Chapter 22

I stepped out of the shower and rubbed a towel over my dripping hair. Kal and I hadn’t spoken since we’d gotten back to the ship. Talking wasn’t my strong suit, nor Kal’s apparently. When we’d returned to our apartment, I’d gone straight to the shower to wash off who-knew-what toxins could be in the alien rain.

My gaze landed on the necklace I’d purchased for Kal. I shoved it into a drawer. I definitely wasn’t going to give it to him now.

I put on a pair of sweats and a long-sleeve shirt before padding out of my room, barefoot. The spongy moss squished between my toes, cool to the touch. Odd, yet nice.

“That is not what happened,” Kal said, his voice carrying out his bedroom. I’d never been inside, but I couldn’t help but take a peek.

Kal stood before a TV-sized screen; his wings, which were normally hidden in his shirt, drooped to the ground and his tail curled around his own calf. An older man, maybe a shade darker than Kal with bursts of orange and gold, filled the screen. His thick eyebrows were squished together to form a slash across his wide forehead.

“We sent you across the universe to find your mate, and you lost him,” the other man said.

“No, Father. My Seth went to the planet for a short time. He’s perfectly safe.”

“Silence,” he ordered, and Kal visibly deflated. “You almost lost him. We have spent an exorbitant amount of time and money on this trip, and you can’t even care for your mate.”

“I’m trying.”

Kal’s father watched him for a moment, then his expression gentled. “Kalvoxrencol, I love you, but this stems from a greater root. You have spent cycles causing trouble we have had to clean up. I need to know this is not the start of another mess. Your Seth Harris deserves more. If you cannot give it to him, then I will order Talvax to take him back.”

“I can care for him. I do care for him. I promise I am up to this.”

“Son,” he said, his voice turning even softer, “you don’t have to be something other than who you are. You don’t have to prove anything.”

Kal’s hands curled into fists. “I am as competent as my brothers.”

“It’s like speaking to a rock,” his father said. “No. A rock would have more sense.” He took a deep breath. “Get your mate here, whole and alive, and I will reevaluate your ability to care for him. I am not sure you are mature enough for this.”

“You are not taking Seth from me. The Crystal bound us together. He’s my mate. I want no one else,” Kal snarled. “I won’t survive without him.”

“And,” his father replied in an equally rough tone, “I have to think of what’s best for him as well. You have shown no responsibility to be ready for a mate or family. I won’t allow you to proceed if you’re going to injure him.”

“Then why allow me to do this in the first place?”

“Because your mother and Hallonnixmin made a case for your recent change in behavior. I remain cautious.”

Kal sagged.

I recognized the body language—defeat, shame, sorrow. Anger swelled from my gut and my vision narrowed. All thought left my head, and I bolted forward, stepping in front of Kal. “Back off.”

“Seth,” Kal said as he tried to push me behind him.

I shoved him away. “Do not speak to him like that. Kal did nothing wrong.”

Kal’s father lifted his eyebrows. “I believe an introduction is in order.”

Arms came about me, holding me tight. “Father, this is my mate, Seth Harris. My Seth, this is Emperor Kontolmakqilnen of the Drakcol Empire.”

My mouth opened to say something most definitely unwise. It started with an f and ended with off, but Kal covered my lips.

“Please, my Mate. This will not help.”

“Seth Harris,” the emperor said. I couldn’t decipher his tone or expression. “While this is not an ideal first meeting, your protectiveness of my son does meet with my approval. But I will not be interrupted when I am disciplining my child, and I will extend the same courtesy to you and Kalvoxrencol when you two decide to reproduce.”

“Excuse me?” I hadn’t really contemplated having children with Kal, or anyone for that matter.

Kal’s father ignored me. “I expect actual change.”

“I know,” Kal said.

His expression softened. “You do not need to be your brothers, Kalvoxrencol. You only need to be yourself. I love you, Son, and I was not disappointed when you tested the way you did.”

“As you have said, many times.”

“Still you don’t believe me.”

Kal didn’t reply.

Eventually, the emperor said, “I will speak to you and your Seth Harris another day.” He looked directly at me. “Please take care of my son.”

My jaw clenched. I was angry about how he’d spoken to Kal, but I said, “Yeah.”

He vanished.

