Chapter 20

20

K atie hummed a tune as she scrubbed the grand banister wood to gleaming. A month had passed since Colby's arrival and her mind still wandered to Charles more often than she could control. She reined in the thoughts and the pain of loss that always swept in uninvited. With Colby around, the reminder came more often, but she was smart enough to know that she could not entertain the past if she wanted a future.

Thankful that things had been smoothed out between Josiah and her, she would not give the memories of Charles power. She cast them aside now and thought about Josiah's kindness and generosity instead. She was content and encouraged by their ever-deepening relationship. She was. Truly.

"There you are." Josiah rounded the corner. "You don't have to do such menial labor. Now that the horses are selling, we have more than enough income to hire more help."

"Work helps me feel part of this." She spread her arms. "Rather than a fixture."

He planted a kiss on her cheek. "Well then, what do you think of that idea of inviting the town of Lacey Spring to a Christmas ball? It'll keep you busy, but we can hire extra help. Annie has a list of people she knows who are looking for work."

That familiar dread welled up. She hated to be the center of attention, and hosting a ball would certainly thrust her into that role. For Josiah's sake, she choked back her trepidation and smiled.

"Also," he said, "it'll help turn the tide of some of that negativity buzzing around town and infuse some celebration into the community."

"Negativity? Seems you hired a good cross section of white and black, and they're working well together. Are they not?"

"They are. But not everyone agrees with my decision to hire the best man for the job, despite skin color. Last week when I was in town, Sheriff Holden took me aside once again and said the rumblings of unrest were increasing. The best antidote to wagging tongues is to give them something different to wag about. A little generosity and something their wives beg to attend will simmer down the men folk. The power of the missus is a fine and wonderful thing." He gave her a crooked, charming smile.

"All right then." Her voice sounded weak, so she cleared her throat to give it more force. "I think it's a grand idea. The first Christmas after the war deserves a celebration. And I agree, if we can please the women, we'll have most of the battle won."

He slid his arms around her. "Does that mean all I have to do is please you and…" His lips met hers with crushing urgency.

She gave herself all into the kiss for a heartbeat, then pulled back. "Later." She threw him a grin that was supposed to be saucy, but felt more wobbly. "Come." She grabbed his hand and pulled him across the entrance into the ballroom. "Can we have a large tree to trim, and how about some fresh boughs above the fireplace?" She turned and cocked her head from side to side trying to imagine just how she would decorate. "I'll bring Jeanette in on this. At thirteen, she already has an incredible eye."

His strong arms gathered around her from behind. "Anything your little heart desires, you just let me know. And thanks for helping me out. I know attending public functions is not your favorite thing."

She drew in a deep breath and leaned against him. It scared her how well he knew her in such a short time. He didn't miss a nuance or forget a conversation or fail to pay attention to far more than her words. How did anyone love that well? Her throat tightened to an impossible ache. She respected him. She was thankful to him. She was far more content than she had ever dreamed possible. But did she love him? A feather of regret flitted across her mind, but she brushed it away. She was doing her best.

The Christmas ball was almost upon them. Josiah rounded the corner into the ballroom to check on how the decorating was progressing. Colby stood on the top of the ladder trying to fix the tree topper to Katherine's liking.

"A little more to the right, not the left."

"Oh, you mean my other right."

Colby moved the decoration in the correct direction, and her singsong laughter filled the air.

"Where do you get your craziness? Charles was far more serious."

"I got the funny," Colby said, "and he got the good looks."

"He was rather handsome."

"And you're agreeing I'm not?" Colby swiveled on the ladder to look down at her and caught Josiah standing there.

"Did you hear that? I think Katie just insinuated I'm unattractive."

Katherine spun and hurried to Josiah's side. She linked her arm in his and pulled him forward. "Do you like?" Her eyes sparkled as she gazed up at the tree.

Josiah nodded, but what he really wanted was to throttle them both. Their easy laughter, their teasing… It made him crazy.

"And she doesn't mean me," Colby said. "She means the tree."

Katherine laughed again and waved at Colby. "Get down from there before you hurt yourself."

"So, you do care?"

"I guess I have to, considering you're Josiah's best friend." She lifted her eyes to Josiah and threw him a smile, like throwing a bone to the dog.

How could he love and hate simultaneously? How could his best friend and his beloved wife strike up a friendship with so little effort, when he'd worked so hard to gain the small amount of ground he had? And why did their endless conversations always have Charles thrown in? It irked him to his core.

Jealousy would not look good on him, so he remained quiet. He swung his arm possessively around her shoulders and spoke to Colby. "I'll take over from here. You have men out there who need your assistance."

If Colby picked up on his undertones, he sloughed it off. "Sure thing, boss." He jumped the last few rungs of the ladder and picked up his hat from the table.

