Chapter 25

25

K atie waited for Josiah in the kitchen with her head in her hands. A week had passed, and she had not yet faced the worst conversation of her life. But she had to. Tonight. Pa would force her hand if she didn't.

At the bustle of fabric swishing against the hardwood floor, Katie lifted her head and breathed out relief. Delilah crossed the kitchen.

A warm, fleshy arm encircled her shoulder. "Katie girl, you've been unhappy for too long now." Delilah pulled her up into one of her warm hugs and didn't let go. Shorter than Katie, the starch from her turban brushed rough against her cheek.

"You know I love you, don't you?" Delilah pulled back, her dark almond shaped eyes piercing.

Katie nodded.

"Then I be honest. Sit." She pointed to the chair and plunked her large frame in the chair around the table corner from Katie. She spread out the palm of her workworn hands and enclosed them around Katie's. "You and Mistuh Josiah has not been doin' good for some time now. Not like in the beginning."

The understatement almost made Katie laugh. Delilah didn't understand the half of it.

"But I know he loves you."

She shook her head. "No?—"

"I see more than you think. I see the way he looks at you when you you're not looking, and I see the way that Colby is looking too." Clucking like an old hen, she shook her head. "Not like a man should be looking at his best friend's wife."

A burst of anger spiked. "It's not his fault. He at least cares enough to be my friend. He's around in the evening, unlike Josiah. Look at what time it is, and my husband still hasn't come in for supper."

Her excuses sounded lame even to her own ears. How did she explain to this dear soul what she herself could not understand? Where had it all gone wrong? Though the marriage had started out shaky, it had turned better than she'd ever believed possible. She had even thought she was falling for her gentle husband.

And then, he turned cold.

"He avoids me and won't talk to me. We never…" Her face heated.

"You're not telling Delilah any secrets she doesn't already know. But it wasn't always this way."

"No, it was good. And then…"

"Find out what went wrong." She lifted her pudgy soft hands to both of Katie's cheeks and looked straight in. Her eyes were as soft and warm as melted chocolate. "Ask Josiah for the truth?—"

"But I tried."

"Try harder. Make him put it into words. Men have a way of thinking we can read their minds."

She leaned forward and hugged Katie before rising from her chair. "You know I'm praying up a storm for you."

"Thank you." Her voice sounded as weak as the rest of her. Did she have the courage to do what Delilah asked?

"Be brave, my girl." With a final gentle smile, the woman turned and shuffled off down the hall.

Tonight would be the night. She didn't care how late he came in. Pa and Delilah were right—it was time to sort out this sad thing they called a marriage.

Katie retired to her room and waited. Sooner or later, he'd come to bed, and she aimed to get this conversation over with.

Finally, the faint sound of his door opening and shutting carried through the wall. She was ready. Although she hadn't prayed in a very long time, she whispered a petition for strength. She stood by the adjoining door for a few minutes until she could summon the courage to knock. Then she entered without waiting for an answer. She wasn't about to let him scare her off again.

His room had once been her safe place, but now it felt stifling, as if the walls closed in around her. As if his very essence accused her. He'd stripped to the waist, and her eyes fell to his sun-bronzed chest rippling with sinewy muscles.

The sight stole the moisture from her mouth and made her want to run to him. Or maybe run away. She spun. "I'll come back."

"Spit it out, Katherine. Then leave me be."

She turned again and stared against her will at his torso, where glistening drops of water clung to his chest hair. He grabbed his shirt from the back of the chair and worked it on.

The white shirt opened down the front and did the opposite of what she was sure he intended. Instead of covering, it accented the healthy glow of his tanned skin and emphasized the fact that he was half undressed. Her mind flew back to days past—happier times when he still wanted her, when he teased her, when he touched her.

"What do you want?" His voice sounded edgy and hard and brought her back to the present.

"We need to talk."

He sank into the nearby chair and puffed out a heavy breath. "I know. I was going to wait until I had the… Sit." He motioned to the bed.

She sat on the edge. This bedroom was not the best place for a serious conversation.

