Chapter 28

We raced down the halls, leaving a trail of people gaping after us. I didn’t fight Kal’s hold as he dragged me toward the elevator. When we stepped inside, his massive wings finally slipped into his shirt. I didn’t know if the wings actually vanished into his back between uses or were flattened somehow because I hadn’t seen him naked.

Yet, my mind unhelpfully added. However, that small word made my stomach dip. Now was not the time, but my libido didn’t care.

“Kal,” I said, keeping my voice low.

His tail thrashed.

“Kal.”

He readjusted his grip on my hand, but other than that, he gave no acknowledgment.

Thoughts of how he’d attacked Monty danced before my eyes. It had been a single-minded assault. NAID’s words about his protectiveness being legendary surfaced. Apparently, she’d been right.

Why he’d looked so stricken, I had no idea. Monty hadn’t acted bothered, nor had any of the other drakcol or Urgg.

I squeezed his fingers, and Kal’s breath hitched.

When we stepped inside our apartment, Kal released me, stalking toward the far wall. He ripped the tie out of his long hair, scrubbing the strands.

“Kal.”

“I’m sorry,” he said, his back toward me.

“What?”

“I saw Monqilcolnen throw you, and every thought left my mind. All I could focus on was you were in trouble. I shouldn’t have done that. The attack wasn’t even a proper challenge.” He scoffed. “Instinct and logic are often at war, especially mine.”

“Kal,” I started.

He cut me off. “I need to speak to my father.”

“Why?”

“Monqilcolnen is best friends with Hallonnixmin.”

“So?”

“He will tell Hallonnixmin about it, who will tell my father, who will, in turn, think this is another sign I’m returning to my old ways.”

I wanted Kal to look at me, but he wouldn’t. His broad shoulders were tight, and he kept mussing his hair. “When you were a troublemaker?” I asked.

“Yes,” he ground out.

His past so far had been a closed topic, for the most part, which was unfair given that I’d told him mine. Hurt poked me, making me want to hide. Maybe he didn’t want me as much as I’d thought. My hands fisted, but they had no pockets to bury into because Kal was wearing my hoodie.

With a single step forward, I gathered my courage. I touched his back, and he stilled. “Talk to me.”

Kal leaned back, and I enfolded him into my arms, breathing in his tantalizing scent.

“You shouldn’t have seen that. I shouldn’t have done it. I swear I don’t attack people without a proper challenge. I don’t even challenge people anymore. But the moment I saw you in the air…” he trailed off.

I realized something. “You’re worried you scared me.”

“Didn’t I?”

“No.”

He turned in my embrace. “I didn’t?”

“No.”

Kal hadn’t hurt Monty, not really, and no one else seemed to care. I figured such disputes were normal. A challenge was probably the name for them. While I didn’t want to admit it out loud, I was starting to like how protective he was. It was hot. Besides, I knew Kal would never hurt me.

“Thank you,” he said.

“I didn’t do anything.”

He traced my jaw. When he started to pull away, I leaned into the touch to make sure he knew it was okay. Kal grinned, and his fingers returned. “You weren’t afraid?”

“No, but that doesn’t mean you can pummel your cousin because he was teaching me how to fight.”

“I don’t understand that word.”

“What word?”

A growling noise came out of Kal that didn’t resemble anything I’d said.

Brow furrowing, I puzzled through my sentence until asking, “Pummel?”

“That one.”

“Beat up. Attack.”

“I know. Now, my father will hear about it.”

“You could ask Monty not to say anything.”

His eyebrows raised at the nickname, but he didn’t comment. “I could.”

“But you won’t,” I surmised.

Kal refused to open up, and he didn’t seem to have any friends besides Talvax. No matter what I said or did, he wouldn’t share with me. Pain returned in full force. Did Kal not trust me? I wanted to banish this ridiculous sense of betrayal, but old insecurities surged.

“You’re not going to tell me about your past are you?” I asked.

“It doesn’t matter.”

Letting go of him, I said, “If it didn’t matter, you would tell me.”

