Chapter Twenty-Two

CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

Vince

T hey'd been working the farm night and day since Charles broke his foot. Colby had been quieter than usual, singularly focused on the farm and what needed to be done before the wedding—and for all he knew, maybe even after that. In the small amount of downtime they'd had, Vince had tried to get him to brew beer or do something fun, but Colby hadn't seemed interested. Vince had a feeling there was more going on inside Colby's head than he was sharing, but anytime Vince tried to bring it up, he just said he was fine or changed the subject.

Vince was struggling with that. He didn't like to see Colby suffer, didn't like feeling as though the man was holding things back from him. That wasn't how they worked. They talked. They were honest. But then, Vince hadn't been completely honest about some of his feelings lately either, had he? Maybe that wasn't the right way to put it, but he hadn't told Colby how often he was thinking about them. That every waking moment he was this mixture of want for Colby and the fear he felt because of that want. It was one thing to admit they liked each other, but Vince could scarcely think of anything other than Colby.

And so just like Colby, Vince ended up losing himself into the work at the farm to help distract himself. It wasn't a hardship. He was aware he loved it even more than Colby did. Vince could be happy doing this every day of his damn life—working the farm and coming home to Colby.

He turned to watch Colby across the field, where he was talking to his mom. What technically should be their work hours was almost over, but they'd been staying later most days.

When his phone rang, he pulled it out to see it was his aunt. Vince smiled. It had been a while since they'd spoken, but it meant the world to him that she always tried to check in. That even after all these years and how her life had changed because she had to raise him, she didn't just let him slip out of her life.

"Hey, you," he answered.

"Hey. How are you doing?"

They chatted for a few minutes, she catching him up on her life and what had been going on with her and his uncle.

"What's new there?" she asked when she was finished.

"Mostly just getting ready for this wedding. Colby and I have been working our asses off at the farm. We're dead on our feet every night when we get home. It'll be nice when the wedding is over so we can get some more time back to ourselves."

"Big wedding, huh?"

"I think half of the damn county will be here. Roe is a Covington and one of the nicest guys around. Everyone wants to be part of their special day."

His aunt chuckled. "You sound happy over there."

He turned to look at Colby, who was still talking to his mom, and warmth spread through his chest. His heart sped up. Sometimes Colby talked about how it felt to have his first crush as a forty-year-old man. Vince had too many of them to count over his lifetime, but somehow, with Colby, it was like his first one too. It was bigger…more. "Yeah, I am."

"The two of you still coming to visit soon?" He'd texted his aunt about the trip out there and told her Colby would be coming too.

"Yeah, he's really looking forward to meeting you. Plus, Colby hasn't done much traveling, and he really wants to. We have a whole list of places we want to go."

"He's very special to you, isn't he?"

Colby was…man, he was everything to Vince, and that was the scariest damn thing that had ever happened to him. "Yeah, he is."

"I'm happy for you, Vincent. And your mama and daddy would be too. I might not have ever met Gregory, but he didn't make you sound the way you do when you talk about Colby."

No, he hadn't. Vince had loved Greg, but it didn't hold a candle to the intense feelings he had for Colby. The man who was still figuring out if he could love Vince. The man Vince didn't know how to tell he loved him.

Instead of answering her, he replied with, "I should get back to work."

"Okay. Love you."

"Love you too." Vince ended the call, his mind where it had been daily now. With Colby.

"I talked to my aunt today," Vince said to Colby on their way home that night. "She's excited for us to come out." Vince was excited too. As much as he loved what they were doing, he could use a little vacation. Maybe they'd be able to figure out what the hell was going on with them before that.

"Shit. I don't know if I'll be able to make it. With Dad's injury and him slowing down some, they're probably going to need me. I figure it will be tough for both of us to get the time off work."

Vince pulled into their driveway and parked. What Colby said made sense, and honestly, Vince should have thought about it himself, but… "You can't work all the time. You have to be able to have time off. Your parents would never expect you not to have vacations."

Colby sighed, then leaned his head against the window. "I know they wouldn't, but things will be hectic for a while. Summer is always a wild time, and then we go into fall with the apples. You remember how busy it was last year. I hadn't really considered the timing of the trip…and then both of us going. I just…things are going to be changing for me, I think. I should probably start preparing to take over the farm with Dennis. Trips should be put on hold until we get things organized."

He got what Colby was saying, but Vince's brain couldn't help but focus on one part of it: "Things are going to be changing for me." Did he also mean with them? Because things had always seemed fine with Gregory before they went to shit. Before things changed for Gregory and he realized Vince wasn't good enough for him.

"With us? Because if that's the case, I need you to tell me. I can't—"

Colby's head snapped up. "What? No. That's not what I was talking about at all. Are things changing for you?"

