Chapter Nineteen

Mallory

Hearing that Meredith had called this morning was so much more disturbing than I would have expected. I didn't want to react like I did. I wanted to be brave and brush it off, to say it didn't matter, and mean it.

Except it did matter.

And I wasn't feeling brave enough to lie about it.

It's like I said to Cooper, Meredith is supposed to be in the past, not the present… and definitely not the future. I can just about accept her as something that happened before me, but not as something that's happening to me.

I wish I'd been able to explain that to Cooper before he had to come downstairs to let Greta in. I wish I'd been able to tell him how unsafe it all made me feel, and that he'd had time to reassure me, and hold me, and tell me it would all be okay.

He said I was it for him, which helped to set my mind at rest a little. I wanted to tell him I feel the same way, but we were interrupted by Greta knocking on the door. I wanted to tell him I'm in love with him, in the hope he feels the same way. Except I know he might not. I think he feels something for me, but I don't know if it's love yet… or whether it ever will be. He told me he wanted to make me feel safe, every minute of the day, and that has to mean something, doesn't it?

I've been mulling it over all day, without reaching any conclusions, and what's made it worse is that I haven't really had the chance to see Cooper. He's been slammed with appointments since the first patient walked in the door, and even had to work through lunch, so we didn't get to take some time out and go upstairs. I wish we had, though. I need him more than ever right now.

I check the time, relieved to see it's three-thirty already. One good thing about being so busy is that the time flies, and at least the day is nearly done. Cooper's last appointment is in an hour from now, and once that's through, the weekend is ours.

Thank God.

We can talk about what happened this morning, move my things into his place, and spend as much time in bed as we like. That thought makes my skin tingle with anticipation… because no matter what else is going on, I still want him. I want him like I want to feel safe. The two things go hand-in-hand for me. It's like Cooper is my harbor… my sanctuary. I want to anchor myself to him and let him protect me from the outside world. I think he wants the same thing. But after this morning, I need to be sure. I need him to cast off the nagging doubts in the back of my mind, sown by Meredith's phone call and the memories it brought back, of all the times I heard them together.

I know Cooper didn't talk to her, and that he blocked her number, so she can't contact him again. That ought to feel reassuring in itself, and it does. But I just need some time alone with him… which is the one thing we haven't had all day.

The phone rings and I jump, answering it promptly.

"Cooper White's Dental Clinic… how may I help?"

"I hope you can." The woman on the end of the line sounds distressed. "I have a terrible toothache. I need to see the dentist."

I check the calendar on my screen. "Doctor White has a slot on Monday morning at nine."

"I can't wait until Monday. I told you, I've got a toothache. It's agony."

I glance back at today's schedule. His three-thirty appointment is already with him. He has another at four, and a further one thirty minutes later. The five pm slot has been blanked out for some reason, and I push my chair back from my desk, getting to my feet.

"I may be able to fit you in this afternoon. Can you just hold the line while I check?"

"Sure."

I put the call on hold, and hurry over to the surgery, knocking quietly on the door, and waiting until I hear Cooper call out, "Come in."

He's perched on the edge of his stool, his head bent over his patient – Mr. Carpenter – who's lying back in the dentist's chair, but the moment I come into the room, Cooper looks up at me. He's wearing a surgical mask, but I can see the smile in his eyes.

"Is something wrong?" he asks.

"I've got a patient on the phone who's asking if you can fit her in this afternoon. She says she has a toothache and is in agony."

Greta is over by the computer and switches the screen.

"You could see her at five," she says, but Cooper shakes his head.

"I blocked that session out because you're not here."

"And you're telling me you can't cope by yourself?"

Mr. Carpenter looks up and smiles. "I'd call that a challenge, Doc."

"So would I," Cooper says, although he turns to me, with such disappointment in his eyes, I wish I could find a way out of it for him. I can't, though… not when someone is suffering as much as the poor woman on the phone.

"What shall I do?" I ask. "She's waiting on the line."

He shakes his head. "Tell her she can come at five."

I nod, and he copies me, his eyes twinkling, so I know he's smiling. He can't do anything more reassuring than that, and while I'd love for it to be enough, I crave his arms, and his soft words… and to feel his lips on mine.

