Ash

A visible shiver ran through me. Lord, a term of endearment. I'd never had one of those directed at me outside of work before. I had to be honest with him. I took a deep breath as he continued smiling and waiting the way I so often did for him.

"I don't want to jump right into sexual things. If we're going to do this, I want to do it right. In truth, I'm terrified that I won't know how to do sex with a partner. It might be so automatic for me at this point that it will just be…"

I trailed off not knowing how to finish that sentence. God, I'm a child. I'm a grown ass man. A tall, strapping, independent grown ass man. What is wrong with me? He stepped closer and his smile was somehow even kinder thanbefore. His fingertips traced my cheekbone and I shivered again.

"It won't be like work. I know that for a fact. But we don't have to do anything untilyou know it as well."

I melted into his arms. A consort asking the one human in the world that would date a consort to hold off having sex. Even to me it sounded absurd. But I couldn't dismiss the fear that had taken hold in the back of my mind. I didn't want to lose this already. I knew I would lose him eventually when he got tired of watching other people leave my bed, or when I said something stupid and scared him off, which I definitely would, or when he took an internship and left me behind, but I didn't want to lose him today. Not tomorrow. Not yet.

He kissed the bend of my neck tenderly.He always seemed to know what I needed, and without another word, he pulled slowly away and changed the subject.

"Let's eat before you burn the rest of it." His soft laugh filled the room and warmed me completely.

The evening flew by and before we knew it, it was past midnight. After dinner, we"dpicked berries and moved dessert to the wingbacks in the living room. Conversation ebbed and flowed naturally, moving seamlessly from light and funny to deep and serious as we each found ourselves a bit less concerned that we might accidentally say the wrong thing and instantly ruin our friendship.

Jesse's gaze seemed to catch on the clock that hung above the entertainment screen. He did a double take and swore. "Fuck, last train is in twentyminutes. I have to go."

"You could stay?" I asked, terrified that he'd say no and rush out. There was a chance I'd wakein the morning and find this had all been a dream, and I wasn't ready for it to end.

He looked surprised and thoughtful for a moment."I have a class in the morning, I'd have to leave pretty early."

I found myself responding a bit hesitantly, nervous that his early class was simply an excuse to take off.

"Still seems better than you leaving right now."

His smile seemed to soften his entire face as he nodded once and settled deeper into his chair. I'd never seen anyone smile at me like that before and it left me breathless.

Our conversation continued, easy and unrushed until I found myself fighting to stay awake nearly two hours later.

"Bed?" I asked quietly.

I began to harden at the thought of lying next to him. My heart raced and my breath deepened as I stood and offered him my hand.

Whenwe found ourselves beside the bed, he paused, waiting for me to lead. I focused on his gentle smile as I stripped down to my briefs. His warm gaze left mine to travel slowly along my skin. He'd seen me in the shower at work a hundred times, but this was different. This was deliberate and intimate. I felt like he'd made love to me with only his eyes by the time they reached mine again.

As he began stripping, Irealized I'd never seen more of his skin than his forearms in short sleeves, and even that had only occurred a handful of times as he typically dressed quite formally at the office. He nervously removed everything except his briefs. He was more muscular than I had expected. In the time I'd known him I'd never heard him mention working out, but it was hard to imagine a physique like his could be possible without it. His perfectly chiseled abs wore the lightest trail of dark brown hair that began just below his navel and disappeared into the thin cloth that clung to his hips.

I was shocked at the intensity of my body's response.

"Jesus, Jess." I whispered as I fought to remember to breathe.

He blushed.

I wanted to touch him. I wanted to lick and kiss and caress every inch of his perfectly tanned skin. I wanted to see what was in those briefs. The way I wanted him terrified me. My eyes caught his again.

"Hold me tonight?"

I felt absurd making the request, butI'd never been held in my sleep before, and I'd always wondered what it was like. When I curled up alone at night and dreamed of arms wrapping tightly around me and breath on the back of my neck, I imagined it to be intimate and peaceful. Jesse simply nodded, andI slipped into bed facing away from him. He slid in behind me, wrapping his arm around my chest and pulling my body tightly against his. I whimpered. God. How many people had I fucked this way? How many times had I been fucked this way? It was all nothing. This surpassed anything I could have imagined. His body fit mine effortlessly, as though we had been created for one another. His broad chest pressed tightly against my back as his thighs curled up behind mine. His cock was hard as it pressed tightly against my ass, settling between my cheeks as if it belonged there.I could feel it throbbing and my breath caught. I'd let my hair down to sleep and he slid it aside with his chin, buried his face against my shoulder, and let his lips wander across my neck.

"This is perfect,"he whispered softly.

He was right. It was. Eventually, our breath began to slow, and we both began to soften. As attracted as we were to one another, this moment was aboutsomething else. Something more. It just took our bodies some time to understand that. As his heartbeat slowed and his breath became smooth and regular, I fought sleep. I wanted to savor this for as long as possible. He was so warm and perfect pressed up against me.I'd never felt so safe.