Kal’s arms remained tight around me, his breath harsh. I leaned back. “I didn’t mean to overhear or interfere. I just…” I trailed off. “I didn’t like him hurting you.” Kal burrowed his face into my shoulder. I rubbed his head, his damp silvery-blue hair sliding through my fingers. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“No.”

We stayed like that, Kal’s face buried against my neck and his arms around me. I kept stroking his silky hair, my earlier annoyance with him disappearing. Disappointing parental figures was something I understood; though, the emperor, with a fucking long name, seemed leagues kinder than my grandparents.

Turning around, I cupped his cheeks, his long earrings tickling me. “I’m sorry I left.”

“You feel bad I got yelled at,” Kal surmised. “It’s not your fault.”

I wanted to agree, but at the same time, I felt guilty.

“It was not your fault,” he repeated. “His anger was about my past indiscretions. It has nothing to do with you.” When I didn’t respond, he continued, “I was suffocating you.”

“A bit.”

He pressed his forehead against mine. “I don’t think you’re weak.”

“You don’t?”

“No. I was, I am, scared.”

I grabbed the front of his damp shirt; Kal hadn’t changed from our time in the rain. “Afraid you”re going to disappoint your dad?”

“I’m afraid to lose you. I need you, Seth.”

Heat surged to my gut and shot straight to my dick, making it stiffen. No one had ever wanted me, let alone needed me. I captured his lips. The kiss was slower and softer than any of our previous ones, but just as perfect.

“I’m not trying to control you,” he said, lips brushing mine, “but I need you to be safe. When you disappeared, I realized how quickly you could be taken away.”

“I get it.” I placed another kiss on his lips. “I get it.”

I lay on the couch with Lucy sprawled in front of me. I stroked her side, and she purred loudly. My favorite baking show played in the background, lending a calming atmosphere.

The smell of cinnamon enveloped me when Kal sat behind me. I reached back and patted around for his arm.

“What?” he asked, sounding tired.

“Lie down.”

Kal settled behind me, and I lifted my head for his arm while pulling his other over my waist. He snuggled close. “My Seth,” he whispered, his breath tickling the back of my neck.

Swallowing, I focused on what I’d rehearsed in my head when he was in the shower. “My grandparents were abusive.”

“What?” Kal started to roll me over, but I remained firm, refusing to budge.

“It’s easier if I don’t have to look at you.”

I stayed focused on the show playing in front of me. It was season one, and one of the judges was explaining why she’d chosen a specific dessert for the bakers. I couldn’t pay attention to her words, because of the panic hammering inside of me. My past could be wielded as a weapon if Kal chose to do so.

He nuzzled my neck. “I’m safe with you, right?”

“Of course.”

“And you are safe with me.”

I took a deep breath. “My mom got pregnant with me when she was young, seventeen.”

“Why would her age be a factor?”

“She was a child, not married, which was a big deal to my grandparents.”

“Was she… hurt?” Kal asked carefully.

“No. She and my dad were dating, and my mom used to say they were in love. But my grandparents were upset about her being pregnant and kicked her out.”

“That doesn’t make any sense.”

“It doesn’t, but they did. She went against their morals. Anyway,” I said before he could ask anything else, “she and my father lived with his parents until they graduated high school, then they got jobs. It was rough. Two years after I was born, my father was killed in a car accident while driving home from work.

“His parents blamed my mom and me. If she hadn”t kept me, my father would’ve been at school and he wouldn’t have died. So it was me and my mom until I was seven. She died.”

His arms tightened around me. “I’m sorry.”

I shrugged. “It was no one’s fault. She got sick, and she died,” I replied, not trying to think about it. Her skeletal frame in the hospital bed, covered in tubes while machines beeped. The antiseptic smell that clung to her skin. The never-ending muttering of voices. The pats from strangers.

“I went into foster care for a few months until my mom’s parents got custody of me. They were not kind. Their whole mission in life was to make sure I didn’t turn out like my mom. Something they told me frequently.

“I had anxiety as a child, which my mom made sure I got help for. When she died, it got worse, and my grandparents didn’t believe in mental health problems. My grandfather would tell me men didn’t have mental health problems unless they were weak.”

Kal placed a kiss on my neck.

“When I had panic attacks, they would yell at me.”

“Which is why you told me not to do it.”