That'll have to wait even longer now, and I duck out of the room, closing the door before I return to my desk.

"The dentist will see you at five," I say, sitting back down and picking up the phone.

"That's great."

"Can I take your name, please?"

"It's Miss Pollock."

I unblock the session that starts at five and type in her name.

"Can you give me your number, please?" She recites it to me, and I add that in the required field. "That's fine then. We'll see you at five."

"Excellent."

She doesn't say ‘thank you', which strikes me as a little rude, but I guess she's in pain, and rudeness can be excused at times like that.

Mr. Carpenter comes out of the surgery, talking over his shoulder, and I'm relieved to see it's Cooper who's accompanying him. He hasn't done that so far today, because he's been so busy, but he's clearly decided to make the time, and as his four o'clock appointment hasn't arrived yet, he probably has a point.

"I'll have to call to make my next appointment," Mr. Carpenter says, stopping by my desk. "I didn't bring my diary with me."

He's of an age where his diary is probably still in paper form, rather than on his phone, and I smile up at him, nodding my head.

"That's fine."

He thanks Cooper, then bids us both goodbye, before striding to the door, and the moment it's closed, Cooper turns to me.

"What happened about the woman who phoned earlier?" he asks.

"She's coming at five."

He sighs, shaking his head, and now he's removed his surgical mask, I can see his disappointment. "I was hoping to finish early tonight. I've been worried about you."

"Why?"

"Because you don't feel safe anymore, do you?"

I sigh, leaning forward. "No, I don't. But I love that you worked it out without me having to tell you."

"Of course I did. I just wish I had time to convince you that you're wrong."

"Am I?"

"Yes. Because I will keep you safe. No matter what's happened in the past, nothing can hurt you now. I promise."

I wish he could hold me in his arms and say that all over again… but at that precise moment, the door opens and his next patient comes in, along with a gust of wind.

"I'm so sorry I'm late," she says, closing the door again. "It's just started to rain and the wind's picked up."

As she's speaking, she shrugs off her coat, hooking it up on the coat stand by the door before shaking out her graying hair.

Cooper takes the chance and leans in even closer. "We'll talk later," he says, giving me a smile, and I nod my head as he stands up, stepping away. "You're not late at all, Mrs. Craig." He waits for her to join him, and shows her into the surgery, the two of them discussing the weather as he shuts the door.

"You need to go." Cooper opens the clinic door, ushering Greta out of it. "You're gonna be late for your appointment."

"I know, but…"

"But nothing. I'll manage." He shoos her away with a wave of his hand, and she rushes to the lunchroom, returning within moments.

She's still wearing her scrubs, which is unusual for Greta, but I guess she doesn't have time to change, and she hurries to the door, waving over her shoulder and calling out, "Have a good weekend," as it closes. As far as I'm aware, she has no idea I'm moving in with Cooper, but she'll find out soon enough… as will everyone else in Hart's Creek, I'm sure.

"That was a whirlwind," I say, turning to Cooper, who's still standing by the door to his surgery.

"It was." He comes over, standing on the other side of my desk and looking down at me. "Is there no sign of this woman yet?"

"Miss Pollock? No."

It's already a couple of minutes after five and a part of me hopes she won't make it, and we can go upstairs, and just forget about everything and everyone else… except us.

"Are you still feeling unsafe?" he says, leaning over.

"I'll feel a lot better when we're upstairs and alone."

"So will I." There's a tease to his voice and a twinkle in his eyes that makes me smile, although it quickly fades, and Cooper clearly notices, coming around my desk and crouching beside me. "What's wrong?" he says.

"Nothing… it's just that I hate myself for being so pathetic over a phone call you didn't even take."

"You're not pathetic. You're the strongest woman I know." I shake my head, but he reaches out, capturing my chin in his hand and holding me still, our eyes meeting. "I mean it, Mallory. You've survived without anyone to love you, or care for you, since you were six years old. I couldn't have done that, and I don't know anyone else who could, either."

"Maybe. But I don't feel very strong right now."

"That's because you're tired of doing it all by yourself. And that's okay. You don't have to anymore."

"Are you sure? Knowing that Meredith could just call you, or walk through the door if she felt like it, makes me feel as though she's still here… like she's still part of your life."

