49. Drasuk

49

Drasuk

Just when I thought being confusing wasn't a human trait, just a Kira issue, my hopes are trampled.

I carry her up to the cave, still puzzling over what extra layer of communication I must have missed.

Kira hops off and heads into one of the rooms. "Come on, Drasuk. We're getting it on."

"What on? You can't possibly fit any more weapons on your body, Kira."

She lets out a laugh. "I'm talking about your weapon, lizard man ."

"None of these weapons suited me. As you well know."

"Drasuk. I swear."

"As I well know, female. You curse constantly. Stop being confounding and just say it. How about we speak Drakonid to make it easier for you?"

She comes back out of the room we were told to sleep in, puts her little arms on her hips and gives me a death stare. "No way. I like cursing. Listen. Are you ready for my very clear words?"

"As if you need to ask that, Kira?"

"Shut up. You are going to come in here and we are going to have sex, you idiot."

"I am not an idiot. Nothing you said would have led me to... wait. What? We can't procreate, so why would you want me?"

"Why wouldn't I want you? You drive me crazy. Literally drive me mad. But you also have my back, you never back down, you call me on my shit. I can't take you in a fight, which is my usual measure of hotness. See? Let's go."

She disappears into the room, and I stand there in shock for several long heartbeats at how quickly she is speaking in very different terms. I hear weapons thumping onto the floor, which makes me curious.

I follow her cautiously, waiting for her to tell me this is another of her jokes.

Apparently not. Judging by how naked she is and that she's patting the blankets next to her, I might have to conclude that she is serious.

"I didn't think you wanted... I mean, I haven't ever... A female hasn't..."

She sits up. "Wait. Have you never had sex, Drasuk?"

I let out a long breath. "There was once a female I thought would ask when she decided to enter her heat. Xar'Ar'ax was jealous. Nkisa was the one he killed. I spent almost all my time outside of cities after that. It just didn't feel right anymore."

I don't admit to her that it was like I lost something that couldn't be regained. Something that Nkisa wasn't even likely to give me.

Something I should never want.

She beckons me over, her expression softening. "Now I understand your obsessive hatred. I am so sorry to hear that, Drasuk."

I settle in next to her and she pets my spines. "It has been many years, and I didn't know her very well. It is more the idea of what could have been."

"I understand that, for sure. I was just surprised. Especially after how many times you joked about making me scream your name."

I let out a long rumble. "It was simply in jest. I knew you wouldn't choose me for your heat and once it passed, you would focus on your offspring. As you should."

She snorts. "Drasuk. I don't smell like this because I want to get pregnant. Like I told you, lizard dork , human women are different. We don't go into heat. We fuck who we like when we want to fuck them. Preferably a lot. What I'm telling you is I want you. Like, right now."

I am immobile next to her as I absorb this new reality, but then quickly reject it again. "We aren't the same species, Kira. It just isn't done."

"What about Ree and Thivoll? They made it work."

I let out a rumbling scoff. "Those two are anything but normal."

"And we are? Stop being arrogant and short-sighted. Are you attracted to me?"

My spines bristle. "Insults only—"

"Stop. Just answer the question."

I let out a puff of breath. I consider lying, but there's no point in it. "Yes."

"Well, despite all odds, I'm attracted to you, too. That's the starting point. So how about we just touch each other and see where it goes? If we don't like it or we aren't compatible, then we know."

I get a sinking feeling in my stomach when she mentions the possibility of incompatibility, but it brings up one of my greatest fears.

Since we are being honest, I decide to simply say it. "I'm afraid I'll hurt you. I'd rather never touch you, preserve the partnership we have, then hurt you because of the weakness of arousal."

She laughs, and I feel like a fool. She must see it in my spines because she places a hand on my arm and her face turns more serious.

"Drasuk. Let's make sure one thing is very clear. Arousal isn't a weakness. It can be, but only if you let it rule you. I think we've demonstrated our power over it, don't you?"

I let out a grumble to concede her point, and she continues. "There are many different ways to share pleasure. Will you trust me to tell you if something is hurting me? Can we agree to communicate our limits?"

I take a long moment to think it over. I'm not sure when it happened, exactly, but I trust her, and I know she trusts me. "Yes, agreed."

Then we sit there awkwardly, neither one of us making a move to touch the other. We just keep cutting our gazes over and then looking away.

