47. Chapter 47

Chapter 47

Honest confessions.

I lay in bed, waiting for Fyn to snuggle next to me and surround me so I could fall asleep. After we’d been dropped back off at the palace, he’d taken me to the medbay for a quick checkup. The doctor had thought I was merely exhausted and recommended rest. As soon as we got back to our bedroom, Fyn had helped me lie down before taking a shower.

I wished I could join him, licking his cock. How would he taste? I’d wondered as a ghost, but now, I could find out for myself. My cock started to stiffen at the thought, but I was exhausted. Also, if we fucked, I might freak out in the middle; that would be beyond embarrassing.

Fyn came in, running a towel over his long hair. He threw it into the laundry before crawling into bed. He didn’t bother to put on clothes, which I appreciated, because it allowed me to run my hands over his tight muscles and shiny scales.

He was lovely.

I swallowed as an urge to cover my scars burned through me. My wings hugged my sides and my tail coiled up my leg, making me grimace.

Fyn pulled me into his arms. “Breathe, Mate.”

“I am.” I swore I was, though I did forget at times.

He smoothed a hand over my back, and I shivered, groaning. I gently tugged on one of his nipple rings, and his breath sharpened. Monty had suggested the truth, and he was right. As much as it was easier to hide behind sex and smiles, that didn’t make for a healthy relationship, and me and Fyn were it, so serious talking. Fun.

“I’m overwhelmed,” I confessed. “I’m not used to everything. Every sense is stronger than ever, and I have no idea what to do with my wings or tail.”

“Do you want me to stop touching you?”

“No,” I said, moving closer. My hips slotted against his, and my hard cock pressed against him.

“Caleb,” he groaned, breath rushing over me.

“I just…”

He pushed my long hair back, and I fought a cringe. “What?”

“I can’t help but wonder what this would be like if I was in my human body. I know that’s impossible because I died a long time ago. Like a very long long time ago. God, my body is probably withered or gooey… I shouldn’t have thought about that, because I feel gross now.”

“Caleb,” Fyn said, drawing me out of my random thoughts.

“Anyway.” I shrugged, ignoring the ache the movement created. “What if? The question never stops circling my head. I try not to… But I can’t help it.”

“Can I be honest without upsetting you?”

“Yeah,” I said, even though I wasn’t sure it was the truth.

“I wonder too.”

“You do?”

“I do,” he said, kissing my forehead. “I am so happy and grateful you are here, Caleb. Beyond happy. I never want to be without you ever again. Not even for a day. But I think about how you used to look because that’s what I’m used to. I wonder how your human form would have felt against me. How kissing you would have felt. What hugging you would have been like. How falling asleep with your much smaller body in my arms would have been. How fucking you would have felt. I think about all of it.”

Fucking hell, I was crying again. Why? I had no idea. “I thought about asking Seth, but I don’t think he will answer.”

Zoltilvoxfyn laughed, tail curling around my leg. “I think you’re right.”

Rocking my hips into his made his rare laughter break off as his breath caught. I said, “I want to have sex, but I’m afraid of how I’ll react.”

“We can wait.”

I didn’t want to wait, but we might have to because of how sore I was. At least for tonight. Still, I worried my body wouldn’t handle it when Fyn fucked me, but maybe it would be worth the pain or we could find a position that didn’t hurt? I wasn’t sure. This was new to me. Then again, so much was.

“I want you to fuck me,” I said, kissing his jaw. “But maybe nothing penetrative tonight. I’m tired and not used to this body.”

“We can do whatever you want.”

A frown tugged at the corners of my lips. Fyn hadn’t told me what he wanted, and his wants and needs were as important as mine, and lately, everything had been about me. In fact, now that I thought about it, he’d been over-solicitous and catering to my every need. He rarely said what he thought.

“What do you want, Fyn? I need to know. You’ve been very careful with me lately, which I love, but I also love you being you. We haven’t even talked about how you are doing or how you’re handling everything.” I didn’t know if he was comfortable with me bringing up his depression, but I knew Fyn hadn’t seen his doctor since I’d come back, which wasn’t good.

His fingers slid into my hair again and made me shiver. The silky strands of Yol—my hair made me wince from the tickling. Fyn moved up and started to massage my scalp, and I groaned, rutting into him. His hard cock brushed mine, and I swore. That was beyond nice.

“I worry,” he confessed.

“About?” I knew the answer or I thought I did, but he needed to say it.

“You. I’m scared to lose you again, Caleb.” He met my gaze. “I couldn’t live through that again. I would rather die. I’m scared I’ll say something wrong or that I’ll upset you. I’m terrified I will fail you even more than I already have.”

My forehead crinkled. “When did you fail me?”

His eyes slid away.

“No.” I shifted on top of him, straddling him, and shockingly, my back didn’t even twinge. “Talk to me.”

He cupped my hips, and I became acutely aware of his very hard cock beneath my ass, pressing against my balls and taint. I forced it away, focusing on Fyn. He played with the delicate scales across my hip bones as he kept his eyes on my chest. I waited; he needed to get this out. We both did.

“When you vanished. Before you vanished. After you were reborn. Every time in between.”

“What?” I asked.

“I failed you, Caleb,” he said, finally looking at me. “You stayed. You risked your soul. Then I made you touch the Crystal against your wishes. Now you're back, and I still don’t know how to help you.”

I smoothed a thumb over his cheekbone. My poor Fyn. He felt as if the weight of everything was his to bear. I carefully bent down, ignoring the twinge the movement caused, and pressed my lips to his in a gentle kiss. I kept the pace slow and soft to convey how much I loved him. I pulled back, flicking his septum ring with my tongue.

“You did not fail me,” I said in a hard voice. When he opened his mouth to protest, I grabbed his chin and repeated, “You did not fail me, Zoltilvoxfyn.”

“I did.”

“No. I chose to stay. And neither of us knew what touching the Crystal would do. Besides,” I said, gesturing to Yolkeltod’s body, “I think this would have happened anyway.”

“I don’t know how to help you.”

“I don't know how to help me ,” I replied. “This is a unique situation, Sunshine. No one knows what to do. But you are helping me by being beside me. I need you, but I also need to know what’s going on with you. I love you.”

“I love you too.”

I lowered again, so my face hovered above his. “What does my Sunshine want?”

“I want,” he said in a low voice, “to fuck my mate.”