Chapter One

CHAPTER ONE

Colby

Last summer

"S o…" Vince said. "I've been doing my research, and apparently Briar County has its first ever gay bar."

Vince—Holden's best friend—had recently moved to Briar County from Atlanta. Since Colby lived alone and had zero plans on dating anymore, he'd offered Vince to be his roommate. They were getting along great so far. Vince was different from anyone Colby knew—so honest and open when it came to how he lived his life and who he was. He envied Vince that, wished he knew how to be more like him. He doubted Vince would ever be the type of guy who would live like he was a passenger rather than the driver of his own life. But Colby didn't know how to live any other way.

"No way," Clint replied.

Vince and Colby were at dinner with Clint, a longtime Briar County resident and one of Colby's closest friends, and August Reynolds, a man Clint was crazy in love with, even if he hadn't admitted it to Colby yet. August had lived here when they were kids, but Colby hadn't met him back then, and at some point, August had moved away. August and his son, Reese, had moved back to Briar County this summer—Clint and August picking up right where they left off.

"Yeah, I was shocked," Vince said. "I know I said I'm looking for something different, and I am, hence moving to Harmony, but it's also boring as shit. I was going to drag this guy"—he motioned to Colby—"to Asheville, so I was looking stuff up and found a gay bar in Chelsea. It's only been open a few weeks. Some guy from California."

Chelsea was one of the three main towns in Briar County, the other two being Harmony and Everett. For most of Colby's life, the only queer person he'd ever known was Roe. He'd had an old boyfriend Colby had met but never been fond of. But now, outside of his brother, there was Deacon and Grady, Clint and August, and Vince. He sure as shit had never thought Briar County would ever have a gay bar, and the fact that it did made Colby proud of his little area of the state.

"Don't say that too loud. Locals are already complaining about all the Californians and Northerners taking over North Carolina," Clint joked.

August started talking about hearing people complaining about traffic in the area, while Colby mulled over what Vince said. He'd never been to a gay bar before. It wasn't that he had a problem with it. It was just…different.

How many times have you thought how tired you are of doing the same old thing? How many times have you silently complained about not having any new experiences, and now here Vince is, offering them to you, and you're second-guessing it.

"You guys wanna go with us?" he heard Vince ask Clint and August. "Roe and Holden are camping with the boys, and not sure it's really Grady and Deke's thing."

"I never said I was going," Colby reminded him.

"But you will," Vince countered.

The thing was, Colby knew that no matter how much he questioned it in his head, he would go. It might have only been a short time since Vince moved in, but Colby liked that Vince shook up his world a little. Still, he said, "How do you know?" Maybe he wouldn't go. Maybe Vince was wrong. Why did he think he knew Colby so well already?

Vince wrapped an arm around him and ruffled his hair. "Because you love me, and I'm forcing you to be my new best friend."

Yes. I'd like that , he thought, pulling away from Vince and teasing with, "What if I don't wanna be best friends with you?" He did, in fact, want to be good friends with Vince. Clearly Vince knew that too.

He grinned. "He's mad because I made him eat something other than Frosted Flakes this morning."

Colby rolled his eyes. "I don't only eat Frosted Flakes. I like Honey Smacks, Golden Grahams, Lucky Charms, oooh! Cocoa Pebbles." It wasn't his fault he wasn't a great cook and had a bit of a sweet tooth. Cereal was a universal food! It had always been his favorite.

"You're the biggest kid I know," Vince replied.

"What you say is what you are." Colby held back a laugh. He liked this easy comradery, the easy friendship he'd grown with Vince. They were often teasing and giving each other shit. He brought a levity to Colby's life he hadn't realized he'd been missing.

"We'll talk about this later, dear," Vince tacked on playfully.

He teased like that when it was just the two of them, but doing it in front of others was new. It didn't mean anything, though. How could it? Vince knew Colby was straight, and it wasn't as if Vince would want anything with him if he wasn't. "He jokes like that because we live together," he explained to August and Clint.

The couple across from them discussed if they wanted to go to the bar while Colby looked down at his food and took a bite. When they agreed, Vince added, "See? Now you have to go."

"Do not," Colby argued.

"Do too."

"Do not." This was absolutely ridiculous but also made his chest feel light.

"Please?" Vince fluttered his dark lashes at Colby. He'd recently buzzed his dark hair again. He kept neat, short facial hair around his mouth, a few whisps of gray hair among the otherwise black curls. Vince's skin was a warm, dark brown, his eyes a whiskey color. "Straight guys can go to gay bars."

