Chapter 6 - Ash

I found myself putting a great deal of care into my appearance. Don't get me wrong, in my line of work, appearance means a great deal and I am always well-groomed and impeccably dressed. At least, during the rare moments I am dressed. I"dchosen a suit of deep grey with subtle white pinstripes and a hunter-green shirt whose color reflected into my eyes and made them appear almost transparent emerald. With my hair pulled into a loose bun, I was satisfied that I was presentable. At least he wouldn't have cause to be embarrassed until people found out what I did for a living.

"Fuck."

Jesse stammered as he opened the door. Before I could say a word or move to step inside, I was pulled into his arms, his mouth coveringmy own. His lips were insistent; coaxing mine open as he slipped his tongue deep inside. I felt myself harden as I pressed the length of my body against his.

Someone across the room cleared their throat and we reluctantly separated.

"Ash, this is my roommate Bethany; Bethany, Ash." We both smiled awkwardly and shook hands.

She laughed as she looked me over carefully before nodding slightly in what seemed to be approval as she walked past us into the hall.

"Let's go, lover boys."

It was a much fancier affair than I'd anticipated, but I'd trained for years, and could easily fit in at any social event. I was suave, polite, charming, and I was always a hit with any crowd. That is, I was a hit when someone paid me to be their date. In those situations, I was respected, and my charm and wit were actively sought out by other guests.

As confident and relaxed as I appeared to everyone else, I was nervous, and Jesse knew it. He was deliberate about keeping his hand against my low back as we made our way around the room. An hour passed, and things were going well; somehow no one had bothered to ask about my profession. Then it happened. In a cornered conversation with one of Jesse's professors. She asked what I did for a living.

"I'm a consort." I smiled politely.

"Oh, lovely." she replied with the same vaguely interested nonchalance that most did when I served as an escort in public."Although this isn't a formal enough event that Jesse needed to hire someone."

I downed the rest of my drink. "No, Jesse and I are dating."

She laughed. "Dating? I didn't realize they allowed you to date."

She was a bit tipsy and I tried to simply smile and respond politely.

"The Guild's regulatory board holdssway over our professional conduct, not our personal lives."

She nodded, her smile now professional and tense. "Well, that's nice."

The conversation was clearly over and after a brief awkward pause, I excused myself.

Twenty minutes later, Jesse and I had been momentarily separated and I found myself chatting with a small group of students when the topic arose once more. Apparently, the details of our situation had made the rounds and werethe subject of discussion for many. The group conversed in hushed tones; unaware it was me they spoke of. It seemed most had come to ageneralized consensus; disbelief and disapproval coupled with concern over how Jesse would ever be taken seriously in the medical field.

I'd always considered myself to be a man of strength and reason. I kept myself shielded and allowed nothing to bother me. I'd raised a sibling, put food on the table, built a career, and made a good life for myself. That was before Jesse. Now, it hurt. I'd always known that was how many feel about those like me. That only a freak, someone worthless, would choose to sell himself vs taking on an educated profession. I knew I was only good enough when it was their needs I was satisfying.

I'd been wrong to allow this. Not just this evening, but all of it. Jesse was a good man; kind and thoughtful. He was working so hard to finish school and become a doctor. His family was so proud of him. He was so proud of himself. I was going to affect his career whether he wanted to see it or not. He'd given himself to me without hesitation, and I'd kept him for longer than I should have. It was time to stop dreaming.

When he returned to my side, I took his hand without a word and drew him into the hall. He brushed a stray lock of hair off my cheek as he always did and smiled gently.

"Don't let them bother you." he whispered with a soft smile; his amber eyes glowing in the dim light.

I shook my head and swallowed hard as I forced a pained smile. "This was a mistake, Jess."

He furrowed his brow. "Really, they're dicks, don't let it get to you."

I shook my head again. "I don't mean tonight. I mean this…us…"

He looked like I'd punched him.

"You will always be judged for being with me. You've worked your whole life for this, and I'm going to be something that holds you back. Always."

I fought to keep my voice level. I'd emotionally checked out. I had to. I leaned in and kissed his cheek with a whisper.

"You need to stay away from me. I'll send you a check for the rest of your contracted employment term so that you don't have to look for another position while you finish school, but its best if we end things here."

His fingers gripped mine so tightly that they hurt. I clung to the feeling, to the pain in my knuckles and the softness of his skin. He was shaking his head and tears threatened to fall as his normally golden eyes darkened to a deep chocolate brown. I'd never seen a man as strong and confident as Jesse look that way before.

He stepped close and his voice broke. "Don't, Ash. Let's leave. Together. We can go home right now."

A few people were starting to take notice of us, and I didn't want to make a scene. I smiled gently and pried my hands from his. It took everything I had to lean in and brush my lips across his cheek bone.

"Forget me." My whisper was so quiet I wasn't sure even he heard it.

I turned and walked out.

He didn't follow.