"I'm not your boss. We're partners." Josiah worked hard to keep his voice level and his expression blank.

"Sure thing, boss." Colby slapped on his hat and laughed as he headed out the door.

Katherine giggled at his side. "You did sound quite authoritative."

Josiah ran a hand around the back of his head and clenched his teeth.

Katie took special care to dress for the occasion. She wanted to do Josiah proud and give the catty women of town nothing to condemn her for. She chose the finest gown Clarisse had created. With the whole town invited and most everyone coming, she wanted to give Josiah back at least a little of the support he'd given her. Though it scared her half to death, she would work at befriending the women. And if Josiah could impress the men with his supply of fine horses, then this evening would be worth the endless hours of preparation.

The rosy-pink fabric contrasted dramatically with her shiny black hair, which Ruby had wound into an elaborate coiffure. Seed pearls attached to hair pins were dispersed through the heavy mass. The effect was stunning. However, the fitted bodice was even lower than she remembered. She tugged at the material to hide the generous display of cleavage.

"Relax, my lady," Ruby said. "Let your beauty shine. This is what all the ladies will be wearing."

Katie gazed at herself in the full-length mirror. "That's what Clarisse said when I questioned her. But I…don't like men gawking at me, and this will make it worse." She gave the material another yank upward.

"It will be fine, my lady. You look amazing."

Katie left her bedroom and waved at Josiah and Colby below. She gathered her skirt in her hands and descended the stairs with care, watching each step until she reached the bottom. A smile split free. "I made it." Her laughter stopped at one glance upward.

Where she had expected Josiah's approval and admiration, his eyes flashed with anger. The muscles in his jaw clenched, and his Adam's apple jumped. He grabbed her arm and ushered her none too gently into the nearby library and slammed the door behind him.

"Katherine, what do you mean by parading around, exposing yourself to the world?" His voice seemed barely restrained. "You have to change. Immediately, before everyone arrives. I can't have the whole countryside seeing you half clothed." His face grew beet red, and his fists clenched at his side.

Tears welled, brimming on the edge of her lashes. "But…Ruby and Clarisse assured me all the ladies are wearing their dresses this way."

"I don't care what the other women are wearing. They don't fill them like you do."

"I'm sorry. I didn't want the dress this low. I even argued with Clarisse about it." Her cheeks splashed wet as tears broke free of her lashes.

"What was she thinking? You'll have a different dressmaker next time, even if I have to travel as far as Harrisonburg."

"You can't blame her."

"You both should know better, but especially you with your past."

Katie couldn't hold back the sob. "I didn't want this." She waved over her dress. "But I didn't want to offend her, and she believed she was giving you what you wanted—the latest in fashion."

The clock on the mantle chimed, and he let out a deep breath. "There's not much time. Delilah will know what to do. Wait here, I'll go get her."

Katie could barely hold herself still as she waited for him to return. She should have known better. Her instincts had told her this bodice was too low. Why hadn't she put her foot down? She would go change now, except it would take too long to press the wrinkles out of the others and get through all the adjustments to the underclothing. Even now, she could hear the sound of a carriage outside.

Josiah stepped back into the room, followed by Delilah. The woman took one glance at the bodice of Katie's dress and nodded. "I know just how to fix that up pretty like in a hurry." She bustled out and returned with a needle, thread, and a piece of creamy white lace.

"Leave us, Josiah. Go. Greet your guests." She shooed him out, then turned to Katie. "You're going to have to trust old Delilah now, cause I'm going to stitch this on and try not to stitch you." She stifled a grin, and her eyes twinkled. "That man of yours is too jealous to be sharing so much of your beauty around." Her shoulders took on a shake.

"No stitching and laughing at the same time." Katie tried to make the remark sound lighthearted, but her voice quivered. "I didn't feel comfortable anyway. Hopefully Clarisse isn't offended when she sees the alterations."

"I dare say I did more sewing in my days than Clarisse and ten others put together."

Delilah's skillful fingers finished the job and, when Katie looked in the mirror, a smile split free. "Much better."

"Yes'um, even leaving a little to the imagination is still going to turn more heads than that boy knows what to do with."

"Thank you." She wrapped an arm around Delilah, but the woman shooed her away.

"Now, get on out there."

Katie scurried out to stand beside Josiah as more guests entered. Her eyes scanned the room for anything amiss. The ballroom was bustling with women dressed in their finery, and men strutting in tall hats and Sunday best. The group of musicians Josiah had hired from Harrisonburg were playing beautiful background music. Dance music would come later.

Jeanette had organized the decorating and, from the glowing tree with sparkling decorations to the boughs draped over the fireplace mantle accented with candles, all held a festive welcome. A long table of food sent tantalizing aromas wafting in Katie's direction. She was hungry after having spent every waking hour that day seeing to the final touches.