There was zero chance Colby was saying no. He couldn't say why he pretended he didn't want to go in the first place. It sounded fun. "I know, and yes, fine, whatever. You're spoiled as shit."

"Just how I like it," Vince flirted. It was just his way.

It was Friday, the night Colby would be going to his first gay bar, and he was nervous. Logically, he knew there really wasn't a reason to be. A bar was a bar. It wasn't as if he thought a stampede of gay men would head right for him, flirting with him and hitting on him. He wasn't anything special. Plus, he wasn't the kind of guy who cared about stuff like that. Vince flirted with him all the time, and it was fun, made him feel good about himself, even though it was annoying when he blushed. He still couldn't say why he did that. Maybe just because having a man flirt with him was new, even if it was all in good fun.

But outside of the nerves, another part of him was excited about tonight. When in his life would he have gone to a gay bar if it wasn't with Vince? It wasn't something Roe would ask him to do, if for no other reason than thinking Colby wouldn't be interested.

At the knock on his bedroom door, Colby looked up. It wasn't fully closed, open just a crack, but still Vince waited for him to say, "Come in," before he did.

"Which shirt looks better on me?" He was wearing a pair of boxer briefs and a light-blue T-shirt. It stretched tight across his broad chest and muscular arms. He kept in good shape. There was a tattoo on his right arm, which was the only one Colby had seen.

Vince held out his arms while Colby took him in. This wasn't a question any of his other friends had asked him, and he wasn't sure he'd be the best at giving advice. "My wardrobe consists of work jeans, one decent pair of pants that I'm wearing tonight, and the button-up shirt I wear to church when my parents ask me to go, which also happens to be the shirt I'm wearing tonight. I'm not sure you should take my advice."

"That shirt?" Vince asked.

Colby looked down. "What's wrong with this shirt?" It was a long-sleeved, nice, white shirt.

"Nothing if you're going to church. You can borrow something of mine. And I trust your judgment, though I question why." He grabbed the edge of the blue T-shirt, and Colby wondered why none of his tees looked as nice as Vince's. Calling them tees felt like an understatement.

When he pulled it off, Colby couldn't help realize that now Vince was in nothing but his underwear. Colby noticed his six-pack…and the huge bulge beneath the fabric of his underwear. His gaze darted away.

"Shit. I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking. I don't want to make you uncomfortable." Vince pulled on the light-green shirt he'd carried in with him. It was a seafoam color that was actually Colby's favorite. "Let me go get some jeans on."

"You're fine."

Vince cocked a brow.

"Not fine as in hot. I mean you're good. You don't have to put jeans on for me." Why should it matter?

"So…I'm not hot?" Vince teased.

"You're a dick is what you are," Colby joked back. "I want you to be comfortable in your home. You don't have to second-guess things because I'm not queer. It just took me by surprise because I'm not used to it, but you don't make me uncomfortable." The opposite, to be honest. Sure, these situations were different, and Colby was still trying to wrap his head around them, but he liked Vince. Clicked with him. Vince didn't treat him like the baby Covington brother that was just kinda there and didn't have any real use.

"Straight guys are so boring. I can't believe you don't hang out in your underwear together." He winked so Colby knew he was just having some fun.

"I did jerk off in the same room with a buddy in high school," Colby admitted. They'd never talked about it again, and Colby hadn't ever told anyone else about it. Why he was telling Vince was a mystery.

"Damn, check you out. You make Daddy Vince so proud."

Colby snorted out a laugh. "You're ridiculous."

"Which shirt do you like better?"

He studied the green against Vince's chestnut skin. It looked good on him, maybe a little tighter than the first one too. It also had a V-neck, and he could see more of Vince's chest and the muscles there. "The green one. Definitely."

"Great. Then you're wearing this one." He tossed the blue shirt over, and Colby caught it. "Meet you in the living room."

Colby stared at the shirt. He could smell Vince's cologne on it, something dark and spicy. He pulled it on, the scent even stronger now, then looked at himself in the mirror. It was tight on him too. Colby had never worn a shirt that wasn't loose-fitting. Did Vince not know his damn size?

Still, he ran his fingers through his shaggy, brown hair a few times, sighed, then walked out of the room to meet Vince.

Vince had never met a stranger. They hadn't been there long, but already, Colby couldn't count on two hands the number of people Vince had spoken with. Some approached him, others Vince approached. He had this personality that drew people to him. Hell, it must have been more than his personality—his look and this air about him that made people want to talk to him. It didn't surprise Colby that others felt that way because he did too.

