7. Micah

7

Micah

" S orry for my abrupt exit," I said smoothly, striding into the room and taking my seat at the head of the table. I figured if I pretended like nothing had happened, maybe I'd escape without my odd behaviour being addressed. "Now, where were we?"

Only Benji was seated, a Rubik's cube between his fingers. He'd already smashed the Guinness World Record for the fastest time to solve it, but he was always trying to shave another second or two from his personal best.

"Well?" I raised a brow in challenge. "Are we continuing or is the meeting over?"

The twins, Breann, Grace, Rami, and Noah all silently slipped back into their seats. Ez, however, didn't move from his place before the windows. "I think we need to start with why you fucked off without saying a word and then proceeded to ignore your phone."

I met Ez's gaze coolly. "That's a private matter."

In my peripheral vision, I saw Nate whisper in his twin's ear. Across from him, Rami held up two fingers. Grace shook her head, declining as she always did, while Breann held up five fingers.

Noah's face swivelled between them all in confusion. Without looking up from the cube, Benji filled him in. He'd solved it several times since I'd sat down already, mixing up the colours before going again. "They're placing bets on how many items of furniture will be broken."

"Broken?" Noah asked, his nose wrinkled. "Why will anything be broken?"

I sighed. "Nothing is going to be broken."

"Because Ez can't control his temper," Benji said, like I hadn't spoken. "Micah's always hiding things from us to protect us, so it's unlikely he's going to own up to where he's been. Ez will get frustrated and lose his temper, which will lead to broken furniture."

"I don't hide things from you."

"And I don't have a temper."

Benji's lips twitched as the colours on the cube started to blur. "If you say so."

Chatter arose around the table as everyone chimed in with their thoughts. I pinched the bridge of my nose, counting backwards from ten. That was the thing about being immortal angels—people mistakenly assumed that we gained wisdom and maturity with every passing decade.

Five minutes with this lot would dismantle that belief.

My mind flashed briefly back to the alley and Nox. The brief reprieve he'd unwittingly given me. It felt a million miles away now.

Rapping my knuckles on the table, I glared at them until they fell quiet. "Are we finished?"

I got a few murmurs and eye-rolls, but no one outright continued.

Twisting my head to Ezekiel, I gestured at the chair to my right. "I'll explain, but can you sit, please? It doesn't feel right to not have my second at my side."

Something flickered in Ez's eyes, something that looked an awful lot like pity. It hadn't been his seat for long, and before it had, it'd been empty more often than not. It was the first time I'd hinted at how much I hated it. Running the Seraphim alone was exhausting.

But insisting that the man I loved be here, doing his job, when I knew it was leagues away from where he wanted to be?

That would've been far worse.

Ez slid into the seat, inclining his head in understanding. I smiled at him gratefully.

There'd be no furniture broken. Not tonight, at least.

"I am sorry about leaving earlier," I said quietly. "I was concerned that one of the new local demons was going to cause trouble, so I went to his location to ensure that didn't happen."

"One of the demons…" Ez repeated slowly. "I'm assuming it's the same one who's been creating chaos recently?"

Seven sets of eyes burned into me. Benji hadn't looked up from his cube, but his small smirk didn't bode well for me. "Yes. Not that it matters, but it was Nox."

"Why are we putting up with his shit?" Rami asked, his forehead furrowed. "We've never bothered giving more than a warning before executing. Is he just…not listening to you?"

"Maybe you're not scary enough," Theo said, swinging on the back two legs of his chair. "Bet I can scare him."

"Only one you're scaring is me by swinging on that chair," Noah said, giving a delicate shiver. He'd slipped into the unit seamlessly, meeting the shenanigans of certain members without batting an eyelid. "What if you fall?"

"Has no one told you that we're immortal?"

The smile Noah shot back at him dripped with poison. "Oh, sweetie, I'm not worried about you. That rug though? It's from the Byzantine period, if I'm not mistaken. It's worth more than you, that's for sure."

There was a thud as Theo let his chair drop back onto all four legs. He leaned between his knees, getting up close and personal with the material that covered most of the floor. "Byzantine? Guess that makes sense. It was in our house in Constantinople."

"Istanbul," Benji said. "It's Istanbul now."

