CHAPTER 21

“How is it?”

“It’s okay. Just a little sore. Doc said it’s still good. Maybe I’m imagining it hurting or something,” Drew answered the question of one of the trainers for Team USA snowboarding.

“I doubt you’re imagining it. We should get in some exercises. Maybe you still need to build up strength in the muscles. I know you trained a little before you got here the first time, but how much of that was on strength-building?”

“Some, but not much. We didn’t want to risk it.”

“I think we’ll get you into the gym today, then, and work on that. If it’s still bugging you, though, we’ll talk about some other options, and we’ll work on how we wrap it up for you, too, in order to make sure it’s comfortable and flexible out there but still supporting in the right places. It doesn’t look swollen anywhere, so can you point out where it’s hurting now?”

“It’s just an ache on the inside.” Drew dragged her index finger on the inside of her kneecap from the bottom to the top.

“And is it all the time or only at certain times?” He began feeling around as if that would point out where the problem was when X-rays and MRIs hadn’t yet.

“It’s pretty much all the time unless it’s elevated, but it’s really small. Like, it just keeps reminding me that I hurt my knee once because it wants me to remember or something.”

He laughed a little at that and said, “Yeah, sounds about right. I’ll talk to the doc, too, so that we’re all working together. For now, let’s get you in the gym, working on your quads. We’ll keep it easy and light today; just muscle-building but not too many reps and nothing too heavy. If the pain gets worse, you tell me, and we stop immediately. If you feel anything sharp, you stop and tell me. Deal?”

“Yeah, no problem,” she said.

“I’ll get with the doc after, and we’ll come up with a plan while you’re back in your room icing this. I’ll send you over the plan tonight, okay?”

“Can I practice tomorrow?”

“We’ll see, but… probably. If the tests aren’t showing anything, it’s not swollen anywhere, and you’re able to move around fine, I don’t see why not. Sometimes, when we get hurt, we get used to protecting the injury. It’s a brain thing. It doesn’t want us to feel pain, so it tells us to avoid it, which is a good thing, generally – it’s our fight or flight. But, sometimes, our brains keep telling us to continue to protect the injury even after it’s healed, so you might still be walking in a different way or not be on the board the same way you used to be when your knee was good. As a result, now, it’s hurting your knee that you keep trying to protect it.” The guy chuckled again as if that was funny somehow, which it wasn’t to Drew. “We’ll take a look at everything just in case, so I’ll watch you walk in the gym first to see if maybe you’re overcorrecting. Let’s go now and get you back on track.”

Drew already thought she was back on track. She’d won the event here and had been boarding well. Today, though, her knee had started to ache. It had been a pulsing pain at first, but then it had stopped on her third time down the track and turned into a solid ache. She could handle the pain no problem, but she’d been worried that she’d done something to damage it again, and if that was the case, Drew didn’t want to wait too long to get it fixed. If it was scar tissue again, the sooner she knew that and found out if it had to be removed, the better so that she could have more time to recover before final selection for the Olympic Team.

She was in the training camp right now, and this was where the coaches and staff evaluated everyone who wanted to be on that final team more closely than they could by traveling to the events that weren’t for national teams. Drew knew that Selma’s own camp started tomorrow, and she should be checking into her room tonight. They’d decided that Selma would text her once she was in and had already talked to Gia to let Drew know when it was a good time to call. They’d done the same last night when Drew had texted Selma to tell her that she’d gotten settled and could talk. Then, they’d talked for an hour before Selma needed to get Gia to bed.

Drew missed them. Both of them. She’d gotten a quick chance to say goodnight to Gia on the phone last night, but Selma didn’t want them to talk long because Gia needed to go to sleep, and Selma still needed to pack. Drew was still surprised at how much she always looked forward to talking to a nine-year-old kid. Gia said funny things at times that gave Drew that kind of belly laugh that just got her by when things weren’t all that great. Plus, Gia reminded Drew so much of Selma. Their facial expressions were nearly identical. So was their body language. They even crossed their arms over their chests and stuck out their feet the same way. Drew thought of her own mother and wondered if they did something like that the same way. She couldn’t think of anything, but it was hard to see it herself, probably. Maybe if Selma met her mom one day, she could tell Drew what it was, if anything.

Great, now she was thinking about Selma Driscoll meeting her mother. The only time that would ever happen was if her mom was at the finish line of a race, waiting for Drew, and Selma was in the same race or otherwise waiting for Drew there, too. She’d meet her mother as a friend or as a fellow boarder, and that would be that.

“You don’t have time for this,” she muttered to herself as she raised her legs, trying to focus her mind on her knee and the weights it was lifting and not on the idea of Selma meeting her mother and how Drew would stand at her side with an arm around her, maybe pulling her in closer, or even giving her a kiss after a win. “Nope. Stop it.”

“Everything okay, Drew?” the trainer asked as he reviewed something on his tablet.

“Yup. All good,” she answered. “No new pain or anything.”

