Chapter 4

FOUR

Cassia

It's hard to think about anything except the pain radiating through my body, but I try to focus on the sun. The sun is everything. When it sets, it'll be time to rest. It'll be a break from the pain.

The sun is all that matters.

As Nova and I keep riding, the heat slowly dissipates with the setting sun leaving behind a chill that's soul-deep. I fight back tears as my body bangs against the horse with each move it makes. My thighs, my hips, my legs, and even my ass ache. Whoever invented riding by horseback was an ass.

One thing about being poor is that I don't have a lot of experience with horses. I didn't realize how much that mattered until today. Maybe a person has to develop a certain… layer of scar tissue to enjoy riding the animals. Or they enjoy pain. I don't know. But I might hate horses. I might desperately wish I had certain princes here to teleport us slowly down the road.

I haven't said a word. Not a single complaint. Not just because Lady Nova would no doubt see that as yet another sign that I'm not meant to be queen, but because somewhere at the end of this journey are four men who I think I could love one day. And if they're in danger, I'm going to be there to save them.

The guys need me. I can endure this. I can do this.

But if they're just off somewhere yanking each other's dicks, I'm going to stare for a few minutes, then be really pissed.

Lady Nova slows her horse until she's at my side, and then I slow too, staring at her, trying not to get my hopes up. "Let's stop here and make camp."

A squeal of joy escapes before I can contain it. I bring my horse to a stop, and swing my leg over to get off. I expect to land on my feet, but I land on my ass instead. It's like every muscle in my lower body has decided to give up on me at one of the worst possible moments.

"Ouch." I start to rub my legs, hoping to wake them back up, but they practically burn with pain.

Lady Nova doesn't say a word, but I swear I can hear her eyes roll. I guess that's better than laughing. Squatting down, she kindly puts her arm around my waist, hoists me to a standing position, and helps me onto a rock. This fae is as strong as she looks. Stronger, maybe.

"Not used to riding?" she asks, squatting, looking at my legs.

"Honestly? I've only ridden them three or four times. In town when I was a kid and one of the farmers would let me."

She looks shocked. "Really?"

I nod. "Horses are for the wealthy."

"Wealthy?" She rubs the back of her neck. "Not wealthy. Warriors. Travelers. "

Now, I do roll my eyes. "I should go back and tell my old self that I don't need money to buy a horse, I just need to start swinging my sword around and soon my very own horse will appear."

She sighs and shakes her head. "Regardless, you really need to toughen up. We have a long journey. If you're already doing this poorly, you'll only slow us down." She's not unkind in how she says it. She's matter of fact. Which might be worse.

"Got it." I look down at my butt. "So help me gods, if you do not toughen up, I will kick my ass myself."

Snorting, she begins to unload both of our horses. I want to help. I really do. But I feel like sitting on this rock all prim and proper is better than crawling around on legs that don't want to work, or managing to walk but crying like a baby with each painful movement.

Prim and proper it is!

"You can't be one of these weak queens," she tells me as she sets up wood for the fire. "You know what I'm talking about, right? They ride in carriages and only care about looking pretty. Weak queens make weak rulers."

"No need to worry. I'm hardy, like the oldest tree in this forest." I puff out my chest briefly. It hurts. "Hardy like the hands of an old woman. Or the butthole of a whore. Hardy like the rocks in the mud, and the arms of a mother."

Lady Nova stares at me wordlessly.

"You should see me scrub a filthy floor on my knees all day. And the way I move around a broom… hell, I'm the best sweeper you've ever seen. Plus, I can make a bed that looks, okay, not awesome, but super good." Okay, I'd been trying to defend myself, but had I really just started listing of f chores?

She clears her throat, eying me. "I've heard stories about your cleaning prowess. You're a legend in the palace. It's probably why you matched with all four princes." She's trying to hold a serious face, but it's not working.

Oh, the lady can joke!

"A person has to be tough to handle those four." I hold my head up high enough that I'm hoping she can't see my insecurities.

This elicits a chuckle out of her. I smile back.

She stands in front of the wood she's piled, her hands outstretched, and a raging fire crackles to life in the wood. My jaw drops. I know fae can do some pretty awesome stuff, but they usually don't do it in front of us lowlife humans.

"You just did that with your hands?" I ask, staring at her and her hands. It looks so easy.

"You can't make fire with your magic?" Her eyebrows furrow.

My stomach clenches. I'm human, or at least an incredibly weak fae as far as everyone is concerned. That should be common knowledge at this point. Of course I can't make fire with my magic. I don't have any.

I shrug. "I've never really tried."

Lifting my hands, I try to move them like she did. I know nothing's going to happen, but I try all the same. There's half a second where I swear the fire grows, but then I realize it was just a trick of the light.

I've had one miracle in my life. I'm pretty sure that's the limit.

Pointing at the burns on my wrists, Lady Nova's face turns grave .

I feel uncomfortable for reasons I don't understand. "Just the marks from my shackles. No biggie."

Her expression doesn't change. "Human bastards have always used iron to muzzle fae magic. I can't believe those assholes used it on you." Then she sits down next to me and touches my wrists. "These remind me of old images from wars of the past. Historians made sure we all remember how the humans treated us. The humans kept the fae in chains, all made of iron, so that not only did they not have their magic, but their skin burned all the time." Her voice trembles with anger.

I wonder if whatever happened during those wars is a part of why humans have so little now and fae have so much. It's strange that I never really thought about how the scales became so unevenly tipped. I just thought that them having magic meant they were bigger and stronger than us, and we just had to take it. If what she's saying is right, once upon a time we humans were the ones in charge, and we were as cruel as the fae are to us now. Maybe crueler.