Josiah hugged her close. "I'm sorry," he whispered. "We'll talk later." He dropped a kiss on the top of her head. "Come. Let's present the opening toast."

He held his glass high until the roar of the crowd quieted. "We are survivors." His voice rang with authority across the room.

"Here, here!" said a man in the back she couldn't see.

Josiah smiled. "And I know, had it not been for the sheer luck of a Yankee officer liking this very room in which we congregate, I too, would be rebuilding like so many of you."

A voice boomed from the left side of the room. "Ha. The rich Mr. Richardson who sides with the black-loving Yanks. We know why this house stands—you traitor."

A gasp rippled through the crowd. Katherine stood on her tiptoes trying to see who had voiced that remark. All she could see was a nod from Josiah. Then a group of his men surrounded and escorted a couple men out.

She looked up at Josiah. "Who?—"

"Smile," he said through tight lips. "We'll talk later."

He held up his hand to the murmuring crowd. "This is a night for celebration. Yes?"

The crowd clapped.

"All right then, we're not going to let the negativity of a few spoil our evening. My beautiful wife, Katherine, and I feel blessed and honored that you've graced us with your presence, and we want you to have a wonderful evening. Here's to friends and neighbors. Here's to life." He raised his glass to the crowd. The place erupted with cheers.

Music and dancing followed, and the crowd seemed to be enjoying themselves. For her part, Katie declined every offer to dance but her husband's. If her dress had brought on jealousy, she wouldn't add to it.

The widow Laurie and her friend, both of whom had talked unkindly about her in the General Mercantile, were sending daggers her way. I guess I look too sophisticated for their liking now. She lifted her eyes and smiled brightly at them. Their heads snapped away.

Hours later, when she scanned the room for Josiah, the widow Laurie was hanging on his arm, fluttering her eyelashes up at him. He smiled and said something that made her gush with laughter.

A wave of emotion Katie could not define twisted in her stomach and knotted in her throat. She marched over and slipped her arm around his waist.

"There you are, my dear." Josiah put his arm around her and pulled her close. "Meet Laurie Truvel, an old friend of Georgina's."

Katie extended her hand politely, barely holding in the glare she wanted to send the petite blonde. "Nice to make your acquaintance. Do forgive us, but I must pull my husband away." She emphasized the word husband and leaned in. "Come, my darling."

His eyebrows shot up, but he did her bidding.

Heat burned her cheeks at the use of the endearment—one she'd never spoken before. Guests were beginning to depart, so she led him to the entry where they stood to bid each family farewell.

In a spare moment, he leaned down and whispered, "I do like the sound of the word darling rolling off your beautiful lips."

She ignored him, shifting from one tired foot to the other. When the last gentleman struck up a conversation about horses, she interjected, "Do take him to the barn, Josiah. You must show him the strength and beauty of your stock. Talking doesn't do justice." She slipped from his arm. "Go, my darling."

He chuckled and sent her a raised brow look. She smiled in return. Their spat was over. They were going to be all right. She rubbed the knot in her neck that had been building.

"I shall not be long." He planted a quick kiss on her cheek.

She followed them out to the portico and sank onto the rocker. The fresh air drifted over her in delicious waves, cooling her after the dancing and the heat inside. A heavy sigh slid from her lips.

Things had been off between her and Josiah for weeks, and she couldn't quite put a finger on it. He no longer said he loved her, even if he did say other very delightful things, especially in tender moments. Maybe if she could give him a son or a daughter, he'd relax a bit more in their relationship.

The thought of a child made her heart sing. She would love to be a mama, and what an enjoyable way to end the evening—working on that very goal. She smiled as she rose. A hot cup of tea to await Josiah's return, and then she could get out of this most uncomfortable dress. She headed for the kitchen, but as she made her way down through the entry hall a voice sounded from the direction of the ballroom.

"Great celebration," Colby said.

Katie turned to see him standing in the doorway of the ballroom.

He grinned at her, that familiar smile setting her at ease. "And you wouldn't believe how many men I snuck out to the stables for a look before you buy opportunity."

She relaxed as she walked over to him. "I'm glad it's you. I don't think I could've handled one more conversation with a stranger. Would you care for a cup of tea?"

"No, but I'll take that dance you promised me."

She laughed. "After what happened earlier, I thought it best to reserve my dances for Josiah only. He's a tad jealous."

"I get that. If I were married to the prettiest woman in town, I'd react the same way."

Katie smiled. "You'll find one prettier than me. Just you wait." She turned toward the kitchen.

"Wait." He grabbed her arm and tugged her back. "You're under the mistletoe."

She looked up at the branch hanging from the door frame. The couples had enjoyed a great deal of fun with it that evening.

