Chapter 20

Chapter Twenty

A ustin had a vicious headache. He’d not been able to sleep, so he finally gave it up and went to work. He finished a couple of chapters on the new book.

He had no idea if they would be word salad when he woke up, but last night they’d seemed okay, and they’d gone quick, and it was better than trying to sleep when he couldn’t.

Last night had been weird. Austin kind of felt as if Ky thought Austin Williams, author, was who he actually was and that didn’t make any sense.

He hadn’t even tried to be his public persona, not the whole time that they’d been together.

So, yeah, that was weird.

Then of course, he’d lost his shit in a major goddamn way, which was glorious because there was nothing like saying, “Oh, well, by the way, I’m not near as successful as I’d like to be, or that I pretend to be,” in front of your lover and also the person he wanted to impress the most in the whole world.

That had been great.

Not only that, but it had been late, and it had been Christmas Eve-Eve. At least until it turned Christmas Eve after midnight.

So it wasn’t as if he could have gotten anybody online to complain or to vent or to try to explain how he was a big faker.

And worst of all, what if Ky thought that was who he really was.

“Hey, Austin, honey.” Henley bumped him gently with her shoulder as she walked into the kitchen. “Is it all right if I take the kids down into town? I thought I’d let them do some last-minute shopping, and then I’d grab some pizzas to bring up. You know, pizza seems to be like a Christmas Eve sort of thing. Pizzas and jammies and color books and comics.”

He found her a smile, even if it felt off. “Oh that would be very sweet. Dallas would love that.”

She grinned back at him, her curls kind of bobbing as she nodded. “I had fun last night, thanks for inviting me. I might even have a date for New Year’s Eve.”

“Wow, did you meet someone?” That was fast.

“I did. And maybe— Yeah, maybe he says he could fly me out to his concert in LA for New Year’s Eve and then we could party. Then he could fly me back.”

“Sounds perfect.” And fancy.

He was kind of curious as to what Paige would think about getting dumped for a guy, but that was none of his business. Austin wasn’t dumping Dal and Paige for money or fame or for a hot guy. Those kids were his priority.

Not that Ky wasn’t hot…

“It is.” She chuckled. “But he’s nice.”

“Nice is great. If you happen to find any penuche fudge while you’re out, could you hook me up?”

“Totally. No problem.” She met his eyes, her nose wrinkling a little bit. “He really likes you, you know. Yesterday was hard. ”

“I’m sorry that it was. I didn’t intend to put him in that situation.”

“He needed to be in the situation. If he’s gonna be with a guy, he’s going to have to admit he’s queer. It’s a thing. He doesn’t have to say he’s gay, but if he’s in a relationship with you? He has a daughter, and he’s going to have to explain it. I mean, Dallas knows you’re gay, yes?”

“Yeah, of course.” There wasn’t any reason to lie. It wasn’t as if Austin had really dated yet, except for Ky, but Dallas was aware he wasn’t going to have a mom, and there wasn’t ever going to be a girlfriend. Austin had a lot of gay friends who had kids.

“So, he has to get used to things if this — if you are who he wants. He doesn’t have to go out and wave the flag at the Pride parade, but he doesn’t have to lie. It’s important. Paige deserves to see that he’s not ashamed.”

What was he supposed to say? Thank you? Fuck. “Paige is tickled that you’re here sharing the holiday.”

That was innocuous.

“I wanted to. I miss her you know? But I’m just… I don’t live a life that’s kid-friendly. I figure in ten years I’m going to be the coolest mom around, but until then? When she can spend the summer with me riding the circuit and having a ball? Until then, she needs a stable home and school and friends and her daddy.” He got one of those teasing winks. “And her poppy.”

“I promise to be good to her.”

She snorted. “I know. Kyler wouldn’t be with you if you weren’t. Full stop.”

“No. No, you’re right.” Ky was all about Paige and her happiness and safety. They had that in common.