Vince groaned. God, he fucking hated this shit. Hated the insecurity he now felt because of the way Gregory had treated him. This wasn't him. He didn't act like this. "No. Things aren't changing for me." Only they were, but not in the way Colby thought. Not in the way Colby might be ready for. "I shouldn't have asked you that. You have a whole lot of stuff going on, and I'm putting my shit on you." Christ, the last thing he wanted was to add to Colby's burden, to push him in any way to make a decision he wasn't ready for.

"You're not. Fuck, you're not. You're the only thing keeping me sane." Colby unclicked his seat belt, did the same with Vince's, then rested his hand on the back of Vince's head and pulled him close. Colby took his mouth, sweeping his tongue inside, and damned if Vince didn't feel like he tasted a little sadness on him.

They dropped their foreheads together, and Vince said, "We'll figure it out. We'll put the trip off until things are sorted out."

"No. I can't ask you to do that. It's your family, Vince."

But the thing was, Colby felt like his family too. "You didn't ask."

Colby kissed the corner of his mouth. "I can't figure out why you like me."

"I have a list if you wanna hear it?"

Colby chuckled and pulled back. "Bet it's not nearly as long as my list for why I like you." Then, as if something just hit him, he dropped his head back and groaned. "Shit. I forgot I was supposed to stop by Clint's. He made some stuff for Mama, and I need to pick it up."

"Go inside. I'll grab it."

"No. You worked just as hard today. You shouldn't have to do it."

"I don't mind." When Colby gave him another look that said no, Vince added, "Baby, get that sexy ass of yours inside the house. Get some dinner going for us and rest up because I'm going to need a good hard fucking tonight."

Colby had a lightness in his eyes that was real and honest. One that Vince wasn't sure he'd seen in a while. "God, you're great."

"I aim to please." And he did. He liked being the person Colby could count on.

"Thank you," Colby told him, gave Vince another kiss, then got out of the truck.

Vince drove to Clint and August's place, Labs and a golden retriever running at him to lick his face off as he walked toward Clint's shop.

The other man came out just as Vince approached. "Guard dogs, they are not."

"They'd protect you if they had to. They just know I'm a friend." Vince knelt and gave them some love. "I'm here to pick up whatever it is Colby was supposed to grab. We got home and he forgot, so I came over."

"Yeah, he texted to tell me you were on your way. How's he doing? He seems a little down lately."

Vince pushed to his feet. "He's okay. Busy time, is all. Plus, he's worried about his dad. We'll get everything settled, though." He said we because he felt like a we when it came to him and Colby. He would help the man in any way he could.

Clint nodded and led him into the shop. He leaned against the work counter, facing Vince. "You care about him a lot. That's good. He deserves it."

"I do," he admitted. What was the point in denying it? He knew Colby had told Clint about them. "It's not always that easy."

"Yeah, and he's still sorting through some things, but that's not because he doesn't care. It's because he cares so fucking much that he wants to do the right thing by you. I don't have a doubt in my mind that it'll work out."

Vince rubbed a hand over his face, needing to talk to someone. As close as he was to Holden, he didn't feel like he could be completely honest because that would be sharing Colby's truths without his permission. "I think about that. Of course I do, but it's not just Colby who's gun shy with this whole situation. After Greg, I can't let myself feel it, or at least work through how to tell him. I know Colby. I trust him, but my heart keeps telling me that he won't love me, just like Greg didn't." And maybe that meant something about Vince. Maybe he wasn't lovable.

"He's not Greg."

"I know. It doesn't always matter what your head knows, though. I just feel…" Vince wasn't sure he had it in him to finish that sentence.

He looked at Clint, who cocked his head, studying him, searching for something that Vince couldn't name. Finally, Clint said, "Just because Greg didn't see how good a man he had doesn't mean Colby won't. And while I don't know all the details, I can say you didn't deserve the shit that happened to you. What happened with your ex was him being a shitty person. It had nothing to do with you."

It wasn't the first time Vince had heard something like that. Hell, he'd even said it to himself more times than he could count, but he was tired of not believing it. Tired of feeling weak and not doing anything about it. Because he wanted Colby. Maybe Colby would love him and maybe he wouldn't, but Vince wasn't the kind of man who shied away from his feelings. He'd forgotten that since Greg had fucked him over again. He'd lost who he was, and if he wanted to fully be able to give himself to Colby, he needed to change that.

"Thank you," he said.

"Not sure I did much."

"You did more than you realize," Vince replied.

Clint nodded, then helped Vince load the truck. They said goodbye, Clint heading back into his shop, but Vince didn't drive away yet.

He picked up his cell phone and called Gregory.