Chapter 24

Octane

Below me, the lush green canopy of the jungle stretches out as far as the eye can see. The sun dips low on the horizon, painting the sky in pinks, oranges, and purples. It's beautiful. Or it would be if I cared to really take it in. I don't!

I feel numb inside.

I can't help it. I bank to the right, feeling the wind over my scales as I catch the air currents. I shouldn't be in my dragon form. I will get into all kinds of shit if a patrol finds me like this without a rider or a bonded dragon to oversee me.

I don't care.

Fuck it!

I'm delaying going back to camp, even though I'm fucking exhausted. I've only just healed up. My body used a lot of energy over the last few days.

I don't feel like facing anyone, but I have to head back; I've delayed too long already.

I slowly descend, seeing the tops of the bungalows. Home sweet home. Only it doesn't feel like home anymore. I know I sound mopey and depressed, but I don't care. I'm allowed to wallow in self-pity, even if it's just for a short time.

I shift, grumbling under my breath when I see Dagger walking toward me. I don't feel like talking. I have nothing to say, especially to both him and Shadow. I'm pissed at them. It feels a whole lot like betrayal, even if it came from a good place.

"You good?" he asks.

"Leave me alone," I say as I start toward my bungalow.

He looks sheepish, even wincing. "I'm sorry things had to play out that way."

"Me too," I tell him.

"Did the Red get back okay?"

I stop walking. "Trinity. The Red's name is Trinity."

He gets another sheepish look, worse this time. "Trinity…yes, of course. I really am sorry. I can't imagine how it must feel to have feelings for someone you can never be with." He pushes his fingers into his front pants pockets, digging the toe of his boot into the dirt.

"You should—" I start to say but am interrupted.

"You're back," Shadow gushes like she didn't pull the rug out from underneath me and fuck me over royally. I groan inwardly, but my feelings must show on my face because she adds, "Please don't hate me. We only did what we did because we care for you and don't want to see you get hurt…or worse."

"Save it! There are better ways of doing things. You went about it the wrong way. The sneaky way."

"Would you have listened if we'd been direct?" she asks, lifting her brows.

"Nope." I don't hesitate.

"Well, there you have it," she adds, snorting air out of her nose. "Be reasonable. This is for the best. You did the right thing by leaving her."

"I didn't leave her. She left me." It physically hurts me that we're done before there even was a "we." That's so fucking sad. I feel hollow inside. Like someone scraped out my insides and left me raw.

"At least one of you was thinking straight," Shadow says. "The female obviously cared for you."

"Trinity… Her name is Trinity. Why is that so hard for all of you to get?" I say in a clipped tone. "She's a shifter, just like us. If you cut her, she will bleed. The blood will look the same as ours. Her pain will be the same."

"I know that. I get it," Shadow says in a soft voice that irritates the fuck out of me.

"I need a few days off to decompress," I tell her.

She frowns. "Is that a good idea? It might help if you kept busy. There are still a few stragglers trying to make it through Sky's Edge. You could—"

"Um…I think I'll pass," I snap.

"The last time I checked, you were hoping to bond with a human so that you could go and work the frontline." She puts her hands on her hips. "This is an opportunity."

"Things change. I'm not sure what I want anymore."

She rolls her eyes. "Don't say that. Don't throw everything away over what—"

"You know, Shadow," Dagger scratches the side of his head, "it might be a good idea for Octane to take a few days off. He's had a rough time of it," he tells her. "Octane needs time to think things through. We don't want him making any rash decisions." He glances at me occasionally while he talks.

She looks at Dagger for a few long moments before nodding and looking my way. "Okay," she sighs, "take a few days. Get your head on straight again. Then come back and get on with your life."

I was going to go whether she gave me permission or not, but I'm glad we sorted that out. I walk away. I need to rest up. I'll leave early tomorrow so that I can be at the bank when it opens. I'm going to give Trinity more money than I previously had in mind. I won't be able to rest until I know that she is properly taken care of financially, if nothing else. I can give her that much. She opened my eyes to so many things. She opened my heart, too. It will kill me to walk away tomorrow, but I'll do it. If she still wants me to, I'll force myself to honor her wishes.

Trinity

I've been thinking about it, and there is no way I can take Octane's money. I won't do it. I'm not a money-grubber.

I've always been independent. Well, at least up until recently. I hated having to rely on anyone. It's time to get back onto my own two feet. I can do it. I'm capable of looking after myself. I stroke my belly. Of looking after my baby, too. Where there is a will, there is a way.

As I excitedly anticipate Octane's return, a bitter thought creeps in – with his arrival comes the inevitable countdown to our final goodbye. The weight of this impending farewell feels like a dense ball of lead in my stomach. Tomorrow is going to be bittersweet. I will get to see Octane again, but for the very last time. I have this odd mixture of joy and sorrow swirling within me.

My mind works overtime as I make my way down the narrow, dimly lit hallway that leads to Nova's apartment. I can't believe how long it's been since I was last here. Too long. I cut myself off from my friends. It's been so long that they stopped calling. So long that they even stopped messaging. I can't blame them.

I'm not sure how she will react when she sees me. My hands feel a touch clammy as I move my bag from one shoulder to the other. My footsteps echo off the walls as I near her door. The faded wallpaper has started to peel in places, and some of the tiles are cracked. I think there might be a few more cracks since I was last here. I always saw her apartment as a little sanctuary where laughter and good times were always to be found. My stomach clenches. I hope it's still the case. I pray she doesn't slam the door in my face.

I see light under her door.

Good, she's home.

I suck in a few breaths, and then I force myself to grow a pair and knock before I can chicken out.

"Coming." She sounds upbeat.

