6. Micah

6

Micah

I 'd lost my mind.

I didn't know if Nox had planned to drive me to insanity by suddenly keeping a low profile, but it had worked. I'd been unable to focus on anything else for the past few days, constantly checking the feeds to see what mayhem he was up to now.

The answer was always nothing.

I'd been reduced to flying over the townhouse he shared with several other demons in the dead of night. It was the only way I could check that he was where he was supposed to be, and not creating yet another mess for me to clean up.

That was the only reason. Obviously.

It was the same reason I'd set a ward around his house, one that would inform me when he left it. The same reason why I'd walked out in the middle of a meeting with the entire unit. The same reason why I'd followed his trail to the club.

It couldn't be said that it was the same reason why my face was pressed against the dark and dirty brick as a sharp breeze washed over the bare skin of my arse .

Why a demon was slowly fucking my hole with a solitary finger.

No, it had to be that I'd lost my mind. It was the only thing that made sense.

I didn't know what had made me snap in the club. Nox seemed to have a way of getting under my skin like no one else could. He could zero in on my weaknesses and flaws without hesitation, playing them like a fiddle.

The most ironic thing about the whole situation was that I hadn't been thinking about Dimitri while I watched him in the club.

No, all my fury was being fed by jealousy. Jealousy because others were touching him. Jealousy that even as his fated mate, I wasn't enough for him.

It made no fucking sense. I didn't want Nox. We weren't ever going to be together.

But deep down, knowing even my fated mate wanted anyone else over me?

Yeah. That fucking hurt.

It'd be a cold day in Hell before I admitted that to Nox though.

That was the thing about angels; the thing Nox fully bought into. Everyone believed we were flawless. That we didn't experience base emotions such as jealousy and pettiness. But that wasn't true. We were made in God's image, just as humans were. The difference between us and humans lay in our ability to control those emotions. In being able to assess a situation logically and decide the right course of action based on morals and ethics.

Even then, we didn't always choose the right thing. I'd done many things in the past that I wasn't proud of.

And I was about to do another, right here in this dirty alleyway with a demon .

There wasn't a single part of me that wanted to stop it.

He was easing a second finger inside me now, his other hand roughly stroking my cock. I panted loudly, his grip just on the right side of painful. My fingers spasmed against the brick. I was thankful that I had an excuse to not touch him. I'd only embarrass myself. The kiss we'd shared had demonstrated how quickly Nox could erode my famous self-control.

I was also thankful for how he was focused on my lower half. Obviously, I'd kept my shirt on, but I didn't want him touching me there. The only pain I wanted to feel this evening was from his cock stretching me wide.

That was the main reason. It wasn't like Nox would care about how I'd got the scars, but he'd undoubtedly find something to say. I didn't want him to interrupt this with snide comments about how they should've punished me more for my failures.

No, I didn't want to do anything except feel . I wanted to forget everything. Dimitri not choosing me. Losing a member of my unit and having to replace him. The lashing of Emilio's whip. The weight of being the leader of the Seraphim. The responsibility of being God's most feared soldier. I wanted to forget it all. I wanted Nox to ruin me. To make it hurt. To fuck me until I forgot that anything existed except for what he was doing to me.

For the first time, I wanted to not be in control.

"How does it feel?" Nox taunted me, nipping at my earlobe. "Knowing it's a demon making you moan? Does it make you feel dirty? Ashamed?"

Surprisingly, it didn't. Again, not something I was going to tell him . "It'd feel better if you'd hurry the fuck up and get your cock in me. "

His fingers withdrew immediately, a dark chuckle filling the air. "Be careful what you wish for, little angel."

Then he was pushing inside me.

Fuck. My fingers scrabbled against the wall as my body fought the intrusion. I hadn't bottomed in a very long time; decades, in fact. The few times I had, their size had nothing on Nox.

I'd expected him to keep pushing. To force me to take him. But he didn't. He froze, his hands going to my hips with surprising gentleness. "Relax, little angel. Let me in."

I gritted my teeth and bore down. Nox didn't move, just stood and waited for my body to make room for him. Slowly, I was able to push back on him. Inch by inch, until he bottomed out.

"That's it, little angel." He praised me, stroking circles on my hips. "Take all of me."

His tone was too tender. His touch too gentle. I hated it. It was too much. My heart, already in pieces, couldn't take it.

"This is fucking me like you hate me? Gotta say, I'm kind of disappointed."

His hands stopped in their movements as I felt his gaze burn into the back of my neck. "And that's what you want, little angel?"

I swallowed hard. His nickname had been insulting at first, but now…I wasn't so sure. "Yes. Get on with it or we can call it a night. I'm sure one of those blokes you were dancing with is still around. No doubt one or both will bend over for you."

Nox snarled, wrapping his hand around my throat. There was nothing gentle or careful about his hold now. If I were human, it might even have been fatal .

"Why would I need them when you're already doing it for me?"

I didn't get a chance to reply. Nox retreated almost to the hilt, before thrusting back in. The air was forced from my lungs on a loud moan. I barely had time to drag in another before Nox repeated the movement.

"This what you want, angel?" Nox snarled, fucking me hard and fast. "To be taken like the debauched fucker you secretly are?"

"Yesss," I moaned, my cheek scraping against the wall. "Do it. Take me."

He pushed against my back, trying to get me to lean further forward. Pain lanced through me from my wounds. I bit back a scream, more thankful than ever that my face was hidden.

I could be an exceptional actor when required, but even I couldn't have hidden the agony that him touching my wounds had caused.

Fortunately, it didn't last long. How could it, with all my nerve endings singing with pleasure? I put my hands on the wall and used them to shove back on Nox, meeting him thrust for thrust. This new position had him hitting my prostate dead on. My teeth were rattling in my head with how hard Nox was fucking me.

