46. Chapter 46

Chapter 46

Silence is an answer.

I wound through the streets, head down. I had to see Tinlorray; I’d promised Yolkeltod. Selfishly, I hoped she would alleviate this all-consuming guilt that wouldn’t abate. I needed to be able to breathe without suffocating or thinking I’d stolen something precious. How could I live my life like that? Monty said I needed to make peace with it, but how could I do that when Tinlorray was devastated and her brother was gone?

I kept close to the buildings until I made it to the port where I boarded the shuttle that would take me to where Tinlorray lived. The second I crossed the threshold, my muscles froze and my breathing harshened. I had no idea why; shuttles had never bothered me before.

In the past, I would’ve talked to the strangers next to me. I would’ve bounced around investigating. I would have… I stopped that train of thought. The past was the past. I might be me, but I was different. Now, the thought of being near someone or having them talk to me made me anxious.

The reality of my life had changed, and I had to adjust.

With every shake and vibration of the shuttle, I fought back tears. I needed off, and I needed it now.

When it finally docked, I pushed through the crowd to the exit. The drakcol stared at me, some even growled, but no one said anything about my rude behavior.

By the time I’d reached Tinlorray’s complex, my knees shook and my chest ached. I started to pant and my vision wavered as if I was going to pass out. I pressed a hand on the side of the building, half-bent over, and tried to breathe. God, the pain was horrible. It was everywhere, throbbing, aching, stabbing, so many different types all demanding my attention.

“Yo—Caleb,” a voice said from in front of me.

“Tinlorray,” I said, voice rough.

She had her arms wrapped around her waist and her tail thrashed, eyes glassy with emotion. Otherwise, she appeared well enough in clean clothes with her neatly braided hair.

I gave her a shaky smile. “I’m here to check on you.”

“You need to leave.”

“What?” I straightened, my heart pounding so hard I feared it would rip out of my chest.

Tinlorray’s hands curled into shaking fists. “I didn’t answer you, Caleb. I don’t want to see you, I don’t want to talk to you, and I don’t even want to receive notes from you. You are not Yolkeltod. You are not my brother.”

“Tinlorray.” I didn’t know what to say.

“Stop. Just stop,” Tinlorray snapped. “I helped you, alright? I helped you be with your soulmate. I don’t want to see you anymore. We aren’t friends. We aren’t family. We are nothing.”

“Yolkeltod asked me to take care of you.”

A vicious roar ripped out of her throat as her wings sprawled. I cowered, shuffling back to get away from her, but I moved too fast and tripped, collapsing to the ground. Fiery knives shot up my spine, stealing my breath.

“Don’t say his name. You are not him.” Tinlorray breathed slowly, remaining silent until her wings settled against her back. “I am trying to move on, Caleb, and seeing you reminds me of what I’ve lost.

“I won’t speak against you or Prince Zoltilvoxfyn for what happened, because I know neither of you tried to do this. It’s not your fault. But the fact remains that you, not Yolkeltod, inhabit that body.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I don’t need your apologies. I need you to leave me alone.”

I nodded, then stopped, remembering drakcol didn’t do that. “I can do that, but, Tinlorray, please remember I’m here for you and I would like to be friends.”

She did not respond.

“Please, Tinlorray.”

“Go, Caleb, and don’t come back.” Without a second glance, she walked away.

Something snapped within me. I felt oddly abandoned. Tears dripped down my cheeks. “Tinlorray,” I begged, but she didn’t stop.

I stared at the door, unable to pull my gaze away. Caleb had been gone since this afternoon. I thought it might help him to have some space, and truthfully, I hadn’t known what to say to him—I still didn’t. Now, the sun was beginning to set. Clearly, I’d made yet another mistake.

My instincts demanded I search for him, or at the very least ping him, but Caleb didn’t want me to. At least I didn’t think he did. I truly didn’t know. I didn’t know anything anymore. My mate was a stranger, and it was my fault. I hadn’t even asked him what he needed; I’d assumed, like an idiot. Which I was. Everything, absolutely everything, was my fault. I’d sworn to keep him safe, and yet he was somewhere without me, possibly in danger.