"How about I make this easy for you?" he said. "By the time I'm done, I'll have saved you the trouble of whatever you wanted to say." Though his eyes were cold, his Adam's apple bobbed as if it was difficult for him to say. "You don't love me, and never will. Colby is the man for you, and we both know it. If I hadn't run ahead and forced your hand?—"

His words slammed into her, catching her off guard, and a gasp slipped through her lips.

"Don't look so shocked. A man would have to be blind to miss what's been going on between the two of you."

"But Josiah?—"

"Let me finish." He scrubbed a hand through his hair, which bounced back into place with a curl that fell across his brow. She could only stare at the lock, steeling herself for whatever he might say next.

"It won't be long before you two can be together. I've filed for the appropriate annulment papers. All you have to do is sign them when they arrive. A lawyer friend of mine in Richmond is drafting them up as we speak. Soon enough, you'll be free."

She was glad she was sitting, for her shaking legs wouldn't have supported her. Was he ending their marriage? She'd failed him. And would she now lose him? She couldn't lose him. Desperation clawed in her chest.

"I'll keep working with your pa. I need him as much as he needs me, and of course all I've given to your parents and you for a wedding gift will remain yours. Just not this home. I'd like what Georgina and I built together to stay intact. In turn, I'll settle up with Colby so the two of you can build a house somewhere else on this big spread, far from my sight. Sadly, I also need him as much as he needs me."

Her mind was numb with all the details he was spewing at her. "What are you suggesting?"

"That small detail of consummating the marriage will be kept between the two of us. No one ever need know. It's not like you gave me any children."

Those final words struck like a knife blade, straight in through her ribs. She'd failed him in every way. Yet, she couldn't take this all on her own shoulders. "Well, it's not like you gave me anything to work with this past year, the way you've avoided me like the plague." She sent him a fiery glare.

As if she hadn't spoken, he continued in a level tone. "I'm doing this for your sake. It's relatively easy to annul an arranged marriage, and you won't have to carry that dreaded stigma of being a divorcée. After all, it wasn't your fault you got saddled with me." He slapped his thighs with his hands and stood. "And that about wraps up our sad little story. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'd like to drop my weary bones into those nice warm sheets."

He said it all with casual indifference, as if closing the last chapter of a boring book. The finality of his words pressed in on her. She rose with a wobble to her legs and made her way across the room to her door.

But Delilah's advice rang in her head. Find out what went wrong. Make him put it into words.

She whirled around, and it looked as if he was thumbing moisture from the corner of his eye. "I have just one question. Why?"

"Why, what?"

Her hands flew up. "Why did you love me one day, then turn me out the next?"

A muscle in his jaw clenched. "Any fool knocked down enough times will take the hint."

"How did I knock you down? I was trying. In fact, you meant more to me than any person ever had. You were my friend, my lover, the one person I shared true intimacy with." She couldn't seem to stop the tremor in her voice. "You…you promised to give me time, then you just went cold."

She propped her hand against the doorjamb, the truth of her own actions hitting like a blow. "I know it doesn't excuse how I turned to Colby, but I will not take this all on myself." She forced herself to stand straight and flashed him a stormy scowl. "You drove me away, and all I want to know is why."

His eyes turned from stone cold to smoldering black. "Do you want the sordid details of what shut me down? Or is this only so you can watch me bleed?"

She met the anger in his eyes with determination. "I deserve to know."

"Fine then. Do you remember a spring morning in the barn when you were discussing our little arranged marriage with Colby?"

Discussing…what? She had no idea what he was talking about.

"I guess I need to refresh your memory. You admitted to loving Charles and told Colby how you got stuck with me instead. You were only a mere pawn…with our little arrangement made to suit everyone but you." His voice took on volume with each word. "You emphasized how you were bought and paid for. Is any of this ringing a bell?"

The conversation came flooding back, but why would it upset him? If anything, the things she'd said should have encouraged him. Unless…

"At what point did your little eavesdropping escapade end?"

"What difference does it make? The message was all too clear. You didn't love me and never would. You resented the way I'd taken your freedom?—"

Fury stormed within her. "If you're going to listen in on people's conversations, then listen in on the entire thing, because I have my suspicions you didn't stick around long enough to hear me answer my own questions."

