"How did you expect me to react?"

"Not like that. We could have talked. I'd already told you I'd respect your decision. You knew it was your choice, and so did I, just like it's always been in the past, regardless of who I've been with."

"Okay, but all I'm saying is, if it's that important to you, I'd be willing to do it now. I'd do anything, Cooper. Anything you want. I miss your cock, and…"

I hold up my hands. "Stop it. You're just demeaning yourself."

"But we can make it work. I know we can. We were so good together."

"Were we?"

"Yes. You know that. What we had was the best."

"No, it wasn't. It was just sex."

"But it was such good sex."

"Not for me."

"But…"

"Mallory's moving in with me," I blurt out, hoping she'll get the message.

She steps back, almost stumbling, but I don't reach out to her. She'd misinterpret my actions… read something into them that isn't there.

"How can she be moving in here?"

"It's easy. She already lives in the apartment above mine, and we'll be moving her things into my place at the weekend."

"And she'll be staying with you? All the time?"

"She'll be living with me, all the time."

"But that doesn't make sense. You like your space, Cooper. You always have."

"I know."

"You said you liked doing things your way, and you wouldn't change for anyone."

"I wouldn't change because, deep down, I knew we weren't right for each other. It had never been right… not with you, and not with anyone else. But it's right with Mallory."

"And you'd change for her?"

"I already have."

"You've changed? In what way?"

"In every way."

"But… why?" she says, looking bemused.

"Why do you think? I'm in love with her."

Damn… I didn't mean to say that. It's bad enough that Brady's been aware of my feelings for Mallory before she has, but to have told Meredith…? What's wrong with me? I suppose I should be grateful I didn't blurt out that I'm planning to propose…

"You can't be," she says, jolting me out of my thoughts. "What about us?"

"There is no us."

She narrows her eyes at me. "There was, until recently… and as your receptionist has been working here for a few months now, I'd be intrigued to know when you started screwing her." She moves closer. "Did you cheat on me, Cooper? Were you fucking her during the week, and me at the weekends?"

"No, I wasn't. I was faithful to you while we were together, Meredith." In deed, if not in thought… "You left me," I say. "Then you let it be known you were seeing someone else. As far as I was concerned, we were over. I was a free agent…"

"But that was just a game."

"And how was I supposed to know that?"

"You could've called me."

"When did I ever call you? When did I ever make the running?"

"Never," she says.

"Precisely. Doesn't that tell you something?"

She opens her mouth, and closes it again before she says, "And you'd make the running for her, would you?"

"I'd walk through fire for her. Hell, I'd die for her, if I had to."

She frowns. "You'd…?"

"Accept it. We're over," I say before she can repeat my words back at me. "Truth be told, we were over a long time ago. In fact, I'm not sure we ever got started."

"That's not true. We…"

"We fucked, Meredith. That's all we ever did… and that's not enough."

"It used to be," she says, sulkily.

"Well, it's not anymore."

"What do you need, then?"

"I need more."

"More?" She raises her voice. "I've lost count of the number of times I asked you for more… and you always said no."

"Yeah. Because I didn't want more with you, or anyone else. This is a new concept for me… one I discovered the moment I fell in love with Mallory, and understood what more really means."

"You… You're an asshole, Cooper White," she yells. "A perverted fucking asshole."

"Very possibly."

I keep my voice calm, and with nothing left to say, and no more insults to hurl, it seems, she lets out a high-pitched scream of frustration, and turns, flouncing out as usual.

She's left the door wide open, but I don't rush straight over to it. Instead, I open Mallory's top drawer and with shaking fingers, fumble for the keys, pulling them out and only then running to the door so I can lock it. I don't want Meredith or anyone else coming in here, and once that's done, I dash back, throwing the keys on the desk, and hurry to the rear of the clinic, opening the door to the stairs, and practically falling over Mallory.

She's sitting on the third step up, with tears rolling down her cheeks, and I'm lost for words, my heart cracking open in my chest. I've done this. I'm responsible, and although she's never cried in front of me before, and I'm a stranger to weeping women, I lift her into my arms, lowering myself onto the step, with Mallory on my lap, and I hold her close to me, like it's the most natural thing in the world.

"Did you hear all that?" I whisper and she nods her head, guilt and fear rushing through my body, my skin turning to ice. "I'm sorry, Mallory. I'm so sorry."