I need to read up on our history.

Yet, none of that explains why she thinks little old me had iron cuffs. Even though, technically, they were. What makes her so certain they were iron? The healers never mentioned anything about it, although they seemed too scared to say much to me at all, for some reason. Although I did hear something about the princes putting the fear of the gods in them about making certain I was properly cared for…

But I digress. "Couldn't these marks just be from the chain chafing against my skin?"

Lady Nova gives me a funny look. "No, these are burn marks, not chafing marks. Didn't you know?"

It's awkward, trying to decide what to tell her, because I don't want to completely lie. "Remember, I thought I was human until that ball. I don't really have experience with iron or burns. Hell, iron is forbidden! If I had experience with it, you should be a little worried about me!"

"Fair enough," she says, amusement in her tone, but she turns over my arms to continue inspecting my injuries.

Then her words settle over me. My marks… do look like burns. Does this mean that I have magic? And if I have magic, doesn't that have to mean I do have some fae in me? My pulse races at the thought. How much easier could my life have been if I had magic? If I had been aware of any fae in me?

I shake my head, not understanding how it's even possible. I'm just a human. My father is human. And from what my father has said about my mother, which hasn't been much, she was human too. So… could I have some distant fae relative? And… how do I find out if I do?

Something tickles the back of my mind. Distant memories in which my father shut down any conversation involving magic or our family line. Until now, I never thought about that being weird, but maybe it is?

My gaze goes to Lady Nova. She drops her hands from my arms, but still looks troubled. "You should know some basic things. Someone has failed you terribly, Lady Cassia."

Failed me? My father and grandmother have never failed me in anything, right? Except when it comes to knowledge about your relatives, especially anyone on my mother's side, and anything about my mother in general… bu t that was only because it's too hard for him to talk about her. Isn't it?

I wrap my arms around myself, fighting the urge to bare my soul. "I really don't know anything, at all." Even about myself.

She seems to be in disbelief. "Have you really believed you were human your whole life? Were there no signs at all?"

Is missing information a sign? I don't think so. I think she more means magic squirting out of my ass, which has never happened.

"There were no signs. I–I don't even know if I have magic or not." There's no use in lying or trying to hide it if we still have days of journeying together to get through, because she'll figure it out soon enough.

Besides, she obviously knows something I don't, and knowledge is power right now. If I have some distant fae inside of me, maybe she can help me to… access my magic? Is that even a thing? Or help me find out how much? And if she can help me with these things, I won't have to lie about nearly as many things when I get the princes back.

"You have to learn if you can use magic. It's like not learning to read. If you have the potential for the ability, you should learn it."

I swallow around the lump in my throat. "How do you learn?"

She actually smiles. "Lucky for you, I often help in teaching young fae to use their magic. Even an occasional older one."

"Older ones?" I ask, confused.

She nods. "In rare instances, fae learn their magic later in life." Before I can ask more, she continues. "Here, let's try to play with fire." She urges me to stand and guides my hands over the fire. "Ok, you want to get a sense of it. A sense of everything in the air right now. Do you feel it?"

I close my eyes and try to just be and feel. The truth is, I feel stupid. I don't know what I'm trying to feel. The warmth in the air from the fire? The embers dying in the air? The smoke drifting to the skies?

Lady Nova keeps talking, not waiting any longer for a response from me. "Listen to what you feel. Try to pull from it."

Pull from it? I don't know how, but I try to focus on the fire, the air, the embers, and the smoke. The way they interact. The way they weave harmoniously together. Strangely, I swear, I start to feel something, like a thread. It's not tangible, I can't actually touch it, but I try to latch on to it with my mind. I try to pull it in toward me. It's slippery at first, but then I get a hold of it.

I feel it then, a rush, a surge of energy, thumping like a heartbeat. My magic.

"There you go," Nova says.

My eyes flutter open to see that the fire is completely out. My jaw drops. Holy fuck. How did I just do that? Where did I get magic from?

"Nice job. We'll try again later."

Lady Nova restarts the fire while I stare dumbfounded at my hands. They put out a fire. I put out a whole fire with my hands–with my mind. It's impossible. Because this means… I have some magic.

A smile flashes across my face. This means everything.

Lady Nova begins preparing dinner while I'm in the midst of a life-altering discovery about myself. I have to be part-fae. There's more to my heritage than my father and grandmother have told me.

I'm. A. Fae.

"Do you know how to use a weapon?" Lady Nova asks, shaking me out of my stupor.

Right, okay, a weapon? "Enough. I've had to protect myself a time or two walking to and from the palace to work." I recall attempting to use a weapon on Prince Sulien not too long ago.

My lapse in attention is cut short when Lady Nova throws a dagger at me. I catch it, barely. Inches from my fucking face. With hands that tremble, and a blade that's just a breath from my eye.

"What the fuckity fuck!" I shout.

She smirks and shrugs. "Looks like you know how to use a weapon."

"Not enough for me to be able to catch a dagger in mid-air! Hell, Lady Nova, what were you thinking?" I huff, lowering the dagger, hating the fact that I'm trembling.

"That's yours now. You're going to know more than enough about weapons by the time we're done with each other." Then she grins.

"I better not fall asleep, right?"

Her grin simply widens.

"No, seriously, are daggers going to be coming at me in my sleep?" That's just what I need after the weird nightmares I've been having about the princes since they disappeared from the Summer Court. Nightmares while I sleep and daggers coming at me.

She turns, whistling and stirring the food .

This is going to be a long trip.

I glance away from her and to the trees. A dead raven watches me, and I swear it's the same one as before. A chill rolls down my spine. I glance at Lady Nova to see if she's seen it, then back, but the thing is gone.