"What more was there to say?" The fire washed from his eyes, leaving them haggard. His large frame crumbled as he lowered himself to the edge of the bed.

"There was more. But I'm so angry right now, I can't even talk." She turned and paced the room, gulping in a cleansing breath. How dare he eavesdrop and then not talk to her about his misunderstood assumptions. None of this would have come to be if he'd only asked her. What a waste of what could have been.

He remained silent, so she stopped directly in front of him. "I did question what love was, and I did tell Colby that I thought I had loved Charles. I told him our marriage had been arranged without thought or consideration for my feelings. That part you heard. None of that was a secret. The whole family knew it. The whole ranch. The whole town, maybe."

She could barely hold in her anger, but she forced herself to speak coherent sentences. "And I told Colby that I felt bought and paid for at the beginning . And then, I shared how many of my perceptions had changed from our wedding day. I told him how kind, gentle, and loving you had been, how you were teaching me what love was by loving me so well. I admitted I had a problem opening up because of the way my ma treated me, but how I trusted you with information I couldn't tell another soul."

Josiah's head dropped into his hands, and he let out a groan.

She grabbed his wrists and pulled them away. "I'm done with you shutting me out. You need to hear this." She pulled in heavy breaths to still her anger as she waited for him to lift his eyes. A haunted look burned from his blue-grays.

"Do you know what Colby said? He said I was most definitely in love. He told me the way my eyes lit up when you walked in the room was practically worship." She dropped his hands and straightened.

There. Now, he knew everything. And the telling had leached not only her anger, but every bit of strength in her. "That's what you missed when you decided to shut me out— me loving you . Not loving an old memory of Charles. Not Colby. You."

His gaze held a question that made her chest ache.

"Don't believe me? Ask Colby. Go now, before you think I have time to collaborate the story with him, since I know how little you trust me." That last bit was a barb, but she couldn't help it.

She spun from him and strode across the room, wrenching open the adjoining door. With her hand still on the doorknob, she turned. "And if you think I'll allow our marriage to be annulled, you can think again. We made love. Heart wrenching, soul shaking love, and no one, not even you, can cheapen or take that from me. My biggest regret is that I never had a baby, your baby, to hold in my arms. Maybe if I had, I wouldn't have spent time with Colby, and you wouldn't have given up on me so easily. And, in case you're not sure, that was all I did with Colby. Spend time. Talk. Share my hurts, the hurts you inflicted."

He jumped from the bed. "You expect me to believe that?" As he marched toward her, the veins in his neck bulged like a bullfrog. "I saw you two in the garden, a romantic interlude in the moonlight. I wasn't born yesterday."

In the garden. She thought back, knew the night…

"That night I was waiting for you in your room. I was going to demand the truth. But instead, fool that I am, I longed for one last memory before I filed for the annulment papers."

She dropped her jaw. "Memory? That was way more than a memory. That night…" She swiped her hands over her eyes to rid them of the tears. "That night, for a moment, I believed in a God of miracles. One that had been proud of the way I had run from Colby only minutes before. I wanted to give our marriage a second chance. When you came to me, I thought you felt the same. It wasn't until you took what you wanted and left me alone, tossing unkind words my way, that I realized we had no hope."

A shadow passed across his face. "What about your pa telling me to talk to you about what he witnessed in the barn. I didn't bother to ask because I don't care to know."

A shimmer of tears threatened to blink free. "Colby and I have been close friends. Too close. I will not lie about that. I was wrong to turn to him when I was hurt and vulnerable. He came to me that night in the barn at your suggestion. However, we never…"

His brows raised.

She threw up her hands. "Believe whatever you want. I can't stop you."

He took a step closer. She waved him away.

"If you want to divorce me, then go ahead. I will face what I am, a divorcée. All I ask is that you hold true to your word concerning my family. I want nothing more from you."

Then she turned and slammed the door between them. For the first time ever, she turned the key in the lock and flung her body across the bed. One thought kept cutting through the pain. If only he had talked, yelled, and screamed all those months ago. If only he'd done something other than turn cold.