Theo snapped his fingers. "That's right."

"Are we finished?" I asked mildly before the meeting could get further off track. "We still need to discuss the latest orders regarding the upcoming climate change summit."

"We've discussed them," Breann said, tapping her nails on the table. "Not that there was any point. They're the same as they always are. We can observe, but we can't interfere."

"Don't see the point in us attending," Nate grumbled. "We can't influence it at all. It's such a waste of time. Besides, all these fucking politicians are just doing it for show. They won't agree to anything that'll have a meaningful impact."

A murmur of agreement went around the table, Ezekiel adding his thoughts. "At least we know they'll get their just rewards when they go downstairs."

"Don't you think that's odd?" Benji said suddenly, all our heads swivelling in his direction. "That demons can deliver justice but we can't? Or that they make us go to these events to make sure those demons don't attend and influence them? It's not happened up until now; humans are perfectly capable of fucking up the world without the help of demons. Still they make us attend, but we can't do anything to stop them destroying the environment. And after it has been fucked up, we aren't even the ones who dole out the punishments."

There was a long moment of silence while we gaped at him. Not once, in thousands of years, had any of us questioned the way that things were done.

"I'm not sure I know what you're getting at…" I said carefully. "Demons punish the sinners because they come from sin."

Benji hummed. "Technically that's only true for those born there. All the others are fallen, meaning they were once angels. Just like us."

Grace rubbed at her arms uncertainly. "What are you getting at, Ben?"

"Just that it's odd. We're considered inherently good, but we can't interfere or manipulate a situation that could possibly lead to the salvation of the human race. We're expected to turn a blind eye. How is that good ?"

"Because of free will," I reminded him. "Heaven can't interfere because then humans won't have the free will to make the choices they otherwise would've."

"What about the angels who chose to fight alongside Lucifer? They were punished for that, yet wasn't making that choice their free will?"

A bitter taste filled my mouth as the weight of responsibility threatened to crush me. "Angels aren't humans. Free will doesn't apply to us."

We didn't even get the option of choosing who to love. Well, we did. But if whoever you chose wasn't your mate, then it was destined to end in heartbreak.

I knew that all too well.

"Exactly." Benji's gaze flicked up to meet mine briefly. "We can't choose to interfere, even if it's to help. Demons can though. Who's to say they're any better or worse than we are?"

"Where is this coming from?" Ezekiel demanded. "Why are you suddenly questioning everything?"

"Some things deserve to be questioned." Benji put the completed cube on the table in front of him. "And after seeing everything unfold in Hell recently, I've come to realise that not all demons are inherently evil. Just like we aren't all inherently good."

"Speak for yourself," Theo said breezily, back to swinging on his chair. "I'm fucking awesome through and through."

"You all want to sit here and say you haven't committed at least one of the deadly sins?"

Benji was more right than any of us would ever admit. I stayed silent, as did everyone else. Just this month alone, I'd experienced pride by believing I was better than Nox. Envy when I saw those men touching him earlier tonight. Wrath in how I wanted to end them just for being near him.

And finally, it goes without saying, lust. I was starting to think it was impossible to be in Nox's presence without falling foul of that one, and it had nothing to do with the fact that he was a demon. He wasn't leading me into temptation or encouraging me to sin.

Apparently he only needed to exist. That was enough to make me want him.

"Exactly," Benji said, picking up the cube again. "All of us commit sins on a daily basis, but we aren't punished. "

I shifted in my seat as the skin on my back prickled. No, they weren't punished for their transgressions. I'd made sure of that a very long time ago.

He was right though—there were many things we got away with, merely because of who we were and what we did. Namely, keeping all other supes in line and hiding our existence from humans.

Benji wasn't done. "Angels are lauded above all others, yet demons are punished because of their very nature. And humans, well, they're left to their own devices without knowing exactly what awaits them after death. Nothing in their holy books prepares them fully for the reality of Hell."

I wasn't the only one whose jaw was hanging open. What Benji was saying was tantamount to blasphemy.

But…he wasn't wrong.

"Hang on, I'm so confused." Rami rubbed at his temples. "How did we get from questioning Micah about his disappearance, to the climate change summit, to demons and angels being more similar than we think?"

