Chapter 18

Chapter Eighteen

Clemson

Brian and I had our last official date on New Year’s Eve. Luke barely reached out, and I figured I’d blown it with him. For the first two weeks after I’d come clean, he kept me on radio silence. It seemed like an immature way to handle the situation, but I reminded myself to respect his space. If things were meant to be between us, they would work out. I wasn’t normally that kind of girl, so getting in that headspace of letting my destiny up to the universe took some doing.

Grace went home for winter break and I spent the week of Christmas in Los Angeles with my family. It was amazing spending time with my little niece. She was already getting so big. Seeing Christmas through a child’s eyes brought a whole new level of magic to the holiday.

My oldest sister, Hannah, was pregnant again, and my second-oldest sister, Agatha, was actively trying to get pregnant. All the hormones in that house had made for some tense moments, but I was now back in San Diego, ready to start the new semester. All with scholarship funding in place and a stellar GPA going into the new year.

The house was quiet and lonely. I worked on taking down the Christmas tree and packing away the sparse decorations we had around the place. I was out in the garage on a ladder, trying to heave a heavy box into the rafters, when I heard someone clear their throat at the entrance to the garage.

I nearly stumbled to the ground when I saw Luke standing there, hands deep in the pockets of his puffer vest.

“Need some help?” he asked.

“I think I got it,” I said with one last shove, and the whole ladder wobbled beneath me.

“Jesus,” he said, rushing to steady the aluminum frame until both my feet were back on the concrete floor.

“How are you?” I asked. “How was your Christmas?”

“Lonely,” he said but didn’t elaborate.

Awkward silence sat between us until I finally asked, “Do you want to come in?” I motioned over my shoulder toward the house.

“Yeah, sure,” he said and followed me inside. He had been to our little house many times but looked around like he’d never seen the place.

“Can I make you some coffee? I was just about to have something.”

“Okay. That sounds good, actually.”

He looked tired. And sad. Obviously, he had come by for a reason, so I had to dig deep for patience and wait him out until he was ready to talk.

“How’s the season going? I’ve been watching your stats online,” he admitted with a sheepish look.

I grinned without hiding it. That made me happier than it probably should have.

“Well, if you’ve been checking my times, you know how the season’s going,” I teased. “I qualified for finals already, so there’s some pressure off.”

“Did your scholarship get reinstated?” he asked directly.

I nodded. “Yep. I should be good to go moving forward. Lord knows I won’t get myself into that situation ever again.” I added an exaggerated eye roll.

“Clemson—”

“Luke, listen?—”

I smiled as we spoke over each other.

“You go first.” I motioned my hand in front of myself.

“You know I could’ve given you the money,” he said. “You never even asked.”

When I realized what he meant, I said, “Why would I have? What would’ve made that okay? And why would I have any idea about your financial status? It’s not like we talked about it, well, ever. Especially not when I needed to do something about it. The problem was already in my lap when I met you at the shelter.”

“But you were okay asking a perfect stranger? That doesn’t make sense.”

“It was a business arrangement, Luke. That’s how I saw it, anyway. We both got something out of the deal, and the terms were agreed upon from the start. It was clean and clear and had a definite ending.” I couldn’t miss the defensiveness in my voice.

“And is it over? With him, I mean?”

I felt my temper spark up a bit. “Did you come here today to give me the third degree?” I asked, hands perched on my hips.

“No. Not really. But seeing you again brings up a lot of unresolved feelings and unanswered questions. I felt like I got played. Do you understand that?”

I nodded. “I do. In a way, at least. I apologized for hurting you. I knew I wasn’t being upfront with you, and that was wrong. I’m sorry for that. I’m sorry I destroyed what we had. It makes me sad.”

“Yeah, I’ve been pretty sad too. Christmas sucked without you. I had all these plans in my head for how we’d spend the holidays, and instead, I sat in my empty apartment eating fucking take-out.” He shook his head while staring at the floor.

“Why did you come here today?”

“I miss you. I miss us…”

“Can you forgive me for being dishonest?” I asked hopefully. I missed him too. Way more than I wanted to admit.

“I want to try,” he said.

But was that enough? Maybe only time would tell.

“Where do we go from here?” I asked, surprising myself by taking the lead in this conversation. All I knew was I couldn’t be raked over the coals again and again. I apologized for what I did. We could either move forward or go our separate ways.

“I don’t want to lose you, Clemson. I’m in love with you,” he admitted on a rough swallow. “Please don’t hurt me like that again, okay?” He stepped closer and reached for my hand.

Placing my hand in his, I finally told him, “I love you too. And I will do my very best not to hurt you. I’m not perfect, though. I will probably make mistakes.”

“Mistakes I can handle. I love your imperfections.” He smiled and pulled me closer.

“Yeah?” I asked with a little lilt to my voice. “All this time, I thought I was damn close to perfect.”

Luke wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled our bodies together. He rested his forehead against mine and swayed a little.

“I missed you so much,” he whispered before kissing me softly.

“I missed you too. I’m sorry,” I said again, this time against his lips.

We kissed deeply until we both had needy, wild looks in our eyes. When he put space between our bodies, I actually whimpered.

“I’m going to go,” he said.

“Whaaa?” I croaked. I thought we were about to have hot make-up sex, and I was totally here for it.

“I want to take you out tonight,” he said. “Officially celebrate the new year together and a fresh start for us. We’ll leave all this crap here.” He pointed to the floor like it represented a point in time instead of a location. “In the past. New year, new us. What do you say?”

“Where do I sign up?” I grinned, and he stole another kiss before walking to the front door.

“Luke?” I called as he reached for the doorknob.

“Yeah?” He looked back over his shoulder.

“Thank you,” I murmured.

“I have a feeling you’re worth it,” he said and was out the door, leaving me standing in the middle of my tiny living room with the biggest smile ever on my face.