She leans back, although I don't let her go too far. "What for?" she whimpers.

"I don't know, but that must have been hard to hear."

"You mean all those intimate things about the two of you fucking, how much she missed your cock, and how she didn't want you to touch her ass?"

"Yeah." Among other things.

She shakes her head. "It was worse hearing the two of you fucking than hearing you talk about it, but I need to ask…"

"Ask what?"

"Is… Is that why you like me?" she says. "Is it because I enjoy all the things we do together?"

"No." I shake my head, brushing my fingers down her cheek and gazing into her eyes. "Don't get me wrong, I'm eternally grateful you didn't call me a pervert when I first touched your ass… but if you'd said ‘no' in some other way, it wouldn't have changed a thing. Is that why you're crying? Because you think what we have is limited by what we do?"

"No. I just needed to know."

"And does my answer change anything?"

"No."

I smile, although I'm still confused by her tears. They haven't stopped and I need some answers myself.

"I need to clarify something," I say.

"What's that?"

"You asked why I like you, but I don't like you… at least I don't just like you. I'm in love with you. If you heard everything else I said to Meredith, you must have heard me say that."

She nods her head. "I did."

"So, is that why you're crying? Because I told her before I said it to you?"

"Yes, and no. I don't mind so much that you told someone else first."

"You'd just prefer it if the someone else hadn't been Meredith?"

"Yes. But I can't really complain. After all, I practically told Laurel how I feel about you."

"Really?"

"Yes. She guessed I'd fallen for you, and I didn't deny it, which is almost the same as saying it out loud… isn't it?"

"It is." I pull her closer and she lets me, as I smile to myself. Laurel's secrets make more sense now, although… "When was this?" I ask, intrigue getting the better of me.

"It was on the day we helped them move house."

She can't mean that. "But… But that was before… before…"

"It was before everything for you, Coop. I've been in love with you since the moment I first saw you."

I cup her face with my hand, gazing into her eyes.

"How did I not notice?"

"Because you weren't looking."

"I am now." I smile, and she smiles back. "Okay. If you're not crying because you think I'm only with you for your perfect ass, or because I just told my ex how I feel about you, then why are there still tears rolling down your cheeks? Is it because I asked you to leave?"

"No. I'll admit that was what first set me off. It felt like you wanted to be alone with her, and I was scared about why that might be… until I realized you did it to protect me… because you love me."

"Exactly. And because I love you, it's my job to keep you safe. I wasn't making it up just now when I said I'd walk through fire for you. Fights with Meredith can be a bit like that, and I didn't want you to be a part of it. Those weren't just words, you know? I meant everything I said back then… if it meant keeping you safe, I'd give my life for you."

"I know. And that's why I'm crying. Obviously I don't want you to die… for me, or anyone else, but no-one ever cared about me before. Not like this. It's a little…" She stops talking as her tears overwhelm her again and I stare at her, taking in her tear-stained cheeks, her shining eyes, the smile that's playing on her lips, and how beautiful she looks… and I have to admit, I'm more confused than ever.

"Sorry… I don't get it. Aren't you happy that I love you, and care for you, and want to make you safe?"

She giggles. "Of course I am," she says, and rests her head on my chest.

"I see." I don't. In reality, I'm utterly bewildered, but I stroke her hair, and she nestles against me. "Does this happen often?" I ask and she looks up.

"Does what happen often?"

"Crying because you're happy."

"I don't know. I've never been this happy before." A smile touches my lips and I bend my head and kiss her. She's still sniffling, but she takes a breath and I lean back, looking down at her. "I'm not renowned for crying," she says. "Which you'll probably be relieved to hear. I suppose it's one of the things about growing up alone, with no-one to love you… it makes you very unsentimental."

"Okay, but you've got me to love you now."

She smiles. "I know, but I guess what I'm trying to say is, this behavior isn't normal for me. In fact, it's completely abnormal. I'm not a hearts and flowers kind of person. I've never needed them."

"That's fine. But if you don't need hearts and flowers, what do you need?"

"I just need you, Coop. That's all."

I kiss her again, keeping it brief, and whisper, "I'm yours, babe."

"I'm so… I'm so happy," she wails and bursts into tears… yet again.

I don't claim to understand, but I hold her close to my chest and let her weep for a while, until her sobs subside and she sniffles and looks up at me.

"Sorry," she murmurs.