“Okay. Do one more set for me. Then, we’ll move on.”

“You got it,” she confirmed and forced her mind to remain focused on the whole reason she was here.

◆◆◆

“FaceTime, huh?” Drew asked later that night when she was lying on her side in her bed.

“Is it not okay? I can call back.”

“No, it’s fine. I like seeing your face,” she replied with a smile that she quickly removed from her own face and pretended like it had never been there at all.

Selma was sitting up in her own bed, and she was eating something. She must have had her phone resting on something next to her. Selma went to put the fork in her mouth, paused, but didn’t look at the screen. Then, she ate whatever it was and seemed to also pretend that Drew hadn’t said what she’d just said. That was interesting.

“I… like seeing your face, too.”

Okay. So, she hadn’t been pretending. She’d just needed a minute to think about her reply. Selma looked over at Drew then and gave her a small smile, which Drew returned.

“It’s an all-right face, I guess,” Drew played off.

Selma rolled her eyes at her and said, “I’m not going to give you another compliment. That head of yours would grow, like, six sizes and wouldn’t fit through the door.”

“What are you eating?”

“Not chocolate cake, unfortunately. It’s just grilled chicken. I got in later than I thought. I ordered and talked to Gia and my grandma, but I know it’s late, so I didn’t want to make you wait until I was done eating.”

“Ah. Flavorless grilled chicken; dinner of champions.”

“It’s got flavor: some balsamic marinade thing. But that can’t help the fact that it’s made of rubber.”

“Ahhh… the hotel room service rubbery chicken; dinner of champions.”

That made Selma laugh, which made Drew smile.

“What did you have for dinner?”

“Salmon. Lemon sauce thing. It was overcooked, but not bad. Salad with that.”

“Broccoli,” Selma said of her dinner and held up a piece of broccoli on her fork.

“Gross. I hate broccoli.”

“Really? I love it. I really like it with cheese, but I’ll settle for just some flaky salt and maybe some lemon if it’s cooked right.”

“Is that one cooked right?”

“God, no,” Selma replied with a little laugh. “I think they shoved it into some boiling water, forgot about it, then gave it a sprinkle of salt and prayed I wouldn’t complain about it.”

“Are you going to?”

“No, I’m too tired. And you get what you get in hotels like this sometimes, you know?”

“I do know; comes with the traveling-a-lot territory.”

“So, how was it today? Good to be back?” Selma asked.

“It was good until I worried I’d hurt my knee again,” Drew answered. “I didn’t. Everything is still normal. It’s all in my head. But I can’t get my head to move the hell on.”

Selma turned toward the phone and dragged her tray of food over the bed so that she could look more directly at Drew than before.

“It’s because it matters a lot now.”

“What does?”

“You made it. You’re back. It’s about to happen for you; another chance at the Olympic gold medal you probably should’ve gotten last time had it not been for some young hotshot who thought she could get by the more experienced and much faster boarder.”

Drew smiled at that.

“You’re worried about your knee causing you problems when it matters, so it’s manifesting physically, that worry,” Selma added. “Have they shown you the X-rays or MRIs?”

“Shown me the images? I guess after my surgery, they did, and then a few months ago. Why?”

“Ask them to show you everything they have from the most recent scans so your mind can see that there’s nothing in there to cause the problem.”

“Are you a doctor or something, too, and you didn’t tell me?” she teased.

“No, but I read a book by this sports psychologist once who talked about how athletes sometimes have a hard time believing when they’re no longer hurt. She suggested something like that. Seeing is believing, right?”

“I guess I can ask.”

“Oh, and have them explain it.”

“Explain what?”

“What the injury was, what they did to repair it, and how it’s not there anymore. That helps, too,” Selma suggested.

“Okay. Well, maybe I should just buy this book and read it myself.”

“I’ll send you the link. It’s called Sports Psychology from a Player Turned Psychologist by Dr. Everly Holman.”

“I’ll have to check it out,” Drew replied. “How are you feeling about tomorrow?”

“Good. I’m ready to finally be back in it for real this time; train with the team, get ready, and get back out there competing. I’m not here for third place, you know?”

“I do know. I’m worried about what happens the first time we face off against each other.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, you’ve gotten really good since we last raced each other. I’ve no idea if you’re going to kick my ass or if I stand a chance against you.”

“You’re crazy. You’re still a way better boarder than I am,” Selma suggested and ate some more of her broccoli.

“I’ve been watching your tape, Selma. You’ve really improved. Your turns are tighter than they used to be; you’re getting more air on your jumps, timing your landings better; and you’re getting a better start than you used to as well. You shaved a whole second off your start in one competition I watched from prelim to final, and you won that thing.”

“You’ve been watching my videos?” Selma asked with a smile.

“Hey, you watched mine first,” Drew joked.

“I did, yes. That’s how I ended up here.” Selma shrugged.

“No, that’s how you started here. You ended up here because of you.”

Selma tilted her head.

