Chapter Fourteen

Peni

It was a relief when Silas suggested he take Peni and show him some of the areas of the forest. Dakata and Merihem were talking business, but Peni had been aware of the dryad watching him. Strangely, neither demon made a fuss when Silas said he was taking Peni for a walk, which was weird, given how Merihem seemed to want to touch him all the time. But Peni was grateful. He seriously needed a minute where he wasn’t touching the demon.

“It’s very peaceful here. One of my favorite spots, next to my tree, of course.” Silas was like a wispy willow, almost gliding across the forest floor.

“I appreciate you showing me.” Peni looked around, taking in a huge breath and letting it out slowly.

“One of the reasons I love the forest is that there is such a sense of permanence here.” Silas rested his hand on a nearby tree, and Peni could feel a tinge of magic, so different from a demon’s, but powerful all the same. “When my mind is jumbled, with too many thoughts competing for space in my head, I can come out here and just breathe.”

“I can see where that would be useful. I’m so confused.” Peni plopped down on the grass, staring at the tree Silas was stroking.

“A demon will do that to you.” Silas gracefully sat on the ground, resting his back against the bark of the tree, his smile gentle. “They are a force of nature, although you have to know Merihem would never hurt you. Demons treat their blissful ones like a shifter’s idea of a mate in that regard.”

“It wasn’t even my idea to claim him.” Peni blinked furiously as tears prickled his eyes. “It wasn’t that I didn’t want to… eventually, but… but…”

Tilting his head to one side, Silas asked cautiously, “Surely Merihem didn’t force you…”

“No, it was nothing like that. It was my goat.” Peni jumped to his feet, brushing his hands across his eyes, his thoughts spilling out in all directions. “We should’ve talked. We should’ve come to an agreement. There are things I never said. Things I don’t know, and then Mrs. Danials came in and was beating me around the head with her bag, and then Merihem came and now she’s in hell, and my goat claimed my mate. He didn’t even ask me—they just did it!”

“You have had a busy morning,” Silas said slowly. “I only know a few shifters personally, but it was my understanding that both the animal spirit and the human spirit work in tandem with each other.”

“They’re supposed to.” His sudden burst of energy, combined with the utter chaos of the day so far, had Peni sitting down again. “There are some things people do together that I’m uncomfortable with. That’s not Merihem’s fault. It’s something inside of me that came from…” Peni picked his words carefully. It wasn’t as though he knew Silas very well, in fact, barely at all. “…from my time before. Merihem’s so confident in everything, absolutely everything . It’s all so overpowering, and overwhelming, and… I don’t know what I’m saying.” Peni buried his face in his hands. “I’m sorry. I’ll shut up now.”

“Don’t be sorry, my new friend. If anyone knows how overwhelming demons can be, it’s me.” Silas’s laughter was like a breeze through the trees. “As for shutting up, please don’t. I know we’ve only just met, but I truly want to offer assistance. That’s why we’re out here. If there’s anything I can help you with, even if it’s just as someone who can listen to you, then let me do that for you.”

“I’m not sure you’ll understand.” Peni rubbed his hands over his face and looked up. “I don’t understand it myself, and that’s half the problem. My whole life has just gone boom.” He mimed an explosion with his hands. “I didn’t have a bad life before Merihem came along. Sure, I was sleeping in a basement which I had no right to do, but Mr. Dakata didn’t know I was there until now. I had a routine. Every day I had a specific place in the house to clean—bathrooms one day, kitchen the next. That sort of thing.” Even as he was speaking, Peni knew how pathetic that sounded. But Silas was nodding.

“I am much the same with my days,” he said. “Every morning at first light I go down to the river, I check the plants, I greet the new growth, and things like that. If I don’t get to do that, it’s like my whole day feels off and weird.”

“Yes. Yes.” In that moment, Peni felt as though he’d found a kindred spirit. “There was so much chaos in my life before I got my job at Mr. Dakata’s house. I’d been on the streets for so long. But when I was there, I didn’t even mind sleeping in the basement. My routine, the cleaning, knowing what I had to do every day and what was expected of me… I felt as if I had some control over me, my life, and who I was. It felt safe to me.”

“I can understand that feeling and how important that is. But I have to ask, doesn’t Merihem make you feel safe when you’re with him?”

“He makes me feel all sorts of things.” Peni went to tug at a blade of grass and then thought better of it. Dryads probably frowned on that sort of thing. “I’ve never had anyone in my life I could trust before. I don’t know what that’s meant to feel like. I know about mates, and how special they are, but I just feel so rushed…” He trailed off again. “Nothing makes sense right now.”