He had a touchstone. If he needed me, he would ping me or I hoped he would. Caleb would, wouldn’t he? He knew he could rely on me, didn’t he? I shoved my hand through my hair, tail thrashing. I didn’t know anymore. I had failed my mate so completely again that maybe he didn’t trust me anymore. He would be justified.

No. I closed my eyes. Much as my mate-brother Seth had said, not everything was about me. Yes, I had made mistakes, but Caleb had also chosen to leave. Though, I should have been more careful. I shoved a hand through my hair. It was hard to fight the cloud of worthlessness. Everything inside of me felt as if I alone bore the guilt, but it wasn’t that simple. I knew it. In this situation, there was no blame. It was simply hard for both of us.

My touchstone warmed as a deep voice echoed in my ears, “Zoltilvoxfyn.”

“Caleb,” I shouted, yanking the stone out of my pocket. “Where are you?”

“Sunshine,” he said breathlessly.

“Where are you, Mate?”

“I went to the city.” He panted, stopping.

“Are you injured?” I asked, racing out the door, my wings spreading.

“I went to see Tinlorray. She doesn’t want to see me. She doesn’t want to talk to me. I feel so guilty. She was crying, Fyn, and I couldn’t do anything. It’s all my fault. This is all my fault. I’m a fucking thief.”

I heard the tears in his voice.

“I walked around for a while before heading back.”

“Where are you?” I demanded, a moment away from finding his location and sending a local patrol to him.

“I tried to make it back, but I can’t.”

“What’s wrong?”

“I hurt, Sunshine. I can’t go any further. Please, help me.”

My soul thrashed. “I’m coming, Mate.” I moved toward a monitor, refusing to disconnect from Caleb. “NAID, where is Caleb?”

“Unknown name,” it replied. He hadn’t been added yet to the system, but there had to be dozens of Yolkeltods.

I banished the silhouette and logged into Kalvoxrencol’s system. “Edith.”

“Hello, Prince.”

“Where is Caleb? I am speaking to him currently.”

Edith put his location on the map.

“Send a local patrol. I’m heading there now.”

“Understood.”

“Mate,” I said, but Caleb didn’t respond. “Caleb!” Nothing came from the other side, and the touchstone was inactive. I raced to the open window, and my wings flapped, lifting me into the air.

Time passed so slowly that every second was agony. I would not lose Caleb a second time. He was here with me, and I intended to keep him for the rest of our lives. We would find a way through the problems. We would grow used to his new body. We would be together.

I dove to the ground, sweeping the street for my mate. My soul stuttered when I spotted him. Caleb was lying on the steps of a multi-dwelling building.

I dashed to his side, falling to my knees, heedless of the hard ground. “Caleb. Mate.” I cupped his cheek. “Wake up.”

His eyes fluttered open, and he smiled, though it was shaky. “You came.”

“I will always come for you.” I stroked his cheek, and he groaned. “Are you well?”

“I hurt.”

Gently, I helped him to a seated position. “You did too much.”

“I didn’t mean to.”

I gathered him into my arms and took a deep inhale of his floral fragrance. That plus Caleb’s solid form in my embrace soothed my tension. I rubbed my forehead against his neck, scent marking him. I needed to claim him, and for everyone to know, that this wayward soul was mine wherever he wandered.

“I would’ve taken you to see Tinlorray, Caleb.”

He pulled back. “I can do things by myself.”

Cupping his cheeks again, I said, “Then I would have arranged a shuttle or showed you how to do so. You cannot wander this far, Little Soul, not anymore.”

Tears gathered in his eyes, and claws raked my chest. I hated being the cause of his suffering. I was his mate, and drakcol cared for our mates, but I was injuring mine.

I brushed the tears away before kissing his cheek, then froze. Caleb had said he hated to be touched. I slid back. “My apologies. I shouldn’t have touched you.”

He dragged me closer, wincing. “I didn’t mean you, Sunshine. Hold me.”

I hooked my arms around him, settling him against my chest as we waited for the patrol. They would take us back to the palace, so Caleb didn’t have to walk any further.

“I don’t know much right now, Fyn,” Caleb said. “I’m confused and upset, and I don’t even know who I am, but I am completely certain about one thing.”

“What?” I asked, stroking his back.

“That I love you.”

My soul thrashed against my ribs as heat washed through me. “I love you too.”