Seth was right. It did matter. I didn’t want him to know the details, because I was afraid he would flee. Already, I was the least of my brothers without even discussing my past indiscretions. Seth was better than I. Thoughts of the perfect red of his soul came to mind. How he’d fought through his past. His courage to reveal himself. Even me abducting him hadn’t fazed him for long.

I couldn’t lose him. Yet how did I show him the less-than-desirable parts?

Seth’s past had been done to him. He’d lived through it. Grown passed it. Survived. There was a strength in survival. My past? I’d made those decisions and had kept making the same mistakes over and over again despite the problems I’d caused.

NAID manifested on the screen in the middle of the shared space. “Crown Prince Hallonnixmin would like to speak to you.”

The incident with Monqilcolnen had happened only moments ago, and my older brother already knew of it. Of course, he did. The two of them had been best friends since they were children.

“Send him to my bedroom.”

“Yes, Prince.”

I stepped into my room, and my brother shouted, “Pest! I’m glad you responded to me. You’ve ignored my pings, multiple times. Busy with your new mate?”

I’d ignored him and my other brothers since Father had yelled at me. “What do you want?”

His expression dimmed, and guilt squarely clawed at my soul. Connecting with my brothers when I’d spent most of my life trying to escape the shadows they’d unintentionally cast was difficult. While I’d spent my life running from them, they had spent their lives chasing me, trying to console me, comfort me, or shield me from my mistakes and their natural consequences.

“I’m sorry. It’s been a trying time.”

“I heard about your Seth Harris yelling at Father.”

A smile tugged at my lips at the memory.

Hallonnixmin’s head tilted to the side. “You like Seth Harris.”

“He’s my soulmate.”

“But that doesn’t mean you have to like him. I’ve seen couples who don’t fall in love after the Crystal binds them together, even though they say they’re perfect matches. But you care about him.”

“I do,” I said, emotion leaking into my voice. Hallonnixmin continued to watch me with his usual smile. After a few moments, I asked, “Is that all?”

“I can’t speak to my little brother when he’s had a great upheaval?”

“Monqilcolnen didn’t send you a note?”

“A note about what? The last thing Monqilcolnen wrote to me was about the young ensign puking on him. It was quite amusing.”

Poor Wyn. Urgg had been right. The story would be legendary. Although Monqilcolnen wasn’t technically part of the royal family, he was nobility.

“Nothing else?”

“Should there be something else?” Hallonnixmin asked, his voice dropping an octave.

“No, of course not.”

“How are you and Seth Harris getting along?”

“Well enough.”

“Is he going to stay?”

My hands fisted, but Seth’s scent drifted off his hoodie and soothed me. My soul was seeped in his tangy citrus fragrance. I would never be free of it, and I never wanted to be.

I answered honestly, “I don’t know. I hope so.”

“Don’t give up.”

“I won’t,” I snapped, tail sweeping.

“I would like to meet your Seth Harris.”

“You will when we arrive.”

“I meant before then.”

I tensed. “Seth has a hard time with new people. That might not be possible.”

“I understand.” Hallonnixmin probably did. Though he had a warrior soul, I didn’t know anyone as soft or compassionate as him. “Ask him, and if not, I will keep talking to you.”

“Is that a threat or promise?”

He snorted. “Is there a difference?”

I sat next to Monqilcolnen in the corner of the canteen. Seth hadn’t come out of his room, but NAID had assured me he was fine. He’d spoken to her at least. Without a word, Monqilcolnen poured me a cup of graugg—a Barusian drink that had become popular.

“Why didn’t you tell Hallonnixmin about what I did?” I asked.

My cousin’s wings stretched. They remained close to his body, not threatening, but rather, in a relaxed position. “Hallonnixmin would, with good intentions, tell Uncle Kontolmakqilnen who would panic and tell Aunt Vyn, who would then upset your other brothers. Before the day was out, they would’ve been pinging frequently, annoyingly so. All the while, I would have known it’s because you’re in love with Seth and I scared you. Nothing more. Besides, if you wanted to hurt me, you would have. You’re a far superior fighter.”

“Thank you.”

“The family often worries about you, but I don’t.”

“Why not?”

“You’re lost, Kalvoxrencol, trying to find your place, but you will.”

