Chapter 12

* * *

ERIS

The last threedays had been so exceedingly quiet and nerve-racking. She had gotten up early, showered, and made the coffee. The last few days had consisted of a flurry of sweet text messages from Colton at random moments. He was reaching out to her, trying to make things romantic between the two of them, and it was wonderful.

I miss your smile.

I wish you were here. We could have Zane between us if you need space, but I miss you already.

Have I mentioned that I love how Zane shrugs just like you do?

She was trying to reach out to him but felt unsure how to do so. He was so intense, so driven, and a part of her was still waiting for him to push her away again. Those memories were still there, and it wasn't something she could just turn off. No, that intensity was still there – but simmering like a pool of lava waiting to explode.

Every time she did anything around the house, it was to make it ‘homey' or warm when he returned. Simple things had different meanings to her. If she washed the sheets, she would feel her face heat up. If she cooked dinner, she felt like a happy little housewife, but that wasn't possible.

Was it?

Everything was building up to this moment… this day.

Tuesday.

Pouring a cup of coffee, she was standing in the kitchen when she heard the front door unlock in the silence. Colton's tired face appeared as he smiled at her, setting his keys on the kitchen table. She held up a finger to tell him that Zane was still sleeping only to see him withdraw a small box of donuts from behind his back.

"Breakfast," he murmured and walked toward her.

"Coffee?" she whispered… and caught her breath as he suddenly set the donuts down on the counter, putting a hand on her side, tugging her toward him. "Oh…"

"I missed you," he breathed, putting his forehead against hers as they stood there in the kitchen together. She could smell the smoky scent of him and felt herself responding to such gentleness. Her hand curled behind his neck, holding him close as they just waited.

"I missed you too…" she barely rasped, her voice tight at the revealing words. "I want this, but I can't help but worry that I'm going to get my feelings hurt again."

"I know – and I'm sorry," he began, his voice achingly soft and sincere. "I never meant to drive you off or for things to get so out of control. I died a million deaths knowing I was the cause of everything that went wrong between us. I never meant to hurt you. I was just so scared at what had happened."

He brushed his nose against her skin and then hesitated.

"I should go get a shower, but…"

"Wait," she urged, that single word so unexpected to both of them. Her fingers touched his sweaty hair, feeling his breath so close as they stood together. Colton took a step toward her, pressing himself against her. She felt his arms winding around her, pulling and holding her close.

"I've missed you so much…" he whispered softly, so close to her lips. "I don't care if it takes years for us to find our way together because there is nowhere else that I'd rather be."

Yet he didn't kiss her.

"I want for us to have everything…"

"I do, too," she murmured. "I just keep thinking of that moment…"

"That moment is in our past, and we need to allow ourselves time to heal," he urged tenderly. "You think that I like knowing that I'm the one who destroyed what we had? No, but all I can do is be a better person now. I want to be your husband, your friend, your partner, and our son's father."

"What if it happens again? What if we have another problem or disagreement…"

"Then we figure it out together – as a couple," he promised and chuckled softly, still pressing his forehead to hers. His thumb was brushing against her cheek as he held her close, his hand moving from her side to cup her cheek. "You don't know how much crow I'd eat to keep you here in my life. Let me tell you… it's a fairly shocking amount, Eris."

They both chuckled nervously, neither moving. Her fingers kept brushing against the back of his neck, almost subconsciously, as they remained still. A part of her was afraid this fragile bubble would suddenly disappear, but a bigger part of her wished for so much more.

"Colton…?" her voice was faint, and she loved this sense of closeness between them in these stolen moments of the early morning. That was part of the reason she got up early; she didn't want to drop ‘bed-head-bad-breath-Eris' in his lap… no, she wanted to be welcoming when he returned, knowing they were going to try to build something more. She just didn't expect any of this so quickly.

"Yeah, babe?"

"Oh n-nothing…"

"Tell me," he urged softly, his thumb caressing her cheek again.