"Merry Christmas, Katie." He leaned down and kissed her cheek.

She turned a friendly smile on him as he straightened, but an odd mixture of emotion was playing across his face. He released her as if she were a hot coal and stepped aside.

…just as Josiah entered the hallway. His scowl proved he'd seen the whole thing.

"Josiah, you're under the mistletoe." Katie reached out to pull him into the doorway to the ballroom, then wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled his head down. He didn't respond when her lips touched his, even though she pressed in.

A sinking feeling dropped in as she pulled back and exhaled. She did not have energy left for another misunderstanding. She lifted her head to find his brow still knit.

She needed to say something to distract him. "Do you remember meeting Anne, the Emmerson's oldest daughter?" Katie said. "She's so beautiful and witty too. Don't you think she'd make a wonderful wife for Colby?"

The scowl stayed in place, directed at Colby. "He definitely needs to find himself a wife."

Colby nodded. "That would be nice. Here's to hoping a beautiful lady like Anne would want a cowboy like me. Good night now." He turned and took the steps two at a time.

As she watched him dart away, a spurt of anger rolled through her. None of this should have happened. She turned a glare on Josiah. "You sure know how to wreck both the start and the finish of what could have been a wonderful evening." She started for the steps, and he followed her up. When they reached the top, she did not turn around, though he called her name. She pushed her bedroom door closed behind her with the intention of locking it. His hand caught the door before it crashed against the jamb.

She whirled to face him, and the insolent glare on his face only raised her ire more. "What has gotten into you? You're acting like a jealous little boy. It was a simple peck on my cheek, no more than Clarisse and a hundred other women planted on your face tonight, including the little blonde hanging on your arm, Laurie Trifle or Trivial or whatever her name is. And yet you act like we committed a crime."

"There is no we in this Katherine. Only you . I don't blame Colby one whit, but you…you dress to entice. Did you see where Colby's eyes were when you came down those steps? And you sweet-talk without any idea the effect you have on men."

She could not stem the tears that filled her eyes. "I dressed for you. I danced only with you. I stood by your side. I hate parties, but I worked tirelessly for weeks to prepare—all for you."

His frown softened, and he grazed his hand gently down her cheek.

But his touch only added another emotion to the mass roiling inside her. She pulled away. "Get out of my bedroom."

"I didn't mean what I said?—"

"Out." She pointed toward the hallway as tears streamed down her face.

The lines of his shoulders sagged as he turned and obeyed her demand.

Josiah thrashed about on his bed. Her soft weeping whispered through the walls. Where had such jealousy come from? He'd never been that way with Georgina, but he'd known Georgina loved him.

What he witnessed—the sparkle of merriment in her eyes as she looked up at Colby with a look that should be reserved only for him. Where was the distinction, the favor, the love he craved? After listening to Katherine's memories of Charles when she shared them with Colby, he knew she'd been far more in love with him than Josiah cared to admit. Maybe she would never get over the man.

But what was fair to expect of her when he was the one who'd pressed her into marriage? Could he come to peace with something less? The something they had? Their growing friendship and the fact no other man shared her bed—was that enough? A weighty sadness filled his soul. Grief—different than what he'd experienced when Georgina died, but grief nonetheless—pressed in as he came to terms with the truth. He needed to accept what he could not change.

But one thing that was not in question was that he had been wrong tonight, and he had to set things right. His jealousy had been jus-lousy, as Delilah would say. He took a moment to pray, although he wasn't sure it would help. But he needed strength and the words to own his bad behavior and win back her trust. "Oh, God, I've hurt her. Help me."

Did God mind a simple heartfelt prayer? Hopefully not, for it was all he knew.

He threw the covers off and slipped out of bed. His slight rap on the door between the rooms brought no response. With a deep breath, he turned the knob and found it unlocked.

"Kat," he whispered into the dark. "I was wrong." He moved to stand beside her bed. "Please, forgive me."

A sob followed, then a hiccup. Her body moved beneath the covers as she shuddered.

He eased down on the edge of the bed, unsure what to do.

"If…" The word drifted up from the covers, sounding half-strangled. "If you really believe I seek the attention of other men after all I've told you about my past, then you don't know me."

He placed his hand on her back. "I didn't mean it. I was jealous and wrong to say what I did."

She turned toward him. "You're my husband, Josiah. I share my life with you. All I have, I give to you."

He pulled her close. "I know. I'm sorry." As he kissed her brow, she melted into his embrace. He lifted her in his arms and carried her through the door to his bed. After laying her down, he slipped in beside her.

She reached up to kiss his lips.

"Sleep now, my love. You've had a long day." He rolled her into the curve of his body and held her close, realizing he had called her his love when he had vowed not to. But how could he say less when that's what she was? His love. His heart. His personal agony.