"She never was… not in the way you are."

I sigh and sit back, and he drops his hand to my lap, letting it rest there. "I probably wouldn't mind so much if I hadn't heard you together." His eyes cloud with sadness, but I haven't finished yet. "I know there have been other women besides her. I'm pretty sure there were quite a few of them." He shrugs his shoulders, but doesn't deny it. "That doesn't bother me in the slightest," I say.

"But Meredith does?"

"Yes. Because I heard you with her. I heard the things she used to say – or scream – and the sounds you used to make, and…"

"I'm sorry," he says. "I'm sorry you had to hear any of it, but none of it meant anything. With her, it was just sex. With you, it's so much more."

"I know. I'm just trying to explain that having all that in my head makes her presence more real… and her phone call more of a shock. We'd been so happy together, and…"

"Hey… we're still happy, aren't we?" He leans in, fear filling his eyes, lining his face.

I nod my head, but before I can open my mouth to reassure him, the door bursts open and I let out a cry of surprise. Cooper shoots to his feet, and it feels like all the air has been sucked from the room as Meredith walks in.

This is like my worst nightmare, but I can't speak… can't move. I can barely breathe, and I just watch as Cooper moves around my desk, striding toward her.

"What are you doing here?" His voice is harsh, although she doesn't seem to notice and just smiles up at him as she closes the door, shutting out the noise of the wind and rain. She looks tiny beside him, her shapely figure enhanced by skin-tight jeans and a brightly colored sweater. Despite the weather, her red hair seems untroubled, and is arranged in a stylish up-do that suits her pretty face.

Damn her.

"I have an appointment."

"No, you don't."

I cough, finding my voice. "Cooper's fully booked," I say. "His last appointment is at five."

"I know. It's with Miss Pollock."

"How did you know that?" Cooper asks.

"Because I'm Miss Pollock. I'm a few minutes late, but I didn't think you'd mind."

She doesn't take her eyes from him, ignoring me completely.

"You used a false name?" he says.

"I had to. You declined my call this morning, and when I tried sending a text message, it didn't get delivered. I guessed you must have blocked my number."

"Yeah, I did. But that still doesn't explain why you're here, or why you used a false name to book your supposed appointment."

"Would you have taken the booking if I'd used my real name?"

"Of course not."

"Exactly," she says, and then suddenly looks at me, with a smirk on her lips. "Although, if your receptionist had any intelligence at all, she'd have realized the name was fake."

"How?" I ask.

"Ever heard of Jackson Pollock?" she says, her voice dripping sarcasm.

"Naturally. Although I can't say he's one of my favorite artists."

Cooper turns, smiling at me, but Meredith coughs, getting his attention again. "That just shows what you know about art," she murmurs, her eyes leaving mine and returning to him. "We need to talk," she says.

I hear his sigh and see his shoulders drop. "I used to hate hearing those four words when we were together," he says. "But we're not together anymore, so I no longer have to listen to them, or you. We've got nothing to talk about, Meredith."

She stares up at him for a moment and then glances back at me. "Can we do this in private?" she says, moving closer to him. Seriously? Who does she think she is, and how dare she expect me to leave? I have more right to be here than she does, and I open my mouth to say so, when Cooper spins around, coming back to my desk and looking down at me. The words die on my lips the moment I see his expression.

"Can you excuse us?" he says, making my blood freeze.

He's dismissing me?

I want to ask why. Why is he putting her first? Does he want to be alone with her? The thought makes my skin crawl and my eyes sting with unshed tears, and although I want to ask him all those questions, my voice won't work. So, I grab my purse and turn away, refusing to let either of them see me cry.

I head for the stairs, but I leave the door open and perch on the edge of the third step up, holding my breath and listening. It's wrong to eavesdrop. I know better than anyone that it usually means you'll hear things you don't want to. Experience has taught me that. But what else can I do? I can't get into Cooper's place without his key, and I don't feel like going up another floor and sitting all by myself in my own apartment, without even Saffron for company. Besides, I feel entitled to know what's going on… even if hearing it might be the last thing I need.

It could mean everything I've ever wanted is about to go up in smoke.