"You don't have to apologize."

"Can we… Can we go upstairs?"

"Of course we can."

She turns, grabbing her purse from the step above us and I stand, bringing her with me, and carry her up the stairs. I have to set her down at my front door, to unlock it, but once I have, I take her hand and lead her inside.

Saffron jumps down from her spot on the couch and comes straight over to me.

"What is it with you and other women?" Mallory says, her eyes sparkling, although it's with mischief, not with tears, which is a relief.

"There are no other women for me… only you."

"And our cat, it would seem."

"She's our cat now, is she?"

"It looks that way."

I bend, lifting Saffron and tucking her under my arm. She gazes up at me, and I rub under her chin. "She's certainly made herself at home."

"Yeah. Your couch will never be your own again."

"It's our couch, and if we move things around a little, there's probably enough space to squeeze in the one from upstairs, so we don't have to share."

I dump the cat back on the couch again, although she flips around, clearly displeased with my move and sits up on the arm, glaring at me. I glare back, then turn to Mallory, who puts her purse on the floor, then looks over my shoulder.

"What's that?" she says. I follow the line of her gaze, my eyes dropping to the cardboard box that was delivered this morning. That feels like a lifetime ago, and to be honest, I'd forgotten all about it.

"It's just something I bought."

"Clearly." Mallory crosses her arms, tilting her head at me. "But what is it?"

"I'm not sure I should tell you."

"Why not? Is it a present?"

"Not exactly."

"Then why are you hesitating over telling me about it?"

"Because of what we've just been talking about downstairs."

She frowns. "In that case, you definitely need to tell me."

"Okay." I step up to her and pull her into my arms, unfolding hers in the process. She leans back, like she needs the space, but I shake my head and smile down at her. "Don't be so defensive."

"Then tell me what's in the box."

"It's some anal beads, a couple of butt plugs, and some lubricant." She stares at me, like she's working that out, and then her face clears. "I thought that, maybe over the weekend, in between moving your things, we could… experiment a little." She nods her head, not because she's agreeing with me, but with a movement that's so considered, it feels like she's having second thoughts. "Is something wrong?" I ask.

"I don't know." She frowns. "I mean… this is obviously something you like doing," she says. "I think I already knew that before I overheard your conversation with Meredith, but what I didn't realize until just now was that it wasn't something you'd done with her."

"No, it wasn't."

"Because she didn't want to."

"No. She made that very clear."

"And yet you stayed with her."

"Yes." I pull her closer, even though she's resistant. "I've been with other women who haven't been keen on anal sex, or who've been okay with anal play, but haven't wanted to take it any further, and I've always accepted their decisions."

"And stayed with them, too?" she asks.

"For a while. Until the relationship had run its course. This isn't a deal breaker for me. And it doesn't mean there was anything special about them that made me stay, regardless of their choices, if that's what you're thinking."

"Then why did you?"

"Why did I stay?" I ask, and she nods. "Because I was lazy. Because it was convenient." I shrug my shoulders. "Who knows? Does it matter now?"

"I guess not," she says, tilting her head.

"So, do you wanna change your mind?" I ask.

"What about?"

"About experimenting. About me, being inside your ass," I say, my voice dropping to a low growl, which seems to make her shudder. "You can if you want. I won't love you any less."

"I know you won't," she says, sounding more confident at last. "And I don't want to change my mind. I want it, too. At least I wanna try, anyway."

"Okay."

She smiles and relaxes into my arms again… thank god. "Just promise you'll take it easy with me," she says.

"Of course I will."

"Thank you."

"What for?"

"For taking care of me," she says.

"You have nothing to be thankful for. I'm the one who's thankful to have you in my life… and just so you know, I'll always take care of you. Not just in this, but in everything."

"Would you… Would you like to take care of me now?" she says, her voice dropping slightly, her meaning obvious.

"I'd love to."

I bend my head, my lips meeting hers, and I carry her through to the bedroom, only breaking our kiss when we reach the bed.

"I need to be naked," she whispers, and I smile down at her, unfastening her blouse and bra, my eyes fixed on hers the entire time. Her skirt follows and as she's not wearing any underwear, she simply has to kick off her shoes, and the task is complete.

"Better?" I say and she nods her head.

"I will be, when you're naked, too."

"That's easy."

I yank my top over my head and push down my pants, watching the way her eyes rake over my body.