My stomach churns some more. I think it might be knotting up.

It doesn't take long for the door to open. Nova towers over me. Her hair is long and golden blonde. She's toned and athletic in a pair of cut-off denim shorts and a white tank top.

Her mouth drops open, and she takes a step back, covering her mouth with her hand for a moment before smiling. "Trin, is that you? Holy smokes! I thought you had died or something." She grins.

Okay, so far so good.

I nod. "You look great." I beam. "Nope. I'm still alive," I say in a small voice.

Nova pulls me into a hug. "You're kidding me," she says, pulling back and looking down at my belly, which is hidden under an oversized shirt. She must have felt it. "You're pregnant. Are you serious? When did that happen?" Then she gives a head shake. "Come in…please, come in. I want to hear all about it. I'm rude to ask these questions while you're still in the hall." She practically pulls me inside.

"I can't believe I haven't seen you for so long." My eyes start to sting a little. Nova and I were such good friends. "It's been far too long."

We walk inside, and Nova's apartment is just as I remembered it. It's small but cozy, with mismatched furniture clustered together in the living room and a small kitchen tucked into the corner. The walls are painted a sunny yellow that somehow works with a big painting of a bulldog as the focal point.

I smile when I see it.

"Ridiculously long." She sighs. "Since you are here, I take it you aren't with him anymore?" She narrows her eyes. "Sit, please." She gestures to an overstuffed sofa.

"Igor?" I start to feel itchy and icky just thinking about him. I can't believe I got it so wrong. "We broke up months ago, but I've been…messed up about the whole thing." If I think back, it's true: I have been messed up. Far more messed up than I care to admit. I sit, but Nova stays standing.

"Can I get you something to drink?" She laughs. "I'd offer you wine like old times, but I'm pretty sure you'd prefer a juice."

I smile. "A juice sounds good."

She heads for the kitchenette in the open-plan space. "So, who is the father? Is it Igor?" She makes a face when she says his name.

"You never liked him, and I can't say I blame you."

She shakes her head. "I didn't want to say anything. I was trying to be a good friend, but he's bad news. He always made me feel uncomfortable." She pours us both some orange juice, bringing the glasses through to the living room.

"Even in school, when we were growing up?" I ask as she hands me a glass. "Thanks."

"Even then." She laughs, sitting across from me.

"Well, it turns out that you were right all along." I grimace, then I tell her how he made me pregnant without my knowledge or consent. I rub my belly. "I love my baby…don't get me wrong."

"The bastard! I can't believe he did that… Actually," she scrunches up her nose, "I can. And of course you love your baby…duh. I'm not surprised you couldn't take that pill. You have a soft heart and couldn't hurt a fly." She sips her drink.

If only she knew. Then again, Igor was lower than a fly. He was a maggot. Lower than a maggot…

What's lower than a maggot?

"Remember how you saved that bird that fell out of the nest?" she says, bringing me out of my thoughts.

I throw out a laugh. "I'd forgotten about that. Yes, little Wilson." I take a sip of my juice. It's sweeter than I expected it to be.

"You named him Wilson?" She laughs.

I half-smile. "It was wrong of me since he was never really mine in the first place, but yes, I named him Wilson, and I still think of him from time to time. Cute little thing."

"I'm sure you do since you had to feed him every couple of hours for weeks. You looked after Wilson until he was ready to go back into the wild, and then you had the courage to let him go. You're good at doing the right thing."

"I guess so." I wish it wasn't the case. I'd be lying in Octane's arms right now.

"So, I take it you left him…Igor, that is?" She cocks her head.

I snort. "I left him the same day he pretended to use a condom. I couldn't stay with someone like that." I shake my head.

"Does he know about the baby?" She looks down at my belly.

I nod. "Of course. I wouldn't keep him from the baby."

"I would. He's an asshole. You don't want someone like that in your baby's life." She takes a sip of her drink.

I smile and nod, but I don't say anything because Igor is dead. He isn't going to be a part of my child's life anymore, and I'm glad for it, too.

"I'm here to ask a favor," I blurt before I lose the courage.

"Of course…what do you need?" She takes my hand, squeezing. "I'm still your friend. That hasn't changed."

The show of affection causes my throat to clog and my eyes to sting, so I blink a couple of times, trying to get myself under control. I sniff.

Nova scrutinizes me, her eyes clouding with concern. "You're scaring me. What's going on?"

"I met someone." Why did I say that? What the hell is wrong with me? I hadn't planned on telling her about Octane.

"You did? Someone who isn't Igor?" She claps her hands.

I smile. "He's the opposite of Igor. He's sweet and kind and wonderful. He loves this baby more than his real father ever could."

"Who is he, and where did you meet him?"

"His name is Octane." I know I shouldn't be telling her this, but I can't help it. "We can't be together." A hot tear falls from my eye, trailing down my cheek. Dammit! I'm so sick of crying.

"Oh, hon'," she whispers. "Why not? What's going on? Is Igor standing in your way somehow? You don't look happy, even though you're telling me you're in love."

"It has nothing to do with Igor, and I can't tell you. I shouldn't have said anything."

"Of course you should have told me. We're friends. We haven't seen each other for a few months, but nothing has changed. You can tell me anything. It wouldn't shock me or scare me off, I swear."

Hmmmm…I have a feeling she would take it back if I disclosed everything.

"Nah, he isn't in my life anymore," I choke out the words. "It didn't work out. If I'm a little sad, you'll understand why."

"Thanks for telling me. I'm so sorry it didn't work out." She gets up and comes and sits with me, putting her arms around me. "You said you needed to ask me a big favor; what is it?"

I pull in a deep breath. "Can I stay here for a few days? Just until I get back on my feet."