“It was not ideal. They hit me a lot, trying to fix me.”

He tensed behind me. “They hurt you? Your caretakers hurt you?”

“Yeah,” I said, trying not to think about it. “My first girlfriend used to trigger my panic attacks on purpose and laugh when I had one. We didn’t last long, but it made an impression on me. I never realized someone could use my triggers against me before. A little bit before my eighteenth birthday, my friend Vince asked to kiss me. He was gay and wanted to see what it was like. I agreed and realized I liked guys as well as girls.”

“Did you court him?” Kal didn’t sound jealous, more curious than anything.

“No. But my grandparents walked in. They got upset.”

“Why?”

“Some people on my planet think only men and women should be together. My grandparents were one of them.”

“That’s…” he trailed off. “I don’t want to offend you and say stupid, but it’s—”

I interrupted, “It’s stupid.”

“It is.”

“Long story short, they gave me a choice on my birthday. Adhere to their beliefs or get out. I left. It was no loss. I lived with Vince’s family until I graduated. In my early twenties, I started going out with another woman, Analise. She was probably my one healthy relationship. She broke up with me because I wouldn’t communicate, and I would just go along with whatever she wanted. I dated a few other people. None were serious. After a while, I started dating a man named Travis.”

I paused as tension froze my muscles. Even thinking about him was enough to trigger my anxiety. Kal held me tight, quietly waiting. I watched the TV. The happy smiles and easy music of the familiar show soothed me.

“He controlled everything I did, from where I worked to what I wore. He systematically isolated me from the few friends I had. When I made him mad, he would hit me, and I took it. I felt like it was what I deserved. I didn’t.”

He growled. “No one does. You did not deserve it, my Seth.”

“Thanks,” I whispered, his words sending prickles to my eyes. “Close to our second anniversary, he decided we needed to move. I paid for it all. When we got there, he abandoned me. He’d been dating someone else and used me.

“Honestly,” I said, “Travis dumping me was the best thing to happen to me. But Vince didn’t want to restart our friendship. I’d hurt him too badly. I didn’t keep trying either. I let him go. Right then and there, I made the decision not to date. I adopted Lucy, and three years later, here we are.”

When I finished, Kal said, “I took you without so much as a by your leave.”

I chuckled at his old phrasing. “I forgive you.”

“Thank you for that and for sharing your past with me.”

I shrugged.

His forehead rubbed the nape of my neck. “I will never strike you, Seth. Not ever. Not in anger or for any reason. You are safe with me.”

The backs of my eyes prickled. I believed him. I really did, but my body didn’t, not yet. “Do you promise?”

“I swear it.”

He pressed an achingly gentle kiss on my neck before nibbling on my earlobe. My stomach swooped. Voice thick, I asked, “Does my past change how you look at me?”

Kal tugged on me and made me shift to my back. “I have an even greater respect for you. You survived. There is great strength in surviving. All I wish is that I could’ve gotten you earlier. That you wouldn’t have had to live through it.”

“That would’ve been nice. But then we wouldn’t have Lucy,” I remarked.

“True. I’m glad the Crystal chose you, my Seth. I want no one else. Now and forever. Just you.”

I kept my arms around Seth, who snored lightly. I’d agreed to watch an episode of a crime procedural if he watched an episode of Star Trek. Seth had fallen asleep within minutes.

Tightening my arms and rubbing my forehead against his neck, scent marking my mate, I smiled. I liked this. I liked Seth. In the beginning, I’d known I would care about Seth, but it was more than that now. I liked him as a person—not an idea.

His story slithered through my mind. The very thought of someone striking his soft skin made light pool under my scales. I wanted to rip everyone who’d hurt him to shreds. If they somehow appeared in front of us, I would have done it without hesitation. I would never allow anyone to hurt him ever again.

Seth rubbed my arm, grunting. I relaxed my hold, taking in his citrus scent. He calmed, and his snores returned.

My Seth had lived through so much in his life, and he was still here. Seth was stronger than I could’ve guessed. He was a warrior soul, though it hurt to think about. Yet at the same time, I was grateful. His soul had helped him survive so we could be together.

I wished I could have claimed him when I turned fifteen; it would have spared us considerable grief.

Nevertheless, he was here now, and I could not lose him.

“Choose me,” I begged him. “Please, my Seth.”