They were standing at the end of the counter, Vince talking to the bartender. The bar was packed, way more people there than Colby would have imagined. He kept trying to find a place to jump into the conversation, but he couldn't figure out how, or where, so he crossed his arms uncomfortably and stood there like an idiot.

Vince's gaze darted his way, back to the bartender, then to him again, something changing in his expression. He wrapped an arm round Colby, pulling him close. "This guy has made the transition moving here from Atlanta seamless. Don't know what I would have done without him."

There wasn't a single part of that statement that Colby figured was true. What had he done besides give Vince a place to stay? Plus, Vince's best friend lived here. Having Holden around had to make things better than having Colby around, but still he smiled, one he felt deep in his chest. True or not, hearing Vince say that made him feel good.

Colby wasn't sure how to respond but was saved when he glanced up and saw Clint and August coming their way. He pulled away from Vince. "Hey, man."

"Hey," Clint replied. "This is crazy."

"People have come from everywhere ," Vince told them. "It's not going to stay this busy, of course, but seems like there are a lot of queer folks in North Carolina who want to offer their support to a new place. I've met people from Charlotte, Asheville, and Raleigh already."

"I'm pretty sure he's met everyone in the bar," Colby added.

"You only live once, man. I've let myself get wrapped up in that asshole again and again, someone who did nothing but fuck with my head. Now I'm going back to focusing on having a good time."

Colby bit back a growl. While he'd never met Vince's ex, he hated the motherfucker. He'd broken Vince's heart twice, something Colby couldn't wrap his head around. Vince seemed invincible, like nothing got to him. Plus, Colby couldn't imagine having someone like Vince and hurting them, but then, he'd hurt Lulu. Not in the same ways. Gregory had cheated on Vince more than once. But hurt was hurt, and who was Colby to make assumptions when he didn't even know how to fall in love with someone.

They ordered drinks, Vince insisting on them going on his tab.

"You don't have to do that," Clint said.

Colby playfully added, "You do for me."

"Who knew he would be so mean to me?" Vince nudged him. "He's always giving me a hard time."

"Wait. Me? I think you have this all wrong."

"How long have you guys been together?" the bartender asked, and Colby's face flamed. Was it hot in here, or was it just him?

"He's not… We're not… I'm straight."

"Sure you are, sweetie," the bartender replied.

Colby picked up the glass of beer and took a drink. Why did this guy think he was queer? Was he? No, he would know something like that. How could he not?

Vince changed the subject, asking about dancing, but Colby said no. He felt off-balance, like he couldn't make sense of some of the things in his life right now. He'd wanted that, was bored by doing the same old thing in Briar County his whole life, but it was overwhelming too.

Vince and August ended up on the dance floor, Clint staying with him. He'd expected as much, just like he knew Clint was going to check on him. Colby had been off lately and wasn't hiding it well—at least not from Clint…and maybe Vince.

"You okay?" Clint asked.

"Yep. Why wouldn't I be?"

"I don't know. You seem off. Is it being here?"

Colby bristled. "What? Fuck no. I wouldn't give a shit about that. I just…hell, I don't even know what it is or if it's anything at all, but…have you ever looked at your life and wondered what the point of it is? I don't mean that in a way that should make you worry about me. I don't want to hurt myself or anything like that." He leaned against the bar, watching men dance and kiss and touch. "Sometimes I feel like I don't know who I am. I know who I'm supposed to be—Colby Covington, the baby of the family, the one who works on the farm, takes care of the apple orchards and crops, the one who struggles with women and figuring out what I want. Who can't settle down and grow up." He wondered if he could tell Clint he had no idea how to fall in love with someone, that he couldn't figure out how to want the relationship everyone around him seemed to want. That's what people did, but Colby just…didn't. He couldn't make himself say it, though. He didn't want to find out what Clint would think of him if he did.

Clint said, "I think feeling that way sometimes is natural. It's hard not to believe we have to fit in some kind of mold, or like some decisions were made for us, but you're a lot of things outside of what you mentioned. You're a good brother and friend. You're funny and kind, and clearly, Vince enjoys your company. You gave him a place to stay, and you're helping him out during a hard time. Is this related to what we talked about before? How you feel like you're not settled down the way you should be? When Roe met Holden, Roe was what, forty-three? Forty-four? I'm forty-two now and in love for the first time. There are no rules to how life is supposed to be led. Everyone is different."

Roe was actually forty-five when he met Holden, and though Clint had never been in love before August, Colby figured that was because he had always been in love with August and couldn't love anyone else.