“I am. I’ll be back with pizza and fudge and goodies.” She squeezed his shoulder. “The kids are out with Ky. I’ll have him load them up. ”

“Sure. If Dallas needs to ask me, I’m good with it.”

“Cool.” She floated away, and he headed into the kitchen for a glass of water and a Tylenol.

It wasn’t long before he heard her vehicle chug out of the yard, and then Ky was there, grabbing a Coke out of the fridge, staring at him.

“What’s wrong?” What was he looking at?

“Nothing, honey. I don’t want you to be mad at me.” Kyler’s little grin was wry as hell.

“I’m not.” He was confused, worried, uncertain, embarrassed, stressed, and feeling like a moron, but he wasn’t mad.

“I can work with that.” Ky watched him take his Tylenol. “Merry Christmas Eve.”

“Merry Christmas Eve. Are we okay?” He didn’t feel okay.

“I think so, yeah.” Ky sighed. “Come sit with me, honey. Let’s iron this out?”

He grabbed his water and went to the huge kitchen table, trying his dead-level best not to freak out.

Kyler sat across from him. “I’m sorry about last night, AJ. I should have just come to you and said I was worried. I’ve never had a panic attack in my life, but I was damn close last night, and I lost my shit.”

“I’m so sorry that you were uncomfortable. I didn’t intend for you to be. Thanks for telling me, though. I’m glad I eased you a little bit.”

“You did.” Ky rubbed his jaw, the scrape of stubble loud. Someone hadn’t shaved this morning. “And I’m sorry I upset you. You seemed so comfortable, and I was miserable, and I jumped to conclusions. And got to having imposter syndrome.” Ky shot him a sheepish glance. “I looked it up last night, late. You…you hide it, honey. Better than anyone.”

“It’s my job.” He tried hard not to let it show, to act like he was so sure…

“I know, but I guess I bought it.” Ky chuckled. “I mean, the only thing you seem less than sure about sometimes is Dallas and how you should be raising him.”

“I could say the same for you, cowboy. You exude confidence.”

“Well, I’m full of shit,” Kyler told him. “I mean, I’m glad it didn’t happen because of a lot of reasons, but to begin with the reason I didn’t marry Henley is because a shit ton of her friends and family told me I wasn’t good enough for her. That I would drag her down on her way to the NFR.”

“Nonsense.” But it didn’t matter even if it was. “Are you in love with her, still?”

“No.” Ky shook his head firmly. “No way. It was never more than best friends with benefits, and I couldn’t fall any harder for you than I have. Or at least I thought so until last night. When you yelled at me? I knew I was a goner.”

“I—What?” He didn’t follow. “What does that mean?”

“It means you care enough to fight with me. To tell me I don’t know it all. That I can be wrong. That’s a good thing, honey. I mean, I’m not one to tie it up, but if we’re too lukewarm to stand up to each other, this is never gonna work.” Ky’s eyes blazed blue fire at him.

“I feel a lot of things about you, Ky. Lukewarm isn’t one of them.”

“Yeah.” Ky tilted his head. “You know you can move in, right? You don’t have to keep paying for the condo.”

“I didn’t want to—” His cheeks burned, and he had to swallow so he didn’t choke on his stress. “It’s not about the money. I am making it.”

He wasn’t setting the world on fire, but he was making it.

“Well, no. It’s not about money. You live here pretty much already, and I don’t give two shits about your money.” Ky reached out to grab his hand. “I want you and Dal here.”

“You already have my cat…” He tw ined their fingers together. “And I’m stupid in love with you. But…I have to warn you, Kyler. I’m gay.”

“I know.” Ky squeezed his hand. “And I know it’s wrong to ask you not to be. Which I wouldn’t do. I need to get my head around us and how to be an us. I never even did that with Henley, really.”

“Well, tell me what you need, because…I don’t want to lose you, but I can’t go back to hiding.” And if Ky needed that, they’d have to…not.