I took a deep drink. “How do you know?”

“Sometimes I simply know things. I always have.”

“Your inner fire,” I guessed. Monqilcolnen often kept secrets from us, or rather, maybe just me and possibly Zoltilvoxfyn and Serlotminden. Inner fires as a whole were not kept secrets, but nor were they widely shared. A person had a right to keep their Crystal-given gift private if they chose to.

“Yes.”

Inner fire presented in different skill sets. Mine was one of the rarer and highly desired gifts because the legendary first empress had the same skill, though it lacked usefulness. My older brother, Zoltilvoxfyn had one of the rarest of all—he could see the souls of those who died and lingered here.

Apparently, Monqilcolnen had a touch of foresight. He was wise to keep it to himself. Zoltilvoxfyn hadn’t, because his inner fire had manifested at a young age. He’d been terrorized by many who claimed he was lying. In more than one instance, I’d protected him from such people. That was one of the reasons our parents kept him close.

“What do you sense about me?” I asked, scraping my claw around the rim of the metal cup.

“I do not see the future, Pest. I get feelings about things. You will find your way. How or why? I can’t say. But from personal experience, I will say, you won’t do it by pretending to be someone you”re not.”

“You mean my soul type.”

“I’ve found soul types to be more of a guidepost than a prescriptive of our lives. You see it as a failing that you’re a creative soul from long generations of nothing but warriors, so you set out to prove you are a better fighter than anyone. That you are fiercer than anyone, especially your older brothers. That you are a bigger pain in the ass than anyone. Mission accomplished, Kalvoxrencol. You have.”

My eyes slid away from his.

“But,” Monqilcolnen continued, “do you know what I see?”

“What?”

“Change. Creators were not valued previously. We weren’t a creative species. But you, who embody the gift of the first empress and so many of the personality traits that are venerated, have a creative soul. You can bring change. Help others.”

Words churned in my gut like poison. I had never said them out loud, for they made me sound arrogant, but I couldn’t hold them back any longer. “I was meant to be emperor until I tested as a creator soul.”

“You were the leading candidate after your birth. Everyone from the emperor to Hallonnixmin thought you would be the next emperor. You had the right gift and temperament.”

“Then I was declared a creator soul by the Crystal. The same day, Hallonnixmin was chosen to rule. It tasted me and deemed me unworthy,” I bit out. “If I hadn’t indulged in my desire to paint or the like, maybe I would’ve been a warrior soul.”

He chuckled. “You were always who you were.”

“Maybe so.”

“I think I can accurately guess why you didn’t become the heir, a burden Hallonnixmin would love to pass onto you by the way.”

“Why?”

“Your Seth Harris. He would never choose you if you were the heir to the throne, and if he did, he would suffer. When you touched the Crystal, it knew who you were, and who, if you had one, was your soulmate. Now, you didn’t have to end up with Seth, but if you did, what would he need?”

My mouth fell open.

“Would you rather have Seth or the throne?”

“Seth,” I said without pause. There was no question. I would always choose him.

“Then there’s your answer. Stop hiding, Kalvoxrencol. There is no shame in being who you are. Is Pimtimzol weak for being a creator soul? Is Talvax for being a seeker soul?”

I opened my mouth to say that was different, but he asked, “Am I weak for being a spiritual soul who decided not to join the Ranks along with the other priests and priestesses and instead followed my dream to travel the stars?”

“No,” I whispered, but my mind rebelled. Monqilcolnen was different. Cousins of the royal family had tested other than warrior souls, yet I was the first royal child to be anything but a warrior. I wanted to be like my older brothers.

“No,” he repeated, tightening his hold on my wrist like he could sense the war in my thoughts. “I am the strongest spiritual soul ever tested—almost pure white. It was assumed I would join the Ranks. But I knew who I was. I”m a wanderer, not a priest. We are who we are. There is no shame in your love of fighting or painting. Both have merit, and both are a part of you. It doesn’t have to be one or the other, Kalvoxrencol. A person can be more than one thing. I’m still connected to the Crystal, understanding it, but I am also an excellent commander. I am both and more. So are you.”