"Yeah, you're right. Just been feeling like I'm missing something, is all. Or like there's more to me than I think, which I realize doesn't make a damn bit of sense. Ignore me. I'm being weird."

"I'm always here if you wanna talk. About anything. Don't ever hesitate to ask," Clint said.

And Colby was about done with this conversation. How could he tell Clint what he was feeling if he didn't understand it all himself? "I know." He nodded toward August and Vince dancing together. "They're having fun."

"Good for them. They both deserve it."

"Vince is good at making you feel important, like you can let go and everything will be okay. He's got that electric personality, know what I mean?"

Clint looked Colby's way. "Seems like you guys have gotten to be good friends."

They had. He'd enjoyed having a roommate more than he thought he would. "I guess so. Kinda hard not to when you live together. That's not important, though. Things are going well with August, I see."

"They are, yeah. I'm crazy about him, man. I'm so fucking scared that things aren't going to work out, that it'll cause problems with him and Reese, or hell, just that August will realize I'm not who he wants."

Colby frowned. "You're who he wants. That much is clear. The stuff with Reese…it'll work out. You said Reese knows and that he wants August happy. The kid likes you, and he's fifteen. It's not like he's young. You're stressing yourself out for nothing."

They talked a while longer, until eventually August and Vince made their way back to them. "You gonna dance with me?" August asked.

"I am," Clint replied.

"What about you? Can I talk you into dancing with me?" Vince asked Colby.

Colby's skin prickled. This shouldn't be a big deal. There was no reason he couldn't dance with Vince. Still, he found himself saying, "I…I haven't… I'm not sure…" But that prickling on his skin told Colby he wanted to. He wanted to let go and have fun and dance. Why shouldn't he fucking dance with a man? Why shouldn't that be an experience he could say he's had?

"Shh. It's just a dance between friends. I know you're straight," Vince replied.

Butterflies danced in his gut, though. He wanted to do this, didn't want to overthink it. Colby Covington didn't dance with men, but Colby Covington had also not done a whole lot in his life that was his choice, that he did simply because he wanted to or to see what it was like, but tonight, he planned to.

"Sure."

Vince smiled. "See? Told you I'm gonna shake up your world and show you how to have some fun."

When Vince took his hand, Colby didn't pull away. Vince led him to an open space, then wrapped his arms around Colby's shoulders. "Is this okay?"

Colby nodded.

Vince pulled him closer, their bodies touching. Colby couldn't help but notice that they smelled the same, both wearing Vince's cologne because of the shirt he'd been given.

He swallowed. "Where should I…where should I put my hands?" Jesus, what a dumb fucking question. How could he make himself sound even more like a small-town guy with zero life experience?

"You can put them wherever you want. It's just a dance between friends," Vince reiterated.

Colby placed his on Vince's hips, and they moved together to the beat of the music. Vince felt so different against him compared to Lulu or any of the women he'd been with. He was bigger, harder, their bodies matching, similar in size. Vince smelled masculine. His body was hot, his shirt wet with sweat.

"If I get a boner, it's not my fault," Vince teased, making Colby laugh. Maybe that should have made him uncomfortable, but it didn't.

"Well, I don't feel anything."

"Believe me, you'd feel it."

Their bodies came together again, rubbing, dancing, and when Colby shifted just right, he felt Vince's bulge. He wasn't hard, but still, it made Colby pull back some.

"Want me to dip you? I got moves."

Colby let out another chuckle, Vince's words soothing his nerves.

"Think we can do that thing like in Dirty Dancing where I run and you catch me and lift me over your head?" Colby joked back.

"We can try."

Colby's hand slid around Vince's waist, up his back, then back down again. With each movement, mini zings of electricity began zapping beneath his skin. This was new…exciting.

"My roommate is getting handsy."

"Is that not okay? I don't mean anything by it. It's just…"

"It's good." Vince's eyes met his. "I see you, Colby. I know you got secrets in there. Not saying they're about me, about being queer or anything like that, but you're stifling some kind of fire inside you, and damned if I don't want to help you fan those flames, if I don't want to see what you would do if you allowed yourself to burn."

Yes. Please. I want that , whispered low inside Colby's head. He wanted to burn. Wanted to experience. Wanted to see who the fuck he was outside of being a Covington. But Vince's words also sparked fear. What if he didn't like what he found? What if his family didn't? What if he really was broken in ways he feared he was…and how had Vince seen past his walls?

"Um…that's good. Thanks. That's enough for me." Colby pulled away and slipped through the crowd and back to the bar.