“I need you to be patient. I want to be with you. Be a couple.” Ky chuckled. “I have to learn how, and I can’t promise there won’t be more freaking out.” Then he turned serious. “What I can promise is to talk to you from now on.”

“Please. I know it’s a new world—a new language, a new culture, everything—but I can help you navigate it.” Now that he knew what was worrying Ky, he could help. “And I know that Stoney was tickled to meet you.”

Hell, Stoney had even taken Kyler aside for a quiet chat.

“He was fantastic, honey. He said he’d been going through my portfolio online, and he offered to put a piece of art in the lobby at the ranch for me to advertise with.”

“Oh, wow. So cool.”

Ky’s cheeks heated, the pink so cute. “And he ordered half a dozen saddles with the ranch brand on them.”

“Oh, dude! Dude, you’ll be busy as hell.” He applauded, tickled to death. This was what he’d hoped for Ky. Stoney had real connections.

“I will. So thank you. It was a wonderful opportunity, even if they did all think I was a weirdsmobile.”

“No one said so. They all thought you were hot…” And his. They were all jealous.

He had the cover cowboy.

“How weird is that? As long as you think I’m hot, then I’m happy.” Kyler’s gaze went wicked. “The kids are gone. ”

“They are…we’re all alone, and we’re together in your house…”

“ Our house.”

Oh, that made his heart happy. “Our house.”

“And we can go be in our bedroom without anyone knowing.” Ky stood so fast his chair skidded. He held out his hand, and Austin took it, letting Ky pull him to his feet so they could practically run to the bedroom.

Kyler did close the bedroom door behind them, just in case, but then he got busy stripping AJ’s clothes off. They’d done a lot of sleeping together. A lot of quick hand and mouth stuff. But this? They had time. And he wanted to do it up right.

So he started with that oversized sweater. “You’re so fucking hot, honey. I see those collarbones peeking and it’s such a tease.”

He loved the way AJ blushed.

“I’m not a tease. Right?” AJ let his hands hang at his sides, and Kyler looked his fill.

“No. God, no, honey. You’re wonderful.” He tugged the T-shirt off too. “You make my mouth dry. I—I’d like to make love to you. You interested?”

“It’s been a long time. I’m more than interested. I’m in.”

He waggled his eyebrows. “I think it goes the other direction…”

Austin laughed. “I’m easy. Pitching. Catching. I just want you.”

His cock, which was half hard, surged to full against his zipper placket. Whoa. “I want you too.”

He wanted to explore Austin’s body, feel how tight Austin would be all around his cock .

It made his eyes cross a little.

AJ tugged at his shirt. “You too, babe.”

“Huh? Oh.” Right. Clothes. He bared his chest, but then he had to pause to take the kiss that he needed.

AJ worked his belt open, fighting his jeans off and down over his hips and legs.

He stepped out of them, then pushed at AJ’s. doing the same until they fell naked on the bed together. He rolled AJ beneath him, his hands on Austin’s cheeks, his lips finding his lover’s again.

The kisses liked to burn him, AJ’s hard cock rubbing alongside his own. “Don’t stop.”

“No chance.” He hummed deep in his throat, pressing down to get more friction as he nibbled at Austin’s jaw and neck. He had lube. Condoms. But he was distracted by the salt of Austin’s skin, by the way he arched and rocked.

That sweet prick was leaving burning kisses on his belly, and it was driving him crazy. He reached between them, stroking them together.

“Uhn!” AJ shook, staring into his eyes. “Not gonna last if you keep doing that.”

“Then I need to try to get the lube.” He kissed AJ until they were both breathless.

“Mmhmm. You should totally do that. I’ll watch.”

“Okay.” He laughed, because the air was pretty cold, so he grabbed the lube and condoms and dove back under the comforter to wrap around Austin again.

AJ pushed right into his arms. “Have I mentioned how much I love our bed?”

“I’m glad.” He loved AJ in it. He kissed and licked and sucked all the skin he could reach. “I want you right here.”

