Jesse

We spent the weekend in bed, leaving its comfort only long enough to grab drinks and food and return to the tub to relax in one another's arms in the soothing embrace of the deep, hot water we both loved. I'd never known it could feel that way; being with someone else. I hadn't wanted to leave, but skipping Monday's classes after Friday night's incident would have likely made things worse. Delaying the inevitable never works.

Ash had whimpered quietly when I'd slipped from his arms and brushed my lips over his in the early morning light. When I'd glanced back at his sleeping figure on my way out, he'd curled up tighter around my pillow.

Normally I spent the twenty-five-minute train ride into the city buried in my schoolbooks. On this morning, I did no such thing. The side of my head leaned against the cool glass of the train window, my eyes half shut, oblivious to the scenery that zipped past.

I was lost in the memory of his touch, the way his eyes glittered like soft green sea glass as he hovered over me or lay at my side. The rumble and vibration of the train normally disappeared into the background after only a moment or two, but on this day, I found myself focusing on the way the subtle bumps in the tracks rippled through me, highlighting a slight soreness I'd never before experienced. Each little thump a reminder of how that tenderness had come to be in the first place. I loved every moment of it.

I was still reeling from the events of the weekend. When Ash had walked out on Friday night, I'd been broken. Two days later, his body had been inside of mine, and he'd asked me to move in with him. Maybe he'd needed us to attend that party. Maybe he'd needed to face his demons and find his way to the other side. To a place where he realized his worth.

I wished he'd been able to simply take my word for it as that amount of embarrassment and heart-stoppingpanic certainly hadn't been something I'd needed. In the end though, we'd found our way through it together, and really, wasn't that all that mattered?

I think I attended my courses that day. I can't imagine where else I might have been, but the events of the day were lost on me. I was still watching the weekend roll by on replay as I dug through my pocket to find the key to my dorm.

I had vaguely noticed as several acquaintances and fellow students took the time to approach me and offer apologies and support after Friday night's debacle.

Ms. Hennings had also apologized for her behavior, even though she'd seemed as if it were an inconvenience and blamed much of it on the bartender's heavy pours, it still felt like the type of thing she rarely did, and I thanked her curtly before falling back into my daydreams and floating through the rest of the day.

"A message that said, ‘I'm not dead' would have been nice."

Bethany berated me from her spot on the sofa before I'd even closed the door behind me. Ash had taken the day off, so I'd gone straight to my dorm after class. She was in her usual after-school- spot, curled up in the corner of the sofa in a nearly too-thin tank top and a nearly too-short pair of shorts hidden under a large fluffy blanket piled high with books, sticky notes, and highlighters.

She really was beautiful, even I could see that, and somehow, even with long flowing red hair, brilliant blue eyes, and a body that could stop traffic, she was one of the kindest people I knew.

I made my way over to her nest and kissed her cheek as I shifted her piles to the side so that I could plop down with my head in her lap.

"I'm not dead." I grinned up at her.

She idly began to play with my hair, twisting the short waves around her fingers. I'd texted her Saturday morning to let her know I'd found Ash, and I was taking him home to hopefully work through everything, but she was right, a follow-up at some point definitely should have been in order.

She schooled her face into a stern, intimidating expression. "You have one chance to explain why I shouldn't be upset with you for at least…oh…three weeks for leaving me with a cliffhanger like that."

My grin broadened. "We spent the weekend in bed, and I was too worn out from all of the…exercise…to lift my phone."

She slapped the top of my head. "Shut up! I assume you guys worked things out then? Do I still need to kick his ass for upsetting you? Oh my God, how was the sex? I mean, he is a professional, it better have been damn good. You think he's worth what he charges? Should I book an appointment and find out?"

I laughed. She absolutely expected answers to every one of her questions, and I loved her for it.

"Yes, we worked things out. No, you don't need to kick his ass for hurting me. I honestly think he believed he was protecting me in his own self-deprecating way. He really thought that one day I simply wouldn't be able to deal with his job because of the way it might affect my professional interactions. I think I got it through his thick head though. I'm not leaving him, and I'm not letting him leave me."

