36. Chapter 36

Chapter 36

Who needs sleep? Not me.

The water sluiced over my scales as I attempted to wash away the stress. I’d met with my parents about the boobaas, but I barely recalled any of it. Monqilcolnen had to do most of the talking, though he’d glanced at me periodically. Caleb had remained by my side, not speaking, but he refused to budge on his stance, even though he was so transparent and gray that I struggled to see him clearly.

Cold wisps bloomed on my side, sliding up before forming the usual pattern on my back. Caleb slid in front of me and lowered to his knees. My stomach swooped as a pulse of want throbbed inside of me. I craved his touch, but more than that, I needed intimacy with my mate.

His fingers stroked my limp cock. Steadily, it swelled. My body was attuned to him—he fueled my desire with no effort whatsoever.

“Let me love you, Sunshine. We both need it.”

Any protest died on my lips when he stroked up and down my shaft. With my hands braced on the wall, I groaned. His fingers ghosted over my cock. Stars, his touch was slight, but every shift made me shiver.

Cold enveloped the head of my cock, and I looked down. Caleb had his lips wrapped around me. There wasn’t any pressure, but I saw the tip through the top of his head. A moan at the sight ripped out of me.

His fingers traced over my balls and hole as he slid up and down my cock, doing his best to maintain the image of sucking me. Unable to stop it, my hips canted forward. With his steady touches, I soon lost myself to the pleasure growing with every passing moment.

My fingers slid down to my shaft. Caleb wrapped his hand around mine as I pumped. “Caleb,” I cried, my balls drawing up tight.

“I want to see you come, Sunshine. I need it.”

With a strangled yell, I came, white ropes splattering the shower wall.

Caleb pressed against me, forehead rubbing my hip. “I love you.”

I stared at my mate, soul shattering with every passing moment. “I love you more than the sun in the sky or the earth beneath my feet or the wind in my wings. You are my very soul.”

Fyn had tried to fight sleep, for hours, but eventually, it came for him. I wished I could give him physical reassurance, but I couldn’t. There wasn’t even anything I could say to calm him. I was fading, dying again. My days were almost over.

I’d died once already, and it hadn’t been so bad, but somehow I didn’t think this would hold true the second time.

I bit my lip when a dull ache throbbed in my legs, and the thud of a heartbeat whispered in my ears. The longer I stayed, the worse it got.

Focusing on my Sunshine, I pushed the pain away. He was what mattered. Another day, another hour, another second. Even if I only had minutes left, I would spend them with Fyn.

But soon I would be gone, and he would be left alone. Drakcol mated once, but I hoped, because we hadn’t been together physically, he would one day move on. Fyn had said I was his only, but maybe I wasn’t. It might be possible. How many people fell in love with ghosts? Not many, I assumed.

I wished I could write him a note or leave him a message, but Drakcon technology didn’t perceive me. Though… Wyn had been working. The hour was late. It would be impossibly rude to bug him, and he couldn’t even hear me.

One glance at Fyn was enough to convince me. Sleep was unnecessary, right?

I pressed my lips against Fyn’s forehead, and there was something—maybe a scraping? It had been too long for me to truly identify the sensation. “I’ll be back, Sunshine. I promise.”

I went downstairs to Wyn’s quarters. Thankfully Seth had paid a visit before, and I’d been able to see it. I stepped inside the nearly empty one-room apartment.

Wyn was sprawled on the bed. His bubblegum pink hair tickled his forehead while the sheets clung around his legs, leaving his round ass and thin back bare. I’d never seen his lavender wings, and now, I guessed why. One was long and stretched over the bed, the other was oddly shaped and the talon curled inward, against the membrane. The wing was small and malformed like he had a congenital disorder. There was no way Wyn could fly.

My thoughts went to all the staircases with channels for flying and the streets without lights or decoration. This was not a world built for those who didn’t fly. And Wyn wasn’t alone. Tinlorray couldn’t fly. I imagined there were others, whether from age, injury, or congenital disabilities.

Drakcol were a warrior species, and I imagined that had played a part in how they viewed people with disabilities, but I didn’t know for certain.

None of that mattered at the moment, and I doubted Wyn wanted me to wake him up in the middle of the night to discuss accessibility. Right now, I needed Wyn’s help, and he didn’t need me staring at him. I poked him, sliding my fingers down his spine. “Sorry, Dude. Not trying to invade your privacy like a creep, but I need to talk to you.” I glanced at his tail. Fyn’s was sensitive, so it stood to reason Wyn’s was as well.

“Sorry,” I said before dragging my fingers down the appendage. A shiver went up his spine. He rolled over, and I slapped a hand over my eyes. “Please cover yourself. This is creepy enough without your junk flapping in the wind.”