“I’m going to lose my mind, babe. I want you in me. I want you to remind me that I’m sexy.”

“You so are. ”

“I’m a long, tall drink of water with a big Adam’s apple.”

Kyler hooted. “But you’re my long, tall drink of water.” He nipped at that Adam’s apple. “Okay. See me not fumble the lube and be all suave.”

“If you do, I’ll wait to tease you about it until tomorrow.”

“No sex teasing on Christmas.” It was a rule, right?

“Oh, right. Boxing Day then.”

“Okay, deal.” He knew Boxing Day from listening to AJ read stories to the kids. He popped the lube open, only wasting a tiny bit as he squeezed too hard. Then he got his fingers wet, because he wanted this to be good, not painful.

When AJ bent one knee and let him in, it was the single most erotic moment of his life. He gritted his teeth against the need to come as his balls pulled up, and Kyler breathed deep, in and out.

Then he pressed a finger against Austin’s entrance. The ring of muscles gripped him, and he had to groan. He had no choice.

“Mmm…that’s so good, babe…”

“It is.” He sank his finger inside AJ, and he was so hot. So smooth. Tight. God, his dick was going to just explode.

Austin began to rock, fucking himself in slow, gentle rolls, driving him nuts.

“Tell me when you?—”

“Give me more, Kyler. Stretch me good.”

So he nodded, breathless and eager, and slid another finger inside AJ’s body.

There was no way he was going to fit.

No way. It was impossible.

“Come on, babe. I’m not made of glass.”

“You’re too tight.”

AJ laughed. “Not too tight for you.”

“Promise?”

“Who’s the expert-level gay? ”

He snorted, because that was exactly what he needed to hear. That someone knew what they were doing. “Don’t let me hurt you.”

“I won’t. It’s a deep burn, and I’ll feel you everywhere. You’re going to make me ache.”

“Lube me up?” He was selfish enough to want to feel Austin’s hand on him. He needed it, in fact. Even if it would strain his damn control.

“Oh, I can do that.” AJ slicked his fingers, dragging them over his shaft, teasing his cockhead. He took the torture as long as he could, his heart throbbing, his cock aching.

Then he reared back, ready to settle himself between Austin’s legs. “Now, honey?”

“Now. Please, my love. Please, fuck me.”

“Now,” he agreed, pressing down and forward, slow and sure. He knew this part, knew how to wait until AJ adjusted, then slide in to the root.

It was tighter than any fist, and his body insisted that he was going to burst into flames. AJ’s near-black eyes bored into him, the hunger a visible thing.

“Love.” He thrust, moving slowly at first, then faster as Austin wrapped around him and tugged.

“Uh-huh.”

“Need you so damn much.”

“I’m yours. Don’t stop. Please.” AJ gasped for him, his lover not silent at all.

All those little sighs and moans made him move faster, his ass clenching, his spine tingling from the strain of holding back. “Soon, honey. Soon.”

AJ bore down, squeezing him hard enough that he slammed in, scrabbling for a handhold on Austin’s cock. Austin’s fingers met him there, and together they stroked until Austin shouted, the sound ringing off the rafters as he came .

And Kyler slid home one more time, joining him in his release.

His balls ached, throbbing as they emptied, and all he could do was rock there on his hands and knees.

Then AJ eased him down gently, kissing him, and he tried not to squash Austin too bad. Though Austin had him beat for size…

“Mmm…best Christmas Eve ever.” AJ nuzzled his jaw. “Love you. I said that, right?”

“You did. And I love you too, honey. So much. Thank you for hanging in there.” He kissed Austin’s neck. “I’m going to make you happy, and I’m going to raise children with you.”

“I want that so much.” Kyler held him close. “Almost as much as I wanted to be alone with you.”

AJ laughed, kissing his nose. “Well, we do have a while yet…”

“We do at that.” Cuddling first.

Then he would see if he was up to anything else on Christmas Eve.