“Tell me then, in an ideal world, what would your mating to Merihem look like? Don’t worry about what Merihem wants right now. Think about what your ideal mating is.”

“It doesn’t really matter, does it?” Peni gave Silas a rueful grin. “If I had my way, we wouldn’t even be claimed yet. I know my goat was desperate for the connection—I’m not a complete idiot. It’s not like I would ever reject my mate, I just wanted more time to think about things. If it was up to me, then I’d want answers to questions before I took that step. Like why is Merihem on earth at all? Why do I get the impression he’s hiding something from me? Are we always going to live in Mr. Dakata’s house, or does he have a house of his own? Who’s going to clean that house? Because Merihem doesn’t seem to want me doing it at all. My routine’s all mucked up and it’s only Monday.”

Peni’s heart started to race, and he got black spots in front of his eyes. “He needs to know about what it was like for me before. Then maybe he’d understand why it’ll take time for me to do… to do…” Peni couldn’t even say it. “There are some things I’m just not ready for, and while I know my body is giving off one type of signal, that’s mating hormones, and I can’t help that. He’s wandering around with his cock out, looking all sexy and stuff, but I just want to follow my routine today. I’d been with Merihem all weekend. I didn’t get five minutes to myself. But instead of scrubbing the kitchen counters today, because Monday is kitchen day, I ended up getting beaten over my head and claiming a demon instead. Why can’t anyone understand? I just wanted to clean the kitchen!”

“Hey, hey, hey.” Silas was beside him in a blink, his slender arm over Peni’s shoulder. “It’s okay. Just breathe. Breathe with me. Come on. Inhale, and hold it. Then, let it out slowly… Inhale… softly let it out. You don’t have to do anything else in this moment except focus on your breathing.”

Peni found himself following Silas’s simple advice. In and out. In and out. The first few breaths were definitely shaky, but after a few moments, Peni’s heart rate slowed, and he became more aware of the sounds of the forest again.

“I’m sorry. You must think I’m a right wuss.”

“There’s nothing wussy about getting overwhelmed or showing your feelings.” Silas looked up at where the leaves dotted across the sky. “This is a safe space. If you ever feel you need it, then you come here, and you’ll always be welcome.”

“Thank you.” Peni looked around, too. “Just don’t ever let me shift out here. My goat will eat anything. I’m surprised he hasn’t tried to do it already.”

Silas laughed. “That’s the circle of life, my friend. Grass and plants grow and get eaten, or sometimes they just wither and die. Your goat is as welcome as you are. But tell me, now you’re feeling calmer, what is your gut telling you about your new mate?”

“It’s like winning the lottery,” Peni admitted. “And I don’t mean in a monetary sense. It’s like I got what I’d never dared dream I could have. There’s just so much. When Merihem was in his demon form over the weekend, we talked. He asked about what I wanted then, and I said I wanted to study to work in a library, and he said I could. Just like that—like it was so easy because he said it could be. But you know, now I know I can, I realize I’ll miss him through the day so much if I had to go to classes, because even now, I feel chilled because he’s not around.”

“There’s always online courses,” Silas pointed out. “You could do your classes anywhere, even in Merihem’s office if he was busy.”

“I could.” Peni went back to a previous thought, the one that had been nagging at him. “Do you know why Merihem is here on earth living in Mr. Dakata’s house?”

“Hmm. I do, and all I can do is promise it’s not because of anything bad. Not from an earth perspective.” Silas chewed his bottom lip for a second and then added, “You need to hear it from Merihem, though. Sit him down and ask him straight. He will tell you.”

“Sit on him, you mean.” Peni chuckled. He was quietly glad Silas wasn’t the type to betray any confidences. “Merihem seems to be on a mission to keep my butt from sitting in a chair.”

“At least you know your butt will never get cold.” Silas hugged him again before letting his arm drop down. “And if you can take one more piece of advice, remember that sex between mates or blissful ones is something that happens naturally over time. You don’t have to do everything all in one go. You don’t ever have to do anything more than you’re comfortable with. Being physically close is a natural part of mating, yes, but there are so many different ways that closeness can be enjoyed.”

“I don’t suppose any of those ways involve me cleaning those kitchen counters.”

Chuckling, Silas tilted his head and said, “Whatever rocks your boat, my friend.”