“What’s going on?” Wyn thankfully dragged the sheet up.

I patted his chest over and over again, trying to make him cold.

“Are the environmental controls acting up?”

“Yes,” I said, “grab your screen. See the phase variance.” I poked his head. His tail flicked. He rolled over, yanking the covers over his head. That was not a barrier for me. I shoved through the blanket and dragged my fingers over his chest.

He shot up. Naked, he strode over to the monitor on the wall. I kept my gaze on the ceiling. Wyn’s claws clacked on the glass for a few moments before he said, “There’s a phase variance.” He whipped around, seizing the sheet and winding it around his narrow waist. “Caleb, if you are in here, this is a huge violation, and I will be speaking to Prince Zoltilvoxfyn about it.”

“I know, I know. Don’t get your tail in a knot,” I said, “but I need something.” He couldn’t hear me, so I poked him in the chest again.

Wyn shivered and rubbed the cold spot. “Yes, you’re here.” He froze. “Is something wrong with Prince Zoltilvoxfyn?”

“No.”

“NAID,” he shouted.

She popped into the monitor. “Hello, Wyn.”

“Scan Prince Zoltilvoxfyn’s quarters.”

“Why?”

“Caleb is here.”

She blinked. “Prince Zoltilvoxfyn is perfectly fine according to my readings.”

“Then why is he here?”

“Are you certain he is?” she asked, disembodied head tilting to the side.

I stabbed Wyn in the chest.

He rubbed the same spot. “Yes.”

“Perhaps he needs something from us.”

“What can we do when Prince alone hears and sees him?” Wyn asked in a grumble and sank to the bed, the sheet bunching around his legs. “It’s the middle of the night.”

NAID’s head tilted to the side again, and I couldn’t help but stare at her. If there was anyone in the universe that I wished to see, it was Nana. I missed her so much.

“I will attempt to apply the algorithm we have been working on,” she said.

“I suppose now is as good a time as any to test it,” Wyn said, scrubbing his hair before snagging his screen.

“Hey,” I yelled, jumping, to get their attention.

“Anything?” Wyn asked.

“There is some movement in the variance.”

Wyn dragged a hand over his face. “It’s going to be a long night. Let me get dressed. Caleb, turn around or float through the door.”

I complied.

When Wyn called my name, he was dressed in soft black pants and a loose white tank top, the collar stiff and almost brushing his jaw. This was a much better look for him than the uniform. He seemed more approachable. Though uniforms weren’t really supposed to make someone appear more friendly.

While Wyn and NAID made adjustment after adjustment, I talked and talked, trying to get them to hear me. I needed to leave something for Fyn behind to remember me by.

As the sun crested the mountains in the distance, I spoke again for the millionth time. I needed to get back to Fyn before he woke up.

“Come on!” I begged. I wasn’t sure if I was talking to Wyn, NAID, the magical Crystal, or the whole fucking universe at this point. I would plead my case to anyone and everyone if it meant sparing Fyn even a dash of pain when I was torn from him.

NAID said, “I heard him.”

“You did?” I asked at the same time Wyn did.

Her head bobbed up and down as a huge smile spread over her face, making her eyes disappear into her baggy skin. “I did. Caleb, it’s lovely to speak with you.”

“Thank god. I didn’t think this would work. Don’t get me wrong, I wanted it to. To like the extreme. I need it, but I figured I was waking up Wyn for no reason. I mean, his ass is nice, but he’s not Fyn and it’s not a reason to wake someone up.”

“What’s he saying?” Wyn asked.

NAID blinked. “A lot. He likes to talk.”

“Well, so would you if basically no one heard you,” I remarked.

She ignored me and asked, “What do you need?”

I glanced at Wyn. I wanted this to be private. “Can we speak in my room?”

“That is easy enough.” NAID translated what I said to Wyn.

“Perfect. I stayed up all night, and get to miss everything exciting,” he said.

“Thank you, Wyn.” I wrapped my arms around him, and he shivered.

“You’re welcome,” he replied when NAID told him what I said. “There is more work to do, but now, we should be able to talk more. Seth will enjoy conversing with you. I think being the lone human here is harder for him than he or Prince Kalvoxrencol anticipated.”

“Yep, lots of talking.” I was such a liar.

Leaving Wyn behind, I went back upstairs and poked my head into mine and Fyn’s bedroom. He was stretched out on the bed asleep. Returning to the couch, I said, “NAID.”

“Yes, Caleb.”

“I need you to do something for me.”

“Anything,” she said.

“I know you have access to a huge amount of data from Earth. Do you happen to have any pictures or recordings of me? My name’s Caleb Smith.”