"I just thought that m-maybe… ah, well, I thought you were going to kiss me?"

"Do you want me to?" he asked tenderly, still waiting. Her heart was beating so loudly she was pretty sure he could hear it, yet he was still holding back… for her. Oh, she knew it, but someone had to give somewhere, right?

"I do want to kiss you, but…" he began, and she interrupted him.

Eris angled her head slightly, taking the initiative and closing the gap between them as that mental ‘bubble' wobbled precariously in her mind. This magic had to end soon, and she was afraid to miss out on this unexpected moment between them.

The moment Colton's lips touched hers, it was over. She heard him make a soft noise in his throat as he took over. His lips pressed against hers as she responded happily. He was an intimate taste of joy that she'd forgotten had existed… seductive, tantalizing, yet smoky with a hint of salt, and something just so wonderfully him.

His lips were urging and coaxing her silently for more, only to feel his hands leave her for a moment – as he picked her up under her arms, setting her on the counter there in the kitchen. They paused their kiss as she pushed the coffee pot away for a moment, his eyes holding hers, only for him to reach for her again. He slid her close to the edge, putting himself there against the counter to hold her safely, kissing her wildly. She crossed her ankles behind him as if giving him a bodily hug, entrapping him so he couldn't back away and treasured his soft laugh in his throat as he smiled against her lips, sending his fingers into her hair on either side of her face, holding her close.

"Gosh, I've missed you…"

"I've missed this feeling," she admitted tearfully against his lips as he spoke to her between kisses.

"I want us to reach for each other…"

"To be close…"

"To be a family…"

"Don't hurt me again…"

"Don't run from me," he begged softly. "I'm going to make mistakes, but I need you in my life. I can't handle losing you again – and I'm not too proud to admit that."

At his words, she opened her eyes and saw he was already looking at her with that half-lidded sexy gaze that made her knees weak. She loved that they were opening up, reaching for each other, and it felt like she could see those invisible bonds starting to curl around each of them again.

"This," she whispered knowingly, "has never been a problem between us. It's been how we handle tough moments. We both pull back, retreating to our corners, and what if it happens again? What if we have a fight or meltdown again? What if I end up pregnant again? What if…"

"Eris," he interrupted, his voice pleading. "We're in different places now, and you are right. We backed away from each other instead of reaching for the other person, but I'm not running now."

Her eyes searched his, and she felt her heart turn over at what she saw there. He was laying it all on the line, wanting to give her everything for a shot at a possible life together, and she wanted it with every fiber of her being – even the frightened ones.

"If we were blessed to have another child," he said softly, not looking away. "I want to experience every moment with you. I want to hold your hand, change diapers, and get spit up on by an infant on my shoulder…"

Colton's words were so weirdly normal yet precious. She chuckled nervously and felt him adjust his hands on either side of her face where he'd been holding her close to kiss her, only this time staring at her.

"I want us…" he breathed. "If that means we wait, then so be it… but reach for me, laugh with me, play with me like you used to. Remember how you used to pinch my side to tickle me? Gosh, I loved that so much…"

"You hated that," she laughed softly, rolling her eyes.

"I loved it," he stressed gently, smiling tenderly at her. "Because you were reaching for me and decided to let the real Eris come play…"

"I pway, too…" Zane said sleepily from the kitchen entrance, causing the two of them to look to the right immediately. Their son was standing there in his underwear and a T-shirt, rubbing his eyes and holding his Pooh bear.

Eris felt a pang of guilt for not being close when her son woke up and getting caught necking like a teenager in the kitchen with Colton. She tried to get down from the counter where he had her pinned – only to feel his lips press against hers for a moment as he whispered, ‘stay here.'

Colton backed away, scooping up Zane and kissing him on the cheek.

"Good morning, little man… did you go potty already?"

"Yes… uh oh, I forgots to fush it."