"That's much better," she murmurs, reaching out and running her fingers down the middle of my chest, going lower and lower, until she reaches my cock, her hand clamping around it.

As much as I love how that feels, I need to be horizontal, and I grab her wrist, putting both her hands onto my shoulders and then lift her, tipping her back onto the mattress and lowering myself on top of her.

I raise myself up, gazing down at her beautiful face as I part her legs with mine, finding her entrance, and flexing my hips, nudging inside her. She gasps and sighs, and I bury myself, letting out a groan of satisfaction.

"We're home," she says, letting out a long breath.

"We are… although…" I stop talking, trying to piece together my thoughts.

"Although what?"

"I'm just thinking."

"Is now the best time for that?" I shake my head at her, and she smiles. "What are you thinking?"

I drop to my elbows and gently slide back and forth, in and out of her, creating a slow and steady rhythm that's not too distracting, as I caress her cheek with the backs of my fingers.

"That I'm not sure this is where we should make our home."

She frowns, although it doesn't stop her raising her hips… matching me, stroke for stroke. "Why not?"

"Aside from the fact that my history is here, and I don't want you to have any reminders of it, I can't help thinking we should maybe find ourselves somewhere a little… bigger."

"Bigger?"

I smile, loving the fact that she's ignored my remarks about my history. Taking her away from it, and from all the things she must have heard, is one of the many things I can do to make her feel safe, but we don't need to make a drama out of it.

"Yeah. I can afford it."

"You can?" She seems surprised and I have to smile.

"Sure. I choose to live here because it's convenient, but I don't have to. My practice pays very well, in case you haven't noticed."

"Even so, we don't have to move… certainly not for my benefit."

"It wouldn't be entirely for your benefit. The extra space would be useful."

"Why? You just said we could squeeze the second couch in, and I only have my clothes and some books. We don't need anywhere bigger."

"I think Saffron would appreciate it, though, don't you?"

"Saffron? You mean you're planning this for the other woman in your life?"

I laugh and so does she, our bodies shaking, and my cock twitching inside her, which makes her gasp.

"There are no other women in my life, although I think she'd be less snappy and more amenable if she could let off steam, rather than being cooped up all day."

"Maybe."

I feel like she's coming around to the idea, and I reach down and place my hand under her ass, raising her off of the bed slightly, so my next inward thrust hits the front wall of her vagina. Her breath catches and she lets out a moan of satisfaction, which makes me smile.

"Besides, don't you think it would be nice to have some outside space?"

"What… could you do that again?"

"Do what?" I ask, plunging a little deeper. "That?"

"Yes. It feels so good."

I do it again, and again, and then slow the pace, getting her attention. "You were gonna say something?"

"Was I?" she says, her brow furrowing and then quickly clearing again. "Oh, yeah. What would the outside space be for?"

"Our kids. It would be good for them to have somewhere to run around."

"Kids?" She looks beautifully bewildered.

"Yes."

"We're having kids?"

"I think that's a given, babe."

"Is it?"

"Yeah. We take way too many risks."

"I know, but… but I didn't think you were interested in children, and families, and things like that."

"I am now. Or I will be… when I've made you Mrs. White."

She stops moving, staring up at me, her eyes wide, her mouth slightly open. "I—Is that a proposal?"

Have I read this wrong? Should I have planned it better?

"You said you didn't need hearts and flowers."

"I don't."

I smile. "Then answer me."

"You haven't asked anything yet."

"Okay." I take a deep breath. "Will you marry me?"

She smiles, biting on her bottom lip at the same time. "Yes," she says, nodding her head, and I bend mine to kiss her, our lips touching just as she pulls away and lets out a yelp. "Jesus, Saffron… your timing."

I lean up, turning around to see the cat sitting right at the end of the bed, down by Mallory's foot.

"What did she do?"

"She bit my toe."

I shake my head and, taking care not to hurt Mallory, I pull out of her before I stand up and grab the cat, taking her to the door and putting her down on the floor.

"You stay out here for now. There's only room in my bed for one woman."

I shut the door and walk back to Mallory, who's lying exactly where I left her, although she's raised herself up and is balancing on her elbows, looking at me.

"Which woman would that be?" she says, teasing.

"You, of course, Mrs. White."

"I'm not Mrs. White yet."

"Not yet," I whisper as I lean over and kiss her. "But you're close enough."