“There were many Caleb Smith’s in your history. I will need more information to narrow the search parameters. As I cannot see you, I cannot search for your likeness among the billions of your planet.”

NAID needed more information? Well this should narrow it down very easily for her. “You’re wearing my grandmother’s face.”

Her mouth fell open. NAID stared at me for several moments before she asked, “You’re Edith’s grandson who died?”

I nodded, then realized she couldn’t see me. “Yes.”

Shuttering, the image of my grandmother disappeared and was replaced by a bland silhouette of a drakcol, like the non-sentient NAID wore. “I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t apologize. I loved being able to see and hear her, and I honestly think she'd be honored. My grandmother’s a huge advocate for people to live authentically and beautifully as themselves.”

NAID’s form didn’t change. “What can I do for you?”

“I would like you to gather every picture or recording of me you have. I can’t imagine there’s much, if anything at all.”

“That is incorrect. Your parents, siblings, cousins, aunts and uncles, as well as your grandmother uploaded everything onto the internet. They never forgot you, Caleb. It was obvious in every post and video where they talked of you.”

“Can you move all of it to a database?”

“Yes, but why?”

I glanced at the closed door. “For Zoltilvoxfyn.”

“I understand.” A moment passed before she said, “Done. Everything is arranged in chronological order for Prince.”

“Can you show me the most recent picture of myself?” I asked.

“Certainly. But why?”

“I don’t remember my own face,” I replied. It had been too long, and nothing reflected me in the universe, so my appearance had faded. I hadn’t remembered what Nana looked like until NAID appeared in front of me, reminding me, but I couldn’t recall any of my other family perfectly. I remembered bits and pieces of them. Like my mom’s blue eyes, or my dad’s booming laugh, or my brother Matt’s sharp elbows as he jabbed me.

An image appeared, and my pulse picked up for a few seconds before fading. The young man in front of me had brown curls, brushing his narrow shoulders, a blindingly bright smile, blue eyes like my mother’s, and rather large ears.

Me. This was me. I sort of remembered myself, and not at the same time. The Caleb in the picture was alive and vibrant. It was like looking at a stranger.

“Thank you, NAID,” I said.

“Did you want to see a picture of your entire family?”

“No,” I said instantly. I didn’t want to miss them even more. I didn’t want them to be strangers, like I was to myself. “No,” I repeated, calmer this time.

“Alright.”

“Can you record a message for me that he will be able to hear?”

“I believe so.”

I cleared my throat as I tried to organize my thoughts, putting my family out of my mind. What did he need to hear?

The truth.

“Hey, Sunshine. I imagine if NAID is letting you hear this, I’m gone. I hope a long time has passed since I recorded this, but I can’t take that chance. I need to tell you one thing: I love you. I think I lived my entire life waiting for you. I didn’t know it, but I was waiting for you, and when I died, I went searching.

“I know you’re upset, or at least I hope you are, even a little, because that means I meant something to you. So it sucks. Grief is rough, but you can survive this. You have to. Don’t push your brothers or parents away. Garden. Breathe. Live. One day, I hope you meet someone else who makes you happy.

“Anyway, I love you. I don’t regret anything. You are my everything, Zoltilvoxfyn, and you are completely worth it.”

“Are you finished?” NAID asked when I stayed quiet for a few minutes.

“Yeah.” I stared at the silhouette. “You really should go back to your previous appearance.”

“I don’t want to offend you.”

“You’re not,” I replied. “Trust me. She would love it that she helped you become more comfortable with yourself. Like she says, ‘In the end—”

“‘You only have yourself, so make sure to love yourself,’” she finished. NAID’s form shifted back to my grandmother’s likeness.

“Much better,” I said.

Her eyes flicked to the side. “I picked a name, but now, I don’t know.”

“You want to be called Edith.”

“I’m sorry.”

“She would love that, Edith.”

Edith’s face scrunched with emotion. “Thank you.”

“When you were orbiting Earth, was she…” I trailed off, unable to ask if she was still alive or not.

“Your grandmother was still alive, but she was not doing well.”

Grief pierced me like a rusty knife. I’d died years ago, leaving my family behind. Why should I grieve now for what I’d lost so long ago? An odd burn gathered behind my eyes, and I touched my face, expecting tears, but there was nothing.

“Are you truly disappearing?” Edith asked.

I stared at the light from the rising sun shining through my transparent gray skin. I was fading faster and faster. “I don’t think I have much time left. A few hours. A day maybe. Don’t tell Fyn,” I said, glancing at her. “He’ll worry.”

“Too late,” Fyn said from the doorway of the bedroom.

Shit.