"I'll get it," he chuckled, kissing Zane's cheek again. "Daddy is stinky from work, and I'm going to get a shower – but I brought you and Mommy a treat. Do you like donuts?"

Setting Zane down in the chair, he grabbed a paper towel off the paper towel roll she'd left on the table last night and opened the small box. Zane's eyes were huge as he looked in the box and then up at Colton – and Eris watched the whole interaction, smiling.

"I like the lemon ones…" Colton whispered loudly.

"Me too…"

"Oh yeah? Hm, well, that's a lemon one, if you want it?"

"Das okay?"

"I bought them to be eaten, buddy… you can have any one you choose."

"I want da' lemon one."

"Okay, grab it," Colton urged, chuckling. "You help yourself, and I'll get you some milk in two seconds."

"M'kay…" and the little hand grabbed a donut that was nearly the size of his head, making her laugh immediately. Colton set down the box, walked back over to her with this slight swagger that made her smile and wrapped an arm around her waist.

"I should say ‘where were we'… but I really do smell like sweat, and I'm not exactly sure my son should be seeing or hearing what's on Daddy's dirty mind right now," he said softly, leaning to kiss her cheek. "Let's play, laugh, and hold each other again later – okay?"

"I'd like that too."

Her eyes met his as he slid her down off the counter against his body, knowing exactly what he was doing as she saw the flare of desire in his eyes.

"Eris…"

"Yes?"

"I don't care how long it takes us – just be here with me."

The look in his eyes made her heart flutter wildly in her chest as she nodded silently. Colton backed away and moved to kiss Zane's head as he was shoving in the lemon donut as fast as possible. Her son was grunting and had a dollop of lemon curd on his chin squirting out behind his teeth as he smiled happily. What kid wouldn't like sugar and attention from their loving parent?

Chuckling softly, she saw Colton glance at her as she turned on the faucet to wet a paper towel to wipe their son's face and nodded, pointing in the distance.

"Go… so he's not making a mess."

"You gonna wash me too?" he taunted softly, walking backward blindly down the hallway away from her.

"Wash yourself…" she retorted – but gave him a shy smile that had him winking at her right before he disappeared into the bathroom. She turned to wipe Zane's mouth and marveled over what had just happened over the last ten minutes. "Your Daddy is a mess, Zane."

Colton was interested, and there was no mistaking it. He came right out and told her he wanted a marriage, a real relationship with her, and they'd gone so far to talk about children. He wasn't hiding the fact that he wanted to be close to her, but was willing to wait to make sure that they were both in the right headspace for whatever this was. If that wasn't sexy, she didn't know what was.

* * *

Eris marveledat the change in her life – and Zane's. She was actually taking the time to make a homemade pie crust and was rolling it out on the counter listening to the two guys in her life rough-housing in the living room. Colton was on all fours, and Zane was riding the pony, using Colton's shirt collar as a harness.

"Hang on, buddy… the horsey is going fast."

"Not too fast," she warned immediately and saw Colton arch his eyebrow. "Okay, okay… protective mama is backing down."

"Thank you," he chuckled.

"Go fast, horsey! Go! Go! Go!" Zane screamed happily, kicking his feet into Colton's sides, causing him to wince and audibly yell ‘Ooomph!' as he collapsed on the floor.

"Ughh, you can't kick the horsey, Zane… that hurts."

"Oh, noes. Get up, horsey. We need to play."

"Well then," Colton exclaimed happily, hopping back on his hands and knees without Zane – skittering quickly away as Zane chased him, catching up a moment later. "Oh no, you caught me."

"I caught da' horsey!"

"Be careful with Daddy…" Eris chided, smiling. "Nobody wants to get hurt or to fall. What's your horsey's name?"

"Idj-it… the horsey!"