I'd never felt better. Freer.

The weight on my shoulders melted away until there was nothing apart from Nox and how he was making me feel.

I'd experienced all the pleasures Heaven could offer, but it had nothing on this moment.

That thought had my eyes snapping open. What was I doing? It was just supposed to be sex. Nox wasn't for me. It didn't matter what fate thought; he'd never be mine .

Suddenly keen to get this over with and return to my reality, I lifted a hand from the wall and curled it around my cock.

"Yes, little angel," Nox moaned from behind me. "Touch yourself. Say my name while you come. Let everyone hear you."

My hand was flying over my shaft now, my orgasm building with terrifying intensity. I gritted my teeth, planning on denying him his wish. I'd be silent as I came, reminding him he was nothing more to me than an easy way to get off.

That would've been super effective…if I'd managed to pull it off.

"Nox!" His name echoed into the night as my cum decorated the bricks in front of me.

He groaned, thrusting to the hilt. His seed filled me, making me more grateful than ever that supes didn't need to use condoms. His fingers were biting into my hips so hard that they'd have left bruises if I were human.

For the first time ever, I wished I was. Not only because I'd have a physical memory of this night for a little longer, but because my life would have been easier if I were human. No unit to be responsible for. No fated mates. No higher-ups waiting for me to fuck up so they could hold my immortality over my head once again.

But I wasn't human.

I was an archangel. Leader of the Seraphim.

And the fated mate of a demon.

At least I had some control over that final one. My life might've been mapped out for me before my birth, but I'd be damned before I'd let my heart's desires be dictated to me too.

As soon as Nox pulled out, I yanked my trousers up with a few hasty jerks. Buttoning them, I wiped my face of all emotion before turning to look at Nox.

He was eyeing me warily, buttoning his own jeans much more slowly. Unlike me, he wasn't hiding behind a mask. The last vestiges of his desire mixed with satisfaction on his face. A flush decorated his cheekbones, testament to his exertion.

His tongue flicked over his lip ring, giving me a glimpse of his tongue piercing. My cock helpfully reminded me that we hadn't experienced that.

And we weren't going to either. This was a one-time thing. A mistake. Something I shouldn't have done and wouldn't be doing again.

I straightened my spine, ignoring how it made Nox's lips twist in a smirk. "Thank you."

His lips tightened, more of a grimace than a smirk now. "What an angelic thing to do—thanking a demon for fucking you senseless. You're welcome, I guess."

It was the reminder I needed as to why this couldn't happen again. We were too different. Nox didn't give a shit about anything, while I cared too much.

I turned and walked away without another word. He didn't try to stop me.

It was only as I took to the sky that I realised what had happened. Or rather, what hadn't happened.

During the entire encounter, I hadn't considered our surroundings once. Hadn't worried about who might walk up. Hadn't kept my wits about me just in case we were attacked.

No, I'd just let myself go.

I'd put myself first.

Or was it just that I had an intrinsic belief that Nox would keep me safe?

That couldn't be it. I might have been his mate, but I didn't doubt that he would throw me under a bus if it came down to it. Demons were self-serving. Incapable of love. The sons of Lucifer were the exception, and that was because they'd been living as part of humanity for over a century now.

Nox though, he hadn't even been topside for six weeks yet. He'd demonstrated how little he thought of humans, how little he thought of me , over and over again.

He'd fucked me because, as he put it, his cock was fixated. It wasn't because he wanted me.

That was okay. No one ever wanted me.

I was used to it.

Sure, they wanted my powers, my leadership skills, my cool head in a crisis.

But me? Just plain old ordinary Micah?

He was no one important, therefore no one ever wanted him.

Not even my fated mate.

To say my mood was dark when I landed back in the grounds of the compound was an understatement. It grew darker as I drew closer to the house, glimpsing every member of the Seraphim through the window, assembled around the conference table.

Fuck. The meeting.

Checking my phone, I saw I'd been gone for over ninety minutes. My screen was full of messages.

Ez

Why the fuck did you leave like that?

Theo

If you've left, can I leave too? This meeting is boring AF

Breann

Are you in trouble? Do you need us?

Nate

You better not be fighting without us. Either we all have fun or none of us do.

Rami

heads-up, Ez is on the warpath

I sighed. Great, just what I needed. Looked like my time of ignoring my responsibilities was up. To be fair, I was surprised none of them had come after me, especially given I'd left without a word and then ignored my phone.

The mystery was solved by the final message on the screen.

Benji

I assume you're with Nox and therefore not in danger so I've stopped them all tracking you down. If I'm wrong, let us know fast.

I drew to a halt, frowning down at my phone in confusion. Not at the fact that Benji had been able to stop them—if any of them could, it was him—but at the rest of what he'd said.

Why had he assumed I was with Nox? And, even more importantly, how did he know I wasn't in danger?

A revelation hit me so fast it was dizzying. I hadn't been in danger. Not once, during any interaction with Nox, had I ever felt threatened.

I shook myself. Of course I hadn't. My power outstripped his by several light years. If necessary, I could execute Nox before he even had the chance to raise his shields in defence .

That was why I didn't feel threatened by him. Obviously.

My phone flashed again.

Ez

I can see you stalling through the window. You might be the boss, but you've got some explaining to do.

I glanced up to see my second glaring at me through the glass. The rest of the unit weren't bothering to hide their nosiness either, all of them except Benji jostling to peer at me through the glass, like I was an unfamiliar creature they'd never seen before.

I couldn't blame them. I wasn't sure I recognised myself at the moment either.

Pocketing my phone with a sigh, I forced down all the uncertainty that arose from being around Nox. I was Micah, leader of the Seraphim.

That was who the world expected me to be.

And I wasn't going to lose sight of that again.