Benji's fingers were moving in a blur again. "It's all linked, when you think about it. But don't worry, none of this discussion was for you."

Benji didn't so much as glance my way, but he didn't need to. He was right, it was all linked. That much I understood. He was making the point that Nox wasn't necessarily evil, in the same way that I wasn't completely good.

What I didn't understand was why Benji was saying it. With anyone else, I'd pull them aside and demand they explain exactly what they were on about, but there was no point doing that with Benji. He'd only say as much as he wanted to—no more, no less.

"Back to the demon," Ez said. "Forget about everything else for a minute. Do you want us to deal with Nox? "

There was a pregnant pause as everyone waited for me to speak. Benji's eyes were fixed on the table, but the corner of his mouth lifted in amusement.

"No," I said finally. "Nox is for me to deal with, and me alone. Are we clear on that?"

Ez sighed. "Can't say we're clear, but you're the boss."

The final points on the agenda didn't take long to get through. We arranged for Rami to take Noah to Italy in the next few weeks, to introduce him to the dragon shifter clans we had links with there. There'd been some rumblings of unusual supe activity in Thailand, which the twins volunteered to investigate. As I didn't trust them not to get distracted by a full moon party and forget the assignment, I swapped Theo with Breann. Both sulked, the former because he wanted to party, and the latter because she didn't like to leave her mate.

Which I understood. Well, in theory I did. It wasn't like I'd ever had someone missing me while I was off completing missions.

I might've missed Dimitri, but that feeling had never been returned.

Nox flitted unwillingly into my mind. He wouldn't miss me either. He'd probably delight in the fact that no one was showing up to spoil his fun.

Once everything was settled with only minor griping, we moved into the final portion of the meeting. It was something I'd instigated centuries ago as a way to remind us that we were more than an elite unit of soldiers.

That we were also friends. A family.

Even if some of us were able to walk away without so much as a backwards glance.

I shoved that thought away, smiling at Noah as I explained what was about to happen. "This is the part where we share something that's made us happy and what our plans are for the rest of the evening."

He eyed me quizzically. Although we'd had several smaller meetings before, this was his first full-scale one. "Umm…okay."

"I know it sounds trivial, but it reminds us that we have lives outside of our work. Things that bring us joy in what can sometimes be a depressing job." Especially if there'd been a natural disaster we'd been forbidden from intervening in. Those were always dark days for us all. "It's important, given the responsibility we bear. We deserve to find pockets of happiness that aren't dependant on the roles we occupy."

Rami coughed into his hand, not at all managing to hide this derision. I knew why, too—he'd not shied away from pointing out the hypocrisy of all of this.

Because, unlike the others, I didn't occupy any of those pockets. I lived and breathed the Seraphim. It was all I'd ever had.

And it fucking depressed me. I didn't want the rest of them ending up like me…hence this little tradition.

It was simple. We went around the table, saying one good thing that had happened that week, and what our plans were for the rest of the evening.

Grace went first. Her happy moment was finishing a portrait of Breann that she'd been working on for the past month.

Breann's was posing for it. From the flush on Grace's cheeks, I deduced it was likely a portrait to be displayed in their private collection.

"We're going out to dinner to celebrate." Breann was twisting the end of her plait between her fingers, smiling adoringly at her mate. "A new Japanese place over in SoHo that we've both been dying to try."

Theo's thing that had brought him joy was beating his twin's personal best on the bench weight. Nate's was that he now had the opportunity to drive himself harder so he could lord it over his brother once more. Unsurprisingly, they were planning on going straight to the gym after this, to go about doing just that.

Rami had finished bingeing the new series of Bridgerton, about which he had many thoughts, mostly concerning how the Featheringtons had carried this season. Meanwhile, Ez's highlight was that he'd managed to avoid getting dragged into watching said season.

I wasn't sure that strictly counted, but we didn't question these things.

The two of them were heading out to a club to, hopefully, get laid. Between Ez's scowl and Rami's knack of hitting on people who were unavailable, the likelihood of them being successful was low.

Benji held up his cube, telling us he'd shaved off another 0.25 seconds from his record. "I'm going to get another 0.25 tonight. I'm so fucking determined."