"Sheesh," Colton chuckled as Eris laughed aloud, covering her mouth with her hands at the innocent yet inconspicuous name given to ‘the horse.' "Let's not call the horse that, okay? That's not a nice word, and horses should have noble names…"

"Oh yeah?" Eris grinned. "Like Mr. Ed?"

"Um, hello? I was thinking Rambo the studly stallion…" Colton grinned. "Zane, how's that sound for your horse?"

"I like ‘Idj-it' better…" Zane frowned, making Eris laugh wildly again.

"Hey, hey… now let's not get too eager about calling your favorite horse an ‘Idiot,'" Colton chuckled. "There's lots of other awesome names out there for manly big heroic horses. Mustang the stallion, Fabio the stud, Pegasus, Sleipnir, Seabiscuit…"

"How about ‘Shrek the big ol' donkey'…" Eris volunteered, smiling tenderly at the duo that was playing around on the floor still.

"What?"

"C'mon Shrekkie… let's go!"

"Hang on," Colton sat up, laughing wildly. "Shrek and Donkey are two different characters – so I can't be two people – that name won't work. Nice try, Mrs. Fischer."

"Shrekkie the idj-it donkey-horsey!" Zane cheered happily, holding up a wooden spoon like a knight holding aloft a lance, jumping around Colton's back and urging him to play. "Let's go! Let's go, Shrekkie!"

"I'm gonna get you for this…" but that smile on Colton's face was anything but threatening. No, his entire face was filled with happiness and love – and she saw it easily. He was enjoying every second of the three of them talking and playing around despite it all. "All right, climb onto Shrekkie the Donkey, and we'll go save Queen Eris from the dishes."

Obligingly, she began to make a scene, protesting and playing along with them. She rested the back of her hand against her forehead, pretending to be faint, only to hear them come charging into the kitchen.

"Zane, hang on!" Colton urged. "Your horse climbs mountains…"

"What?" – and heard her son's peal of laughter as Colton was getting to his feet almost on top of her. She was standing beside the pie crust she'd rolled out and Colton was pressing her against the counter, kissing the side of her neck where she was ticklish. They were all laughing, Colton was hanging onto Zane – who was nearly choking him with his shirt collar, and she loved every second of it.

The house was full of laughter, joy, and something more.

"My queen…" Colton whispered against her skin, before blowing raspberries against her neck, causing her to yelp in laughter once more as she pushed him away.

"Out of here," she chuckled tenderly. "I wanted to make a pie for dessert."

"Mmm…" He began, winking at her. "We like dessert – don't we, Zane?"

"Yes!"

"Let's go play and maybe watch cartoons together…"

"What a brilliant idea," Eris smiled – only to have Colton lean forward to sneak a kiss against her cheek once more before he turned slightly.

"Kiss your mama, cowboy…"

Zane leaned forward from his perch, his little lips puckered slightly, as she dutifully presented a cheek to her son. He made a loud kiss sound before laughing directly in her ear as Colton jogged off, bouncing him slightly on his back while holding both of their son's legs to keep him ‘on' the ‘horsey.'

It wasn't twenty minutes later that she heard faint snores coming from the living room. She had just slid the chocolate pie into the oven and set the timer on her cell phone when it dawned on her what the noise was. Peering around the corner, she saw Colton sprawled on the couch with Zane curled against his side, out cold.

The two were obviously exhausted.

Padding silently toward the bedroom, she pulled a coverlet off the bed and walked back into the living room where they were resting. Gingerly, she spread it over the two of them, only to see Colton shift slightly. His eyes never opened. Zane was drooling on his chest, completely sound asleep. Leaning down, she gingerly kissed her son's cheek and caught her breath, moving slightly to kiss Colton's as well.

He turned toward her, cracking a bleary eye, and smiled.

"Am I dreaming?" he whispered.

"No…"

"I'm so glad you are here."

"Me too," she replied honestly, realizing that her apartment before never felt like home… not like this place. "Get some rest."

"Yes, ma'am," he smiled in exhaustion, closing his eyes again.