She offered a small, wistful smile and her fingers casually returned to my hair.

"He is without question worth more than he charges, and you absolutely do not get to book an appointment to find out. You'll have to live vicariously through me." I offered a sinful grin, knowing that while she was absolutely willing and happy to support me through stress, and panic, and turmoil, as soon as she knew I was emotionally ok, what she really wanted was juicy, dirty details.

I spent the next half an hour offering a thorough recounting of exactly how good Ash really was before wrapping up the conversation with the news that he'd asked me to move in with him. I'd shifted to a seated position midway through the conversation and when I told her, she leaned over and pulled me into her arms.

We held one another for a long time. Each acutely aware that while this was an amazing step for me and Ash, it signified the shift in our relationship from that of roommates, to just friends. I promised I'd keep paying my half or our rent, and neglect to tell the school board right away so that she'd be able to complete the year without having to worry about someone new moving in and upsetting her space and routine.

While the shift was hard to consider for both of us, she seemed content as she made me promise to come over at least two nights a week to cook and study and offer more juicy details as payment for abandoning her. It was a price I was more than happy to pay.

When I walked into the office the following afternoon, I wasn't sure what to expect. While Ash and I had always worked hard to ensure we were on the same page about downplaying our personal relationship at the office, the events of the weekend had been emotionally draining. Ash was already dressed in his robe, sitting on the couch with a protein shake in one hand and a book in the other.

"Hi." was all I could manage as I stepped into the room wearing a smile so large it physically hurt my cheeks.

He stood and met me halfway through my journey across the room, taking both of my hands in his and kissing me tenderly.

"Hi."

Our eyes caught and while I still saw a hint of insecurity behind his, the smile on his face radiated joy.

"Everything good?' He asked.

"Everything is perfect."

He brushed his lips across mine once more before bringing his forehead to rest on mine. We stood lost in the spell that love and intimacy had cast over us until the harsh reality of the door handle turning startled us apart when his first client walked in.

The rest of the week sped by. When I showed up for work Friday afternoon, Ash was already there once again. He lounged in one of the waiting room's wingbacks with two mugs of tea on the table in front of him.

He looked up the moment I opened the door, a brilliant smile instantly appearing. He stood quickly, making his way to my side to slip the large bag from my shoulder. A bag of my things. Mostly clothes, with a few pictures of family thrown in. I already had a duplicate set of toiletries in his bathroom.

It felt like Christmas. It felt better than Christmas. My stomach twisted in anticipation, and try as I might, I couldn't remove the borderline creepy smile from my face even when clients were in the waiting area.

We rode the train home hand in hand, my bag tucked in behind my legs. He slung it over his shoulder before I could reach for it when we arrived at his station, and his arm slid around my waist as we made our way through the chilly evening air toward home. Our home.

Time seemed to fly at breakneck speed, and several months passed in the blink of an eye. Months in which we found happiness and contentment together. While not much changed in our day-to-day routine, I often found myself noticing how comforting it was to see his shorts thrown over the back of a chair, or his shampoo in the shower on the days I woke early in order to catch the train in time to make it to class.

My schedule was still packed and chaotic, and I still spent most of my weeknights with my nose buried in a book. I also kept my word to Bethany, managing to spend two nights a week in the dorm having dinner and working our way through our stress with wine and conversation.

Ash still saw several clients a day and tended to his garden in his down time. The amount of energy he put into ensuring it would survive the winter months was impressive. Even with our packed schedules, we both tried to be present and available during our weekends together. I found myself constantly surprised at how sexually voracious it was possible to be with someone you loved. Ash shifted his schedule to take fewer clients on Fridays and Saturdays so that he could reserve more energy for our time together. He said he was thrilled to do it. He said that if he had to work for a few more years before retiring, as long as those years were with me, he didn't mind. He said that as long as he had me, he'd work forever. I believed him.