I nodded approvingly. "If anyone can do it, it's you."

Benji didn't respond, already focused back on the task at hand.

That just left me and Noah. I smiled at him encouragingly. "What do you have for us? What's made you happy this week?"

"Umm…" He scratched his head like I was asking him the most difficult question in the world.

As he continued to fidget, his mouth opening and closing with no words leaving, everyone around the table grew still. Pity was written over a few of the faces, understanding on the others.

Noah might have presented as someone without a care in the world, dressing in snark and smiles, but the fact that he couldn't name one thing that had made him happy?

That realisation was devastating.

My chest ached as that kinship I'd felt with him during our first meeting deepened. I wasn't the only one who didn't know how to find or recognise happiness.

"How about when you flattened Nate in training yesterday?" Rami prompted, his eyes kind. "That had to feel good."

"Yes." Noah grabbed the lifeline with both hands. "That was great. And for the rest of the night, I think I'll join the twins in the gym if they don't mind. I'm going to go over some of the moves Rami's been teaching me."

"I'm sure Nate will volunteer to be your test dummy again if you want." Theo smirked.

Nate winked at Noah. "If you just wanna put me on my back again, we can skip the mats and go straight to my bed. I'm just saying."

The shadows that had been haunting Noah's eyes disappeared in a flash. "Hun, you're cute, but so far from my type it's not even funny."

Nate opened his mouth and I knew it was on the tip of his tongue to ask just what Noah's type was. I winced, concerned that it might take Noah back to that dark place. Before he could put his foot in it, Rami nudged him sharply in the ribs.

"Fine, we'll stick to the mats," Nate said instead, glaring at Rami. "But the offer's there."

Noah smiled indulgently, and I knew there was no way it was going to happen. To be fair, I doubted Nate was interested in anything other than a quick fuck. He and Theo had made no secret about their wish to find their mates.

It wasn't something I'd ever thought about, let alone wished for. Thank God I hadn't, given who I'd ended up with.

You didn't seem that bothered when he fucked you against the wall earlier.

I ignored that annoying inner voice and pasted a smile on my face. "Okay, I'll let you all go get on with your evenings."

Not a single one of the fuckers moved. Not that I really expected them too. I don't know why I tried to get away with it every time because they never let me.

Rami gave me a shit-eating grin. "Nope. You know the drill, Micah. Boss man you might be, but you have to play this little game too, especially given it was your idea."

I sighed internally. "Fine."

As always, it took me a few minutes to find my response. None of them rushed me, knowing this was difficult for me. I was more like Noah than the rest of them. Happiness had always eluded me. Perhaps that was why I enjoyed hearing what made all of them happy—it was like peeking through a window into a world I didn't know.

For some reason, Nox's arrogant smirk filled my mind. How he'd crooned while taunting me. His rough grip on my hips.

Little angel.

I coughed, trying to cover the fact I was blushing. From the raised eyebrows around the table, I wasn't successful. "I'm happy that we made it through a meeting without an item of furniture breaking."

Disappointment flashed in Rami's eyes as Ez scowled, but as always, they knew not to push me on it.

"As for the rest of my night? I've got paperwork to catch up on."

"No you don't." Benji's fingers paused as he looked up at me. "We finished it all earlier. Did you forget?"

I closed my eyes briefly. For fuck's sake, Benji. I knew it wasn't his fault; Benji said it how it was. It wasn't that he was incapable of lying, but his black-and-white view of the world didn't appreciate the grey areas I liked to hide in.

"Oh, you're right. I had forgotten."

Thankfully, none of the others called me on my bullshit. Rami made an attempt to get me to join them on their night out, while the gym crew extended an invitation there. I declined them all with a smile.

The only thing I wanted to do this evening was obsess over what had happened with Nox. Maybe read through some textbooks to see if an arch losing their mind was a possibility.

Everyone filtered out of the room until it was just me and Benji at the table. I was staring down at the wood, deep in thought, when his voice made me jump.

"Your answer surprised me."

I pressed my hand against my heart, willing it to slow. "About the paperwork? I just forgot, that's all."

"No, not about that. About what made you happy this week."

I frowned at Benji. "Why?"

He shrugged. "I thought you were going to say Nox."