“What?” Drew asked.

“Nothing. It’s just that my grandma said sort of the same thing to me the other day.”

“What thing?”

“We were talking when I got back from visiting you. She asked how it was, but that’s not important. I mentioned that it was… strange for me to be your friend now, when you’re the reason I’m boarding, and she pointed out that you were the reason I started but not the reason I kept going.”

“Smart woman. I told you that Ruth is a good egg.”

Selma laughed and said, “That, she is.”

“So, broccoli. Anything else I should know that’s weird about you?”

“Liking broccoli is weird?”

“Obviously, Selma. Man, I’ve never said the word ‘broccoli’ so much in my life.”

“What weird thing do you like?”

“Depends on who you ask.”

“What does that mean?”

“Well,” Drew began. “Some people might find me having sex with women to be pretty weird, but it’s normal to me.”

“Oh,” Selma said softly.

“And pretty fun, too. Well, more than fun. Like, really, really good.” She winked at Selma, knowing she might be taking it too far.

They’d never talked about sex before or the fact that Drew was gay. Selma knew about her being gay, obviously, but they’d never talked about it.

“Right,” Selma replied and took a bite of her chicken.

“I guess I have my weird laundry thing, too. Maybe some people would find that strange.”

“Doesn’t count. Something good, Drew,” Selma suggested.

“I like mayonnaise on my toast at breakfast sometimes.”

“I’m sorry… What?” Selma laughed and had to grab a drink of her water.

“In the morning, if I’m at home, I’ll make toast and squeeze mayo on it.”

“Why would you do that?”

“Do you like BLTs?”

“Sure.”

“Same thing: toasted bread with mayo.”

“But it’s not. That’s breakfast. And BLTs are for lunch or maybe dinner. Besides, you have the bacon, lettuce, and tomato on there to cut the mayo.”

“Well, I said it was weird.”

“Do I have to watch you eat mayo toast when I stay with you next time? I’m not making that for you at the hotel.” Selma shook her head and laughed.

Drew smiled because Selma was talking about them seeing each other again, and not for snowboarding but because she wanted them to hang out.

“I won’t eat it when you’re there. How about that?”

“You can eat it, but maybe when I’m not looking. Is that better?”

“Sure,” Drew agreed and thought about her stuffing her face full of toast while Selma still slept in her bed.

“I’ll see you next week either way, though.”

“Yes, you will. Maybe we’ll be in the same heat.”

“Maybe. I’ll try not to make you fall this time,” Selma replied.

“Oh, you’ll just try?” Drew chuckled.

“No promises.” Selma shrugged again, and it was adorable.

“I’m guessing that I know the answer to this one, but is Gia coming with you?”

“No, she has school. It’s actually hard for her right now, which is a good thing, so I don’t want to risk it.”

“It got hard?”

“She’s still doing well. She just has to actually work now, which is what I want. I’ve never wanted everything to come easily to her. I feel like kids who have it too easy never really appreciate what they have because they didn’t have to work for it. She used to come home with straight As and just kind of roll her eyes at the whole thing. Now, she’s really working for those As and asking me to hang things on the fridge, so it’s working; whatever they’re doing.”

“That’s amazing, Selma. Have you talked to Heather again?”

“No, but I’m in the group she told me about, and it’s been helpful. Most of us are all dealing with the same things. She misses you; you know,” Selma said.

“Gia?”

Selma didn’t say anything for a second. Then, she nodded.

“Yeah, Gia misses you a lot.”

“I miss Gia, too,” Drew replied, and she could tell Selma knew what she meant because she saw a ghost of a smile on Selma’s face before it disappeared.

Drew, for her part, was no longer sure what they were doing here. Selma had had her head on Drew’s shoulder that night at the park, and she’d kept it there through three songs before someone had pulled Drew up to dance to a faster song. Drew hadn’t wanted to move. She’d wanted to stay there all night, wrap her arm around Selma’s shoulders, and pull her in closer, keeping her warm and showing Selma that that was what she wanted at the same time. Now, they were flirting a little on FaceTime chats and talking about weird things about themselves. Selma was acting like she was going back to Drew’s place to stay soon and that they’d have breakfast together at the hotel again as well. Drew was trying so hard to remember that this woman was straight, but it was getting harder and harder.

“I can’t wait to see you,” she said, deciding to risk it. “Even if it’s in a competition.”

“I can’t wait to see you, either,” Selma replied right away, not needing a minute to think about her response this time.

Drew couldn’t hold back her smile.

“Maybe we could hang out there and not snowboard?” she suggested. “If your team will allow you to fraternize with the enemy, of course.”

“Well, I don’t have to tell them,” Selma replied with a wink.

Drew swallowed because, damn, that was a sexy wink.

“Aren’t you a little rebel, Selma Driscoll?”

“Rebels are cool, right? I wouldn’t know; I’ve never been one.”

“Yeah, rebels are cool.” Drew chuckled at her.