She takes in a deep breath. "I came into this convinced we should just get a hard fuck out of the way, tamp down on the arousal, and move on with our lives... But that is the wrong approach."

My spines shift with embarrassment. "Because of my inexperience?"

"That's what first gave me pause, sure, and I think you're right about preserving our partnership, but that's also not why. I don't even know what it is, just that I feel like I'm missing some important piece you aren't communicating."

I know what the missing piece is.

What she is offering is exactly what my species does, except solely for hatchlings and we don't speak of the pleasure. Like it is something to be ashamed of. I should be thrilled to no longer have all the conflicting feelings stampeding around in my brain.

I'm not, though.

I feel sick with disappointment. Like there was a glimmer of something building I wanted to push away with vehemence and embrace all at the same time, and what she is offering is destroying it before it can grow into something amazing.

It's funny how it took being offered what I should want to make me realize I've been running away from what I absolutely need from her.

What I can only get from her.

"Kira," I start, then stop, not sure how to voice it.

She just looks at me intently, waiting, giving me the space to work through how terrifying this feels, quick glances at my spines letting me know she has sensed it.

"What you offer should make me happy. My species doesn't attach themselves to each other. In fact, although we are sure another drak is there to express love to our hatchlings, we think showing it to each other as a mate bond is one of the greatest forms of weakness."

Her above eye fur shoots up, but she doesn't interrupt me.

"I want more than that, Kira. I want what you said your parents had. What manticorids have with their mates. Even if it makes me an outcast among draks. I want that."

I clear the fear from my throat, then continue. "I want that with you, Kira."

She blinks several times, then her expression displays her own discomfort. "Thank you for explaining it, Drasuk. I'm not saying no, but you should know that I'm afraid of the bond my parents had. It killed my mother when he died. Maybe not instantly, but eventually. I'm already broken as it is. If I let you in... If you die..."

She can't finish. She just keeps making hard swallows and her eyes are full of the liquid that betrays big feelings in her species.

"First, you aren't broken, but we can leave the conversation for another time." I try to be gentle, but she needs a hard truth. "Would denying it make it any easier if I were to die tomorrow?"

She lets out a huff of air, then spends a few long moments thinking.

After a dark chuckle, she speaks. "I'm not known for getting attached. I've also never considered crossing the line to have sex with someone I served with. If you think of it that way, I'm just as inexperienced at this as you are."

That makes me feel better, and my body loosens. "I propose we don't have sex tonight, then. We explore each other and let ourselves enjoy each new thing. No need to rush."

She turns to me with one of her blunt-toothed smiles. "Except possible death tomorrow?"

My spines shift to show my own amusement. "I think we've both stared down imminent death enough times to know it can't make decisions for us. But you do understand what I am saying I want, correct? I would rather not do this if you aren't willing to at least try to form a mate bond."

"Yes," she tells me in a small voice, then repeats it in a stronger one. "Yes. Touch me, Drasuk."

She leans back and I take a long moment to simply enjoy watching her. Such a small vessel for so much fire. She looks soft now in a way I have never seen and never imagined possible.

I get a heady rush when I realize that softness is something only I will ever get to see.

I'm not sure how happy she would be to know just how possessive that makes me feel. Best to not let her realize just yet that I've decided that she is mine and only mine.

Forever.

I'll need to ease her into more things than simply learning each other's bodies.

For now, I shift next to her so I can easily reach out with one hand, then sweep it up her hip along the familiar feel of drakonid hide, up over the oval markings on her stomach, to where her brown human skin remains.

A gentle touch to the soft mounds on her chest and she lets out a moan.

"What are these called?"

" Breasts ," she explains. "Those are nipples . And, yes, they are erogenous."

That's all the invitation I need to spend more time there, just like I've been longing to do since I first teased her about them.

Not long after, I know she likes when I alternate between them, and that the darker circle is the most sensitive place. She moans deeper and arches her back when I gently pull the rough pads of my hands across them.

Her response makes me bolder, and I squeeze one breast between my four opposing digits, the comparatively blunt ends of my claws creating divots in her flesh, then extend my long tongue out to taste her. When the forked tip touches her nipple she lets out a long groan.

She tastes like minerals and her personal scent.

I want more.

"Where else, Kira?"

She points to her neck, then opens her legs and touches herself there. I let out a growl and move toward her neck, knowing that once I move between her legs, I won't leave for a very long time.